Resurrection
by TwilightMomofTwo
Summary: Without Bella's love, I can merely exist. Now that I've lost her, I am bound to wander this earth, alone and unchanging for eternity. - Edward, attempting to be noble, leaves again after the Night of Tears. Will Bella crumble or run after him? Eclipse/AU.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: **

This is an AU story, based on a 'what if' suggestion handed to me by one of my readers, Kzintikiller.

After the kiss at the tent, Edward's heart is already cracked, though his love for Bella leaves him no other choice than to forgive her for it. What if the 'Night of Tears' was too much for Edward to handle? What if that night had convinced Edward to be noble and put his heart's deepest desire aside to let Bella be happy with Jacob?

In this story, Edward leaves once more. He becomes a nomad, roaming the wilderness, lonely and broken, having given up his one and only love. This is a story of growth, of adversity, of forgiveness and of the resurrection of a once-in-a-lifetime love.

**Disclaimer: **All Twilight characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer, who has so graciously allowed us to play in the universe she created. No copyright infringement is intended. However - the plot for Resurrection and all the writing in this story are mine.

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~Prologue~

_Dearest Bella,_

_I deeply apologize for breaking my promise to never leave again, but it is unbearable to know that I am the cause of so much pain. Your tears last night broke my long-dead heart, knowing I was the reason you cried so desperately. _

_But through them and in them, I have found the strength to do what should have done so long ago. _

_I cannot let you give up your happiness for me. I cannot justify claiming you for myself when giving up Jacob brings you so much anguish. _

_There are more words I would have liked to write, but I will refrain because they would only cause you further pain, and would accomplish nothing in the end. Your continued happiness is my only goal, my only hope, my only wish._

_I've always been amazed that you could ever love me to begin with, undeserved as it was. These past months have been the very best of my long life, and I give my thanks to the Creator that I was allowed to spend them with you, basking in your warmth, in your smiles, in your love. _

_You've taught me so many wonderful things – that love is a gift to be treasured and cherished, that even the most horrific mistakes can be forgiven, that bravery and strength is found when least expected, that the monster inside me does not define who I am, and that there is much beauty in the world around us. _

_And though we've now come to the end of our road together, and our new paths will take us in different directions, I'm taking with me the memories of your beauty and your love, which shall sustain me in the years to come. _

_I consider myself a lucky man to have been loved by you. _

_I am leaving Forks, but my family will remain for now. I am hopeful that you will still consider them your friends. They, like me, love you very much. _

_I release you from your promise to marry me and wish you all the very best for a long and happy life with him. _

_I'll never forget you, and I'll always love you._

_Edward_

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

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A/N: Please let me know what you think. All reviews are appreciated and cherished.


	2. The Abdication of Edward

**Author's Note: **Many heartfelt thank yous to my lovely friends, _Bella's Executioner_ and _Bitter Shade_, who so kindly reviewed and edited this first chapter, and gave me much to think about. Shout out to _Kzintikiller_ for the 'what if' that prompted this story.

This is the first full chapter, telling Edward's side of the night of tears. Please note that Edward is slightly OOC due to the nature of this story, but the character traits we all love so much remain.

Songlist: 21 Guns - Green Day; Already gone - Kelly Clarkson; Goodbye to you - Michelle Branch; Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer is the queen bee of all things Twilight, and these characters belong to her. I just play with them in my spare time. No copyright infringement is intended, and I sure as hell don't make any money from this.

One more big Thank You to my dear husband who puts up with my sitting at the PC all night long, typing my fingers bloody.

For some odd reason, FFn will not allow me to center the title, or the song excerpt. Bummer. Oh well. On with the chapter.

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**1. The Abdication of Edward**

_When you're at the end of the road  
And you lost all sense of control  
And your thoughts have taken their toll  
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul_

_Your faith walks on broken glass  
And the hangover doesn't pass  
Nothing's ever built to last  
You're in ruins_

~Green Day – 21 Guns~

I'd never seen her in so much pain.

It was a fickle fate that had put me in Bella's path eighteen months ago, a malicious hag of chance, of happenstance. Though I should have known better from the start, it had made me believe, _truly_ believe that with Bella was where I was meant to be. I'd fought for her, reached out and taken her for myself, believed that she would be mine. I'd allowed her to change me in ways I'd never thought I could be changed; she had resurrected the human in me, buried so long ago.

In the end, I had lost Bella, despite everything, to circumstances and choices that I myself had created. In the end, there was for me only eternal pain and excruciating loss.

Bella was finally asleep, though her erratic movements and occasional whimpers indicated that she was still tormented, even in her dreams. At times, _his_ name fell from her luscious lips in a whisper, her pain evident in her tortured moans.

She had cried for hours while I held her pressed against me, my arms gently supporting her body, as she lay in my lap. I had driven her home after finding her in her truck on her way back from her visit with her _friend,_ who'd been badly hurt fighting the newborn army.

The mongrel. The bane of my existence. The thorn in my side, the roadblock to my happiness. The teenage wolf-boy who's only intent was to take Bella away from me.

And now it seemed he had succeeded.

As her tears soaked my shirt and wet my chest, as her hysterical crying pierced with sharp stabs at the fissure in my long dead heart, the crack caused by her indifference to my own suffering – those tears had had achieved what none of his scheming could. I bowed under the flow of the salty fluids spilling across her flushed cheeks, and the pressure of the wounds she had inflicted broke my heart in two separate pieces, a fracture that would not be healed.

While she cried, none of my soothing working to stem the flow of tears, my thoughts had drifted to what had brought us to this point – and the fault for it all lay with me, and my decision to leave her shortly after her eighteenth birthday.

For months, I had been fighting to stay away as I had promised her, though I was already at my breaking point when the news came of her assumed death and I'd fled to Italy to seek oblivion in the heart of Volterra.

During my absence, she had sought comfort with a childhood friend, who turned out to be a werewolf, but who had kept her safe from harm while I was gone. And then Victoria, that wicked creature, had assembled an army of newborns to come and take my love away. That fight I had won – the fight for Bella's heart I had not.

Perhaps I had gone about it the wrong way. Perhaps my decision to be more tolerant of her friendship with the dog, _the very one_ I had made necessary when I'd left her, had become my downfall. I knew from his mind that every time she visited him, he spoke derisively of me and my family, I knew that he'd poisoned her against me, reminding her whenever possible that I had left her once, and that I would simply leave again.

She had wounded me by going back to him each time he had hurt her with his words or his deeds, forgiving him for it all, without taking my feelings into consideration. I was so angry underneath it all, but I had kept the fury at bay, playing the game she wanted me to play. Accepting him as her friend, and letting him drive a stake through my frozen heart.

A stake that she'd held in her small hands while he'd hammered it home.

She had wounded me by not making a choice, knowing that I was concerned for her safety, knowing that he was trying to win her heart, and trying to turn her against me.

She had wounded me each and every time she refused one of my gifts, small and insignificant as they were, seeing how grand gestures were definitely not allowed.

She had wounded me deeply when she'd refused to wear my mother's ring after accepting my proposal. If one could call it that – it had certainly felt more like a contract, like a covenant, a bargain we had struck to each obtain what we desired most, and it felt cheapened by the way it had come about.

If I made love to her while she was still human, she would marry me. If she would marry me, I'd make love to her and then, if I didn't kill her first in the process, change her into one of us. Certainly, I wished to make her mine in every sense of the word, and I had long been perpetually aroused in her presence, but my strict upbringing, combined with my fear of hurting her, had prevented me from acting on my lust. I had struggled every minute of every day to not ravish her the way I wanted to so desperately, to keep her virtue intact, a struggle she had no comprehension of, and something that she didn't value at all. Or so it seemed.

But she had wounded me like nothing else when she had asked that rotten mutt to kiss her atop the mountain before he left for battle. Sure, I'd had a hand in that, too – my gloating about our engagement had caused him severe pain, but he'd deserved to know. At least, that had been my official reason for speaking the words inside the tent, when I knew he could hear me.

In hindsight, perhaps that had been the final push she'd needed towards him. I'd stupidly given in to playing him the same way he played her. I'd given in to the temptation of beating him at this childish game, and effectively, had lowered myself to his level. Afterwards, I'd found her crying in the tent, and she flew into my arms, ripping at my clothes, begging me to take her right there, and make her forget everything.

Needless to say, I'd refused, for various reasons, the first and foremost being that she stank of him, his abhorrent stench in her hair, on her skin and most of all, her lips. Those same lips that had been pressed against his, that had opened when her tongue had slipped past them and entangled with his inside his mouth. Every painful second of it was on a loop inside my head after the images had been forcefully injected into my mind, his thoughts abounding with them as he'd left the campsite.

He could kiss her the way I could not, and I despised him for it.

After I had dispatched Victoria and her consort, with Seth's help, and I'd warily approached Bella, certain that having seen me kill another sentient creature, albeit one that was out to murder her, she would now run from me screaming, Bella had surprised me again, by flying into my arms, crying in relief that I wasn't hurt. She had handled the whole situation much better than I had anticipated.

Then _he_ stupidly got himself hurt towards the very end of the fight in the clearing, and when she found out, she had fainted, giving me the fright of my life, and then had been chomping at the bit to go see him, to make sure he was not seriously injured, and would be alright. We'd stood hand in hand in front of his bed, though he was unconscious at the time, and I felt an odd gratitude towards him, for fighting to keep Bella safe, and veritable sorrow that he was hurt.

I still despised him for his meaning in her life. We both had fought for her safety, and I couldn't help but wonder if she would have reacted the same way if I'd been the one to get hurt in the process. At least in the physical sense, because emotionally, I'd been hurting for a long time, not that she seemed to care or question it.

After making an appearance at home to cook dinner, she went back to see _him_, to speak to him alone. I didn't know what was said, Alice obviously couldn't see any of it, and I was too proud to ask Bella. Not that I'd had the chance anyway, since she'd been in tears from the moment I'd reached her truck, parked by the side of the road.

While she was crying that night, I had gone through a variety of emotions. It started out with anguish that she was crying so hard. Seeing her in that state made my frozen heart constrict with sorrow for her pain. But it seemed that my being there helped to soothe her, if only a little, so I'd felt relief that despite it all she still found some kind of comfort in my arms. Then her hysterics had gotten worse, a whole new torrent of tears had fallen, and I hadn't known what brought it on.

I was angry – here she was crying over that rotten dog, whose only motive was to tear us apart, to destroy our love. Could she not see that?

My thoughts had drifted as I held her and focused in on my own pain. A terrible thought had come to the forefront of my mind – what if she was crying because she felt that she had some kind of obligation to me? What if she was in such a state because she had made me a promise, accepted my proposal of marriage, and now felt that she had to go through with it? What if she didn't really want me and she was crying because she'd rather be with that mutt, but felt she had no choice?

Bella was never one to shirk back from a promise made, never the kind of girl to go back on her word.

I couldn't stop the thoughts. They swirled around my mind, burned in the pit of my stomach, and ravaged through every cell in my body. I looked down at her face, her eyes screwed shut, streaks of tears lining her cheeks and my insides went cold. That had to be it.

The message was clear – I pick you, Edward, but it's killing me.

And with every tear, and every gasp of pain, that new direction became stronger in my mind, burning the wounds she had inflicted with her indifference, her indecision, her disregard for how I felt.

Now all I felt was numb. I couldn't yet grieve.

Several weeks ago, she had declared herself Switzerland, refusing to pick sides in the age-old enmity of vampires and werewolves. I wondered now if that had been simply a ploy. She must have realized that she had to pick a side, that standing in the middle, torn between me and him, could only end in heartbreak and misery, and her refusal to make a choice was the first fissure cracking my heart.

And it had fueled my anger.

I knew all about heartbreak, knew what misery was like. I'd lived it for six longs months without her. Being without Bella was not a life – it was just an existence. Could I go this route again?

Another gasp of pain fell from her lips and made the choice for me.

I would relinquish her to him. I would no longer be responsible for her pain, could not bear to be the cause of it. I would bury the love I felt for her, would always feel for her, and hide it inside the pieces of my frozen heart.

She deserved happiness in whichever form she chose.

The threat from the newborns was eliminated. There was the Volturi to consider, but Bella's silent mind could not be tracked and she would be safe once I was gone. I was certain that she would be protected by the wolves, and once she married – no, I could not bear the thought of it. Either way, she would be safe and sound, living out her human life amidst strong fighters, and a boy who loved her.

As for me, I was leaving Forks, the small town nestled in the Olympic peninsula, the one place that I'd called home in my nearly ninety years of walking this earth as a vampire. I certainly couldn't stay. My new path would make me a nomad, and I would wander the vast wilderness, though I would make a large berth around Denali.

And should the Volturi come looking for me, intent on finding Bella, I would take whatever punishment they might dole out, but I would never reveal her location. If the choice was death, or Aro finding out about Bella, I would do whatever it took to eliminate the threat. Even if it meant dying myself.

Life was worth nothing without her, anyway.

The sun would still rise in the morning, but my world would remain at the heart of darkness. The brilliance of my shooting star had finally fallen past the horizon.

I gently disentangled myself from her grasp on my tear-stained shirt, and stepped over to her desk, sitting down in the old wooden chair, picking up a pen and opening one of her old school notebooks. I found an empty page and after a few failed attempts, simply wrote her a letter of goodbye, giving my reasons for leaving, begging her forgiveness, and professing my undying love for her. I left out some of my darker thoughts – there was no point to mentioning them. She'd never see it my way – the experiences of the past few months had taught me that much.

The phone buzzed, displaying Alice's name. I didn't answer. I knew she'd seen my decision as soon as I sat down to write the letter, but I was in no mood to talk to her, nor did I want her to attempt persuading me to change my mind.

I destroyed the unfinished letters, and folded the one for Bella, propping it against the alarm clock on her nightstand where she'd be certain to find it come morning.

I jumped through the window, and stole a white rose from a neighbor's yard, which I then laid next to the folded letter, after carefully removing all thorns. An erratic chuckle burst through my lips as I flicked the thorns out the window. While I certainly didn't want her to prick herself, she would be safe even if she did, no longer in danger if she spilled a drop of her precious blood.

With a gentle kiss to her forehead, I allowed myself one last deep breath of her incomparable scent, letting it swirl across my tongue and inflame my throat, savoring the aroma of her unique fragrance. I tucked the coverlet around her once more, and stepped towards the window, the doorway to my only sanctuary, the room where she slept.

Her small form was still on the bed, her breathing deep and restful, her heart beating slow and rhythmically. I looked at her for a long time, memorizing the gentle curves of her glorious body, the shiny locks of her mahogany hair, her delicate neck, and the warmth of her skin. At last, I raised my eyes to her heart-shaped face and committed to memory the high cheekbones, still streaked with dried tears, the curves of her luscious lips, her small, delicate nose and the long lashes that fluttered against her cheeks.

A heaving sob rose in my chest. I was breaking my promise to never leave again, but I knew I could not stay. The pain of going back on my word was staggering, the anguish of leaving her excruciating.

"Goodbye, Bella, my only love. I'll miss you more than words can hold." My broken whisper floated through the room as I forcefully threw my body out the window and hit the ground running towards my family's house.

I didn't get very far when the phone buzzed in my pocket again. Coming to a stop, I pulled it out to check the screen, though I didn't really have to. The only one calling would be Alice, which was confirmed when her name flashed across the display.

I pressed the end button and put the phone away, not willing to talk to my sister, not willing to hear what she might have to say. I wouldn't be swayed, and since I wasn't asking them to leave this time, there was nothing she could say or do to change my mind. I didn't want to see any of her visions, I didn't want to know how they might have changed now that my decision was made.

Certainly, her vision of a white wedding was completely out of the realm of possibility now. Marriage was no longer an option or a possibility. There was no one for me except Bella, and there never would be another I would want to marry. The only one to ever capture my heart lay asleep in her bed, and did not yet know what I had decided.

I had briefly considered waiting for Bella to wake up to tell her of my leaving in person, but had decided against it. No good would come from it. She'd try to convince me to stay, putting her own happiness aside, and I wouldn't let her do that.

And a tiny, rather cantankerous voice at the back of my mind whispered that if she truly wanted me, she'd come after me.

That would be the day. Hell would have to freeze over for that to ever happen. In most likelihood, she'd wake up in the morning, read my letter and breathe a sigh of relief that I had made the choice for us, and spared her having to say the words herself.

The very subtle ways in which she had made her opinion known, acquiescing to the dog's demands on her time, allowing his derisive comments, his utter lack of manners, were telling the real story of her heart; she had even forgiven him for wishing her dead. He never had her best interest at heart, had ridiculed her for loving me, undermined our relationship by telling her I would leave again, and she had not stood up for us.

Each of his words and each inaction on her part was like a pinprick, stabbing the raw wounds we still carried after our time apart, and healing ourselves and each other was impossible with him around. We had never taken or been given the time to talk about what happened, what she went through while I was gone, what misery we both encountered in the pits of hell that was our separation.

I could hear Alice running through the forest towards me, her thoughts intent on cutting me off. Ignoring her phone calls had seemingly only prompted her to come after me in person. Not having any intention of speaking with her, I circumvented her easily, much faster than she'd ever be, and reached the house as she was hot on my trail.

I flew through the front door, past the astonished faces of Emmett and Jasper, neither of which had the time to form a full thought, ran past Rosalie coming down the stairs whose head snapped around as I blew by her, and straight into my room, locking the door after I forcefully threw it shut. Turning around, I froze as my eyes fell on the black cast-iron bed, looking so large and inviting, and utterly out of place in a vampire's bedroom, and the memories of Bella's prone form lying on top of the soft mattress, wrapped in the silky covers, eyes following my every move, slammed into my mind like a battering ram.

I had purchased for Bella's first sleepover, that first night I had left town to hunt after our long separation, and the night that everything had gone to hell in a handbasket. Foolishly, out of concern for Bella's safety, I had asked my sister to kidnap her so Bella couldn't see Jacob, and Bella's reaction to it was expected and deserved. I had henceforth adopted a policy of tolerance and acceptance in answer to her reaction, but that policy had in the end cost me my love.

In hindsight, that policy had been the beginning of the end.

My fear of losing her if I made her choose between him and me, and my acquiescence to her demand to see the dog _because_ of that fear had only served to drive her away from me.

I had made so many mistakes.

And with that realization, the rage, the fury, the pain I had been holding back for so long, and that I had only barely expressed during my fight and ultimate demolition of Victoria – those long-suppressed emotions, fueled by the indifference Bella had displayed for my fears, my desires and my needs, burst to the surface and manifested themselves in the start of a path of destruction through my room.

The bed I had purchased for her comfort was the first item to fall victim to my unstoppable rage, the metal shrieking in protest under my assault, crumbling into dust like the small rose I had used as an illustration of my strength just a few nights ago, when all the world was still in order, and I had reached my heart's desire to hear her say yes to my proposal, to have her accept my wish to make her my wife.

I scoffed now at the notion I had fostered for so long – that the love we shared would be eternal, that she loved me as I loved her, and that I would get to keep her for eternity.

Feathers flew through the air and settled in my hair and on all other surfaces, as my fingers tore through the fabric of the fluffy pillows on which she had rested her head, drenching it with her luscious fragrance; I destroyed the gold coverlet just as quickly, ripping it into shreds, and then took a moment to look around the carnage.

Everything in this room reminded me of her. I ripped the stereo system from the shelf and stomped it into small pieces under my feet. The CDs we had listened to on said stereo were next to fall at my hands, as I tore them from the shelves and threw them around the room with such force that some of the plastic cases struck the walls, burst into pieces upon impact and the CDs inside stuck in the drywall. Book after book, some of which had found their way into my room from Carlisle's library, as I reread the classics Bella enjoyed so much, was swept away by my fury and joined the broken CD cases on the floor.

The leather couch we had sat on so many times, listening to the music float through the room, still held her scent as well, as everything did in this room – I picked it up with one hand and threw it out the window, shattering the glass, and listened with irrational satisfaction as it smashed on the rocky ground, three stories below, while my eyes roamed the room, looking for anything else that might be a reminder of what I had lost.

I froze again.

Amidst the destruction, on the nightstand next to the heap of bent and misshapen metal that used to be Bella's bed, sat a silver picture frame, holding a photograph taken at our junior prom. Bella's smile seemed a little forced – she was never one who sought attention, something utterly unavoidable wherever we showed up together, and I had after all surprised her with this date – while mine was wide and exuberant, as I held her small form in my arms, the hideous walking cast, a leftover from her horrific encounter with the sadistic James, peeking out under Bella's hyacinth-blue vision of a dress.

Despite the reluctant smile that graced her exquisite face, I had been so happy that night, dancing with her, holding her as much as possible, never letting go of her hand – it had been the happiest night of my existence until then, even despite the not-yet-a-mutt making an appearance to deliver a message from his father, to warn her away from me.

Well, I'd been exceptionally happy _until _she had brought up her desire that I bite her and make her one of us.

Despite my denying her wish, and our subsequent impasse, the summer that followed our junior year had been filled with wonder and discoveries of each other. Our first official date night, when I took her to the movies, bought her strawberry and vanilla ice cream afterwards. I remembered in minute detail how a small spot of ice cream had stuck to the corner of her mouth, and how I hadn't been able to stop myself from leaning down and kissing it away, her then-cold lips pressing firmly and passionately against mine, tasting like strawberries and pure Bella.

Back when kissing her still enticed the bloodthirsty monster out of his cage, and I had to beat him back each and every time, something that was no longer a concern.

Shopping trips to the grocery store, filling a prescription at the drug store when Charlie had a sinus infection, cooking dinner in her kitchen, and the many trips to the mall Alice had dragged us to.

Walking around the quaint little shops in Port Angeles, browsing the bookstores in Seattle, Pike's Place, a concert at the symphony.

Slow walks in the woods around our house when the sun prevented me from going out into the public eye, finding beauty in the nature around us, picking wildflowers to weave into a wreath that she then wore like a crown on her head.

We had laughed and played and enjoyed each other, and with each passing day, I felt more human than I had the day before. I was in love, deeply so, for the first time in my life, and I knew that I would love her until the end of time. Still, in the back of my mind, I knew that all good things must come to an end. She was human, and I would not change that fact. She would eventually outgrow me, and move on. I had put all thoughts of that into a small crevice of my mind, and tried my best to not let them mar the time we had together.

At the conclusion of our carefree summer came her birthday, the horrific disaster of a party, and the beginning of the end.

The memory of Jasper lunging for her throat was forever burned into my mind. The image of me flinging her out of his grasp, and her landing in a stack of glass plates, blood streaming down from a long cut in her arm, would torment me until my dying day.

Feeling suddenly like an old man, I slowly staggered towards the nightstand and picked up the silver frame, running my fingers over the engraving.

_~ Edward and Bella – Prom 2005 ~_

A sob built deep in my chest and forcefully pushed its way out, as I sank to the floor in a heap, pressing the frame against me. It was all I had left of her. I sank deeply into despair, suddenly realizing with force that I would spend the rest of time alone. That these glorious eighteen months of love, of laughter, of hope, of joy were over.

The door flew open with a bang as Alice crashed into it and froze at the doorstep, taking in the slightly altered state of my room. The destruction had taken no more than a half a minute.

"What have you done, Edward?" she whispered incredulously. Behind her Jasper and Emmett appeared, looking just as shocked.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Emmett was blunt and to the point. "What's the matter with you?"

Jasper grimaced. "_After this much rage, I'm amazed the house is still standing_. _I've never felt this much fury from you_."

Alice slowly walked into the room, taking in the destruction around me.

I did not move. I was numb.

"You're leaving again," she stated miserably. "_Oh, Edward, you are so wrong in your assumption. Nothing has changed_."

I did not answer. I sank further into myself, into the sudden grief of realizing I had lost, given up all I held dear.

"Fine, you stubborn mule," she huffed, her mind flashing forward through image after image, searching for my future but seeing nothing except my wandering alone through what looked to be the wilderness of the Canadian Rockies, as she turned to my brothers and waved them away. "Call Carlisle for me, Jasper, please. He should have gotten off his shift a few minutes ago. Ask him to come home immediately."

Esme pushed her way through my brothers, took one look around the room and sank down next to me, wrapping me in her arms and pulling me towards her. Her hand pushed my head against her shoulder.

Like a rag doll, I molded to her form, but my arms hung limply by my sides, my fingers clamped around the photograph.

"_Oh, Edward, sweetheart, what happened? Why did you destroy your room? What did Bella say? Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be with her? She needs you. She loves you._"

I did not speak. Esme was wrong. Bella didn't need me.

"_God, you're such a drama queen, Edward_." Rosalie's haughty mental voice entered my head. "_Get __over yourself. Think of someone else beside yourself for a change_."

I growled under my breath in response. I was in this position precisely _because_ I was thinking of something other than myself. Alice looked at me curiously, and then a flash of intuition flitted across her face. She had seen my reaction to Rosalie and was going to use her to provoke me out of the numbness.

Well, that wasn't going to happen.

"Rosalie! Would you mind joining us up here?"

"Actually, I would. I'd rather not be involved. I don't know what crawled up his butt to make him rampage through his room like an elephant in a china shop, and I don't really care."

I was unable to suppress a hiss. Alice grinned, but it was quickly gone from her face.

"Rosalie!" Esme gasped. "You come up here right this minute. Your brother deserves our help with whatever he is going through."

She grudgingly got off the couch and climbed up the stairs, roughly pushing her way past Emmett and Jasper who was just ending his call to Carlisle.

"Oh, my God," Rosalie exclaimed as she let her eyes roam around the room. "What has gotten into you? What the hell made you do this?" She walked over to where I was limply hanging in Esme's arms, the photograph still clutched to my chest.

"_He looks so... broken_." Rosalie gently took it from my frozen fingers, and sat down next to us. She held the frame up to look at it, then lowered her eyes to me. "Does it have to do with Bella?" she asked, her voice suddenly soft and gentle as the questions of what might have happened flowed through her mind.

Somewhere inside me I found the strength to nod. Once.

Esme sighed beside me. "_Oh, sweetheart, did you two quarrel_?"

Alice turned to my brothers and asked them to leave the room. Though they initially wanted to stay, especially Jasper, who was shooting rays of calm and compassion at me, they did as she asked after a quick glare from her, and on the way down, I could hear a relieved sigh from Emmett. "_Gah, that's an estrogen fest in there_."

She shut the door behind them, but her entry had broken the latch and it wouldn't close. The door handle had left a rather large impression in the wall where it had smashed into it.

I thought idly about noticing these minute and inconsequential details, and wondered if I should be thinking of something else, something more important, such as the fact that I would forever roam this earth alone now, and that despite my best intentions, I had managed to make a disaster out of my first and only love. Before the thought could take root, the grief burned a hole in my heart, and I sank back into the safety of the numbness, where pain and anguish could not reach me.

Alas, I was not allowed a respite.

The three women with whom I had lived for most of my existence all sat around me, their thoughts full of compassion, their hands touching my shoulders, my arms, Esme's fingers running softly through my hair.

"Tell us, Edward," she said quietly, speaking the words for my sisters' benefit. "Tell us what happened last night. Tell us what Bella said that made you come home like this."

"She didn't say anything," I whispered haltingly. "She didn't have to. Her tears made it all too clear." The fiery anguish began to burn again, and I started whimpering from the excruciating pain inside my unbeating heart.

I heard Carlisle's car turn into our driveway, the gravel crunching under the tires. He was speeding down the three mile drive.

Alice nodded. "I saw her crying quite a long time. Did she tell you why she was crying?"

"I assume that she told the dog that she was choosing me, and then she spent the rest of the night crying," I hesitantly answered her question. Bella hadn't talked to me at all since I had found her just past the boundary line in her truck. She had given Charlie some excuse about having to tell the mutt something that was hard, and I had drawn my conclusions from that. I lifted my head to Alice, starting to feel the agonizing rage bubble inside me again. I could no longer contain it, try as I might, and it burst out of me, and I completely lost it my composure, all intentions of remaining a gentleman flying out the broken windows of my room.

"Why would she cry so hard? Why would letting him go be so difficult for her, if she's in love with me? If it's so painful for her to give him up, then perhaps she made the wrong choice. I can't bear to see her in so much pain. I can't bear it. So – I'm leaving, as you surely saw, Alice. I am sorry about that. But don't worry – this time, I won't ask you all to leave with me. You can stay here for as long as you like and for as long as you can possibly pull it off. I won't make her lose her best friend again, so feel free to go see her whenever you like."

I was vaguely aware that my tone had become sarcastic and spiteful, but I was so far past the point of caring, lashing out childishly at anyone, it just couldn't be helped. I was somewhat perturbed that I was divulging so much private and personal information to my family but I couldn't seem to muster the ability to rein myself in. My upbringing, my desire for privacy, my need to remain polite and a gentleman at all times – they all were overpowered by the force of the fury, the agony of the pain Bella had inflicted on me, and the utter desperation to, for once in my life, let it all out.

"So, basically, what you're saying is that you let her cry, without talking to her?" Rosalie asked. "You didn't stick around to ask any question? You are losing your cool and you destroy your room because of a bunch of assumptions?"

"_That's the most ridiculous thing you've done to date_."

"She was in hysterics, Rosalie, and certainly not in any condition to have an intelligible conversation," I spat angrily. "Yes, I let her cry. What else would you have me do? Badger her? Demand answers I might not want to hear? I think not. It's better this way. I'll be gone, no one will have to worry about me, and she can find her happiness with that fucking mutt that she claims to love just like a brother. The very same manipulative bastard who time and again has used her for his own sick machinations, to win her over, deriding me, deriding my family, and she never once put him in his place. She never once stood up for us. I'm done fighting, I'm tired of always having to keep my emotions under wraps, sick of feeling like the dirt she steps on."

"You say she didn't stand up for you – but she did hit him when he tried to kiss her," Esme reminded me softly. "I'd say that does count for something."

I shook my head. "Perhaps," I said wearily. "Perhaps, at the time, she didn't want his advances, perhaps at the time it felt like she was betraying me. But it's so much more than just that. I'm not allowed to buy her anything, I'm not allowed to spend money on her. Taking her to dinner is a major undertaking, and requires hours of persuasion before she agrees to go. Yet he can give her presents, like the bracelet he gave her for graduation. Not once did she question that he certainly had to have spent money on the bracelet itself, even though he carved the charm." I sighed before continuing.

"I had to pretend the diamond heart was a crystal, pretend that it was just a bauble without much meaning or worth, just so she would accept it. I had to snap at Alice to cut her off, to prevent her from revealing the truth about it to Bella, because if Bella knew, she'd demand I take it back. I'm tired of it all, I'm just so tired of being rebuffed all the time, of not being allowed to show her how much I love her the way I want to. She doesn't care for my feelings, she doesn't care that she's hurt me over and over."

Somewhere during my rant, Carlisle had come up to the room. He entered and took in the scene in front of him, having been given a short synopsis by my brothers already. I ignored him, blocked his thoughts and kept ranting.

"Two nights ago, she grudgingly accepted my proposal of marriage. She won't even wear my ring. I haven't told you yet, because it's really not a subject I would wish to discuss with any of you, but what the hell. It's not like it matters at this point. The truth is that she said yes only because we came to an agreement. It's not something I'm proud of. The price for her hand is twofold. I must make love to her whilst she is still human, and I must change her into one of us. For that, she will marry me. I suppose I'm lucky that she trusts me to a certain degree, because I insisted that we marry first, to which she agreed. But don't you see? It's just a contractual agreement. It's not based on love, not based on passion, not based on the joining of two hearts. It feels cheap and unworthy."

Esme gasped and immediately thought of the repercussions if I went through with that agreement. Carlisle's thoughts drifted in a different direction. He was utterly convinced that I would have the strength to hold myself back and actually love her without hurting or killing her. Alice was silent, having seen the outcome which she immediately blocked from access, and Rosalie was simply disgusted that I would even contemplate having sex with a human. To her, it was utterly out of the realm of possibility that any human could live through that to tell the tale, despite evidence to the contrary from our Denali cousins.

I shook my head to clear all of them out of my mind, and contradicted my sire. "If I had let her get her will, she would have lost her virginity along with her life that night. I feel that it's all about the sex and the vampirism for her now, and not about me. I'm in love with _her_. Not because she's human, not because of her scent, but because she's beautiful and kind, and generous and gentle, and sweet and loving, and intelligent and captivating. I'm in love with her because she's Bella. Not because I lust after pleasures of the flesh, not because I want to make her into one of us. I wanted to keep her forever, claim her as my mate, but I no longer believe that she loves me the same way. Somewhere along the way, I lost what we had, and I can't get it back."

I took a deep breath to suppress the sobs that were building in my chest. "It all began when we left last September. I made a horrendous mistake then, demanding that we all leave, insisting she'd be fine after a while, that she'd get over me. I – we should have stayed and worked through it, instead of running away. If I had stayed, she wouldn't be so hung up on that dog now."

Emmett became angry quickly. "That fucking mutt. I'll kill him myself," he swore loudly, "if it's the last thing I do."

"_I got your back, Edward. I'll take him out of the picture_."

As much as I appreciated the sentiment, that was the last thing I wanted, though Emmett would certainly win that fight. It would break the treaty, and put my whole family in danger. And most importantly, it would hurt Bella.

"Shut the hell up, Emmett," Rosalie seethed at her husband, before I could speak, her thoughts at least partially in line with mine. "Don't be an idiot. Would you break the treaty?"

"It would solve the problem, wouldn't it? With that mongrel gone, Edward wouldn't have to worry about him stealing Bella away."

"We will not attack the Quileutes without prior provocation," Carlisle thundered, while Jasper sent a wave of tranquility through the house to calm everyone down. "That is absolutely out of the question, no matter what Jacob Black may or may not have said." Carlisle turned to me.

"Edward, you don't have any proof of what he told Bella. What you saw in his head may all have been conjecture to anger you, to provoke your reaction."

I shook my head as my eyes met his. "No, I don't think so. He's called me names in her presence. But then, of course, so I have I."

"Perhaps he needs a good talking to," Emmett suggested, cracking his knuckles. "Perhaps he just needs to get a few things straightened in his head."

I could see Jasper's nod through Emmett's eyes. "_I'll help with that_."

Rosalie was also of a mind to break a few dog bones. "_I certainly don't like your plan to turn her, Edward, it's still unfathomable to me that she would want it, and that you would agree to it, but I sure as hell don't want her ending up with that atrocious mutt_."

The situation had taking a turn I did not anticipate or want.

"No!" I said sharply. "I can't let you do that, Emmett. He makes her happy, and that's really all I want for her. That she's happy, with or without me." I raised my head to look at the faces of my family. "Look – I'll be fine. Really. I'll just take some time to clear my head, and get away from it all." I wasn't sure where I summoned the strength to speak those words, and put a small smile on my face, but I did.

"You're being stupid again, Edward," Rosalie said, sounding nearly resigned, and her thoughts matched her words. "You're running away, just like the last time. Have you not learned your lesson? Will you put us through all this pain again?"

Esme stared at me, disbelief evident in her face and in her mind. "_Edward, my sweet boy, why won't you fight for her_?"

I just shrugged. What was the point? I _had _fought for her, had given her nearly everything she had asked for and demanded, had gone outside of my comfort zone, had allowed her to do things that were dangerous and unsafe – I had even killed for her.

I had reached the point where I couldn't fight anymore. If she still wanted me, she'd have to come to me. I owed myself that much. Didn't I? Wasn't I worth it?

Of course not. I was unworthy of her love and always had been. I retreated into myself again, letting the numbness cover the pain, the grief, the anguish.

Carlisle had yet to speak, and he was keeping his thoughts hidden from me. I couldn't fathom why, but I was too weary to really care. I wanted to get out of the house, away from Forks, away from the place where I had found and lost my only love.

Alice had begun to cry, though no tears marred her cheeks. In her vision, she saw me leaving and it was hurting her to lose her favorite brother again. "Edward, I love you but I can't watch you leave again. I'm sorry." Sobbing, she ran out of the room, straight into Jasper's arms, who by now needed a reprieve from the variety of emotions that had to be permeating the house. They both left the house for the woods without another word, though his thoughts were full of deep sorrow for me, for losing Bella and my decision to leave, and at the same time, seething at me, for making Alice cry. He remembered all too clearly the time of our separation, and though I wasn't leaving due to something he had done this time, he still felt guilty for the incident that had started it all.

"_Goodbye, Edward. I wish there was a way for me to help you. I wish there was something I could do. I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself. And, for Alice's sake, please call when you can to let us know how you are._"

Emmett stood in the living room, unsure what to do or what else to say. He sat down on the couch and stared at the television, unseeing, remembering the pain of our previous separation, wondering if the family would fall apart again.

I could not afford to care. If I allowed myself to care what my leaving would do to the family, I might be persuaded to stay. And I couldn't stay.

So I decided to lie.

I got off the floor and helped Esme up, then held out my hand to Rosalie. She slapped it away, stood proudly and walked out of the room, her demeanor haughty and unapproachable. "Suit yourself, you idiot. I do hope that Bella has the good sense to stay away from us after this, and that you'll enjoy the solitude. It's not like you're not used to it." She had a few more choice words, but thankfully kept them unspoken.

Esme's arms wrapped around me. "Are you sure this is what you want to do, Edward? Are you sure you're making the right choice?"

I hugged her quickly before nodding and stepping away. "Yes, I'm sure. I appreciate everything you all have done and continue to do for me, Esme, but I need some time to come to grips with what happened, and what I have caused to happen. Some solitude will help me work through it all. Please don't worry. I promise I'll stay in touch as much as possible. And once I've made my peace with it, I'll come home again."

She kissed my cheek, and with a weary sigh, she too left the room. I looked at Carlisle. His eyes were concerned, pained, questioning, though he still kept me out of his head. "A word, Edward?"

"Of course," I agreed, though warily, and followed him to his study. He closed the door behind us and turned around, his eyes watching me, his expression suddenly one of exasperation. He gave me the courtesy of privacy by not speaking aloud.

"_Alright, now tell me what is going on. I caught most of your diatribe in your room, but please do __explain to me why you have decided to leave her again, because frankly, I don't understand_."

I took a deep breath, unwilling to bare my heart again, knowing though that I had to, so he would understand what had made me come to my decision and that there was no chance of him changing my mind. What came out of my mouth though, was rather petulant instead.

"If you heard what I said in my room, then I would think you understand why I'm leaving." I even glared at him, my hands crossed over my chest.

"_I'm sorry, Edward, but I _don't_ understand. I can comprehend that you're hurt beyond measure, that Bella has done some things that were painful to you, but I don't understand why you're running away. Because, if you think about it, Edward – that's what you're doing now. You're running. You're afraid of what you perceive her reasons to be, and you're panicking because you think she'll reject you come morning_."

He was partially right, but I shook my head defiantly. "No," I said emphatically, "not because she might reject me. Quite the opposite, actually. I'm afraid that she'll forgo her own happiness because she thinks she has to stick with me, in gratitude of what we've all done for her, when we risked our lives, fought the newborns, eliminated the threats to her life. I don't want her to stay with me because of some misguided sense of obligation. I want her to _want_ _me_. I want her to marry me because she loves me, because she can't live without me, because even contemplating a future without each other is painful misery. And right now, I don't feel that she wants me that way."

"_So like an obstinate child, you run away, instead of giving her and yourself the chance to talk about it, and to work through your insecurities and your pain. Does that sum it up, Edward_? _Have you given any thought to the possibility that you might be wrong? Running away without even allowing for the possibility that you might be incorrect in your assumptions – what does that say about you? You are letting your fears drive you away from her, and I believe we all know how that worked out the last time. Can we expect to pick you up from the airport again in a few months after one of us comes after you to save you from committing suicide? Are you truly willing to tear this family apart again? I let you go once, but I won't do it again._"

I flexed my jaw in indignant anger and flew in his face, forgetting everything else around me, forgetting my manners and the respect I owed my sire. "What are you going to do, Carlisle?" I sneered. "Chain me up? I am not going to stick around for Bella to tell me to leave. I'm not going to let her or anyone else persuade me that I have it all wrong in my head, that she chooses me over him, because those are just words, and words are cheap and plentiful. She has with her actions over the last few months clearly made a statement. My feelings don't matter. I've been around long enough to know how to read between the lines." I huffed at the end to underline my speech. "And now I'm leaving, so if you'll excuse me, I believe I need to pack a few things. I'll call when I can."

He fell into his chair, resignedly. "Do what you must, son. Remember, this family will always welcome you back."

I marched out of his room, irritated with him, my whole family, and especially myself, letting my legs carry me to the garage where I grabbed the largest backpack we had, and went back up to my room. I packed sturdy jeans and shirts, my current journal, my treasure box and the picture frame. After I was finished, I took one last look around the demolition zone that used to be my room and walked down the stairs, through the open front door and into the dawn of a new day.

As the sun would rise over the eastern skies, my world had fallen into darkness, my horizon forever blackened by what I had lost.

Life, love, meaning – over.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

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**A/N:** So - whaddaya think? Any good? Rotten tomatoes? Total crap and unbelievable? Best thing since sliced bread? Anything in between those two extremes? Your reviews are appreciated, so click that green button. Thanks for reading.


	3. The Awakening of Bella

**Author's Note: **Many heartfelt thank yous to my lovely friends, _Bella's Executioner_ and _Bitter Shade_, who so kindly reviewed the rough draft of this chapter, and gave me much to think about.

This is the second full chapter. Bella wakes up, and Edward is not in her room. Hold on to your seats - the ride from here on is rough and twisty.

Songlist: Muse - Invincible, Linkin Park - What I've done, The Fray - Never say Never, Nine Inch Nails - And all that could have been, Meat Loaf - It's all coming back to me, Chris Isaac - Wicked Game, Roxette - Must have been Love

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer is the queen bee of all things Twilight, and these characters belong to her. I just play with them in my spare time. No copyright infringement is intended, and I sure as hell don't make any money from this.

One more big Thank You to my dear husband who puts up with my sitting at the PC all night long, typing my fingers bloody.

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**2. The Awakening of Bella**

_It started with the perfect kiss, then  
We could feel the poison set in  
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive  
You know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go_

_I want you to know  
That it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
But someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone _

Already gone – Kelly Clarkson

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I woke up with my eyes finally dry.

I had cried for hours after leaving Jacob's house, but letting go of him, the pain in my chest, along the fissure line of my heart, was finally bearable. I was so grateful that Edward had stayed with me last night, holding me quietly, offering comfort and letting my tears fall where they may without complaint.

I stretched languidly on the bed, my hand reaching towards the hard body I expected next to me. Usually, by now, he'd have pulled me into his arms for a kiss. I rolled to my side and opened one eye to peek, but didn't see him beside me.

I sat up and my eyes flashed open, automatically searching for Edward, when I realized he wasn't in my room. Where was he? It was unlike him to leave me without letting me know where he'd be.

He'd been here throughout the entire ordeal, holding me and giving me comfort when I'd needed him most. He'd been here, with his arms wrapped around me, when I had finally fallen asleep, exhausted from the hysteria and tears.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand to check the time, but my vision was blocked by a piece of paper, propped up against it, next to a single white rose. The paper was folded twice, and my name was printed on the outside in Edward's elegant script.

Oh. Perhaps he'd gone home to change, feeling it was okay now to stop watching me every minute of the day, now that the dangerous newborns had been successfully destroyed. I certainly had ruined his shirt last night with my seemingly endless tears, but I had needed him so much, and though I knew it must have caused him great anguish to see me in such pain, I had been selfishly unable to let him go. But my night of tears had also brought great clarity.

I knew now more than ever that with Edward was where I wanted to be, _needed_ to spend the rest of eternity. There had never really been a choice. I was his from the moment we had met. We were soulmates in the truest sense of the word.

I smiled happily and picked up both the rose and his note. Sticking my nose into the soft petals to inhale the exquisite scent of the flower, I unfolded the letter with one hand.

The smile was wiped off on my face. The dying rose fell to the ground unnoticed, as my eyes tried to make sense of the words he had left for me.

The paper started to shake and the words became blurry. I tried to steady my hand, but it wouldn't stop moving. The words bled together, and all I could see were a few that stood out. I forced a breath into my suddenly hollow lungs as the hole in my chest opened once more with force, when I realized that Edward was gone. I read the letter again, and tried to understand what he was telling me with his words. He wrote that he loved me, but that my crying had pained him too much, and that he was giving me up, relinquishing his claim to me. I couldn't comprehend his reasoning. If he loved me, like his words said, why would he leave me? Why would he give me up?

I inhaled sharply as I realized what he must have thought, and I knew that I had brought this on myself. I knew, had known for quite a while now, how it pained Edward to see me hurt in any way. Never was the anguish more evident on his face than when I got hurt in some way.

And last night, my pain, my guilt had seen proof in the tears that wouldn't stop falling. The agony he must have felt, watching me fall apart like that, must have been excruciating for him.

"Oh, my God... Edward..." Guilt threatened to overwhelm me.

Swiping at my eyes to clear my vision, I read his words to me once more, forcing myself to read each line carefully and slowly.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I deeply apologize for breaking my promise to never leave again, but it is unbearable to know that I am the cause of so much pain. Your tears last night broke my long-dead heart, knowing I was the reason you cried so desperately. _

_But through them and in them, I have found the strength to do what should have done so long ago. _

_I cannot let you give up your happiness for me. I cannot justify claiming you for myself when giving up Jacob brings you so much anguish. _

_There are more words I would have liked to write, but I will refrain because they would only cause you further pain, and would accomplish nothing in the end. Your continued happiness is my only goal, my only hope, my only wish._

_I've always been amazed that you could ever love me to begin with, undeserved as it was. These past months have been the very best of my long life, and I give my thanks to the Creator that I was allowed to spend them with you, basking in your warmth, in your smiles, in your love. _

_You've taught me so many wonderful things – that love is a gift to be treasured and cherished, that even the most horrific mistakes can be forgiven, that bravery and strength is found when least expected, that the monster inside me does not define who I am, and that there is much beauty in the world around us. _

_And though we've now come to the end of our road together, and our new paths will take us in different directions, I'm taking with me the memories of your beauty and your love, which shall sustain me in the years to come. _

_I consider myself a lucky man to have been loved by you. _

_I am leaving Forks, but my family will remain for now. I am hopeful that you will still consider them your friends. They, like me, love you very much. _

_I release you from your promise to marry me and wish you all the very best for a long and happy life with him. _

_I'll never forget you, and I'll always love you._

_Edward_

The letter slipped through my trembling fingers and gently fluttered to the floor, as an anguished scream tore itself from my throat.

"Noooooooo... "

He had left me – again. And like the last time, he had left me _because_ he loved me. He only wanted my happiness. He left again because it hurt him to much to watch me cry. I broke his heart with my foolish tears, crying over what I had done to my best friend. My sobbing into Edward's chest all night had hurt him so badly that he had chosen to give me up.

The tears fell anew.

I curled into myself on the bed, my arms wrapping around my chest, as the hole in my heart threatened to rip me apart. What was I going to do?

Breathing became difficult, like my lungs refused to fill up to capacity. I hugged myself tighter, feeling like I was drowning in the gravitational force of a black hole, just like before. I couldn't imagine a life without Edward, never again, and now it seemed like I had lost him once more, through my own fault. Why hadn't I seen this sooner? How selfish could I be?

Through a foggy haze, I heard Charlie's heavy footfalls clamber up the stairs, across the hallway, and then the bedroom door flew open. He stood in the doorframe, breathing heavily. "Bella! What's... going on? I heard you... scream. What happened?"

I raised my tear-streaked eyes to his face and mumbled one word. "Edward..."

Anger furrowed Charlie's brows instantly, and his face reddened. "What has that boy done to you now? I swear I'll kill him myself if he has hurt you again. I told you, Bella. I warned you. He's no good for you."

Manic laughter bubbled out of me at the thought of Charlie hurting Edward, and the impossibility of that ever happening, and confusion flashed over my father's face. He took another step towards the bed and his eyes fell on the piece of paper lying innocently beside it, half covering the rose. He squatted down to pick it up and began to read. I watched his face carefully through my tears as first anger, then confusion twisted his face, and then finally gleeful gloating became the dominant expression. He held the letter out to me.

"Er... what does this mean, Bella?" His voice was low, cautious. "Is he gone again?" He seemed excited at the prospect. "What the hell is he doing?"

Swiping at the tears that blurred my vision, I bent forward to retrieve the letter, but he pulled it away before I could snatch the piece of paper from his hand. "I don't know. Maybe. I just found this when I woke up." I abruptly stopped talking when I realized that I couldn't very well tell Charlie that Edward had been here all night to hold me while I cried torrents of tears. Frantically, I tried to organize my thoughts to figure out a way to explain, but I was too late.

_Crap_!

I could see the question forming before he even spoke. "You didn't see this when you came home last night? How did this get here anyway? He hasn't been here, has he?"

"Uh... no. I don't know... " I tried to think of something that would explain how this letter had found its way into my room, but nothing came to mind, and Charlie didn't give me much time. He held the letter up and pointed to the first paragraph.

"Bella, this clearly states that he saw you crying last night. Don't think you can fool me. He was here, wasn't he? In this room? I'm not stupid, Bella. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the first time, either, was it?"

"Uh... maybe?" Oh God, I was screwed.

His eyes narrowed. "And what does this mean, 'long-dead heart'? And this here," his finger pointed to the line about releasing me from our engagement, "what promise to marry him is he talking about? Did he... holy smokes, Bells, does that mean he proposed to you? And you didn't think it was something that you should tell me about? When the hell did that happen? Jesus, Bella, what else do I not know?"

A sudden burst of anger surged through me, and I shot off the bed, grabbing the letter from his hand. "First of all, Char-, I mean, Dad, this is a private letter from Edward to me." I broke off, unsure how to proceed. I couldn't tell Charlie anything about the world Edward and the Cullens lived in, I couldn't reveal to him the secrets that I had lived with for the last eighteen months. That would put him in terrible danger, and I wasn't about to get my father killed. I needed to divert him from that first question. I sank slowly onto the bed, and folded the letter, pressing it to my heart. Then I took a deep breath and decided to tell Charlie a version of the truth.

"Yes, Dad, I'll admit that Edward was here last night. Have a seat," I pointed to my old rocking chair, "and I'll tell you."

He looked at me, still angry, but also suddenly curious, and sat down. That was totally unexpected. I took another deep breath to calm myself before I began to speak, surprised that he had actually done as I asked.

"Edward was here last night, because I needed him. What I had to tell Jake yesterday was hard, and that's why I was crying, and I needed Edward to be here, to help me get through that. Truth is, Dad, that I've made a mess of things. I shouldn't have led Jake on like I did, and to be honest, you shouldn't have pushed me towards Jake like _you_ did."

I couldn't stop myself from getting in that last dig, remembering all the times Charlie had insisted I stay friends with Jacob, all the times he had grumbled under his breath when Edward was around, enthusiastically supporting me when I wanted to see Jake.

"Come on now, Bella – Jake's always been good to you. He hasn't hurt you like that Cullen boy. You've always been so happy when you came home from La Push... "

Yeah, he would have thought that. But he was very wrong. I had _used_ Jacob as my personal sun to light up the darkness without Edward in my life. I had started to spend time with Jake as a means to an end. He was helping me fix up the old motorcycles I had acquired, and those I needed to be reckless. I had a mission back then – to hear Edward's voice.

But Charlie was wrong in another way, too. Jacob _had_ hurt me – I just forgave him every time he did, and then went back for more. And Edward thought _he_ was masochistic. I'd been such a fool.

"It may have seemed that way, Dad, before Edward came back, but I wasn't truly happy. Jake was a... distraction for me. I've known he wanted more, and instead of breaking things off, I stupidly kept going back, hoping I could keep my friend. I was wrong, and I should have told Jake a long time ago what I told him yesterday. It's always been Edward for me, from the first time I saw him. I _know _I can't be happy without Edward. Being apart didn't work out for either of us. We can't be apart. To answer your question, yeah, Edward proposed. Two nights ago, when I spent the weekend at his house." I held my breath as soon as the words left my mouth.

_In for a penny, in for a pound. Might as well give him something else to chew on_.

"I thought you spent the night with Alice, and the rest of them were camping?" His brows furrowed again as he spoke as the flush crept up his neck.

"Well, actually, that's... okay, they _did_ go camping, but... Edward didn't. I.. uh... spent the weekend with him." I was really in for it now, as Charlie face went first red, then purple, and the veins on his neck stood out. His hands were clenching and unclenching, and he almost jumped out of the rocking chair.

"What?" he bellowed. "You did _what_?"

"Nothing happened, Dad, so calm down. We didn't have sex, if that's what you're worried about." I grimaced slightly, thinking of how I had thrown myself at Edward, so intent of breaking down his barriers.

I clutched the letter harder. I needed to finish this conversation with my father, so I could drive over to Edward's house and straighten out this mess.

Charlie's face became purpler still. "You... you..."

"Relax, Dad. I'm still... oh, never mind that. Fact is that Edward asked me to marry him Thursday night, and I said yes. We were going to tell you... soon. And... after this, after I talk to him, if he'll still have me, I _will_ marry him." I said the last few words with utter conviction, meeting my father's eyes calmly.

"Where's your ring, then?" Charlie choked out as he seemed to search for a way to prove my words wrong.

That was a question I wasn't prepared to answer. Truth was, I'd given it back as soon as I was able to, the cool metal burning my finger – or at least, it had felt that way at the time. I could still feel the weight of the ring on my hand, and I remembered with sudden clarity the hurt expression on Edward's face when I'd dropped the ring in his palm that night, before I went to sleep. He'd tried to hide it, but I had seen the pain flash across his features.

At the time, I hadn't cared – I was too concerned with not becoming a topic for gossip, getting married at eighteen. I didn't think how Edward would feel, how ungracious and bitchy I'd been about the whole thing. I'd reached my goal to get his commitment to try making love, and that was all I could think about. His wish to get married beforehand was just an unpleasant side effect, and I had pushed it from my mind.

In the light of the new day, with his letter to me clutched to my heart, I was able to see that moment through his eyes, and my tears started again. I had _hurt_ him. What was wrong with me? Would he ever forgive me? I had to go after him, right now. There was no time to waste.

My eyes fell on Charlie as I jumped off the bed, and I realized that he was waiting for an answer still. I sat back down.

"The ring is with Edward. I behaved childishly and gave it back to him, afraid that wearing it would be cause for gossip, or that you would have a coronary if you saw me with it." I drew up one side of my mouth in a crooked smile that faltered as the veins on my father's neck became more pronounced.

Charlie's mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. I was glad for the reprieve and forged ahead, still hoping he'd forget about the 'long-dead heart' he'd asked me about.

It was so unlike Edward to commit anything like that to paper. He really had to have been very stressed out when he wrote those words. My heart constricted in pain when I thought about the agony I had put him through.

I refocused on Charlie. "So, Edward watched me cry my eyes out last night, over what I've done to Jake, and to him as well, and it seems that he misunderstood my tears. I wasn't crying for Jake... well, I was, in a way, but not because I'm in love with him. I cried because I've hurt my best friend, and I've been really stupid not to see that sooner."

The relationship with Jake had changed when he became a werewolf. He'd first saved me from Laurent in the meadow, and then he and his friends had been working to keep Victoria away so she couldn't kill me. I owed Jake my gratitude, and I couldn't drop him as my friend afterwards. Things had been strained for a while after Edward came back for me, but we had fallen back into our friendship.

Well – I had thought so at the time. Now, I wasn't so sure. He'd told me he loved me, and that had made me very uncomfortable. Though he'd assured me he was okay with me not returning those feelings, I easily remembered all the times Jake had tried to talk me into leaving Edward for him, speaking badly about Edward and his family. All I'd done were half-hearted attempts to stop him. Except for punching his face when he'd tried to kiss me. I stared glumly at the brace I still wore on my right hand.

Edward had begged me repeatedly not to go see Jacob, only to change his mind when I'd run off to La Push behind his back. What had he said? "I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us."

Wasn't that exactly what I had done? Going back time and time again, trying to please Jake and my father, when I should have focused on pleasing Edward?

"Explain that, please." Charlie's color was slowly returning to normal, and he seemed to have gotten over the initial shock of my engagement. Well, my ex-engagement, if I went by Edward's letter. I hiccuped a sob just thinking about it, and Charlie's eyes narrowed again.

"What now, Bella? Damn it, I can't stand to see you cry." That simple sentence unleashed another torrent of tears, since it reminded me too much of what I had read in the letter. That was exactly why Edward had left me again. I shouldn't have asked him to stay the night, shouldn't have depended on him to comfort me, but I had needed him so much. I knew I wouldn't have gotten through the night without him.

"What do you want me to answer first?" I forced out through the tears. "I'm crying because the letter says that he is giving me up, and I don't want him to. I don't want Jacob, I only want Edward. It's always been him."

"But Bella, he _left _you. And it's not the first time he's done that." His insinuation was very clear.

Something inside me snapped. Suddenly, my path was clear, and I needed to take the first step towards it. "Shut up, Charlie. Sorry... but you need to listen to me. Edward left me the first time, because he felt he had to, because he thought it was best for me if I would move on. He never stopped loving me, not in all the time we were apart, just like I didn't stop loving him. And he is gone again now, because he thinks I cried last night over losing Jacob. And I didn't. He misunderstood, and he left me again, or he's planning to at least, because he thinks I'll be better off with Jake. And I'm clearly not. This is all a huge misunderstanding, and if you don't mind, I need to go after him now. I'll see you later." My tears dried rapidly as the anger overtook my other emotions.

I got off the bed and grabbed my clothes, running into the bathroom. I took a short shower, dried my hair haphazardly, then quickly brushed my teeth and dressed. My father was waiting for me in the hallway, when I stepped out of the bathroom.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Bella? He may be already gone. Don't lower yourself like that. He's not worth running after."

"You know what, Dad," I seethed at him, "I can't believe you would say that. I'm not lowering myself at all. It's Edward who's stood by for the last few months, taking everything in stride, not saying a word when you grumbled under your breath, not calling you on your behavior towards him, not calling me on running after Jake when I clearly shouldn't have. He has more compassion, more maturity, and more love for me than anyone else I know. And he _is_ worth it. Now get out of my way." Brushing past him, I stomped down the stairs in a huff, threw on a jacket and pulled the front door open, only to come face to face with Jake.

"Wha- what are you doing here?"

"Charlie called me," he smiled sadly. "He told me what your bloodsucker had done, so I came as fast as I could. Seth drove me."

I bent around his frame to get a glimpse of Seth behind the steering wheel of the Rabbit. He gave a half-hearted wave.

"Jake, this isn't a good time. I'm about to leave so... Besides, shouldn't you be in bed, healing?"

"Bella – I know what you looked like the last time he left. Of course I came as soon as possible. Are you alright?" He sounded concerned, but I could hear an underlying tone, something he was trying to hide from me.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I just need to go... I have to stop him..." I tried to move around his large frame, but he stepped into my path.

"Wait, Bella – what are you doing? You can't go after him... why would you do that?"

"You know why," I said carefully, looking into his eyes. "I told you how I felt, how I've always felt. I have to go."

"No. You don't. He obviously doesn't want you... why else would he leave?" His voice changed, and he suddenly sounded angry. I didn't care.

"Jake, let me through," I said, starting to get exasperated. I needed to drive to Edward's house before he could go through with his plan. If I wasn't too late already. My shoulders slumped at the realization. I had no idea what time he'd left – he could be on the other side of the world by now, for all I knew.

Alice! She would know. I straightened up and tried to again to get around Jacob.

"Let me through!" I said with more force than before. "I have to go."

"Answer the question, Bella. Why would he leave again?"

"That's none of your business," I spat, trying to push him aside, but he wouldn't move.

"The hell it isn't. I won't let him hurt you again." He pushed his way past me into the foyer and pulled me by my arm. I stumbled into the kitchen after him, shrieking in surprise.

"What are you doing, Jake? Let go of me. You're hurting me."

"See now, Bella," he said with a condescending smile. "That disgusting leech has done exactly what I told you he would. He left you again. I told you this would happen, but you didn't believe me. You should have listened to me. A leopard doesn't change his spots." He was still smiling at me, as if he was talking to a small child. "So, now that he's gone, there's no reason we can't be together. When Charlie called me, I knew you'd want me here."

I stared at him, completely speechless. Was he serious? What delusion was he laboring under? Did he truly think that just because Edward misunderstood my tears last night, and thought he had to leave to make me happy, that I would willingly fall into his arms? Had he not listened at all the day before when I told him that it had always been Edward for me? That there never had been a choice other than Edward, not from the moment I'd met him in that Biology lab? Was he serious?

"Are you serious?" I knew I sounded completely incredulous. He nodded in reply, and my anger flared again. I wanted to slap him silly, but I knew I'd only hurt myself if I did. So I chose to yell at him. "Are you out of your mind, Jake? Do you really think that I'd switch my feelings off like that? That Edward leaving because I broke his heart with the tears I cried for hurting your sorry ass would make me stop loving him? That overnight, I'd be in love with you? Good grief, Jacob, please tell me you're not that stupid."

Apparently, he _was_ that stupid. His face contorted in rage. "I don't understand you, Bella. He's gone – don't you get it? He left you. He doesn't want you. I almost bought this little lies in the tent, when he pretended how much he loved you, telling me all about that shit he pulled last fall, leaving you because he thought that was best for you. He was right, you know... he should have just stayed away. Too damn bad he can't get it right." He was sneering in my face. "Filthy bloodsucker. He leaves, he comes back, he leaves again. Make up your mind, why don't you." He leaned down towards me and his arm flew out to grab me by the waist, pulling me to him, crushing me against him. My braced hand pushed powerlessly against his chest.

I heard Charlie coming down the stairs.

"Jake, stop! Don't touch me!" My uninjured hand flew on its own volition into Jake's face, slapping him and he recoiled in shock, letting go of me. The tremors ran down his arms, and I knew he was trying to stop himself from phasing. I got scared.

"Jake," I said, holding up my hands, "calm down, please. You're in Charlie's kitchen. Please. Charlie will see."

He wouldn't listen, his arms trembling, his eyes screwed shut. I had to protect Charlie.

I hissed in frustration and fear, opened the back door and stomped out of the kitchen, into the yard. He followed me just as Seth came through the open front door, and saw what was going on. He pushed past Charlie and ran to my side.

"Jake," he said quietly, with this hands held up. "Calm down, bro. You don't want to do that with her next to you. Bella, move back. Don't come any closer, Jake."

"It's okay, Seth," I offered, keeping my eyes on Jacob, who still hadn't gotten himself under control. "Look, Jake – I told you... I don't have a choice here. I have to go after him. He misunderstood. This is all a huge misunderstanding. Now, please calm down. I have got to leave. Please, Jake."

"No! Fuck that, Bella. I can't believe you'd be that stupid. He fucking left you." His voice rose to a shouting volume, as the tremors got stronger. I carefully stepped a few feet back, brushing against Seth who moved in front of me. "Don't you get it?" Jake yelled. "He. Left. You. Are you that fucking stupid?"

With that, he exploded and the russet-colored wolf stood in my back yard, growling. I stared at him in complete disbelief. A loud gasp from the kitchen got my attention.

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. There was a horse-sized wolf in the yard, and Charlie was looking at him.

"Oh, shit," Seth screamed as he pushed me towards the kitchen door. "Jacob! Phase back, you idiot! You're not supposed to phase yet. Dr. Fang said so. Change back! Now! "

My feet started to move. I turned and raced past my father who had been listening to the conversation from the kitchen. His face was as white as a sheet. "Wh... Wh...Wha... "

Ignoring him for the moment, I ran up the stairs, stumbling only once, and tore into his bedroom to pull his old baseball bat out of his closet. My left hand was throbbing from when it had made contact with Jacob's face, and the other was still firmly ensconced in the brace Carlisle had put me in after I had broken it on Jacob's hard chin. I also grabbed an old pair of sweatpants as an afterthought.

I went back downstairs, grasping the aluminum bat as firmly as I could in my injured hand and gave the pants to Seth. Jacob was still standing in the backyard, his growls and snarls bouncing off the house.

"Damn it, Jake. Calm the hell down. Phase back. Don't make me call Sam." Seth was trying his best to seem calm, but the shocked and desperate look in his eyes told the real story. He glanced frantically at Charlie and then back at Jake. His eyes were panicked, too. "Here." Seth threw him the sweatpants, and they landed in front of Jacob's feet. "Go change."

Jacob whined, but he picked up the pants with his teeth and disappeared into the trees, only to come back a few moments later, wearing the pants.

I turned to Charlie. "Er... Dad? Are you okay?"

His face was still very pale, his mouth hanging open. He was in shock. I moved towards him and pulled him over to a chair. "Sit down, Dad. I'm sorry to had to see that. I'll explain in a minute, okay? Just take a few deep breaths."

I stalked back into the yard and lifted the bat over my shoulder. "I distinctly remember, Jacob, that you offered me the use of a baseball bat the next time I wanted to hit you." My voice was low and menacing, my eyes narrowed. "So, unless you want to make this bat's acquaintance, I suggest you get the hell out of my house. We are _so_ done. I can't believe I felt guilty for hurting you. I regret every single tear I shed for you last night. How dare you come here and mock my relationship with Edward? How dare you show up at my door step and gloat? Get the hell away from me, and if I never see you again, it will be too soon."

He had the audacity to laugh. "Good one, Bells. Now give me that bat before you hurt yourself."

I threw a quick glance at Charlie who still sat heavily in the kitchen chair, staring at nothing, not even blinking. His face had yet to recover its usual color.

"What were you thinking, Jacob? You just phased in front of Charlie. How am I supposed to explain that? Did you think about that before you lost your temper, you moronic dog?" I seethed at him, wondering silently what I was going to tell Charlie.

He had the good sense to look ashamed. "I know. I'm sorry, Bells. Look, I'll explain things to Charlie..."

His use of my old nickname made me mad. "The hell you will. I'm not going to leave you alone with him. Get lost, Jacob. It's over. I don't know where my friend went, but he isn't here." I turned to Seth. "Can you take him home, please?"

Seth nodded, his eyes downcast. "Yeah... come on, Jake. I think you've done enough for one day. We're gonna have to tell Sam about this."

"I'm going to talk to Charlie," I announced. Jacob quickly stepped into my path. I recoiled and he held up his hands, taking a step back.

"I think we should be here for that," he offered, indicating himself and Seth, staring intently. He seemed to feel genuinely guilty and worried. I sighed, knowing that their presence would likely help me explain this madness. They knew the stories better than I did, and they had heard those that had imprinted explain it to those they loved. Besides, if Charlie fainted, I surely wouldn't be able to get him off the floor.

"Fine. Come inside." Without another look at Jacob, I strode into the kitchen and positioned myself next to Charlie, motioning for Jacob and Seth to sit down.

"Dad? Are you okay? Can you look at me, please?" I pleaded with him, desperate to get a reaction. I was worried about him being in shock. Completely understandable, after what he had just witnessed.

He looked at me, then moved his gaze to Jacob on the chair across from him and then Seth, who stood fidgeting in the door frame. "What the hell just happened here?" he whispered. "Where did that huge wolf come from?"

"Uh...," Jacob started, looking a little worried, "that's a very good question, Charlie. Did Billy ever tell you the stories of our tribe? The old legends of how we came to be?"

Charlie shook his head. "Not really. I know there's some old superstitions that he believes in. But they're just old stories, Jake...superstitions..."

Jacob nodded slowly. "I used to think that, too, Charlie...but I know different now."

Charlie stared at him. "What? Do you mean... that they're... real?"

Jacob shrugged. "Looks that way."

"So your stories say that you can turn into a... wolf?"

"Yeah..."

"Holy smokes, Jake. Like a werewolf?" Charlie was way too rational, and I was afraid that he was still in shock. I turned to Seth and whispered, "He's too calm."

Seth nodded and whispered back, "Yeah. I would have expected him to freak out."

"Me, too. This isn't good." I didn't get a chance to say more when Charlie gasped and all color fled his face.

"Bella!"

"Y-yes?"

"Have you seen Jake do this before? You didn't seem surprised..."

_Crap_!

"Uhm...yes. Once or twice," I mumbled.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.

"Uh...well...it's like this, Dad...uhm...Jake, some help here?" I looked at him beseechingly and he manned up.

"Charlie, nobody's supposed to know about any of this, at least not on the outside. Billy knows, of course, and so do the other elders. They all know the stories. We're told from the time we're little about the men that can turn into wolves and protect the tribe. I can't really tell you much more." Jacob shrugged again.

That apparently was the wrong way to approach this as Charlie's face flushed red again and he started to get loud. "I entrusted you with the safety of my daughter, Jacob Black, and you're telling me that she's been around you when you morphed into a huge animal?"

"She was never in danger, Charlie, I promise. I would have never told her or let her see me like that, but then she figured it out..."

"Don't you blame me for this, Jake," I snapped at him. "You told me the stories long before your first change."

He turned to me and glared, seething, his jaw clenched. "Yeah, when you started dating that filthy bloodsucker," he snarled through his teeth.

_Double crap_!

"Holy shit, now he's done it," Seth whimpered next to me.

"Bloodsucker? What are you talking about, Jake?" Charlie interrupted. "She's only ever dated... Edward," he finished and I could see the wheels starting to spin in his head. He turned his head to me. "Bella? What does he mean?"

_Holy shit_!

My eyes flickered from Charlie to Jake to Seth and back to Charlie, and I decided to just bite the bullet and deal with the consequences later. A deep calm settled over me. The cat was out of the bag, and that was that. Edward would figure out a way to keep Charlie safe. Carlisle would know what to do.

I took a deep breath and moved a chair in front of my father to sit down, raising my eyes to capture his. "Well, what Jacob means is that there are things going on around us that we humans are not supposed to know. Like the fact that some of the Quileutes can turn into very large wolves. Or that there are creatures of myth that actually exist."

"Like what?" Charlie asked, and I could tell he wasn't quite taking me seriously. "Those are all superstitions, Bells."

"You'd think so," I muttered and he stared at me in shock.

"What are you saying, Bella? What kind of mythical creatures are we talking here? Witches? Ogres? Trolls?"

I shrugged. "Not sure about those. But as you can see, werewolves do exist." I couldn't bring myself to say more. So much for feeling calm.

"What she's trying to say, Charlie," Seth offered, "is that there are certain creatures of our legends that do exist. Like werewolves."

"But what is that bloodsucker Jacob mentioned? What does any of this have to do with that Cullen boy?"

Seth glanced at Jacob who glanced at me. The unspoken question hung in the room. What do we do now?

"Well, Charlie," Jacob said finally, with a heavy voice and sorrow in his tone. "There's a reason for us to change into wolves. It's to protect our people from the... cold ones."

"What are the cold ones?" Charlie asked immediately. I held my breath.

"Vampires," Jacob breathed.

Charlie let out a laugh. "Oh, come on, Jake. Vampires? Is this some kind of joke?" He looked at me, and I was unable to hide the truth in my eyes. He noticed it instantly, and I saw the comprehension wash over his face. "Bella? Is this true?"

I didn't move. I couldn't move. Seth sighed helplessly next to me. Jacob looked at me, an apology in his eyes.

Charlie stood up and grabbed me by my shoulders. "Damn it, Bella. It's true, isn't it? I can see it in your eyes. Goddamn it! What the hell have you gotten yourself into? Bella – tell me. Is Edward one of them? Is he a... vampire?"

I had no idea what to say. Frantically, glanced at Jacob for help but he just returned my gaze and shrugged. I knew I had to say something, make it sound like a ridiculous idea, to keep Charlie safe.

"Uh... what?"

"Charlie," Jacob spoke up, "we need you to understand something. Nobody's supposed to know about these things. We know," he motioned to Seth and himself, "only because we are what we are. There are reasons why we keep this secret. There are laws that have to be followed. And you knowing more than you already do could put you in grave danger."

"What about Bella?" Charlie asked, staring at me incredulously. "She obviously knows. Is _she_ in danger?"

"No, of course not," I said immediately, silencing Jacob with a glare. "He would never hurt me. He...doesn't kill humans, Dad. Yes, he drinks blood, but they hunt animals, not people."

I shouldn't have said that.

"They?" came the instant question. "Shit, Bella – are all of them...vampires? All the Cullens? Dr. Cullen? And you've known this? How long... since when... how long have you known?"

"From the start," I whispered, looking at my hands. "From the moment Edward and I fell in love, I've known."

Charlie let out a sharp huff of air. "Why didn't you tell me, kiddo?" he asked softly. My eyes filled with tears.

"I couldn't, Dad," I answered quietly. "Humans are not supposed to know. There are laws in their world... Dad, please. I need to talk to Edward. Please, please, you cannot speak of this to anyone." I raised my eyes to his. "Please, Dad, you have to promise me, that you won't tell anyone about this. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you."

"Don't worry, Bella," Jacob cut in. "We'll keep him safe. But she's right, Charlie. You can't speak of it. Not a word. To no one."

"Dad, I have got to go to Edward's house," I injected. "I need to talk to him, about what happened last night, and about what you know now. He'll find a way to keep you safe, I promise. I hate leaving you like this, and I'm sure you have tons of questions, but I probably won't be able to answer most of them. Please, I'm asking you to trust me, okay? I _have_ to go now. I _have_ to go after him."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"I will take you, Bella," Charlie offered. "I'd like to speak with Edward myself."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Dad," I returned. "Not after last night. I really want to talk to him myself... explain." Tears started to fall from my eyes again. "If he's still there," I sniffed. "Oh, God...what if he's already gone? What am I going to do? I need him, Dad. I love him."

He wrapped his arms around me awkwardly. "Sshhh, honey, it will be okay. You'll be fine. Come on, let me take you over there."

"Why are you doing this, Bella?" Jacob snapped, standing up so quickly that his chair screeched across the linoleum. "He left you again, just like I told you he would. Don't be stupid, Bella. Charlie, you have to keep her away from him. He's just a filthy bloodsucker." The veins were popping out of his neck, his face was red and angry.

"Shut up, Jacob," Charlie said forcefully. "I've never wanted to admit it, but all I've ever seen him do is look at Bella with pure love in his eyes. Everything he does, the way he moves around her, like he's protecting her, all of it is done with love. I don't like him for what he did to her last fall, leaving her like that, but he had his reasons and Bella has forgiven him. I may not like how she feels about him, but that doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do."

"What?" Jacob bellowed. "Are you nuts? He's a fucking vampire, Charlie. He'll kill her."

Charlie sucked in a breath, and his next words completely floored me. "If that were the case, I think he's had plenty of opportunity to do that. If he hasn't by now, I doubt he will. And if my daughter tells me that he won't, I'm gonna believe her." He squeezed my shoulders reassuringly.

Seth had gotten awfully quiet. I glanced at him. He appeared to be thoroughly embarrassed by how Jacob was behaving.

"Jacob, I really think you should leave now," I said. "Thanks for coming by but I really have to go now."

"Bella," Jacob spit through his teeth, with fire in his eyes. "He _left_ you. Again. When will you fucking get that through your thick skull? He doesn't _want _you."

I never thought Jacob would speak to me that way. I didn't know what to say, but I knew deep in my heart that he was wrong. Edward _did_ want me. He loved me so much that he had given me up, thinking that it would make me happy, thinking that my tears the night before meant I wanted to be with Jacob. I stared at him silently, while he crossed his arms over his chest.

Charlie came to my rescue again. "That's quite enough, Jacob. I believe she has asked you to leave. Get out of my house." He pointed towards the foyer.

"The hell I will, Charlie," Jacob snapped with ferocity. "You're the one who called me to tell me that _he_ had left again. You're the one who told me to come over here. And now you wanna throw me out? This is bullshit." He crossed his arms over his chest with a huff and glared at Charlie.

My father was clearly annoyed, and seemed to regret having made that call so precipitously. "You are in my house, Jacob Black, and I'm the Chief of Police in this town. Unless you want to find yourself in jail faster than you can blink, you need to do as you're told and get the hell out. Now!" Charlie put his finger under my chin and raised my head to look into my eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have made that call," he said quietly and put his arm around my shoulders. I sighed.

"Jacob, just go." I turned my body away from him and leaned into my father. I heard his heavy steps move towards the door, with Seth following, shooting an apologetic glance over his shoulder. The sound of the door slamming released the breath I'd been holding. The car peeled away from the curb, the tires screeching. Had to be Jacob driving.

Charlie exhaled, too. "I really am sorry, Bells. I had no idea he would react like that."

"It's okay, Dad. I know you didn't mean any harm." I extricated myself from him, and started to walk towards the hall.

"No, it's not okay, Bella," he disagreed vehemently. "I don't like you being talked to that way. For all his leaving you broken last fall, Edward has _never_ spoken to you like that. He's never been anything but respectful and loving towards you. I've just been too stubborn to see it." His voice was gruff, and his eyes were studying the kitchen floor.

I sighed again. "Yes, he is. Dad... can you understand? I _love_ him. There's no one else for me, and there never will be."

"You're a Swan, Bells," he tried to joke. "We mate for life."

I grinned crookedly at him, thinking of how he'd never gotten over mom leaving him. "Yeah," I nodded. "I guess I am."

"Go after him, kid. I understand. I know now that it's what you need to do. Don't let a misunderstanding stand in the way of your happiness. Come on – I'll drive you. How about it?"

I had hoped to drive myself, but I didn't want to make him feel bad. "Sure, Dad, that'd be nice." I silently wondered if Charlie would use the opportunity to apologize to Edward. I knew my father, and when he was wrong, he usually made sure to make things right again. And I needed to let the Cullens know that now my father knew their secret, too.

His reactions to all these revelations were still making my head spin. He was too calm, too normal. Perhaps this all hadn't sunk in yet. Maybe he was in shock. I didn't really know how to tell. His color looked normal, and he was breathing calmly, too.

"Er...Dad?," I said slowly. "I...Are you okay? Do you feel okay?" There was more behind my question, and he heard what I couldn't say.

He looked at me with a knowing smile. "Bella, I've had my suspicions for a while," he answered with a rough voice. "The boy's been around for months, during dinner time, never eating, never drinking anything. I might be old, Bells, but I'm not stupid."

I exhaled in a rush. "What?" I stared at him disbelievingly. "You...why...how...why didn't you say something?"

He laughed once. "What was I supposed to say, kiddo? 'I think your boyfriend's a little strange'? That would have gone over well, right?"

I smiled despite my tears. "Yeah, probably not. But Edward never said anything, that you might suspect he wasn't human."

"How would he know?" Charlie asked. "It's not like he can read my mind, is it?" He chuckled lightly. I didn't respond, and his eyes met mine in an instant. "What? Holy smokes, Bella, I don't like that look on your face. What are you not telling me?"

"Er...yeah...about that, Dad..." I couldn't bring myself to speak the words.

Charlie blanched. "He's a mind reader?"

I simply nodded. We stared at each other for a minute, neither of us speaking, but I could see guilt in Charlie's eyes as we both remembered all the times he had thought ill of Edward. He might not have spoken his thoughts, but the expressions on his face had been very clear. I had ignored them most of the time, and Edward had usually laughed at them and assured me it was fine.

"All this time...he's known what I was thinking?!" Charlie muttered, sounding ashamed.

"Dad...it's okay," I tried to soothe him. "He can't really read your thoughts clearly. He told me that he just gets bits and pieces."

"Is that supposed to make feel better, Bella? Because it sure doesn't," Charlie grumbled. "What about you? Can he read your thoughts, too?"

I shook my head with a small smile on my lips. "No, not at all. We're not sure why that is, but I'm completely silent to him. He doesn't like that much," I chuckled, thinking of all the times he had been so anxious to know what I was thinking.

"Huh," Charlie said in a huff. "So, what Jacob said and Seth...it's true, then? Edward is a vampire? All the Cullens are? Little Alice, too?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"And you've known this all along?" he verified.

"Yes. I've known from the start. Dad, he's not dangerous, not to me. He would never hurt me. Please believe that. None of them would." I knew that with absolute certainty. Not even Jasper would, not after what had transpired in the last few months. He still looked at me with guilt every time he saw me.

Charlie looked at me for what seemed like an awfully long time, then nodded. "Yeah. I believe you."

We both fell silent, each of us caught up in our own thoughts, starting at nothing. The pain came back at me like a battering ram, and the hole in my chest gaped wider and wider until my heart was engulfed by it, and my lungs could not function, being crushed by the darkness that expanded inside me.

Edward had left, Edward was gone – because of me. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as they fell on the phone and I jumped up, grabbing the receiver like a lifeline. "Edward," I croaked.

My father's head snapped up. "Call him." I felt stupid for not having thought of that sooner.

My fingers flew over the buttons as I dialed his cellphone. It rang six times and went to voice mail. There was no greeting, only a beep. I spoke rapidly as big, fat tears streamed down my face. "Edward, please...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please call me back. I need you, Edward, only you. I was wrong, and I'm so sorry. I love you. Always. Please, Edward." I started crying in earnest and my throat closed up. Charlie took the receiver from me, gently prying my fingers off the plastic.

"Edward, this is Charlie. Please call the house as soon as you get this message. Bella needs you. And for what it's worth...I'm sorry, too." He hung up the phone and gently pulled me into his arms.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's go." Charlie dragged me into the hallway, grabbing his keys from the bowl on the table.

As he opened the front door, the phone rang. I spun around and ran into the kitchen, my fingers closing around the receiver and holding it to my ear. "Edward?"

A bell-like voice chimed through the phone. "I'm afraid not, Bella. Can you come over? It's important."

I babbled into the phone. "Where is he, Alice? Is he at home?"

"I'm so sorry, Bella. He's..."

"He's gone, isn't he?" I croaked as the hole in my chest blew wide open and I crumbled to the ground. The receiver fell from my hands.

"Bella? Bella?" I heard Alice's voice frantically calling my name but I couldn't move. Through a fog, I heard Charlie step into the kitchen, picking up the phone. I clung to his voice as my arms folded around my chest, trying to hold myself together.

"This is Charlie. Who's this?" Pause. "Alice, what the hell is going on?" Pause. "We were on our way over just now." Pause. "Okay, we'll be there as soon as possible."

He hung up the phone again, and pulled me off the floor. "Come on, Bella," he said gently. "We'll get it all sorted out. Alice invited us over. They are waiting for us."

"Edward's gone, he's gone," I whispered brokenly.

Charlie exhaled. "Yes, Bells. He left town early this morning, Alice said. Don't cry, honey. There's still hope. Come on, let's drive over there."

He carried me to the cruiser, put me in the passenger seat and strapped me in. A few seconds later, he got into the car himself and we were driving towards my destiny.

The whole way there, I revisited the last few months in my mind, going in circles over everything that had happened. The stress, the fears, the anguish in his eyes. A few things stood out with great clarity.

The first time I had driven off to visit Jacob, against Edward's explicit warning not to do so. The way Edward had looked when I came home that night, the tension and fear and anguish in his eyes when I asked him if he was jealous. Now that I thought about it, he hadn't denied his jealousy, not in so many words. He'd insisted that all he _cared_ about was my safety. Did that mean that he _was_ jealous after all?

The tears fell.

The times he had dropped me off at the boundary line so I could visit Jacob, anxiety and agony in his eyes, though I could see that he'd tried to hide it from me. I had seen, but I had ignored it, too busy trying to keep my friend, instead of worrying over how Edward might feel.

I cried harder.

The night in the tent when he had to allow Jacob to climb into the sleeping bag with me so I wouldn't freeze anymore, knowing he couldn't provide me with warmth himself. That must have killed him. He was always so protective, so intent on giving me anything and everything I needed, keeping me from harm in any way possible. To see his bitter enemy give me what Edward could not must have broken his heart.

That morning, I had let Jacob trick me into kissing him, in my misguided attempt to stop him from doing something foolish. Edward had to watch my betrayal in Jacob's mind, and see my shame laid out for the whole pack to see. And yet, he loved me still.

And then he had to watch me cry bitter tears over Jacob Black.

No wonder he had left me.

I sobbed into my hands.

How had I not seen this sooner?

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

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**A/N:** So, that is it... Bella has woken up, in more ways than one. Jacob Black lost his temper and phased in Bella's backyard. WTF was he thinking? Seth is all embarrassed, and Charlie knows the secret. What do you think will happen next? What will Bella do once she gets to the Cullens' house?

Reviews are an author's reward. Won't you leave one for me?


	4. These Lonely Roads

**Author's Note: **Many heartfelt thank yous to my lovely friend _**Bitter Shade**_, who so kindly reviewed the rough draft of this chapter, and gave me much to think about. Her support is invaluable to me - she keeps me straight. Many heartfelt thank yous to **_Bella's Executioner_** whose support, calming influence and steady supply of Edward pictures and mementos keeps the muse going. If you have time, check out the stories those two ladies have written here on FFn. You won't regret it.

This is the third full chapter. Edward is running away, on a lonely road to self-discovery. Deep in the national forest east of Seattle, he comes across something unexpected.

Some of you may wonder where his anger went. I promise, it's still there, and it will come out. There are snippets here and there in this chapter, but Edward is still in denial, sort of, and primarily blaming himself for the mess he's in. His thoughts are disjointed as he is slowly going just a little bit crazy.

Songlist: Muse - Starlight, Linkin Park - Easier to Run, Linkin Park - In Pieces, Kings of Leon - Use Somebody, Roxette - Must have been Love, The Fray - Ungodly hour

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer is the queen bee of all things Twilight, and these characters belong to her. I just play with them in my spare time. No copyright infringement is intended, and I sure as hell don't make any money from this.

Huge THANK YOUS to all that have reviewed, PM'd and giving me so much encouragement. I know some of you are terribly unhappy with Edward for running away again, but I must ask you - can you blame the guy? After having to endure the push and pull game that Bella played with him? He needs this time to come to terms with what happened, what he allowed to happen, and they both need to discover the requirement to communicate openly and honestly.

One more big **Thank You** to my dear husband who puts up with my sitting at the PC all night long, typing my fingers bloody.

**

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**3. These Lonely Roads**

_It's easier to run  
__Replacing this pain with something numb  
__It's so much easier to go  
__Than face all this pain here all alone  
__Something has been taken  
__From deep inside of me  
__A secret I've kept locked away  
__No one can ever see  
__Wounds so deep they never show  
__They never go away  
__Like moving pictures in my head  
__For years and years they've played_

_If I could change, I would  
__Take back the pain, I would  
__Retrace every wrong move I've made, I would  
__If I could  
__Stand up and take the blame, I would  
__If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would_

~ Linkin Park – Easier to Run ~

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I was running through the forests at top speed.

Leaving Forks, I was a complete and utter mess. My mind was going in a hundred different directions, all at once. Every cell in my body screamed for Bella, and her name fell from my lips continuously. I ran through the woods without thinking about my movements, or where I was going. When I broke out of the trees, I found myself on the edge of town. I stopped at the city limit sign for a moment, suppressing a sob. I ran my fingers over the weathered wood and the raised letters, announcing the town of Forks.

My true home.

My head was screaming to turn around. Go back, destroy the letter and never speak of it. She was likely still asleep. If I went back now, there was a good chance she'd never have to know that I left her once again.

I took a few steps in that direction.

My heart did not agree. It told me unmistakably that my time in Forks was over, that Bella deserved to be happy. Obviously, happiness could not be found with me. Why else would she have gone running to that despicable dog again and again? Why else would she have cried those hot and never-ending tears the night before? Why else would she have sighed _his_ name in her sleep?

And then there was that tiny voice in the back of my mind, taunting me, needling me.

_If she really loves you, she will come and find you_. _If she truly wants you, she will come after you_.

I didn't know who I was anymore. For nearly ninety years, I had remained the same, while the world around me changed. I'd drifted from one place to another as we moved every few years, and nothing held my interest, except the constant of my music and my journals. Surrounded by mated couples, the odd man out, I was adrift in a sea of loneliness, and yet I had never noticed it until Bella stumbled her way into my heart.

I'd fed when I was thirsty, I went to high school after high school, never questioning the emptiness, denying the melancholy that was gradually closing in and beginning to suffocate me. I'd followed the rules of my world, listening to the minds around me, helping to keep my family safe. Every day was the same. Monotonous. Never changing.

I knew no different then, and it hadn't bothered me. Or so I'd told myself.

I _very much_ knew differently now.

When Bella had come stumbling into that classroom on that fateful day, I'd experienced a change that rocked me to my core. And nothing would ever be the same again. I found beauty every day anew, wonder in the mundane details of her life, brilliance from the light that shone out of her expressive eyes.

And now I had lost it all, and what lay before me was darkness. Blackest night. For the rest of my existence.

_Oh Bella, my only love_.

The miles flew away under my feet. I was running southeast, putting as much distance as possible between me and my lost love. I ran without purpose, without knowledge of what lay ahead. I didn't precisely know where I was going – all I knew was what I was leaving behind.

The grief was overwhelming.

And I only had myself to blame.

The phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out to check the screen. Alice again. She had called me four times since I left, none of which I had answered. And then Carlisle had called. And Emmett. And Esme. I had ignored them all. It had now gotten to the point of being tiresome so I turned the phone off, making a mental note to turn it back on at some point later. I didn't want to be completely unreachable – this was my family after all, and while they should be okay without me, I didn't want to cut off all contact.

I wasn't in the mood to talk to Alice, however. She'd only attempt to convince me to turn around, to come back home. To stay, to hide the pain, to pretend that everything was fine, and that I wasn't dying inside.

But I was.

With each smile she gave _him_, each excuse she made for his outrageous behavior, never seeing how he was manipulating her, pulling her towards him, reeling her in with subtle reminders that she owed him, owed it to him to keep him in her life for those months he had kept her alive.

Because I hadn't. I had left her, thinking she'd get over me, knowing I never would stop loving her. I had cut her deeply, left her to bleed, and he stitched her up. Held her together. Healed some of the damage I'd inflicted upon her. How could I blame him for falling in love with her in the process? How could I blame her for loving him because he'd kept her sane while I was gone?

And though I had returned – no, that actually hadn't happened, had it? I hadn't actually _returned_, per se. No, that would have required intent, but at the time I'd left her, I'd had no intention of ever going back to Bella.

But during my time away, my the walls of my self-control had weakened and nearly dissolved, and I had been so close to returning to her, getting on my knees to earn her forgiveness.

Before I could give in to my selfishness, I'd received Rosalie's misguided phone call and run off to Italy, crazed out of my mind with grief, thinking Bella was dead, and asked the Volturi to kill me. I'd only come back to Forks because Bella had come after me to save me from certain death.

I thought back to the last few days I'd spent in the attic of a rickety tenement building in Brazil, keeping company with rats and other vermin, hallucinating, seeing Bella's smiling face every time I'd closed my eyes. I'd already been on my way back then, holding on to the last shreds of my self-control, willing myself to stay rooted in my spot on the dirty floor.

Truth was, time had been running out, and if Rosalie hadn't called, I would likely have been making my way back to Forks in the next day or two. I'd been miserable beyond description. As it were, I'd run all the way to Mexico once before, about five months into our separation, before stopping myself and returning to South America, knowing I couldn't go back, knowing that she deserved to live happily, free from danger.

I laughed mirthlessly. Free from danger – what a fucking joke. She'd been in even more danger after we left, thanks to a vengeful vampire and her minions. And I'd been wallowing in misery instead of guarding her, like I should have.

All I had achieved by leaving her was pushing her towards a bunch of immature wolves, and the repercussions of that were what put me on this lonely road I was on now.

_Just admit it, Edward. You don't deserve her. You never did. _

The ragged hole that was my heart during that horrid time of separation had only grown bigger with each passing minute, and it hadn't closed up until the moment I'd felt her in my arms in that alley in Volterra. I wasn't whole unless I was holding her, touching her, feeling her skin on mine in some fashion.

I'd never be whole again now.

My arrogant, insipid insistence that we should all leave after that disastrous birthday party had brought all this on. If only I hadn't left her the first time. If only I'd stuck around, worked through my fears, my insecurities. But I wasn't worthy of her, I'd known that all along.

Bella wasn't afraid of Jasper after what he'd done. She was concerned only for me at the time. The two days after, while I'd come to terms with my decision to leave her, had been excruciating for me. The timid ways she looked at me, my expression dark, my demeanor distant. I had distanced myself from her in preparation of saying goodbye. She had known, and she had tried so desperately to hold on to me.

And then I'd taken her just up the path behind her father's house and told her I didn't want her.

And she had believed me. I'd seen it in her eyes when they changed from fearful, anxious to flat. The light that shone out of them just a moment ago had been snuffed out.

By me. By my words.

I'd never felt this much pain until that moment when she whispered back to me.

"You...don't...want me?" Her voice had sounded full of anguish, her face had been contorted in pain and confusion.

It had taken all my strength to force out that one word.

"No."

And to my utter surprise, she'd believed. When I saw her accept this most blasphemous of lies I'd died all over again. Not even the agony of my transformation could compare to the infernal flames that burned me where I'd stood when she'd stared at me with wide, dead eyes and believed that I didn't want her.

Like that was even anywhere close to the realm of possibility.

I'd almost destroyed her then. Would she feel differently now? Had I made the right decision this time?

I should have stayed.

I had promised to never leave again.

I should go back.

I needed to go back right now.

Why did I leave her again? What was I doing, running away from the best thing that had ever happened to me? The one I loved beyond reason, beyond the end of time? What was I running from?

My legs slowed down out of their own volition until I was merely walking.

Oh, right. She deserved to be happy. She obviously wasn't happy with just me. And I was tired of sharing.

My legs sped up again.

I passed Mt. Rainier, its white peak winking from a distance to my right, then turned north towards the wide expanse of National Forests that lay east of Seattle. I'd been running for six straight hours, staying in the woods as much as possible. I'd crossed I-5 somewhere south of Olympia, at top speed to avoid detection. I-90 lay ahead, and I'd do the same there. Once I made it across, the rest of the way north was lined by the peaks and valleys of the various National Parks around that area.

I ran.

Then I ran some more.

Along the way my thoughts drifted to our early days. The first time I'd met her, when her luscious scent had nearly bowled me over, and the beast inside had clamored for her blood. I could recall with perfect clarity the emotions that displayed on her face. The shock, the fear, the confusion as our eyes met, and I saw the monster reflected back at me in those deep chocolate pools.

I hadn't known that I had that much strength to resist her that day, to resist the call of her blood. Only my plotting the violent demise of the other children in the room in a hundred different ways, planning how to kill them and her, to get to her blood, and the disappointed face of my sire had kept me from speaking the words to make her follow me out of the room, to take her away and drain her, gorge myself on the precious blood that flowed through her veins.

I'd fled then, too, shaken to my core. I'd driven to Denali like a maniac, running from what I perceived to be a demon straight out of hell that had come to shatter my peaceful, boring existence.

It was an odd pattern, I supposed, that running away business. When things became too tough, too much for me to handle, I tended to run.

Which was exactly what I was doing now.

I was running away. Like a damn coward. Carlisle had been right. This didn't solve anything. I slowed down minutely, spun around and started running the other way, back to where I'd come. After a few miles, I stopped.

I couldn't go back.

I wanted to.

But I couldn't.

The memory of the tears she had cried prevented me. I was so angry, I'd been so wounded by her actions. And even without that reason, by now she'd be awake, she'd have read the letter I left for her, and she'd hate me for leaving her again. She'd never forgive me for breaking my promise. I'd surely broken her for good this time.

My mind pictured her face when she woke and saw my letter, her expression full of hate and anger and pain.

I sank to the ground and buried my face in my hands. I'd really lost her now. Oh God, what had I done? I'd been so sure I was doing right by her for once, giving her up to _him. _All those tears she had cried had convinced me that relinquishing her was the right thing, the noble thing to do.

Was it really?

I tried to convince myself that my heart was in the right place when I'd made my decision. Then I scoffed. My heart? What heart? That organ had long been silenced, frozen inside my body, a lump of stone inside the chest of a monster, vile creature that I was.

_If that is the case, then why do you feel pain_? _Why are you so anguished_?

There it was, that nagging voice in the back of my mind. Well, one of them. There was that other one, the one that chastised me for running again.

_What kind of man leaves her after promising never to do that again_? _What kind of man runs away after asking for her hand in marriage_?

And then there was that third one chiming in, the one that had convinced me to give her up.

_She'll be happier with the mutt. She deserves to be happy. This way, she won't have to cry over him anymore_.

_Maybe so. But now she'll be crying over losing you, fool_.

_She won't cry for long. She'll get over it quickly. All indications were that she was pining for him. Why else would she constantly forgive him, and keep running to him?_

_Well, perhaps you didn't make yourself clear enough. Have you thought of that? When did you tell her how much it pained you that she spent time with him? When did you tell her that you were jealous?_

_Never. I would never tell her that. How could I? She deserves to see him. He's the one who kept her alive while I was gone._

_You're the one she loves, you idiot._

_She loves him, too._

_Not like she loves you. She chose to spend the rest of her existence with you. She wants to be changed for you. She agreed to marry you. _

_You were so close to reaching everything you ever wanted. And then what did you do? You ran away again._

_Fool._

_Moron._

_You don't deserve her._

I was losing my mind, arguing with myself. I missed her so much already, and it had only been a few hours since I'd left her, sleeping in her room. Her incomparable scent was still in my nose.

I couldn't go back, I didn't dare. I couldn't face her again, not after what I had done. My righteous indignation had long evaporated. The rant in my room, in front of my sisters and Esme, embarrassed me now. How could I have let myself go like that? Blurt out all these private thoughts, this most personal pain?

I felt ashamed, not only for the way I had ranted, but also for the way I had left, sneering into Carlisle's face when he'd tried to convince me to stay, to think it over some more, to see reason.

The pain, the multiple times she'd hurt me had overpowered everything else, and all I'd been able to think of was to get away from it, far away from the anguish and the agony.

The anguish of having to let him hold her in that sleeping bag atop the mountain.

The agony of having to watch him kiss her and seeing her respond in kind. I wanted to kiss her that way, _I_ wanted to passionately claim her lips, have her open her mouth to mine and tangle my tongue with hers. Hold her as tightly as he had held her. Worship her body with my hands and my lips. Make love to her. Immerse myself within her. Claim her mind, her body and her soul. Make her truly mine in every way that mattered.

And I couldn't and it hurt. It had hurt so badly when I'd found her in the tent, her face pressed to the floor, her cheeks streaked with tears. My heart had been ripped into two jagged pieces when she'd thrown herself at me and professed to love me more than she loved him.

What choice had I? I forgave her because my love for her transcended everything else. Only she mattered, only her happiness was what I was living for.

What would I live for now? I couldn't go back, not after I'd left her again. I didn't deserve her. I never had.

So I ran again.

North this time, on my previous path.

I passed the border into Canada later that afternoon when I came across a familiar scent. The two friends Jasper had kept since his time with Maria, the very ones we hadn't been able to get hold of to aid us in our fight against the newborns, Peter and Charlotte, seemed to have passed through this area, their trail but an hour old.

I hadn't seen them since that time they had visited Jasper nearly eighteen months ago, shortly before I'd declared myself to Bella, when I'd still been waffling between wanting to claim her as mine and running away from the call of her blood. I was already deeply in love with her then, and had finally admitted those feelings to myself.

I'd been very standoffish during their visit. Neither of them adhered to our diet and I'd been worried to the extreme that they might come across Bella by accident, though Alice had assured me she'd be fine. Nevertheless, I'd been watching over here the entire time, the sun preventing me from attending school on those days, but I'd been like a ghost in the trees, stalking her while she was at school, watching her with that ridiculous Newton boy, seeing the sadness in her face when she looked over towards our table during lunch. I'd followed her through the thoughts of the children in her classrooms, delighted every time I'd caught a glimpse of her face in their minds. I'd been watching her in her backyard where she'd enjoyed the rare sun, reading one of her beloved books, and dreaming, mumbling my name in her sleep.

I hadn't known at the time that she was already in love with me, that she already knew my secret. When Peter and Charlotte left, I'd followed Bella to Port Angeles, staying in the shadows, thinking she'd be safe with her two friends, shopping for dresses for the spring dance.

How wrong I'd been. When was Bella ever safe? If it wasn't a vampire after her, thirsting for her blood or wanting to end her life, it had been the vilest of humans, the bottom dwellers, the sick, sadistic, despicable men, wanting to do unspeakable things to her body.

I still remembered the fury I'd felt, driving up to her in a panic as she stood surrounded by those men, ordering her into the car, and wanting nothing more at that moment than to end their pathetic existence, rid humanity of these most deranged and evil creatures. I didn't want their blood, I just wanted them dead. I'd refrained from killing because I didn't want to become a murderer in front of Bella and deserve her even less, and because her safety and well-being was ever more important. I had let them live, though Carlisle and I had gone back to at least turn the leader of their small group over to the authorities. He already had a warrant out for his arrest, and when I'd followed up on him, I'd been glad to see that he'd been extradited to Texas where after his trial, he'd received the death penalty.

On the way home, after I'd taken Bella to dinner, she had revealed to me that she knew what I was. A vampire. And to my utter astonishment and complete shock, she'd told me that she didn't care. She didn't care what I was, and that I could kill her with a flick of my wrist. She didn't care that I drank blood, she didn't care that I killed animals on a regular basis and that I'd killed people before.

She didn't care that my skin was cold, that my body was frozen, that my lips turned hers blue when we kissed for too long. She loved me despite what I was, for _who_ I was.

I'd wanted to know everything about her. She was already the most important thing to me, the most important thing ever. Nothing had ever captured my attention like she had, nothing had ever felt so glorious, so uplifting than knowing that she returned the overwhelming feelings I had for her.

When I kissed her for the first time, I'd felt like a man, overcome by the sensation of her soft mouth pressed against my unyielding lips, her hot hands buried in my hair and her luscious body pressed against me. The emotions and desires invoked by her willing touch, by her silky skin brushing against mine had been overwhelming.

And the monster had reared its ugly head as I'd inhaled her scent and it had taken nearly all my strength to beat him back down. But I had succeeded. The evil demon had been kept at bay, never to break free again.

Love had overpowered the beast and tamed him, muzzled him. I was putty in her delicate hands, and there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. Whatever she asked, whatever she wanted, I would give.

Except for changing her and taking her soul. And no matter how hard I'd fought against her on that point, I'd finally given into my selfishness and planned to grant her that one thing she'd ever asked for.

How I had relished those early days. Love was utterly new to me. Sure, I felt love towards my family, our unorthodox diet allowing us to form much closer family bonds than a regular coven, but this was being _in_ love, and it was all so new and exciting. I'd never experienced these feelings before, had never loved anyone the way I loved Bella, and the bond I'd formed with her was unbreakable.

I'd known from the start that this change I'd gone through would alter me for the rest of my existence. There was no going back. Vampire love was eternal and once I'd found my mate, I was in love for the rest of time. Nothing would change that.

Not even my running away.

The scent trail got stronger as I ran, wondering if they were hunting. I needed to be careful as I certainly didn't want to come across them while they were stalking their next meal. I wasn't afraid that they would attack me; I'd known them for long enough. They came by on occasion, catching up with Jasper and Alice, every few years. In the past fifty years, they'd been to our various homes at least ten times.

I wasn't sure why I was following them, actually, what possessed me to pursue their trail. I didn't hear any humans around which seemed to indicate that they weren't hunting. I began to hear their thoughts after another mile. Hunting was farthest from their minds at that moment as they were engaged in the vampiric mating ritual that I had for so long denied Bella and myself. I froze in place.

This was obviously a very inopportune time to catch up with them, not that I would know what to say anyway, so I turned around and ran back until I could no longer hear them. I found a wide rock to sit on and pulled my backpack off. Rummaging inside, I found my journal and a pen, deciding to put my thoughts to paper and document my journey so far.

_Journal Entry - Edward Cullen - June 18, 2006_

_How many miles have I put between Bella and myself by now? I can't say with certainty, as I am not following the roads. I can't decide whether to keep running or whether I should turn around and go back to her, beg her on my knees to forgive me once more. Part of me is afraid of what I might find, were I to return. Another part is telling me to keep going, as there is nothing left for me in Forks. _

_Forks._

_The one place I'll ever call home. Though that is not quite true – home is wherever Bella happens to be. I've never felt home anywhere in the world, in none of the many places I have lived these nearly ninety years. _

_Home used to have a connotation to my human life – home was my mother and father, the scent of freshly baked apple pie, my childhood home, my bedroom, dinner with my parents, my mother's beautiful smile, my father's eyes when they looked upon me with pride. Those memories, murky as they may be to me in this life, are what I considered home for a very long time._

_And just as long I've known that one can never go home again. _

_The word has quite a different meaning since meeting and falling in love with Bella. _

_Home is where the heart is. Such a clichéd saying, but for me it is true. My heart is still with her and will always be, and thus I have no home, not while I'm living without her. _

_And though I made the choice again to leave, it feels as though it was made for me, as if I truly didn't have a choice this time. I felt compelled, as usual, to give her what she needed, and her tears convinced me that she needed him more than she needs me. _

_I don't know if that is truly the case, though. I never gave her the chance to express her wishes, her desires to me after that night. Have I made yet another egregious mistake by leaving her? Should I have given her the chance to explain to me those hot and heavy tears? _

_I wonder what she's doing now? Has she read my letter yet? Has she once again fallen apart at my leaving or is her heart relieved that I took the preemptive move? Has she gone to him yet? Is he gloating now?_

_I cannot hate him because he loves her, and I could never hate what loves Bella, but I despise him for his actions, for his manipulations of her. He may be young but he is cunning, and he used whatever means he could to draw her away from me, used her guilt and selflessness against her and made her feel obligated towards him._

_And while I despise him, I must assign some of the fault for the situation to Bella. She is usually so perceptive, seeing through me on more than one occasion, yet she never saw what he was doing to her, to us. A part of me is so very angry with her, for letting him do that to us. How could she not have seen what he was doing? How could she not see how she was hurting me? I have no answers at this point, only anger and pain. I don't know if these questions will ever be answered. _

_Still, I also can't deny that the reason for their friendship lies in my leaving last fall. I left her broken and he patched her up. How can I fault either one of them for building the relationship they have? How can I fault him for falling in love with her, when that was so easy to do?_

_I don't know how she truly feels about him. I can't read her mind, and while that has been cause for some consternation in the past, it has never been more important than now that I know, see for myself, how she really feels. Her mind is closed off, her thoughts private, and I never know what she is thinking, what she is really processing. I know she edits. She's never as forthcoming as I'd like her to be, always holding part of herself back, as though she is afraid that if I were to see what she's truly thinking I'd be upset or offended or put off. _

_As if I could ever be angry with her. _

_And yet, this time, I suppose I am. She should have seen what he was doing, should have noticed that he was driving a wedge between us, piercing the ties of our bond, and ripping it at the seams. _

_I wonder sometimes if she is not sure of my love for her. That might explain some of her reactions, and could possibly be the reason for why she kept running back to him. I left her once, after all. Perhaps, my words and my actions since our reunion this past spring have not been convincing enough._

_Certainly, the recent stress and fear when Victoria loosened her newborn army upon us didn't help in the matter._

_But what else could I have done? I've been with her as much as possible, spent nearly every night in her room, watching her sleep in my arms, denying myself sustenance for as long as possible just so she wouldn't be alone. _

_I told her every day how much I love her. _

_I've kept her safe._

_I killed a sentient creature for her and allowed her to see me at my worst. _

_And none of it mattered, it seems._

_I don't seem to be too accomplished at having and sustaining this type of relationship. I wonder if that is an acquired skill, but when I look at the mated couples in my family, none of them seem to have any of the problems I have encountered while loving Bella. Is it because she is human? Carlisle fell in love with Esme when he met her when she was only sixteen. If he had pursued a relationship with her then, would he have encountered the same kinds of pitfalls Bella and I have seen? Was it wise of him to wait for her until she was in a position where it came down to changing her or letting her die? _

_A similar thing happened with Rosalie when she found Emmett, barely alive. She carried him for miles to Carlisle to save him. Would she have been able to take his life away if he had not been on the brink of death?_

_For as many injuries as Bella has sustained in the time I've known her, none of them were life-threatening. I saved her after she was bitten by James, and if I'm truly honest with myself, I sucked out his venom not only to keep her human, but also because I couldn't bear to have _his_ venom poison her. _

_I can't visualize a situation where I would allow another to change her into one of us. No, if she is to change at all, I desperately want it to be my venom that turns her blood viscous and initiates the transformation. _

_Perhaps it is like Esme said – that matters of the heart cannot be explained or understood, but only experienced. And that one has to learn from those experiences. She told me to talk to Bella, as has Alice, but I oftentimes feel that words fail me when I am with her, and that I cannot express how I feel. In Bella's presence, I am often reduced to a fumbling seventeen year old boy. I worry that I might seem too forward if I were to tell her what feeling course through me when I gaze upon her, and imagine the rest of time with her. _

_I feel that I have to protect her innocence, that it is improper to speak of such things, to tell her how much I want to touch her in the most intimate of places and make love to her as a man does to a woman. I cannot bring myself to speak the words, and yet I can see it in her eyes that she wants me to say them. _

_I've seen the pain of rejection on her face too many times to count. What is it that kept holding me back from making those fantasies come true? She's so very fragile, and every cell in my body is adverse to hurting her in any way. She is like thin glass, covered by spun silk, and a simple touch, applied to harshly and without thought, could break her. My deep-seated fear of hurting her has prevented me from giving her the most basic of pleasures, always worried that my passion, once unleashed, might get me carried away, and in a moment of inattention inadvertently break her bones. I could not live with myself if I ever hurt her. She knows that – doesn't she? _

_She has never understood how very careful I have to be with her, every second of every minute of every day. There is no such concern with _him_. Though _he_ is much stronger than she, he is still, to some measure, human. With him, she'll never have to be covered in a blanket when she lies in his arms. With him, her tongue can slip past his teeth without worries that she might cut herself. With him, she can have the children that I cannot give her. _

_Should I have stayed? Should I have attempted to at least explain myself, and give her the chance to tell me goodbye? Without knowing her mind I cannot ascertain that she would speak the truth from her heart, yet I must ask myself who I am protecting with my leaving. _

_I thought I was being noble but with the distance currently between us, I can't help but wonder if I ran away because I was afraid she would reject me upon waking after crying so many tears. And I can't help but ask myself if I ran to protect myself, to salvage what is left of my broken heart. _

_I have known worse pain, I have felt unimaginable anguish; the grief that drove me nearly insane when I thought she was dead is branded into my very being. But losing her again, losing her like this, comes close to matching that pain. _

_Tennyson comes to mind, but I am not sure if I can agree with him. I don't know at this juncture if it is truly better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. If I still were ignorant of what it means to love, to put another's needs above one's own - would I be better off? I might not be in such anguish now, had I never met her, but how can I deny that she has made me a better man? How can I deny that my love for her made me reach inside myself and find strength and compassion I never knew I had? How can I deny that, for as short as the time may be, I felt more joy than ever before, felt more worthy and loved than I ever imagined to feel? _

_Therefore, I must admit with certainty that I will never regret loving Bella, no matter how much pain it causes me down the road. _

_Yet, I cannot remain in limbo. I must know how she truly feels. I cannot live without her - I know that as well. Will the rest of my time on this earth be spent merely existing, an empty, hollow shell of myself?_

_Her actions in the past months seem to indicate that being with me is not enough for her, that I am not all she needs, as she has claimed in the past. My possessive nature does not allow me to continuously share her affection, not in that way. I can share her with her father, and I have no compunction about sharing her with my family, but I simply cannot bear to share her with _him_. I must know whether she loves me as deeply and as irrevocably as I love her._

_So, perhaps that is the reason for my journey now. I know that Alice will see where I am going, and if there is a chance that Bella still wants me, Alice will help her find me. _

_I want to go home. _

_But I've made my choice, I suppose, and you can't go home again._

_oo~~oo_

I put the journal away when I heard Peter and Charlotte approach cautiously. They'd caught my scent as they retraced their steps from their private hide-out.

"The scent is familiar," Peter told Charlotte as she nodded. "It's Edward Cullen."

"Yes," she agreed, sniffing the air. "He seems to be alone."

"Hunting far off their usual range, it seems," Peter mused. "Let's be careful."

I suppressed a groan as his thoughts veered off to wonder if I'd changed my diet. I remained in my spot and let them come to me, preparing myself for a little light-hearted conversation, swallowing the feelings of despair and pain and anger that were currently coursing through me. They cleared the last few trees separating us and stopped several feet away from where I was perched atop the rock.

"Peter, Charlotte," I nodded a greeting, my expression friendly and calm.

"Edward," Peter answered. "How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. How have you both been?"

"We are content," Charlotte supplied. "How are Jasper and Alice and the rest of your family?"

"They are all doing very well. Have you plans to visit?" I saw the answer forming before I heard it out loud.

"Not in the immediate future, no,"Peter answered. "We are moving in that direction though. We were hoping to reconnect with Jasper towards the end of the year, perhaps."

I nodded. "I'm sure he'd like that very much. You know you are always welcome."

Charlotte looked at me with interest and pondered the difference in my countenance versus what she remembered from the previous time. Little did she realize, that I was faking the calm facade that had greeted them.

"Forgive my forwardness, but what are you doing here? When we saw you last, you seemed...preoccupied, shall we say?" Her thoughts again turned to our last meeting, and my standoffish behavior.

"I apologize," I said with a small wave of my hand. "I'm aware I was remiss the last time you visited, and I hope you didn't take offense as none was intended. I'm actually only traveling through this area."

"No worries," Peter said easily, silently considering my answer and wondering why I was so far from home. "Jasper explained your reasons afterwards. We haven't spoken to him in nearly a year, but the last time we talked he said you all were still in Forks, and you were seeing the human girl that occupied your time during our previous visit. That you bonded with her as your mate. Fascinating, truly – to fall in love with one of them. Is she still alive, then?" Internally, he wondered if the reason for my being there was because I had killed her and was on the run. I bristled at the thought and the insinuation of it, especially considering that he had fallen in love with his own mate whilst she was human. Though only barely. Charlotte had been in the midst of her transformation when Peter chanced upon her, and fell for her instantly. That seemed to be the prevalent theme amongst vampires – I'd been exceptionally thickheaded not to recognize my own feelings for what they were.

"Yes, she is still alive."

There was wonder in their eyes and thoughts.

"Have you not turned her yet?"

"No," I said sharply as I fought back the pain that suddenly sprung up at Peter's question, and struggled to lower my voice to a softer tone. "Not yet."

It wasn't likely to happen now, not after what had transpired in the last few weeks.

"Why ever not?" Charlotte questioned. "Are you not concerned about the Volturi finding out?"

"They already know," I admitted darkly before I could stop myself, and Charlotte gasped in horror, and I tried to change the subject. "It's a long story, and perhaps now isn't the time to tell that story. Jasper actually tried to contact you a few weeks ago, but was unable to do so. Sporadic phone service, I presume. We've had quite a few weeks of excitement lately."

They both looked at me with curiosity. "That's an even longer story," I added with a shrug.

Charlotte glanced at Peter and he returned her gaze. Both of them were in agreement, unspoken as it was common between mates. "We have time," Peter said for both of them. "We were unaware that Jasper has been looking for us. We've been meaning to contact him but didn't have a chance yet."

They both looked at me expectantly. I shrugged again, and internally chastised myself for saying too much. Oh, well. Too late now. And part of me _wanted_ to talk about Bella. "Very well. I suppose it's best to start at the very beginning. Jasper has told you about my falling in love?" They nodded. "And you already know that she's human. What you may not know is that the scent of her blood calls to me like no other. I'm sure you've heard of the phenomenon of a singer?" Another nod from both of them as their eyes widened with the questions that my statement prompted.

"But you all abstain from drinking human blood, do you not?" Peter asked. "I've often wondered if that peculiar diet is what caused you all to fall for humans. Jasper has told us some of the stories about Carlisle and Rosalie, and how they found their mates, both of whom were human at the time." I somewhat resented his attitude and his smugness behind his question.

"Perhaps," I acknowledged with a slight shrug of my shoulders. "But you forget two important facts with that assumption. Alice has never tasted human blood, and she fell in love with a vampire. And you yourself, Peter, not adhering to our diet of animal blood, you fell in love with a human, too."

He stared at me in shock, stuttering in indignation as Charlotte laughed. "Point taken, Edward," she smiled. Peter joined in as soon as he recovered.

"I never thought of it that way, I suppose, but you're right. She was, at the time, still human." He bent over and kissed her cheek as she grasped his hand and squeezed it.

"Tell us more," Charlotte prompted. "If she's your singer, how on earth did you resist her?"

"It wasn't easy," I said with a smile. "Upon first meeting her, it took every bit of control I had not to jump her and drain her right there. Since we met in a classroom full of children, I had a bit more incentive to let her live. The pain was horrible, the fire in my throat nearly unbearable. But I resisted. And as soon as I could, I fled," I explained, just a little bit of pride in my tone. "I stayed away for a week, and convinced myself that one measly human, a girl at that, was not going to keep me away from my family. So I went back to Forks, went back to school and endured her scent whenever she was near. I talked to her on occasion, just to get a feel for her. I can't _hear_ her, you know. Not at all. Not one bit. I had no idea what she was thinking."

"That must have been quite a shock," Peter said wistfully. "We of course know of your talent. How did you manage to be in her vicinity?"

"I hunted more than usual, naturally. It helped, though for a long time, the taste of deer was hard to stomach." I chuckled and they joined in. "Shortly before you came to visit last year, she was nearly crushed to death in front of me. Her blood would have been spilled, and I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if I had let that happen. So I saved her. Pushed her out of the way of the van that was headed for her." I was revealing much more than I should, some of it not completely truthful, but I knew their loyalties were with Jasper, and as he was my brother, they extended that courtesy to me. It actually felt really good to tell my story which surprised me. I wasn't usually prone to revealing my private life. And they weren't _my_ close friends. Come to think of it, the only one I really ever shared my innermost feelings with was Alice. She understood me like no other. She was my closest friend, my confidante.

And it suddenly occurred to me that I'd never really told anyone my side of our story. Alice saw most of it in her visions, so we never really talked about much of anything, as I saw what she had seen, and she intuitively understood me.

The bits and pieces I had shared with _him_ in the tent surely didn't count. That had been a means to an end, a misguided attempt to make him understand that I loved Bella like no other, and that he should stop pursuing her.

Needless to say, he hadn't listened to a word I'd said.

"You revealed yourself to her?" Charlotte gasped and brought me back to the presence.

I shook my head. "No, not the way you're thinking. I sprinted across the parking lot, but she was the only one who saw me. I didn't realize it at first, but she's exceptionally observant. She knew there was something different about me, about us, but I wasn't thinking of that when I pulled her out of the way. All I could think of was that I didn't want her to die."

"You already loved her then, didn't you?" Charlotte said softly, intuitively.

I nodded, grateful for her understanding. "Yes," I answered quietly, "though I didn't know it at the time. It took Alice to point it out to me. We had quite the family argument afterwards. Alice's visions waffled for a while between Bella's death and Bella becoming one of us, until the latter became firm. I wasn't too fond of either idea, so I tried my best to stay away from her, ignoring her, ignoring the feelings that were mounting in me. It didn't take long for me to cave. There was no denying her. When you came to visit that spring, and I do apologize for treating you so badly, I had not yet revealed my true nature to her. And in the end, I didn't have to. She figured it out, all on her own."

"How unusual," Peter mused. "How did she manage that?"

"She heard some local stories. There's a small tribe of natives that we have a treaty with, and one of their young ones told her some of their old stories, not really believing in them, just trying to impress her. He was a fool, but he didn't know any different, didn't take the stories seriously. She pieced it together after that. Went online, did some research. The day you left, I saved her once again. She went to Port Angeles with some friends, separated and somehow got lost. She was followed by some very unsavory humans. Suffice it to say I interrupted their intentions for her before she could get hurt." My eyes narrowed with the fury of that memory as their eyes widened. "I drove her home that night. On the way, she told me that she knew what I am."

They were speechless. Their thoughts revolved around one thing – how was she not afraid? How did she dare get into a car with me, knowing I was a vampire? _Why_ wasn't she running from me?

"No sense of self-preservation," I chuckled in answer. "She attracts danger in all forms."

Charlotte recovered first. "I don't think that's the reason, Edward," she mused. "Humans instinctively realize that they should be afraid of us."

"Oh, but I disagree," I said quickly, laughing quietly. "She really _is_ a danger magnet. At the time, I was furious. Here I had extended considerable self-control to not kill her, and she gets in the car with me, knowing I was a vampire. A blood-drinker. She explained to me that her friend had told her we weren't supposed to be dangerous because of our diet, and then she said she'd decided that she didn't care what I was. It completely floored me. I had no idea what to do with her. Part of me wanted to shake some sense into her, and another part was suddenly hopeful that there was something there, that she perhaps returned my feelings. I took a chance, I guess."

Peter still couldn't understand how I resisted the call of her blood. "I'm sorry, Edward, I just don't see how you were able to not kill her."

"I _love_ her," I spat, "it's as simple as that." Peter became aggravated at my sudden change in tone, and Charlotte laid a soothing hand on his arm.

"Sorry," he forced out though he didn't really understand how he had offended me.

I calmed myself. "I apologize for snapping at you," I said formally. "It is not my intent to offend you in any way. I can empathize with your lack of understanding, but perhaps you can see it from my point of view. I love Bella, and I could never hurt her. Not intentionally. I am aware every moment I spend with her of how very fragile she is, and I continue to exert an extreme amount of caution and control around her." He pondered that for a moment, wondering if I was able to touch her at all without breaking her bones, but remained silent. For a moment, his thoughts drifted to the time he had spent with Maria and Jasper during the aftermath of the southern wars, and realized that not once had he thought of touching a human tenderly and carefully.

Charlotte smiled encouragingly, unaware of her mate's thoughts, so I continued.

"I introduced her to the family. She was scared to meet them – not because we are vampires, but she thought they might not like her." I chuckled.

Peter laughed out loud. "Are you pulling my leg? She willingly walked into a house full of our kind?"

I nodded. "Yes. Danger magnet, remember?" Amusement sparkled in their eyes.

"Tell us more," Charlotte prompted again. "How did Jasper fare?" They both knew his story, his struggles, so the question was not unwarranted. I had a surge of pride for my brother.

"He thought I had lost my mind, but he was in perfect control at all times, and both he and Alice have been very supportive. That same night, we were out playing baseball. Well, of course, Bella sat that one out. She refereed with Esme," I said, my mood turning somber as I remembered that fateful night. "That night, there was a group of nomads, three of them, that happened across our game. We made introductions, and when they realized we had a human with us, Carlisle told them unmistakably that Bella was with us. They all understood that she wasn't to be touched. Bella would have been in no danger, had it not been for one of them." I fell silent and glared at nothing in particular. Charlotte reached out towards my hand that was resting on the rock. She was too far away to touch me, but the gesture's meaning was clear. She had picked up quickly on my mood change, and exchanged a quick glance with Peter.

"What happened? This appears to be very upsetting to you," Peter queried. I locked eyes with him. He knew just as well as I did that our laws discouraged killing another vampire without prior provocation. In James' case, we certainly had been provoked when he took my mate.

"Long story short, he was a tracker who liked to play sadistic games. When I stepped protectively in front of Bella in the baseball clearing, he decided then and there that he would hunt her. He had recognized our protective stance towards her and decided that he would make a game of it. Jasper and Alice took Bella to Phoenix, while we tried to chase him down. His mate helped him. The third member of their coven went to Denali, wanting nothing to do with James' game. We lost James' tracks near Canada, and flew to Phoenix to reunite with Bella, based on a vision Alice had of him showing up there. He got there first, lured Bella to a location she was familiar with under the pretense of holding her mother. She got away from Jasper and Alice somehow and met him there. He..." I took a deep breath as I began to shake from the memories. "He bit her, we killed him, and I sucked out the venom from her wound."

There was utter silence in their minds for a full minute. Neither of them could form a clear thought at what they'd just heard. They recovered eventually, and Peter asked the question I'd known would follow. "You did what? Am I supposed to believe that you drank from her and stopped before you killed her?"

I simply nodded.

"There's no way," he said with authority. "I don't believe you."

"Believe it," I said forcefully. "Call Jasper if you need confirmation. He was there. He helped taking care of the sadistic one, and he walked right past Bella where she lay, bleeding and broken." I couldn't help but express the pride I felt for my brother at that moment. They both stared at me in surprise.

"He walked past her?" he stammered. "_How...no, I don't believe him. Not Jasper. There's no way_."

"He loves her, too," I said, looking at them meaningfully, "my whole family does. She has become an integral part of us, and all of us would do whatever it takes to keep her safe."

I wasn't actually worried that they would ever come across Bella outside of Forks. On the rare occasion of a visit from them to Jasper, who was really the only reason we ever saw the two of them, they wouldn't dare hunt in our territory, but though the chance was minute, I felt an urgent need to bring home the point that Bella wasn't to be touched.

In hindsight, it was fate that drove me to speak those words, though I didn't know it at the time.

I continued to tell the story in as few words as possible, touching only very briefly on the long separation that began after Bella's birthday and ended with her rescuing me from certain death in Italy. Both Peter and Charlotte saw the anguish in my face when I spoke of that dark period of time, and with a glance, both decided that it seemed appropriate to not ask any further questions. Soon, I was recounting the story of Victoria and the newborn minions she assimilated.

"I tracked her as far as Texas before I lost her trail," I told them. "She was cunning, and seemed to have a talent for evading capture. I can't be sure, but I have wondered lately if she ran into Maria, or someone affiliated with her, who gave her the idea to create an army of newborns. The size of her force was formidable, and we were guided by Alice's visions as much as possible, though Victoria seemed to know how to use them against Alice, because we didn't get a clear picture until shortly before it all came to a head. That's when Jasper tried to contact you, so when you pick up that message, please know it's already taken care of." I smiled. "He'll have some good stories to tell when you next see him."

Peter nodded thoughtfully. "It certainly sounds like it. How were you able to destroy them all?"

At that point, it became too dangerous to tell them the truth and mention the wolves. If word ever got back to the Volturi, we would be in even greater trouble than we already were, harboring a human who knew the secret of our existence. "We managed. As you well know, newborns are only driven by their instincts, and we laid a false trail of Bella's scent that drove them directly into our ambush location. Disposing of them was not really an issue. We all came through unscathed. I destroyed their creator myself."

"That's quite a story," Peter said wistfully, grimacing as he thought back to their time with Maria. "I wish we could have been there to help. Jasper has been our friend for a very long time, and though we don't usually get involved in those matters that don't concern us, we would have assisted, had we known."

"Of course," I agreed, nodding quickly."Please don't feel bad."

We all fell silent after that as I got hung up in my thoughts, looking at my hands, and picked up the questions that formed in their minds, as they exchanged a few glances.

"_He looks so sad,_" Charlotte thought, "_and he hasn't yet explained what he's doing here. I wonder why he's so far from his family, all alone. His appearance, the backpack he's carrying – it all seems to indicate that he's without means of transportation. They usually drive to their hunting grounds unless they stay local. Jasper said so himself. And he's on his own. Strange boy, but then he's always been a little off. His eyes are still that odd color they all share, so I assume he hasn't changed from their unconventional diet and we don't have to worry about him being after the same meal_."

Peter's thoughts weren't much different, but his mate was the more timid of the two, so he was the one to address me, thinking all the while that his questions might be considered offensive.

Grief and pain pooled in my stomach and shredded my insides. I had no idea how I was going to answer the questions that would follow those observations.

"I apologize for being so forward, Edward," Peter said hesitantly as he squeezed his mate's hand again for support. "Thank you for sharing your story, yet I am left to wonder as it fails to explain why you are here, so far away from your home. None of you are the roaming kind. Even Jasper is content living with Alice, having access to all the amenities a home offers. I am left to wonder why you'd be out here, like one of us. You haven't changed your diet, it seems, and this area is far from your usual hunting range."

I didn't speak for a moment, thinking of the reason I was there, as my throat had closed up with tears I couldn't shed. I managed to nod once before I recovered the capacity to form words.

I was aware that he had already asked the question once before, but he had a suspicious nature and though it was considered impolite to ask another of our kind about their traveling plans, he wanted to make sure I wasn't lying.

"I'm actually just scouting the area. We are planning a long weekend away, and this vast forest seemed like a great place to explore."

Peter looked at me, having noticed my hesitation, studying my face, but then he shrugged and decided it didn't matter whether I was truthful or not. My eye color had convinced him that I wasn't after the same prey, and that was truly all he cared about. He certainly didn't consider me a threat. He stood and held out his hand to me. We shook hands as he spoke.

"Give our regards to Jasper and Alice, and the rest of your family. We truly enjoyed our time there and hope to see you all again very soon. Perhaps you'd introduce us to your mate as well. We will not harm her. It was good to see you again."

"I will extend your greetings when I get back home," I answered, not committing to ever letting them meet Bella. "It was good to see you, too. I look forward to your next visit."

"Goodbye, Edward, until we meet again," Charlotte added as she moved towards her mate, and with clasped hands and a little wave, they were gone.

I stayed in place for a while longer, listening to the sounds of the woods around me, thinking of Bella and all that I had lost. And with every second that ticked by I fell deeper into the pit of despair.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

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**A/N:** So, there you have it. Let me know what you think.

The Journal entry date: June 18, 2006 is a Sunday. I think SM or her editors perhaps made an error when she/they pronounced June 11th to be a Monday. In Eclipse, Bella has a conversation with Alice, stating that it is Monday the 4th and graduation is in one week. Bella was born on September 13, 1987, according to SM and Wikipedia. Thus - her graduation is in 2006, the year she turns 19. June 11 in 2006 was on a Sunday. Based on the timeline in Eclipse, I think the newborn fight took place on a Saturday, and thus Edward leaves on Sunday, June 18th. Please feel free to PM me if you have further questions about the timeline.

Reviews are much appreciated, so won't you leave one for me? Feedback is awesome!! Next up - Bella at the Cullen mansion.


	5. And the Truth shall set you free

**Author's Note: **Thank you to all my loyal readers, those who have favorited my stories, put my writings on alert and supported me throughout the process of putting my thoughts into words in a file. On **Fandom Reader Appreciation Day**, I want to let you all know how much you mean to me.

In Chapter 4, Bella is confronted with the truth of her actions, and the repercussions of them on Edward and the rest of the Cullens. Charlie learns a few things about vampires and the family Bella has been hanging out with. And Bella takes the needed steps to get Edward back. About effing time, eh?

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and the characters contained within are the creation of Stephenie Meyer and belong to her. This FanFiction story's plot is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

Big Shout-out to my BFFs **Bitter Shade, ConfettiRainfall **and** Bella's Executioner. **These girls keep me supplied with encouragement, suggestions and mucho Edward pics, and prod me when I need to get my head out of my ass because I'm full of epic fail. I heart you guys!!!

Thanks to everyone who has read and/or reviewed this story so far. **IcarusToSun** - your PMs keep me going and thinking. All my regulars - your kind words are very much appreciated! And the newcomers - thanks for reading!

Thank you also to my husband who continues to put up with my spending hours in front of my PC. I love you!

There's been some noise about FanFiction dot net and stories being pulled due to TOS violations. It's a great shame that this is happening, but a lot of those authors are showing up on other sites now. The Writer's Coffee Shop, Rogue Fanfiction, Lemons Bite Back are just a few of the new sites that have sprung up recently to house those stories. Go check them out. Links are on my profile.

Okay, long-ass author's note is done...on with the chapter. Enjoy!

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**4. And The Truth Shall Set You Free**

I don't mind it  
I still don't mind at all  
It's like one of those bad dreams  
When you can't wake up  
It's like you've given up  
You've had enough  
But I want more  
No I won't stop  
Because I just know  
You'll come around  
Right?

No I don't believe you  
When you say don't come around here no more  
I won't remind you  
You said we wouldn't be apart  
No I don't believe you  
When you say you don't need me anymore  
So don't pretend to  
Not love me at all

~~~~~~ooo~~~~~

Pink – I don't believe you

* * *

I was a quivering, crying, blubbering mess when Charlie turned the cruiser into the Cullen's driveway. From the corner of my eyes, I saw him glancing at me, as his right hand awkwardly patted my knee in support.

"It'll be okay, Bells. Take a deep breath, honey. We'll get it all straightened out, don't worry."

Easy for him to say.

I attempted a small smile at his words, but I wasn't so sure that after last night, Edward would forgive me once more for my incredible stupidity. And even if he could and did forgive me, I had to first figure out how and where to find him, hoping that Alice would be able to at least help me. Her uncanny visions would be my best chance to guide me when I went after Edward.

Before that could happen, though, I needed to brace myself for the disappointment and anger that my vampire family was surely feeling towards me. I had let them all down, and, in effect, chased Edward out of town, with my waffling, my self-doubts and my insecurities.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, Bella_!

Rosalie would probably delight in kicking my ass. Just as she and I had become somewhat closer, after our conversation about what had happened to her before Carlisle turned her, I had to go and act in a most despicable way, and hurt them all. They had just fought an army of newborns for me, to keep me safe, and this was how I was thanking them.

I deserved whatever they would dish out.

I wondered why Alice had called earlier, why she had asked us to come over. Had she seen Jacob phase in my backyard? She couldn't have – I knew Alice couldn't see the wolves. Those moments when Jacob and Seth were in my house, until they left, would have been blank to her.

Interesting, that she hadn't called sooner, as soon as my future went blank.

I sighed as another fat tear dropped into my lap. That simple fact probably meant that she was mad at me, too.

Charlie patted my knee again as the large white mansion appeared in front of us and parked the car. I looked up and saw Alice standing on the front porch, her face drawn and sad. None of the others Cullens were waiting outside, and my heart sank further.

"Ready, Bella?"

Charlie's words interrupted my thoughts and I looked at him, tears blurring my eyes. I noticed that he was breathing a little faster than usual, and that his face was pale, and I wondered if he was scared. I certainly was, but likely for other reasons than Charlie. I knew that my vampire family wouldn't hurt me, at least not physically, even if Rosalie would want to – Carlisle would prevent it.

Nodding to answer Charlie's question, never less ready than in that moment, I opened the door and climbed out of the car, as he got out on his side. In a flash, Alice was beside me, pulling me into a hug.

I was stunned for a moment that she would use her vampire speed in front of Charlie, but then hugged her back. It wasn't like he didn't already know. And apparently, Alice knew that Charlie knew.

"Oh, Bella," Alice said as she released me, "I'm so sorry that Edward left again. It will be okay, you'll see. Come inside – they're all waiting for you and Charlie."

"Are they?" I muttered. "I'm sure a few of them are ready to kill me. This is all my fault."

She stepped back and grabbed my hand to pull me forward. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella. Nothing has changed in the long run, you know. "

"What?"

Alice ignored me, stepping carefully towards Charlie who stared at her with his mouth open.

"Hi, Charlie. Uh...sorry for moving so quickly, but I've been kind of impatiently waiting for you two to get here. So...would you like to come inside? Carlisle would like to speak with you about what you found out this morning. Please don't be afraid, Charlie, I promise we will not hurt you."

My father took a deep breath before he spoke, his voice a little shaky despite the calm look on his face.

"Alice, I think that if that were the case, you've had plenty of chances before, right? You've been in my house plenty of times, whether with my knowledge or not. I just don't like being lied to so promise me, no more lies, alright? I want the truth this time – all of it."

He almost glared at her, and I felt a giggle bubble up inside me that I quickly suppressed. Leave it to Charlie to stand up to a vampire, albeit a diminutive one. Alice looked a little abashed.

"Charlie, we'll tell you as much as we can. I'm sure you have quite a few questions for us, and we'll answer as many as possible, I promise. I think though that right now, it's more important that we figure out what to do about Bella and my moron brother, don't you?" She smiled at my father.

"I suppose so," he grunted in response. "Okay, let's get this started."

Alice led the way inside, pulling me behind her, as Charlie followed us through the open front door. The rest of the family was waiting in the living room. Carlisle and Esme were standing by the couch, both of them showing a weary expression on their faces, looking at us as we walked into the room. Jasper was in the far corner – as far away from the humans as possible, I noted – his face a mask of regret. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting in the loveseat, Emmett smiling a sad smile at me, Rosalie's expression a death glare.

All in all, it was pretty much what I had expected. Charlie and I stopped in the open foyer while Alice moved towards her husband.

The whole situation felt all kinds of awkward, the atmosphere in the airy room stifling.

Carlisle slowly walked towards us, extending his right hand, palm facing up, looking directly at my father.

"Welcome to our home, Chief Swan. Please, do come in. As Alice promised you outside, we will not harm you in any way."

Charlie threw me a quick look, took another deep breath and moved forward, grasping Carlisle's hand to shake it. He shivered as he released it and took a small step back.

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen, but please call me Charlie. I'm not here as a police officer, but as a concerned father. Dang, your hand is cold." He chuckled once. "And as I told little Alice, I'm not really worried about any of you hurting me or my daughter."

Carlisle smiled. "Thank you, Charlie, and I insist you call me Carlisle. Have you met Esme, my wife?"

He waved Esme forward and she approached slowly, holding out her hand, a shy smile gracing her beautiful features.

"How do you do, Charlie? It's so nice to see you again. Bella speaks very highly of you."

Again, Charlie shook the proffered hand, shivering only slightly, a small yet proud smile on his face..

"Nice to see you, too, Esme. Bella talks about you all the time. And of course, Alice's been in and out of the house for months, before and after your boy left last year and came back..." He trailed off as he saw the tears starting in my eyes again and pulled me against him.

"Is he really gone again? Is he gonna come back again? What the hell is he thinking? He proposes to her, and then runs off? What the hell is his problem?"

"Dad..." I interrupted but Carlisle spoke up before I could get out another word.

"Well, Charlie, I'm not quite sure what happened between Edward and Bella that caused him to leave town, but won't you take a seat and we can try to figure out what we need to do. And obviously, we will have to talk about what you found out this morning, and how that will affect you in the future." He motioned to the couch.

Charlie let go of me and sat down, as Esme pulled me into her arms, rubbing my back soothingly and whispering in my ear. "It will all be fine, Bella. He's being stubborn and overreacting, as usual."

I melted into her cool embrace and cried into her shoulder as she pulled me towards the couch and sat down with me, next to Charlie.

Charlie leaned back on the couch, looking rather comfortable considering he was in a houseful of vampires whose existence had been hidden from him until that morning.

"Yeah, Jacob mentioned something how it's important to keep it all a secret. I got a lot of questions, Carlisle, but I want Bella taken care of first. I sure as hell don't want her in that catatonic state again, like last time. Where is your boy? Has he called you? Is he really your son? He doesn't look much like you, more like your wife."

Charlie gave a barking laugh. Carlisle looked a little incredulous as he moved towards the loveseat.

"He's not really your son, of course, is he? God, I've been such an idiot. I knew there was something different about him, never eating, never drinking anything, talking like he was born in another century, always so cool and calm and collected. Give me some answers, Doc... I'm sick of the lies."

"Yes, of course, Charlie. I am very sorry that we have lied to you for this long, but you have to know that it was only done for your protection. It is our most important law of all – that our existence must be kept secret from the humans. Most of our kind don't live in the same fashion we do, Charlie. They don't revere human life like my family does. We are somewhat of an oddity in our world, hunting only animals for sustenance."

Carlisle gave a small smile. "I want you to know that Bella was never in danger around us – none of us would ever harm her."

I wasn't surprised that Carlisle chose to not mention Jasper's near-attack at my birthday party, and I quickly glanced at him, where he was standing next to Alice and smiling sheepishly at me. I found myself winking at him, and his smile turned into a grin that was quickly replaced with regret, likely at the memories. I knew he still blamed himself, though I never had.

"Yeah, I got that part, Carlisle. Bella obviously does, too – seeing how I didn't know about any of this until now." Charlie shot a disdainful glance at me, followed by a quick smile that was gone before I could blink.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone. Jacob made it pretty clear this morning that I had to keep my mouth shut. And I will. I just want answers to my questions, if that's alright."

"Certainly," Carlisle replied quickly. "What would you like to know? It might be best if you asked whatever comes to mind, and we will answer to the best of our ability."

Charlie nodded, a thoughtful look coming over his face.

"So, you're all vampires, then? All of you? How did that happen?"

"I suppose our story starts with me... I was born somewhere around the mid-seventeenth century in England." There was a loud gasp from my father as he clearly did the math in his head, similar to my initial reaction upon finding out Carlisle true age.

Carlisle pretended not to notice, but his eyes were giving him away. "My father was a minister, bent on ridding the city of the monsters and demons. He trained me in his ways and one night while I had arranged for a search party, we actually flushed a vampire out of his hiding place. He fell upon me and bit me before fleeing from the mob. Three days later, I awoke to this life, knowing what I had become and fighting against the hand that fate had dealt me. I quickly discovered that I could live off animal blood alone, and did not have to take sentient life to sustain my body. I wandered through Europe for a while, learning, studying with humans and others of my kind, and eventually came to the States in the late eighteen hundreds. I was working in a hospital in Chicago in 1918 when I found Edward, dying of the Spanish Influenza. His mother, delirious from the fever, begged me to save him, to do everything in my power so that he would not die from the disease."

Carlisle took an unnecessary breath and wrung his hands. "As I said, not many of us live the way we do. I had been lonely for a long time, and selfishly decided to save Edward the only way I knew how – I bit him and made him into one of my kind. He was my first. I found Esme, at the brink of death, a few years later, then Rosalie, then Emmett, in similar fashion. Alice and Jasper were created by others, but found us in the fifties and have been with us ever since."

Charlie's eyes had been intently on Carlisle while he was speaking, but they now wandered in near disbelief to the rest of the Cullens. I wished Edward was there to tell me what my father was thinking, and that thought alone brought fresh tears to my eyes. Esme's arm tightened around my shoulder.

"So – you _made _all of them? Is that what you're saying? You were bitten and that changed you into a vampire? And then you bit them and they became vampires, too?"

Carlisle nodded. "Yes."

"What about Bella? If you don't age, as you obviously don't, seeing how you're hundreds of years old but don't look a day over thirty, I'm gonna assume that Edward doesn't either. How was that supposed to work? He proposed to her, damn it – was he gonna marry her, then leave her in a few years when you all have to move? I mean, you're gonna have to move, right? Eventually, people would notice that you don't look any older, won't they?" Charlie ranted angrily, fixing his eyes on Carlisle.

Again, Carlisle nodded, returning Charlie's gaze. "Yes. We usually move every four to five years, never staying in one place longer than that. We try to blend into the communities but we can never integrate completely. In defense of my son, I don't believe it was Edward's intention to marry Bella only to leave her again in a few years. I don't quite think he'd ever be able to truly live without her."

There was a long pregnant pause during which a look of comprehension came over Charlie's face. He sucked in a breath.

"What are you saying, Doc? Bells?" He turned to me, the obvious question evident in his face. "Were you... Bella, was Edward going to make you into one of them? A vampire? How were you gonna get that by me, Isabella Marie Swan? Don't you think I would have noticed? Eventually? What were you planning to tell me?"

His voice got louder with each word until he was nearly yelling, his face flushed red. I sat there, staring at him like a fly caught in a spider's web, unable to speak.

Carlisle saved me, steering the conversation back towards the more important issue at hand. At least, it seemed that way initially.

"You have to know, Charlie, how deeply Edward loves your daughter. He would forsake his own happiness if it meant that _she_ could be happy. And that is likely the reason that he left again this time. He is laboring under the impression, it seems, that Bella would be happier with Jacob Black. Apparently, judging by her tears, that is not the case. Or is it, Bella?" he suddenly addressed me, his voice sounding a tiny bit irritated.

From somewhere inside me, anger bubbled up. "No, of course not," I spat defiantly before I could stop myself and quickly clasped a hand over my mouth. Tears spilled out of my eyes again, and I wiped my shirt sleeve across my face.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I mumbled while Esme squeezed my shoulder and Carlisle's face softened. "I guess I can understand how you might think that, considering the stupid decisions I've made yesterday, but you have to believe me – I'm in love with Edward, only Edward..."

Words turned into sobs and I hung my head, crying quietly into my hands.

"If that is so, Bella..." I had expected Rosalie's sneering voice, but to actually hear it directed at me made me flinch nonetheless. "If that's actually true, which it couldn't possibly be, seeing how you've been running to see that mutt despite Edward's express wishes... well, if you love my brother like you claim you do, would you care to explain why you kissed his enemy yesterday morning? Would you mind telling us why you found it necessary to stab my brother in the back like that? Trample on his feelings, hurt him like you did when you let that stinking dog put his paws on you?"

I didn't respond – she was right, after all. I _had_ done all those terrible things, had treated Edward so badly instead of loving him the way he deserved to be loved.

"Rosalie," Esme cautioned from beside me, "I really think..."

"No, Esme," Rosalie said forcefully. "It is time that the little girl here understood what she's been doing to Edward. Bella, do you realize that every time you went to the reservation for another doggie rendezvous, Edward would pace the floors of this house, in fucking _agony_, pulling his hair out because of the anxiety it caused him to know that Alice couldn't see you, and he had no way of getting to you if you needed him? If something had happened to you there, none of us would have been allowed on their land. You do realize that, you little tart, don't you? But none of that mattered to you, did it? No, all _you_ were worried about is that your little puppy friend didn't get his feelings hurt. You didn't care one bit about Edward's feelings, or Esme's feelings or any of us. For crying out loud, we just dispatched the newborns for you, risking our own lives for yours, because your existence in his life made Edward happy, made him more alive than he's ever been. And this is how you thank us? Are you intentionally dense or is that an affliction you were born with? What do you have to say for yourself, Bella Swan?"

She fixed her eyes on me, anger rolling off her in waves. Her arms were folded across her chest, and she was pulling away from Emmett who tried to restrain her. In the corner, Jasper winced, a grimace contorting his face as he absorbed her fury.

"Now wait just a goddamn minute," Charlie said angrily, starting to get up. "You have no right to talk to Bella that way. Who do you think..."

"Stop, Dad," I said quickly, my voice sounding flat even in my own ears though I appreciated my father's coming to my defense even in front of my vampire family, and grabbed his arm. "She has every right..."

Nothing Rosalie had said was incorrect, and I had no excuse except my own selfishness. I straightened up, gathered some long forgotten courage and looked directly at her. Charlie huffed under his breath as he sat back down.

"I have nothing to say for myself, at least nothing that would excuse my behavior. You're right, Rosalie – you're absolutely right. I _did_ all those things you said, and I _have_ yet to say thank you for risking your own lives to save mine. Again. I'm well aware that this wasn't the first time. I'm not sure why I let things get out of hand like this – why I kept trying to keep Jacob as my friend when I knew he clearly wanted more than that. And I'm sorry that I've acted this way, I'm sorry that I've hurt you all, and I'm more sorry than I can possibly say that I've hurt Edward. I didn't mean to, you have to believe me. It was not intentional. I just... I didn't think...I didn't realize it was hurting him...No...I guess, the truer statement is that I didn't_ let _myself think that it was hurting him or I..."

I broke off when the horrid truth stared me in the face.

I'd known Edward was hurting. Deep down, I'd _known_. I just hadn't cared, too busy to placate Jacob and too frightened to completely trust Edward to not leave me again. Until I had pushed him to the point where he thought his only option was to do the one thing that was my greatest fear.

He left me.

For me.

For my happiness, misguided as his intentions were.

And now it was up to me to find him and convince him otherwise. I couldn't be happy without him, and it was high time that I told him so.

If that meant I had to beg his forgiveness on my knees, then so be it. I'd gladly crawl in front of him, until he granted me absolution for my sins against our love.

I jumped off the couch with newfound determination, startling my father.

"Okay, Dad, I think Carlisle is perfectly capable of explaining whatever questions you have. I'm already fully aware of their nature and their secret, so I don't need to stick around for this. I'd much rather focus on figuring out how to get Edward back. Alice – will you help me? Rosalie? I'm sure I'm not your favorite person right now, but please... help me get him back?"

It seemed my honest words had taken the fight out of Rosalie. Her facial expression softened minutely, her eyes no longer fixed on my face in a death glare, her body relaxing slightly against Emmett.

"Not that you deserve it, but yes, if you mean what you're saying – I'll help you. If it will get us my brother back for good this time, I'm willing to do what I can to make that happen."

From the corner, Alice clapped. "Yes!" she exclaimed, smiling. Her eyes were glazed over.

"He's running...the fool...alright, I see you and Edward...not sure where...it's an old house...the rooms are large...two stories...he's upstairs...the door bell rings but he won't move...stubborn as always...but I see you opening the door...stepping into the hall...you move up the stairs...walk into the room...he's sitting in the corner...oh, crap...he hasn't fed...no, no, no, don't...no, this will not work..."

She broke off, looking at me sadly.

"You can't go alone, Bella. I'm sorry. One of us will have to go with you."

I stared at her. "Where? Where is he, Alice? Where's this house you're seeing?"

She searched again. "No! What the hell happened? It's all a big black hole now. I can't see you, I can't see Edward. It's all dark...your future is gone. And so is his..."

Her voice sounded anxious and there was fear on her face.

Jasper pulled her into his arms. "Shh, my sweet, it'll be all right..."

I went over to her, unable to stop myself from crying. "Alice! What did you see? Does he lose control? Did you see him...biting me? What?"

"In the first one, yes," she whispered. "Something changed then, some decision one of you will make that turns everything to darkness...I don't know what it means."

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Charlie staring at Alice as if she had two heads, with his mouth gaping open. "What is she doing?" he mumbled when he found his voice.

"Alice has...visions," Carlisle said quickly. "She can see the future, based on decisions a person makes."

I ignored Charlie for the moment. I _knew_ how her visions worked. Grabbing her cold hands, I almost shouted, my insides a bundle of fear and despair.

"Alice! Go back to the house you saw...what happens if one of you is with me when we get there? Wherever it is..."

"Right," she said, her eyes glazing over again. I held on to her hands as if they were my lifeline, and I was drowning in the stormy sea.

"It's like before," she finally said with a grimace. "Like in the spring. He'll hear us coming, and I see him running again before we ever get there. Maybe...yes...okay...if we get you there, close but not too close, out of his range, and then you go in first...once he sees you, we can follow you in. Now...where is this house I see him in...oh...oh...Carlisle, Esme...he's going to Chicago...I recognize the house now...it's his old house..."

She turned her head to her husband. "Jazz, get online, please, and book flights for tomorrow morning. There's direct flight to O'Hare. One for Bella, one for me. Edward will arrive tomorrow night...after dark... we'll get there before him, and she can wait in the house for him..."

"If you think I'm letting you go alone, Alice, you are sorely mistaken," Jasper answered. "I'm not going through this again."

"It's not like last time, I promise..."

"I don't care," Jasper snapped. "I'm coming with you. And that's final."

"But...," Alice tried again, "Okay...fine...but we'll have to go by car now..."

"What?" I cried. "Why? Won't that take too long?"

"Not the way we drive," Alice winked at me. I sighed.

"I'm coming, too," Rosalie injected. "That stubborn ass needs a good butt-kicking, just the same as Bella..."

"Road trip," Emmett hollered, pumping his fist, grinning widely. "Can I drive?"

Jasper groaned.

"Children!" Esme admonished, but was overruled by Alice.

"Let's get packing. We'll need to leave in an hour to make it there in time. Bella? Come with me." She pulled me quickly to the stairs as Emmett and Rosalie got off the couch to slowly followed us upstairs.

Charlie had lost control of his face again, blinking rapidly while his eyes flickered between Alice and me and Carlisle. "Go where? To Chicago? Is that where he ran off to? What the hell is he doing _there_? Doc? You wanna give me some answers here?"

His voice faded behind me as Alice raced me up to her room. She immediately dropped me at the door, just inside the room she shared with Jasper and dashed into the closet. Within seconds, she was back out, throwing a huge suitcase onto the bed, followed by a load of various pants, shirts, underwear and shoes. Another blink of my eyes, and the suitcase was shut, the locks clicking into place.

"I'll buy stuff for you once we get there. No time to go back to your house. Damn," she growled. "I gotta pack stuff for Edward, too." She grabbed me again, never asking for my consent and quickly went up the stairs to the third floor.

Edward's door wasn't closed. The door jamb was broken, the door hanging crookedly against the molding.

"Why's his door like th...?"

The words died on my lips as my eyes took in the utter chaos in his room. My jaw hit the floor.

What was formerly the huge cast-iron bed now looked like a heap of twisted metal, golden fabric patches strewn about like decorations of destruction. Feathers covered the floor, giving the beige carpet a cloudy look. Plastic CD cases, or pieces thereof, littered the ground along the walls. Books were haphazardly strewn across the room. There were silver discs stuck in the drywall. The black leather couch was gone, and there was a huge hole in the window wall. Edward's stereo lay in pieces on the ground, wires sticking out at angles. What remained of the rest of his furnishings lay in crumbles.

"Oops," Alice said with a smirk, but her voice didn't sound embarrassed at all. "Well, I suppose you needed to see this."

"What _is_ this?" I gasped incredulously. "Who _did _this?"

"Edward," she simply replied as she moved towards his closet. "He had a little hissy fit when he came home this morning."

My knees buckled under me, and I fell to the floor. "_Edward_ did this?" I whispered. "Why?"

She wheeled around to face me, anger flashing in her eyes. "_Why_, Bella? Really? Why do you _think_ he did this? Are you truly asking me that question? Use your head, girl. Did you not listen to Rose downstairs? I know you understand what you did to him, how you've hurt my brother. This is simply a physical manifestation of the pain you've inflicted on him."

She swept her hand in a wide arc across the room. "This, my dear friend, is _your_ doing."

Alice turned around again and went into the closet. I felt the hole in my heart open wide and tear me to pieces, as I looked around the room again. I had never seen so much destruction, so much proof of anger and pain. Where I had gone catatonic from the anguish when Edward left me the previous fall, his emotions had found a different outlet. This utter chaos was created in an anguished rage, a much greater pain than what he had put me through, unleashed by my despicable treatment of him.

He had gone and destroyed his memories, those of me in his room. The remains of the bed, purchased for _me_, as he didn't need one, was proof positive of that. The same bed which, two nights ago, had been the location of our engagement, and the agreement forged between us that would take our relationship to the next level.

His music collection, always in such rigid order, sorted by his preferred system – the music he had played for me on his stereo, to soothe me, when I was upset, had been ripped off the shelves and thrown against the walls. I could imagine why he'd done that. I clearly remembered dancing with him in this very room upon my first visit to his home, the day after we'd confessed our feelings for each other in his meadow.

Just like I could imagine why the couch was gone. Before Edward had bought the bed, we had spent countless hours sitting on that black leather couch, me in his lap, his strong arms around me, holding me to him, listening to the music, talking, spending time with each other.

For the first time in our relationship, I truly saw, clear as the light of day, Edward's pain and, underneath it all, the depth of his love for me. I had been so blind.

And he thought _he_ was a monster.

The traitorous tears ran down my face as Alice stepped out of the closet holding a duffel bag filled to the brim with what I assumed to be clothes for Edward. She danced towards me and then dropped the bag to kneel down beside me. Cool arms surrounded me and pulled me against her.

"Bella, you and Edward have some serious stuff to work through once we get you to him. You're not the only one who's made mistakes – he is just as guilty. I have told him so many times to let you see what he was feeling, to show you what was happening, how you running off to see the mutt made him question your love for him, made him wonder if you didn't want him the way he wants you. He refused, of course – you know how stubborn he can be. That stubborn streak of his, that I-fucking-know-it-all theme he's got going, wouldn't let him listen when I spoke to him about it, just like he didn't want to hear it when we tried to convince him not to leave you. Then _and_ now. And he's feeling confused and heartbroken, and hurt and angry. Those are now prevalent amongst all the usual guilt and self-loathing. It's up to you now, Bella, to fix him, like he tried to fix you after we returned. Only _you_ can restore his faith in you and in himself now."

I pulled back a little so I could look her straight in the eye, blinking to get rid of the tears blurring my vision.

"I will," I promised solemnly. "If it's the very last thing I'll do in my life – I will."

I had no idea at the time how to go about achieving that goal, but I also knew that I would do whatever it took to convince Edward to give us another chance, to make him see that I was in love with him, only him, always him.

"Excellent," Alice replied with a smile and pulled me off the floor. "Let's go."

After a quick good-bye to Charlie, who took a moment to ask me if running after Edward was what I really wanted to do, followed by a "Duh" from me and a "Good luck, then" from him, the Cullen siblings and I piled into Carlisle's Mercedes and hit the road. Five hands waved to the three figures standing on the porch, watching us head out. When I could no longer see them from the rear window, I turned back around to watch Emmett who was at the steering wheel, next to Jasper who was sitting in the passenger seat. He winked at me in the rearview mirror, a smile gracing his rugged face.

"You okay there, li'l sis?" he asked. "Ready to pull that stick out of Edward's ass?"

Jasper laughed while I frowned.

"I think it's gonna take a bit more than that," I answered honestly. "I don't quite think that's the actual problem. God, I've been such an idiot. How could I do that to him? What is wrong with me?"

I hid my face in my hands.

"Hey now," Emmett boomed. "Don't be so hard on yourself. There are two of you in this relationship, ya know. It's not _all_ your fault."

"Not sure I can agree with you on that."

"Well, Bella," Jasper drawled, "I do agree with Emmett here. It's like Alice told ya – you both made mistakes."

I gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Jasper, I appreciate the sentiment, but I have to take responsibility for this latest escapade onto myself. I didn't _have _to kiss Jacob. Nobody _forced_ me to cry all night. Nobody held a gun to my head to _make_ me not think about what my actions were doing to Edward. So, no – his leaving me again – that's all on me."

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Bella," Rosalie chimed in from the seat next to me. "Good to hear that it wasn't just lip-service back at the house."

I turned my head and met her gaze. "No, Rosalie, I get it now. It took me longer than it should have, but I know now what I did to him. There's no more hiding from it. And believe me, my running after Jacob days are over. It won't happen again. I hope you believe me."

She was quiet for a moment, studying my face before nodding. "Yes...I believe you."

"Thank you," I said fervently. "I know it doesn't mean much, but I am sorry. I am more sorry than you could ever know."

Alice took my hand and squeezed it. "We know, Bella. Trust me, it'll all be okay. I promise. I've seen it."

"Have you, Alice? I'm not so sure this is fixable," I said, my guilt speaking for me. "I've hurt him so badly."

She nodded. "Yeah, it is. I still see you as one of us."

I swallowed thickly and nodded once. "Thanks."

Drive faster," I encouraged Emmett with newfound hope. "The sooner we get there, the better."

The car lurched forward and I was pressed into the seat as the G-forces took their toll on me. "Whoa."

Jasper chuckled again as we raced down the highway towards my destiny.

_Edward, I'm coming. I'm coming to bring you home to me._

~~~ooo~~~

**End note: **Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think by clicking that green button right below this. I appreciate and read all reviews.


	6. Falling To Pieces

**Author's Note: **Chapter 5 takes us deep into the mind and heart of Edward, on his lonely journey east, towards his childhood home. Follow along as he slowly but surely loses his mind.

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and the characters contained within are the creation of Stephenie Meyer and belong to her. This FanFiction story's plot is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.

A lot of the inspiration for this chapter came from **Bella's Executioner **and **Confetti Rainfall **who kept me focused, in the zone and supplied with Rob pics. Their input, their suggestions and their support is invaluable! BE also made the awesome banners for this story and my other ones on The Writer's Coffee Shop Library. Thank you, girls – you rock!!!

Thanks to everyone who has read and/or reviewed this story so far.

Thank you also to my husband who continues to put up with my spending hours in front of my PC. I love you!

**Songs for this chapter**: Duncan Sheik – Barely Breathing, Daughtry – Life after You, Coldplay – The Scientist, The Script – Breakeven, Phil Collins – Against the Odds

**5. Falling to Pieces**

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing_  
_Just praying to a God that I don't believe in_  
_'Cause I got time while she's got freedom_  
_'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even_

_What am I supposed to do_  
_When the best part of me was always you and_  
_What am I supposed to say_  
_When I'm all choked up and you're okay_

_I'm falling to pieces, yeah_  
_I'm falling to pieces_

The Script – Breakeven

~~~ooo~~~

* * *

At some point, I had taken off my boots. I couldn't quite remember when or where, but here in the wilderness, I didn't need them.

I was still running.

I didn't think I would stop running any time soon. Though, if I was honest with myself, the miles I had so far put between Bella and myself weren't helping to erase the agony that weighed like a ton of bricks upon me.

Not at all.

Part of me still hoped that as long as I was running _towards_ something, I wouldn't think so much about what I was running _from_.

No such luck.

It was all I was thinking of.

My silent heart felt as if it was being crushed under a mountain of rubble, my useless lungs unable to pull in air, and thus the scents around me. I was choking on the grief.

I couldn't find that place again where I was simply numb. Under the surface, the emotions burned and pushed against their confinement, straining to bubble over and burst out of me. The maelstrom of it all was like a pressure cooker in my chest.

Out of habit, I suppressed them.

Allowing my feelings to come out, to lose control like that, had never been safe since I'd met Bella. Her human fragility required me to be so careful in my movements, never forgetting how very breakable she was.

Bella.

My sweet Bella.

My only love.

Every time I closed my eyes, her face appeared out of the darkness, a soft smile gracing her plump lips. The expressions in her deep, chocolate eyes whispered promises of home, of love, of forgiveness – a beacon of hope and goodness in the darkest night.

Drawing me to her. Inviting me to run back to Forks, begging me to reconsider my decision to leave again.

I nearly did.

My steps faltered for a moment and I almost stumbled over my own two feet.

It was unbelievable.

I hadn't stumbled in nearly ninety years. Literally and figuratively. It was all part of the predator package. Part of the monster inside. Surefootedness was not something I had ever questioned or been concerned about. It just _was_.

Of course, now it seemed that it was just another part of me that had been irrevocably changed the moment Bella entered my life.

I snickered mirthlessly. What hadn't she changed? There was not a piece of me that hadn't been in some way touched or altered by her presence, by her love, by her acceptance of who and what I was.

And then I had gone and thrown it all to the wolves.

Literally.

Fool that I was, I had made a unilateral decision for both of us that had ultimately cost me the love of my life. After ending our futile and excruciatingly painful separation, I'd been able to hold on to her for a few more months, deluding myself that we had been given a second chance, but after last night it was clear that my illusions of a happily ever after were not in the cards.

So I left again.

The only girl I would ever love was now lost to me forever. And what was left in front of me was a long, narrow path of darkness and eternal grief.

I'd never feel her warm arms around me again, never feel the heat of her body against me, never again be able to press my cold lips to any part of her flesh. Hear her sigh my name in her sleep. Hear her tell me that she loved me. Never again would I hold her in my arms while she slept. When I held her, I held my whole world – my everything.

Never had I loved another as I loved her, and I never would. She owned me, body, heart and mind, and I would always be hers.

But she was mine no more.

I had lost my one shot at a happy ending to a manipulative teenager, a vile and volatile mutt with the sole intention of taking Bella from me. And somehow he had succeeded.

It was all my own fault, and that piece of realization stoked the burning inside, fanned the flames of grief and pain.

While I was hunting an enemy for her sake, someone who was a danger to her, running all over the continent alone, all the while wallowing in misery without her, _he_ had been slowly but surely mending the precious heart that I had broken. And those scars that he sutured remained, always reminding me of my egregious error in judgment.

My leaving that previous fall had opened a door for him, but even after my return, it had never quite closed again, despite my best efforts to the contrary, despite the overwhelming love and need I felt for Bella. _She_ had kept that door open, and he had jumped at the opportunity to push me out of her heart.

And I had been powerless to stop it.

I was hollow, my empty shell held together by frozen skin, but there was nothing left of the Edward I knew.

There was no _me_ without _her_.

Everything I was, everything I wanted to be, my hopes, my desires, my needs, was all wrapped up so tightly in Bella, and that which was Edward didn't exist any longer. I'd felt like this once before, back when I'd thought she had jumped off that cliff and died.

And this time, I felt it more acutely than ever before. I wasn't sure of the reason for that though it was possible that I experienced the pain more severely this time, because not only had I condemned myself to a lifetime without her, I had also promised her to never attempt suicide again. I had no escape from the anguish, the loss, the death of my silent heart.

Considering I had already broken one promise, I would keep this one, as part of my punishment for leaving her again.

The agony flared exponentially. I searched within me to find that spot that allowed me to be numb, but it hid from me, no longer available as a respite from the excruciating pain.

For so long, for nearly my entire existence, numbness had been part of me, a safe harbor I retreated to when the pain of my loneliness and the melancholy became too much. I'd gone through the motions with my family, laughed and talked and interacted when it was appropriate, never feeling like I quite belonged with the mated pairs.

When I myself was without a mate.

I had accepted it eventually as part of the price I had to pay for Carlisle's saving me from certain death. Never truly belonging anywhere, always on the outside looking in.

Envious.

Lonely.

Lost.

Then Bella crashed headlong into my life and with each breath I took beside her, the numbness went up in little puffs of smoke as I learned to exhale.

I was lost all over again now.

The anger and fury, fueled by anguished grief, burst through and my loud roar of pent-up frustration shook the trees around me. At some point during my musings, unbeknownst to me, I had stopped running, my legs weighted down by the crushing pain and agony of losing her.

I couldn't take another step. Heaving sobs burst from my chest as I fell to the forest floor and wrapped my arms around myself in a futile attempt to keep from breaking into pieces. My solitary cries echoed from the trees and boulders around me. Slowly but surely the grief and anger expanded inside me, the pressure rose exponentially and I felt as if I was about to explode.

In the distance, I heard the hooting call of an owl.

Then, there was nothing but a black hole, sucking me in, promising oblivion. It was similar to the sensations I had felt when I had forced myself out of her life in the fall, telling her in clipped tones, with a breaking heart that I didn't want her anymore. The pain I had inflicted on myself that blasphemous day was nearly as strong as what I was feeling now.

The black hole promised relief, like the devil himself whispering in my ear to just give in, to just give up. I wanted to succumb to the darkness, to the numbness, but it eluded me, never quite within reach, just out of my grasp. I was on the edge of reason, and though I craved the relief of the blackness, my mind would not let me drown in it.

I was so angry, so furious. Primarily at myself, but in bits and pieces, the rage turned towards him, the bane of my existence, the rotten, stinking animal that had stolen my Bella from me.

The more I thought about the events of the past few months, his sneaky attacks on the love that bound Bella and me, the more furious I became, until there was no longer a way to keep the lid on my emotions, the pressure spiked to unknown heights and the feelings burst out in a great explosion, obliterating my reasoning, holding me in a tight grip, and I began to thrash about, snarling, growling, roaring at the top of my lungs, kicking and screaming her name into the forest around me, cussing like a sailor.

"Fuckingmotherfucking dog. I wish you'd fucking die, you fucking asshole. I wish you'd rot in the deepest pits of hell. Burn, you fucker, burn in hell."

My leg flew out and kicked a boulder, splitting it in half.

"Motherfucking fleabag. Damn you, you fucking animal. She's mine. MINE."

I ripped a large pine tree out of the ground and threw it into another. Both splintered, pine needles raining through the air.

"Bellaaaa..."

With a heaving sob, I screamed her name into the darkness.

"I can't do this. I can't live without you."

Another tree fell under my assault, then another and another. The air filled with dust as my hands crushed another boulder.

"Fuck it all. What the hell were you thinking, Bella, huh? Switzerland, my _ass_. How could you be so fucking stupid and believe that was possible?"

With one finger, I carved her name into the stone, then smashed it into pieces.

"Goddamn it, Bella, how could you hurt me like that? Why don't you love me anymore?"

I lost all control.

"Bella, I need you. Bella...Bella...Bellaaaa..."

In a fiery haze, I went on a rampage. Trees splintered into toothpicks under my wrath, boulders turned to rubble, wildlife fled in a panic.

I lost all measure of time.

I lost all reason, every part of me, until the only thing I could sense was the red-hot fire of my fury.

I didn't know how much time passed while the rage exploded out of me, no longer containable.

When I came back to myself and looked around me, there was not a tree standing, not a stone left unturned. Dust particles floated in the air around me, slowly drifting to the ground.

My throat burned, whether from thirst or the screams, I did not know.

Nor did I care.

The area around me had been flattened, like a cyclone had torn through it, destroying everything in a four-hundred foot radius. I couldn't remember ever having caused so much destruction, but it was reminiscent of that moment where the fires of my anger had burned high and I had obliterated the memories of her in my room.

I didn't feel any better, but again, I hadn't expected to.

As I took a moment to consciously take in my surroundings, I was surprised how far I'd come from Forks. Despite the fact that night had fallen since I gave in to the darkness inside me, I could see everything clearly.

In more ways than one.

During my rampage, my mind had managed to discover a few things, subconsciously, because I had no clear memory of any thought processes during the obliteration I had inflicted in the immediate area.

A large part of my fury was directed at myself – for leaving her last September, for being so misguided as to think that I could live without her, that she didn't love me as I loved her. For being so burned up with jealousy, for being so afraid to lose her again, for feeling compelled to let her see that rotten mutt to ensure her happiness, to let her stomp all over my frozen heart without ever giving her even the smallest hint that she was hurting me with her indecisions, and her pining for the dog's good graces and his continued friendship. I felt a smoldering ember of anger at Bella, and as I allowed myself to pursue that line of thought, from that small ember a roaring fire erupted.

How could she? How could she hurt me like that? Did she not realize the wounds she had inflicted on me? Every time she made excuses for him, every time she was upset because he was ignoring her, every time she ran to him despite my wishes and my warnings, behind my back, then with my grudgingly given acquiescence, every smile she granted him, inflicted a wound on my heart, small fissures in that frozen organ until it became so weak that it broke into shards.

That kiss she shared with him on top of the mountain had turned the fissures into canyons, making my venom run cold, tearing me into pieces held together only by the marbled skin of my outer shell.

With every tear she'd cried the night before, she had burned that skin like poison, burned it right off the bone until all that was left of me was this thing that resembled me slightly.

I was nothing but an empty vessel without her, and she had done this to me, claiming that she loved me, wanted me forever, but acting the exact opposite.

How many times had we argued about me changing her? How many times had I tried to explain to her my reasons for not condemning her to this existence, only to finally give in to her demands when I realized that living without her was not possible for me?

How many times had she told me she loved me and wanted to spend forever with me?

Was it all just lip service? Had I been so blinded by my love for her that I couldn't see the truth behind her actions?

It seemed ever since our reunion in the spring she had blown hot and cold, never fully committing one way or another. Yes, she had agreed to marry me, but only if I fulfilled my side of the bargain. Was it all about the physical intimacy she craved?

What had kept her at my side?

The callousness with which she had regarded my concerns, my wishes, my fears. None of them had influenced her to change her mind, to change her actions. How could I have failed so miserably?

I had so many questions but no answers.

Fortunately, I'd never taken off the backpack before losing my head, and now I pulled it off my back to pull out my journal, taking a moment to organize and jot down my thoughts, to recapture a small sliver of peace and reason in the turmoil of my pain.

_Journal of Edward Cullen_

_June 19, 2006_

_I'm not precisely sure where I am, but my surroundings would indicate that I have found my way east of the Canadian Rockies. I don't recall much of the journey, and I feel ashamed at what surrounds me now. I don't quite comprehend how I could let myself go so completely, to create such havoc in my path, in the pristine forest around me. I suppose I am fortunate that I am far away from civilization, and that this area of destruction will likely be explained away by a quirk of nature, should it ever be found. Though I can see how with today's technologies and the satellites that surround this earth, it may be found sooner rather than later. _

_Satellites – it's an apt term for how I feel, as if I am such a thing, orbiting around the sun that is – was – my beloved Bella, basking in her warmth, each of her smiles feeling like the rays of light touching upon my undeserving face. _

_Part of me now wishes I hadn't left again – it's a rather large part, I must admit. I wonder if we would have gotten the chance to talk about what has happened in the past few months, and during the time before we were reunited. I wonder why we never took the time to really discuss what we went through in our time apart, and how it has shaped us both, and our reactions to the pressures around us. _

_I was afraid to bring it up, knowing how much I had hurt her with my leaving, and eternally grateful that she had taken me back. Clearly, she was all the while scared that I would leave again, scared to share with me how deeply I had hurt her. We only ever glossed over that barren time, because as much as she was afraid that she might lose me again, I was afraid that even the mentioning of my atrocious error would crack her heart wide open again. _

_Is that what ultimately brought us down and made us stumble? Did he-who-shall-not-be-named only have this chance to steal her from me, because Bella and I never really got over our separation? _

_Did she not believe me when I told her that I would never leave her again, not unless she ordered me away? _

_Was it fear that kept her from letting him go completely, fear that she would need him at some point in the future to stitch up her heart again? Did she foresee my leaving her once more?_

_Of course, in the end, I did leave her again, though I promised I never would. _

_Why am I running from her?_

_Perhaps I reacted impulsively this morning. God, has it been less than a day? It feels like so much longer, which I suppose is a bit odd, considering that time flows differently for a vampire, and that a day is but a blink of our eyes. _

_Did I do the right thing by giving her up? Did I make the right decision? But what choice had I?I was suffocating in her tears, in her pain, and leaving seemed to be a good idea at the time._

_What if it wasn't the right choice? Now that I have run from her again, there certainly isn't going to be another chance – I broke my promise to her, and surely she won't forgive me for that. Not again. _

_What a fool I am..._

_As I think back over the last eighteen months, I can see some truth in Rosalie's words to me. _

_I do tend to run first..._

_For the first six months after meeting Bella, I always was on the verge of running. It was all I knew. I ran when I first encountered her indescribable scent, and the thirst it engendered, staying in Alaska for a week before returning to my family. _

_So I spoke with her, if only to prove to myself that I was stronger than the monster, able to resist the siren call of her blood. _

_Then after the van accident, I ran again. Not literally, that time, but after giving in to my first instinct to save her when she was in mortal peril, I was scared to give in to my feelings for her. Surely she couldn't return them. Who would love a monster like me? _

_So I ignored her for weeks until that wall also crumbled and my jealousy pushed me towards her, to see if there was even the smallest possibility that she might feel for me what I felt for her._

_The night I was frantic with worry when I lost her trail in Port Angeles, when I found her in the midst of those vile men intending to harm her, that night when I found out that she knew what I was, and that she didn't seem to care. I felt like running then, too. _

_And then I ran again, not six months later, when my brother slipped up at her birthday party. My self-loathing tendencies, my disgust for having caused further injury to her, drove me away from her. _

_In the process I broke not only her heart but also my own. Leaving her remains the hardest thing I've ever had to do..._

_I fought every minute of every hour of every day to stay away, to give her that chance at a human life I thought she deserved, hoping all the while that she would find happiness, knowing that some day she would say yes to someone else, someone who was human like she, and forget about me._

_Never have I felt so much misery, no longer able to seek comfort in the numbness as I had for so long. She took that from me. With a simple touch, she thawed the ice around my heart, and taught me how to feel, how to resurrect the human in me._

_And now, try as I may, I can't find the switch to turn that off, to freeze my heart again. I can't be without her. She is what makes me _me_._

_I knew when I finally realized my feelings for her, blinded as I was by her scent and the all-consuming urge to take her blood, that I would never love another, and that she was everything and anything I could have ever wished for. She completes me in ways I never even imagined, and she brings out the good in me. She made me believe that God had not completely forsaken me, and that maybe, just maybe, I still have a soul. Clearly, if someone as beautiful and good as Bella can love me, I cannot be an utter monster. _

_Why did I leave? _

_I am rather angry, I can admit that. Angry with he-who-must-be-neutered, angry at myself, and certainly, angry with her, though that is something I never expected. _

_Up until now, I directed my anger elsewhere – never at her. _

_And yet, at this point, I must acknowledge that she too is not perfect, though it pains me to no end to have to admit that, but even so, I don't love her any less for it. _

_So, I'm at a crossroads now – do I allow myself the anger at her, or do I keep it hidden inside, buried beneath the love, ever smoldering, never extinguished? _

_She has hurt me, after all. Does she know this? Is it possible that she did not see how much she was wounding me? Is Alice right, and I should have told her? Did I expect her to simply be so aware that she would know what she was doing to me? And even worse, if she did know... does that then mean she did not care? _

_That is even more difficult to fathom than believing that she has inflicted this pain on me unknowingly. _

_Is it possible?_

_It pains me to think that way, but there are moments in the last few months when it seemed as if she knew what was happening. There were moments when I was unable to hide the emotions from reflecting on my face, and I know that she saw them. _

_She is everything to me, and I know that even if it is true that she was aware of the anguish she put me through, I will forgive her because nothing else matters but her. _

_Will she still want me after this?_

_Which brings me back to the beginning – does she still love me? And if she does love me, as she claimed to, why would she hurt me this way? Why would she insist to try keeping her friend and in the end, give in to his advances? Yes, he manipulated her into thinking he was about to get himself killed and she returned his kiss out of desperation – or so she says. Did she? From his thoughts, it was fairly clear that there in the end, she did enjoy his kiss, reciprocated even. _

_I wish I could have heard her thoughts in that moment – to see for myself what drove her to kiss him back. Why she responded to him that way, the way she always seemed to respond to me._

_Was my refusal to cross our strict boundaries part of her reason? Were her teenage hormones wreaking havoc? Was this just a physical reaction on her part, and not an emotional one?_

_So many questions._

_No answers. _

_I suppose I could have asked her all of these myself – if I had stuck around. _

_Why did I leave?_

_Why would I do this to myself again? _

_If I were to run back, would she forgive me once more?_

_Does she still love me, and have I made yet another horrendous mistake?_

_I need her, I long for her, I want her. _

_I must go back._

_But I can't. _

_I cannot go back and see the hurt in her eyes, see that she will not forgive me, that I have broken her heart for good this time. And that is if she does love me._

_If I am right, and she decided to stay with me out of obligation, out of her sense to do what she thinks is the noble thing to do, then I cannot not bear to see the light go out of her eyes, to see that her choice to stay with me will eventually turn her against me. _

_I could not bear to see regret and despair in her eyes._

_I cannot bear to be without her, and yet I must. _

_I am so lost – adrift in a sea of pain, never to reach land again._

_When I close my eyes, I see her face, those deep lakes of chocolate beckoning me to come home. It's an illusion, I know, but my heart clenches and the broken pieces rub against each other, reminding me why I left. _

_Oh Bella – my one and only love. Where do I go from here?_

I put the pen down for a moment and stared at the moon, high above me, orbiting the earth, a lone traveler in the night sky. The similarities were startling.

Where would I go? I couldn't go home. I no longer had a home.

I picked up my pen again.

_Perhaps there is only one place for me to go – that where my life began, in the city where it ended. To this day, I own my childhood home, and perhaps, returning to my roots will allow me to figure out what I will do for the rest of eternity._

_Alone._

I stored my journal in the backpack after capping the pen, and got off the ground, brushing the dirt off my pants, continuing my journey east towards the Great Lakes, and the place of my human youth.

My mind conjured up moment after moment of my time with Bella, from the first time I became aware of her up until the morning I said good-bye again. The images played over and over, sucking me deeper into a whirlpool, until I didn't know what was up and what was down.

I was so very tired, and as I walked towards the end of my journey, slowly, very slowly, I felt the deep freeze of insanity creeping in, making the grief and the pain, tiny bit by tiny bit, recede in its wake, until I could see nothing more than image after image of my time with Bella, visions on top of visions of the moments spent with her.

My reasoning was on the same continuous loop, trying feverishly to assign blame to the mutt and Bella, and ending up each time with pointing the finger at myself.

On and on, it went round and round in circles until I was unable to think of anything else, all circuits in my brain engaged in repeating the same thing over and over.

My fault, my fault, my fault.

With barely enough reason left, I waited for nightfall in the outskirts of Chicago, hidden in the shadows of the forest, away from the hustle and bustle of the great city until it was dark enough to move again.

I didn't consciously remember putting the last few hundred miles behind me, moving my feet one at a time, almost as if in a trance. Forcing my eyes open all the while, because closing them meant seeing Bella's face in my mind. I was still hallucinating visions of her despite my best attempts at focusing on my surroundings as I entered my parents' home through the solid oak front door, shutting it behind me.

I couldn't move anymore. As I closed the door with one hand, slipping off the backpack, my knees gave out and I fell to the floor, resting my back against the door.

In the large entry hall, her sweet fragrance wafted around me, swirling into my nose as I inhaled shakily, setting off a raging fire in my throat. The flames licked at me ferociously, and I tried to remember when I had last fed.

I couldn't recall my last meal.

I was unable to understand why her scent would be in this house. She had never set foot in here. Was this just a memory, another instance of my grief wreaking havoc with my senses?

It had to be so. There was no way she would be here. Presumably, she was in Forks, or in La Push, starting her new life with the one who had stolen her from me.

I was going insane, and this was simply another hallucination, just like the music of her heartbeat drumming in my ears, calling to me, whispering promises of salvation and redemption.

On my hands and knees, I crawled into the parlor, fumbling my way towards the sound of her heart, needing proof that she wasn't here, that I was simply imagining things.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed that the protective sheets had disappeared from the furnishings.

_Odd_.

Like a blip, the thought was gone again.

And then, as I entered the room, there she was, curled into one corner of the settee, her eyes watching me carefully, full of love and begging for forgiveness, and I knew I had gone out of my mind from the grief and pain of living without her.

"Bella. Bella, Bella, my sweet Bella...I'm so lost without you."

The words spilled over my lips of their own volition, a prayer to the God I couldn't believe in, as my eyes locked with those of the vision, sitting there like a ghostly image of my lost love.

As far as hallucinations went, this was an excellent one. It seemed so very real that I almost believed that she was truly here.

I kept on crawling to the settee, reaching my hand out towards the image of her, knowing I wouldn't be able to touch her because she just wasn't real, when my fingers hit solid flesh, giving skin, heat from her body.

The familiar electricity of touching her bare skin tingled up my arm and shocked me all the way to my core.

_Holy Mother of God_.

I jerked my hand away at the contact and scrambled to the door, pressing my back into the wall beside it, rocking back and forth, my whole body shaking from the sobs with tears I could not shed. My hands found their way into my hair and I was pulling on the strands, keening her name, and some part of my brain realized I had gone completely off the deep end.

I couldn't take my eyes off the hallucination.

The deep brown eyes looked so sad as they filled to the brim with salty liquid, her button nose scrunched up in anguish and her hands were clutching at her chest as if she were in pain.

She looked _so real_. As if my wildest dreams had come true, and she had really come after me, gotten here first, in fact, wanting me, loving me, needing me.

Forgiving me.

She was a mirage, I knew, a foolish imagination of the insanity that had engulfed me upon losing her.

The image of Bella was crying, hot tears rolling down her cheeks, as she got up and moved towards me, her hand outstretched, reaching for me.

"Edward," the vision sighed tearfully. "Oh, Edward. What have I done?"

I screamed.

* * *

**End Note:** Well??? Please click that green button and let me know what you thought of this. Thanks for reading!


	7. Calling All Angels

**Author's Note: **Chapter 6 depicts Bella's roadtrip to Chicago and the conversations and realizations she has while on the road. Also, the siblings have a few things to say to Bella. Due to the nature of this AU story, characters might be a little OOC.

**Disclaimer: **The Twilight Saga and the characters contained within are the creation of Stephenie Meyer and belong to her. No copyright infringement is intended. This FanFiction story's plot is mine. Please do not translate, copy or reproduce any parts of this story without my permission.

And since I am not Ms. Meyer, my characters have potty mouth syndrome when the situation warrants it. Sorry, no lemons. Yet. Some very minor lime at the end, perhaps.

**Bella's Executioner **and **Confetti Rainfall **kept me focused, in the zone and supplied with Rob pics. Their input, their suggestions and their support is invaluable! BE also made the awesome banners for this story and my other ones on The Writer's Coffee Shop Library. Thank you, girls – you rock!

Thank you to my dear husband who puts up with my shit. I love you, so much.

Thanks to everyone who has read and/or reviewed this story so far. This fic is rated M. If you're under 16, go read something else, please.

This chapter is also posted on The Writer's Coffee Shop Library at www [dot] TWCSLibrary [dot] com. If anyone is interested in translating this story into GERMAN, please PM me.

On with the chapter. I'll see you at the end. Enjoy!

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**6. Calling All Angels**

_Calling all angels  
Calling all angels  
Walk me through this one  
Don't leave me alone  
Callin' all angels  
Callin' all angels  
We're tryin'  
We're hopin'  
We're hurtin'  
We're lovin'  
We're cryin'  
We're callin'  
'Cause we're not sure how this goes_

Calling All Angels – Jane Siberry

oooo~~~~~oooo

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Emmett pulled up at a rest stop some two hundred miles or so past Seattle.

So far, the journey had been a blur, the landscape speeding by, our fast pace interrupted only when we had to cross the Puget Sound. Even vampires couldn't make the ferry go any faster, though apparently, that _was_ the faster way, instead of traveling around Seattle.

Not that I cared either way. My only goal was to get to Chicago as quickly as possible, and I trusted Emmett to do just that.

I wasn't actually paying a whole lot of attention to my surroundings at the time, my mind conjuring up image after image of Edward, my heart ripped wide open, my face wet with tears, the salty liquid on my skin drying off only to get wet again. None of the Cullens were talking to me, content, it seemed, to let me wallow in my guilt.

And what guilt it was. Crushing, blinding, excruciating guilt burning me alive, the fires of this hell of my own creation raging infernally inside me. Purifying, almost. As if I could suddenly see clearly for the first time in months, and all my sins were laid open before me. I suddenly recalled expressions on Edward's face during conversations we'd had, flashes of anger, pain and hurt which I had dismissed as my overactive imagination at the time.

"Okay, li'l sis', we're gonna stop for gas. I'm sure you need a few human moments, so go ahead and take care of that. We made good time so far."

Emmett's deep voice ripped me out of my thoughts and I looked up. His jovial smile was reflected in the rearview mirror and his eyes were twinkling with some underlying emotion I could quite discern.

I nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

Alice jumped out of the car and held out her hand to help me out of the backseat. "I'm going to get you some food and something to drink while you take care of your...uh...business."

As I walked towards the facilities, I could faintly see the top of Mt. Rainier far to my right, and it made me think of the time early in Edward's and my relationship when he went 'camping' with Emmett in the wilderness near that mountain range. At the time, we had only just started talking again, and my heart had pounded every time I saw him. Every time his sweet breath washed over me. Every time he touched me, so gently, so carefully. He'd been gone for a few days for that trip, and I had missed him terribly.

I took care of my human needs quickly, and spent a moment splashing my face with water to wash the dried salt off my skin. When I got back to the car, Alice was already there, with a bag of drinks and food for me. We got back onto the interstate shortly thereafter. I munched on the snacks and guzzled down a bottle of water.

"Thanks for getting that, Alice."

"No problem, Bella."

"I'll pay you back."

"No, you will not." Her tone was short, snappy, and brooked no dissension.

I turned my head to her, my hackles rising. "What? Yes, I will!"

Rosalie snarled. "Shut the hell up, Bella. You obviously have some hard lessons to learn," she said angrily. "Let's start with this one since it might be the easiest one for you." She took a deep breath.

"You need to learn to accept the generosity of others, especially Edward's. We are generous not because we expect anything in return, but because we can afford it."

"Well, Rose," I bristled. "I'm quite aware that you have a lot more money than me. I just don't think that you should pay for food, when you're clearly not eating any of it."

"Oh, good God," Rosalie responded with a huff. "You are not listening. This is not about the food. This is about you accepting gifts more easily. _Specifically_ gifts from Edward. Take your birthday, for example. Do you have any idea how it crushed him when you told him he couldn't spend any money on you, but it was seemingly okay for everyone else? Sure, the boy sometimes goes a little overboard, but if only you knew what he wanted to...you know what, never mind, I'm not telling you what he wanted, because if you learn this lesson, perhaps you'll give him the chance to do what he had planned."

"But I can't let him spend money on me, when I have nothing to give him in return," I argued valiantly. I had already explained this to Edward, and he had understood. Hadn't he?

"He doesn't _expect _anything in return," Rosalie nearly shouted. "All he needs from you is your love and acceptance, Bella, don't you see? It makes him _happy_ when he can do something for you. Let him. Give him that. It's not about the money, Bella – it's about his immense love for you, and that he wants you to have nice things. He can afford them, so why won't you let him buy them for you?"

I remembered the conversation Edward and I had shortly after graduation and the party, when he questioned me about the bracelet Jacob had given me. My argument had made perfect sense to me at the time, but now it just seemed petty to refuse him this.

Could I change my ingrained attitude towards this? The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous my reluctance seemed to me. It was Edward's money, after all, so who was I to tell him what he could and couldn't do with it? He obviously didn't think me a gold digger, and I would never expect him to buy something for me. So what the hell was my problem? Did it all boil down to the fact that I didn't think myself worthy? Was this another manifestation of my stupid insecurities?

"So," I recapped, "what you're saying is that if I let Edward spend his money on me, that would make him happy? That's it? Well...I suppose I could learn to accept that. Within reason. But I don't need anything, really."

"Oh, get real," Alice laughed. "Your wardrobe alone blows that argument right out of the water. I really need to take you shopping one day."

I didn't appreciate her saying that, but she was right. My clothes did leave a lot to be desired, and while it had always felt wrong to accept clothes from Alice, or from Edward for that matter, I had to admit that she had excellent taste. Everything she had given me so far had been perfect. And maybe this could be a learning experience for me.

"Tell you what, Alice...after we get back, you can take me to the mall and buy me all the clothes you want. Just nothing over the top. Okay?"

"You've got a deal," she replied, her eyes shining. Rosalie laughed.

"That's the spirit, Bella. Now you just have to let Edward do the same."

I played with my bracelet and the shimmering heart Edward had given me, the one that had belonged to his mother, and remembered the cutoff statement Alice had made after I had spent the night with him in his room while the rest of them went hunting. The night I had consented to become his wife.

Now, I too wanted that more than anything else in the world. Amazing how one's priorities could change in an instant. Somehow, I didn't care anymore about becoming the center of the town gossip – no, all that mattered now was that this was something Edward wanted for us, and I was able to give him.

If he still wanted me at all.

The heart reflected the light from the dashboard, casting an eerie greenish glow. Up until now, my mind had refused to fully acknowledge the fact that this was a real diamond, and that the size of the charm alone likely put the worth in the six figures. Yet, I no longer found it in me to care about the price, and for the first time, I looked at it only as something precious to Edward that he had given me, something that he'd had in his possession for a very long time, and that _I_ was the one he had chosen to give it to over any and all others.

When that truth sank in, finally, it mattered no more that I didn't understand _why_ he loved me, because I finally realized that the important thing was _that_ he loved me. And his love was a gift much grander than anything he could ever bestow upon me.

Yes. If that was something he wanted and needed, I would allow him to spend his money any which way he chose, and let go of my stupid reservations and apprehensions, needless as they were.

A slow smile spread across my face.

Next to me, Alice clapped her hands. "By Jove, I think she's got it." Her smile was huge, and I almost asked her what she was seeing based on my decision but I refrained.

Rosalie had quite the satisfactory grin on her face. Up front, the men were smiling as well.

I fingered the bracelet again, as I smiled to myself, imagining the surprised look on Edward's face when I told him my new resolution, followed by a wide smile that split his face in half. The image in my head made me whimper as my heart constricted in pain. If I had only woken up sooner. All this hurt might have been avoided.

The wooden wolf still dangled on the opposite site of the bracelet, a needling reminder of my ex-best friend and the grievous sins I had committed against Edward.

I frowned at it.

Then I had an idea.

But first, it needed to come off.

Right now.

I held my arm out to Alice and pointed at the wooden charm as if it was burning me. "Please...take it off, but don't break it. I want to give this to Edward so he can crush it. Burn it. Stomp on it. Whatever. I certainly don't want it on my arm any longer. If I had something to put the heart on, I'd take the damn bracelet off, too."

Alice beamed angelically. "I can help you with that." She pulled a thin yellow-gold chainlink necklace out of her purse and handed it to me.

"Of course, you can," I mumbled gratefully, not even surprised that she was prepared, and forcing myself not to think of what the chain had cost. Alice helped me to take off the bracelet and then handed me the diamond heart. I threaded it onto the chain and pulled it around my neck, while Alice closed the clasp for me.

"Thank you, Alice."

"No, thank _you_, Bella. I've been wanting to do that ever since Edward gave it to you."

The beautiful diamond hung down my chest just above the swell of my breasts, close to my own heart.

Right where it belonged.

I smiled in satisfaction and stored the unwanted bracelet with the small carving in a pocket of my purse. When I looked up again, all of the siblings were smiling in approval.

The conversation soon lapsed again, so I retreated back into my thoughts.

I replayed our early days, when Edward's push and pull attitude had seemed so frustrating to me, and I couldn't understand why he would save me from a careening van one day, then ignore my completely the next. As he had told me later, when the invitations to the spring dance came pouring in, he had felt compelled to give up trying to stay away and started talking to me again. Then he rescued me in Port Angeles, and by that time, I had known that he and his family were vampires. I thought back to the massive amount of questions he had endured, though I could see now how very reluctant he had been to answer them fully and completely. He'd been already trying to shield me from his world, perhaps thinking that the whole truth would be too much for me to handle.

Little did he know at the time, that I was already in too deep. I loved him more than my own life, and yet, my insecurities had prevented me from believing that he loved me the same.

Looking back now, it seemed that our troubles began after we encountered the nomads at the baseball clearing. What James had done to me, the bite and the fact that Edward had to suck the venom from my blood, my multiple injuries - it now appeared to me as if that had been the beginning of Edward's conviction that we shouldn't be together. Though I recuperated fairly quickly, all through that summer, while we had done a lot of the things normal couples did and my love for him had only grown stronger, a part of me had subconsciously been waiting for Edward to realize that I wasn't good enough for him.

I was only human, after all, and he had adamantly refused to change me.

When he left me in the fall, his cruel lies played right into my low self-esteem and confirmed to me that plain, ordinary Bella Swan did not belong with someone as beautiful and extraordinary as Edward.

I had believed him implicitly when he told me that he didn't want me. I'd never even thought to question it.

Despite the painful months of separation, the moment I jumped at him in that square in Volterra, my broken heart was healed. I needed him. Without him, I would never be happy. The fact that he didn't believe that was my own fault. While my words had been clear on that subject, my actions had obviously conveyed something very different to him.

I knew that this time, his leaving _was_ my fault.

And yet I also knew that he loved me, that his love for me was irrevocable, that our bond was too strong to ever be torn apart.

My epiphany in the woods seemed so far away now, though that night after we had gotten home from facing those vile monsters was still fresh in my mind.

"_Your hold on me is permanent and unbreakable_," he'd said. "_Never doubt that_."

What had possessed me to take his love for granted? How could I have been so blind to not see what my attempts to appease Jacob, out of a perceived obligation, were doing to Edward?

I had still doubted him, and Jacob's relentless words of poison, that Edward would leave me again since he'd done it once before, had obviously found their way into my subconscious mind, and my fears never went completely away. Had I, without realizing it, held back, for fear that I would lose Edward again?

I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, while the guilty anguish clawed at me, and resolved that my first words to Edward needed to be an apology.

"Oh, Bella," Alice spoke into the silence, "it's going to take more than that."

I turned my head towards her and frowned. "I realize that, Alice, but I have to start somewhere."

She took my hand and squeezed it gently. "No. What I meant is, that _you and Edward_ need to work through your issues. And that will take time and effort. Both of you made some horrible mistakes. His latest running away is only a culmination of the underlying problems that neither of you ever addressed."

"She's right, Bella," Rosalie added. "Though, clearly, you haven't had much time to focus on healing each other, what with the stress of the crazy newborns and Victoria coming after you, and of course your doggy friend using everything in the book to tear the two of you apart didn't help either."

"I know," I agreed, "and despite all that, we should have. I was wrong to run after Jacob, and I think I was too afraid to rock the boat, and too thankful that Edward still wanted me."

"Bella, it's never been a question of whether Edward _wanted_ you," Jasper chimed in. "Trust me, he's wanted you from the moment he first laid eyes on you. He got a little distracted by his unexpected reaction to your scent, I think, and it railroaded him. But – believe me when I say that there has never been a time when Edward didn't _want_ you. I should know." He winked in the mirror. "I felt it."

I flushed at his words, thinking of all the times it had been so seemingly easy for Edward to rebuff my advances. "Really?"

He nodded, smiling. "Really, really."

"What Jazz is saying, Bella," Alice said, "Edward _wants you_. You. Not your blood. Just _you_. Forever. Unfortunately, he's afraid that he's doing you a great disservice by wanting you, and that he doesn't deserve you."

"But that's totally ridiculous," I disagreed. "If anything, it's me who doesn't deserve him."

"Oh, for crying out loud," Rosalie spoke angrily. "That right there – _that _is your problem. You are both so worried about not deserving each other, that it is blinding you to the fact that the two of you are mated."

"What do you mean, mated?" I asked hotly.

"Has Edward never told you how vampire mating works? How we find our other half?"

I shook my head.

"Of course not," she huffed, "considering that he's been fighting that very truth since the beginning. Well, let me enlighten you. When a vampire meets their one true mate, their soulmate if you will, we fall in love instantaneously, involuntarily and irrevocably. There is no mistaking it for anything else." Rosalie looked lovingly at Emmett.

"I know Edward told you the story of how I found Emmett, beaten to a bloody pulp by a Grizzly, barely alive. What allowed me to carry him to Carlisle was the instant love I felt for him. I knew I couldn't change him myself, I wasn't strong enough for that, but I knew I could resist long enough to carry him home. And when Emmett opened his eyes to this life, he loved me just the same. It is mutual. Always."

"I thought she was an angel," Emmett injected wistfully. "My very own beautiful angel, sent to carry me to heaven. How could I not love her the moment I saw her with my new eyes? She's the one who saved me. I've never for a moment regretted it."

Rosalie's hand found its way into his hair and she smiled at him.

"But if Edward knows this," I questioned, "why didn't he believe that's what we have? I've seen how hard it is for Alice to be away from Jasper. Why would he do this to himself, and to me?"

Jasper answered this time. "Edward thought that you would likely change your mind. You're not a vampire-"

"Yet," I interrupted.

He smiled indulgently. "Yes. You're not a vampire yet. You're still human, and Edward believed that because you are human, you would eventually fall in love with someone else. Human love does not have the permanence of vampire love. We don't have break-ups. There is no divorce amongst our kind. _That_ is a human invention."

"And it's certainly feasible," Alice added slyly, "that your actions in the last few months have given him the impression that your feelings for him are not of the permanent kind. All he truly wants for you is your happiness."

"But I _can't_ be happy without _him_," I argued. "I've told him so, many times."

"As Alice said," Rosalie chimed in, "your _actions_ in the past months were not in line with that."

They were right – all of them – so I fell silent, not able to argue my point further. While I had certainly told Edward many times that I loved him, the way I had been treating him spoke louder than my words. I looked at my hands in my lap, folded as if in prayer, and though I never had before, I suddenly found myself praying to God and all his angels for help in bringing Edward back to me.

As day turned to night, we stopped again so I could use the restroom. Emmett drove through a McDonalds and ordered a burger, some fries and a milkshake for me, which I gladly accepted. After I had eaten, Alice produced a small pillow for me.

"We don't have time to stop in a hotel for the night. You can lean against me if you like."

"Thanks, Alice." I took the pillow and situated myself against her shoulder. Her cool skin reminded me of Edward and I couldn't stop the tears from spilling over.

She patted my damp cheek, then drew a blanket over me. "It'll be all right, Bella. Sleep now."

Alice gently woke me when we arrived in the suburbs of Chicago, shortly after noon. I had fallen asleep again, it seemed, after our brief breakfast stop.

"Wake up, Bella, we're almost there. Just one more stop and then a quick lunch for you."

I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes, and noticed a wet spot on the small pillow Alice had at some point put under my head again.

"Ugh, Alice," I groaned, flushing in embarrassment. "Why didn't you tell me I was drooling?"

Emmett laughed boisterously in the front passenger seat, having switched driving duty with Jasper. "If you think drooling is bad, we probably shouldn't tell you what you were mumbling about in your sleep..."

My face turned beet-red in an instant and I hid behind my hands. Jasper groaned and rolled down the window to let fresh air flow into the car.

"Okay, tone it down, Emmett. You keep embarrassing her, and while I can handle the emotions, I can't handle the constant increase in scent. No offense, Bella." He grimaced at me in the rearview mirror.

"None taken, Jasper. Do you need to stop and get out of the car?"

He shook his head. "No, the open window should do it. Sorry again," he said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it," I shrugged. I wasn't going to hold his nature against him.

Alice put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed, a slight smile on her face. I turned my eyes away, not wanting to intrude on their private moment. We were driving down the interstate, and the open road had given way to suburban sprawl. After a few more minutes, Jasper took the next exit and drove down the ramp. It didn't take long before he pulled into a car dealership.

I turned to Alice, confused. "What are we doing here? Are you guys buying another car?"

"Nope," she said with a grin, "we're not. _You_ are."

"What?" I shrieked. "Are you out of your mind? I got a perfectly good vehicle at home. I don't need a new car."

Beside me, Rosalie snorted. "Oh please, Bella. That atrocious bucket of rust you call a truck is held together by just that – rust. You're lucky I haven't sent it to car heaven yet. Get over it already. You're buying a car."

The boys were sporting matching grins in the front of the Mercedes.

My stubborn streak kicked in. "I'm not buying a car. You can't make me."

"Is that a challenge?" Jasper asked with a wicked grin on his face. I glared at him.

Alice giggled. "Well, Bella, use your head," she said before launching into her explanation, ticking off each point on her fingers as she went.

"Obviously, Edward is on foot. Your truck is in Forks, though I highly doubt it could have made this trip anyway. We're heading back to Forks almost as soon as Edward arrives. You clearly need some alone time with him so you guys can hash it all out. How do you propose Edward and you get home? Even _if_ we stayed, we won't _all_ fit in the Mercedes."

"But...I can't afford a new car," I pleaded. "And I sure as hell won't let you pay for one." I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at her.

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, Bella. You _can_ afford a new car." She giggled again. "I suppose Edward didn't get a chance to tell you yet...you see, about a week ago, he opened this little checking account in your name, and had this lovely card issued for you."

Alice pulled a glossy black American Express credit card from her purse and waved it in front of my eyes. I could feel the blood draining from my face as my mouth gaped open.

"What?"

The boys snickered.

"As his fiancée, you have access to the family's nearly unlimited funds," Alice explained patiently, her tone just a smidgen condescending. "A new car is just a drop in the bucket. Surely I don't need to explain the Cullen finances to you, do I?"

"But I'm not a Cu...I'm not his fiancée anymore...," I countered quickly though the words cut me like a knife. "His letter clearly..."

I trailed off when Alice glared at me. "Now who's out of her mind? Screw the letter. Do you still consider yourself his fiancée? Part of our family? Do you still want to marry him?" She narrowed her eyes when I didn't immediately respond. "Well? Do you?"

"Yes, of course I do, but..." How could I possibly assume that Edward would receive me with open arms?

"But what, Bella?"

"What if he doesn't want me anymore?" I whispered, looking down. "After what I did to him..."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Bella, are you kidding me?" Rose snarled from my other side. "What is wrong with you? Haven't you heard _anything_ we've said? Of course the boy still wants to marry you. He is in _love_ with you. Why else do you think he ran away?"

"But..." I started before Alice viciously cut me off.

"No more buts, Bella," she hissed menacingly, her angry face only inches from mine. "You need a car. You're buying a car. End of discussion."

For once, Alice looked like a dangerous vampire. I shrank back a little, though I knew she wouldn't actually hurt me. Still huffing, she stuffed the card into my purse.

Rose piped up again. "Haven't you learned your lesson yet, Bella? Didn't we already talk about how you need to learn to accept the generosity of others, specifically Edward, and embrace his desire to shower you with gifts? Have you changed your mind about that yet again?"

"No, of course not," I said quickly. "A new car just seems a bit more extravagant than just a gift."

Rose laughed. "Oh honey – you ain't seen nothing yet. Just wait until he comes home with a box or two from Tiffany's."

I gaped at her with my mouth wide open. "Is he likely to do that?"

"All the men in the family do, frequently," Emmett grinned. "The women, too, on occasion. And you've been depriving Edward of quite a few opportunities. I say he has some making up to do..."

I groaned. "Are you serious?"

"As serious as a heart attack, little sis'." He winked at me.

I thought about their words. Perhaps they were right. Perhaps I could learn to adjust to the lifestyle they were all accustomed to. Money had obviously never been an object for the Cullens, and if this was Edward's wish, then who was I to deny him?

"Okay," I conceded grudgingly. "Fine. You win. Let's go buy a car. But I have veto rights on anything outrageous. I'm not buying a Porsche."

Jasper smiled widely. "Silly Bella. This is an Audi dealership. They don't sell Porsches here."

Emmett's boisterous laugh was probably heard in the next county over.

Flanked by the two women, I walked into the car dealership. Emmett and Jasper sauntered in behind us.

"The view from here is quite lovely," Emmett quipped. I could hear Jasper chuckle.

"Quit checking out my ass," Rosalie hissed. Alice laughed.

"You know you love it, Babe," Emmett snickered. When I looked at Rosalie, I could see she was trying to hide a smile.

"Conceited jerk."

Their lighthearted banter was interrupted by the appearance of a middle-aged, slightly overweight man in an well-fitted suit, his hair dirty-blond and thinning. This is what I imagined Mike Newton would look like in about twenty-five years. I shuddered involuntarily.

"Ladies, welcome to Schaumburg Audi. My name is Andrew. How may I help you today?" The salesman's eyes were wide as he took in Alice and Rosalie's beauty, only flickered over me, and then shifted to the boys behind us. "Gentlemen, someone will be with you right away."

Jasper closed in on us and came to a halt behind Alice. "That's quite all right," he said, his voice just short of a growl. "They're with us."

Alice hid her mouth behind her hand and snickered. Rosalie put on her haughty face. I tried to shrink back behind them.

"Of...of course, sir," the poor salesman stuttered. "Well, how may I assist you today?"

"Our little sister here," Jasper said as he gently nudged me forward, "needs a new car. We were looking at the A6 Quattro Prestige, 4.2 liter engine. What color, Bella?"

"Uh," I fumbled, taken by surprise. "Silver?"

"Oh, that's such a boring color," Alice injected. "I think red would work much better, don't you, Bella? Or perhaps blue?" She winked at me. "That is Edward's favorite, after all."

"Sure..." I mumbled. "I guess blue would be nice."

During our exchange, Andrew the salesman's mouth had dropped open as his eyes flickered from Jasper to Alice to me and back. His inner thoughts were rather clear on his face – he thought of us as a bunch of kids, trying to pull his leg. Despite his disbelief, I supposed his manners didn't allow him to throw us all out without at least asking a few more questions.

"Uh...of course...well...we happen to have the A6 4.2 Quattro Prestige in a midnight blue on the lot... if you don't mind my asking...were you looking to purchase today?"

Jasper nodded firmly. "Yes."

"Really? Will your father be joining you for the purchase?"

Jasper's eyes narrowed. "Now, why would he need to join us?" he inquired lazily.

"I would assume he's the one paying for it," Andrew retorted.

"That would be an incorrect assumption," Jasper snapped.

"Okay," Andrew drawled the word out, and his tone of voice changed to exasperation as he looked at all of us again and zeroed in on me. "Well, how will you be paying today?"

There was a long beat of silence as nobody said anything, and I didn't know how to reply. I looked at Alice who smiled indulgently and leaned down to whisper in my ear. "This is where you hand this nice man the card in your pocket book and your ID, Bella."

With shaky hands, I pulled the shiny black card and my driver's license from my purse. "He-he-here you go," I stuttered as I held out the cards to Andrew.

"I'll be right back with that," he said before turning away and walking to a desk in a corner. He pressed a few keyboard buttons on his computer, before his eyes went wide again and he swallowed hard. Quickly, he returned to where we were standing. Rosalie was checking the polish on her nails, her expression utterly bored. Alice had wrapped her arms around Jasper and was leaning into him, while Emmett had wandered off to check out one of the floor models.

If I thought the salesman's eyes were bugging out when we walked in, it had been nothing compared to the expression on his face now, as he looked me up and down, visible disbelief on his features.

"Well...okay, Ms. Cullen, thank you...uh...would you like to test drive the car?" Andrew inquired as he handed me back my ID and the credit card.

"That...uh... won't be necessary," I replied shakily, my cheeks flaming. The whole thing was all kinds of awful and embarrassing, and I just wanted to get it over with. Alice squeezed my hand.

"Well done, Bella," she whispered.

"Very well, Ms. Cullen, if you wouldn't mind, uh...if you please...uhm...please step over to my desk for the paperwork, then. I will get the car prepared for you while you sign the contract."

Andrew was suddenly falling all over himself, and I was reminded what a difference money could make in someone's attitude. Not all good, but certainly not all bad. I found myself smiling at my future siblings as I walked over to the desk where the salesman was waiting. Jasper followed me there, while the others kept their distance, inspecting the various cars in the showroom. Rosalie especially had an appreciative gleam in her eyes.

Jasper leaned down to me and spoke quietly in my ear. "I'm going to sit in on this, Bella – just to make sure the man treats you well." He winked at me.

I giggled in response, my face heating up again, and with a small groan from him and a 'sorry' from me, Jasper sat down next to me. Andrew was busily typing away on his computer. The printer began spitting out paper and Andrew turned to us when it was finished, putting a bunch of long papers in front of me.

"Okay, Ms. Cullen, ma'am...uh...this here is the vehicle list price, minus our currently applicable discount, plus taxes and fees, and...uh...this number here is the total price. Would that...uhm...be acceptable to you, ma'am?"

_Oh. My. God_.

Valiantly suppressing my shocked gasp at the total sum listed on the contract, I swallowed and told myself that in the end, this was just one more thing I could do for Edward. It felt kind of freeing to think that way, as if it was part of my atonement for what I had done to him. If none of the Cullens cared how much this cost, perhaps I shouldn't be concerned either. I knew that if Edward had been here with me, he'd be proud of me for accepting what had been offered. I remembered well that I had agreed to let him buy me a car as part of our deal. In a way, he now was. And if I was honest with myself, giving him what he wanted felt really good.

Despite my sticker shock.

And despite my resentment at being manipulated by my hopefully still-future family into actually doing this. I looked at Jasper who nodded in confirmation.

_Here I go, buying a brand spanking new car_. _Holy shit_! _I wish Edward could see this_.

_Well, he probably _will _see this as soon as one of them thinks of it_.

_I wonder what his reaction will be_...

Jasper clearing his throat next to me pulled my from my thoughts. I blushed. Turning back to Andrew, I felt a boost of confidence radiating through me, and I knew who was responsible for that.

Smiling at Jasper's subtle manipulation, I nodded at the salesman. "Yes, Andrew, that looks fine to me. Where do I sign?"

About thirty minutes after walking in, I was the proud new owner of a beautiful car. The color was a deep blue, a hue that Edward loved so much on me, and I caught myself thinking of how I would look behind the wheel, and what his reaction would be. I shook my head at being so shallow.

Alice laughed when she saw my face. I grinned sheepishly.

"Yay, Bella," she smiled as she danced towards me. "How does it feel, to own this fine piece of German engineering?"

I smirked at her. "Actually, it feels pretty damn good, Alice."

Rosalie laughed out loud. "About damn time, Bella. Good for you!"

"Okay, ladies," Emmett boomed. "Ya'll can ride with Jasper. I'm taking Bella for a spin in her new car. We'll meet you...wait...where are we gonna meet, Alice?"

"Shut it, you big buffoon," Rosalie admonished him. "I'm coming, too. And you're not driving. Bella is."

"Rose," I hedged, "it's fine if Emmett..."

"Not a chance," she cut me off. "Your car. You drive. I will give directions. Emmett, your ass can be in the back seat. It ought to be big enough."

"Hey, now..." Emmett grumbled as she stared him down. "Okay, fine. But I'll drive home."

Lunch had been a quick affair, with Alice going over her visions, and what I should expect. I found myself standing in a Burger King parking lot which Alice had deemed as close as they could come without Edward either crossing their scent trail or picking up their thoughts. The plan was for them to remain there, until he had arrived at the house, where I would wait for him.

"So...," I drawled nervously, looking at my future siblings who stood in a half-circle around me, their eyes on my face. "I'm going in all by myself. Is that really wise? I mean, you said yourself, Alice, that he hasn't fed since before the newborn showdown, and after what you saw him do to that forest in God-knows-where, I'm a bit concerned about his reaction, if you know what I mean."

Emmett laughed. "Bella, if anyone can calm him the fuck down, it'll be you. The boy's shit his pants, well figuratively, of course, for fear of hurting you ever since you stumbled into our lives."

Rose's face split into a grin. "You should have seen him, Bella, after the accident with that stupid Tyler's van." She winked at me. "Edward had no idea he was already in love with you, not until Alice here pointed it out, but when Jasper and I decided that you needed to be taken care of before...uh...crap...uh...sorry...well..."

She broke off, shrugging in apology. It looked as if she'd had the capacity to blush, she would have been beet-red. My mouth dropped open and I gaped at her. Next to me, Jasper groaned. Alice slapped her hands to her face, hiding behind them. Emmett's eyes were on his wife, his disapproval quite evident.

"What are you saying, Rose?" I questioned tentatively.

"Nothing," Emmett injected quickly, his head swiveling back to me. "She means nothing by it. Right, Rose?"

I wasn't satisfied and turned to Jasper, staring at him. "Care to explain, Major?"

He sighed resignedly. "Fine. Initially, after the accident when he saved you and exposed himself as more than human, Rose and I felt that he had compromised our secret and the possibility for us to remain in Forks. We were concerned at the time that you would talk, and thus expose us. So, for a _very_ short moment, Rose and I felt that it might be best if we...took care of the problem." He shrugged.

"Take care of the problem how?" I asked him when it hit me. "Oh...oh...you mean...Oh my God, you were going to kill me." My hands flew to my throat and I took an involuntary step back. Emmett smiled at me apologetically and shook his head, glaring at Rose and Jasper.

"We obviously no longer feel that way, Bella," Jasper added as he send a measure of calm towards me, looking at me with a sincere smile before continuing.

"Edward of course absolutely refused, and fought for you, defending you, saying that he knew you weren't going to talk. We quickly abandoned that plan, especially after Alice told us that she had seen you as one of us. Certainly you understand that this happened before any of us actually knew you. Things have changed quite dramatically since then." His eyes were pleading with me.

I nodded lamely, my insides frozen as I realized how very close I had come to death before I even knew it.

"And then, Edward being Edward, he ignored you for weeks, fought the attraction, fought his own feelings, thinking that he could fight fate," Emmett laughed good-naturedly but it sounded a little fake, as if he were trying to loosen the tension. "He's such an idiot sometimes."

Alice grinned, too, nodding. "Things were a bit muddled in my head during that time, let me tell ya. He was wavering back and forth, should I, shouldn't I, until he took you to the meadow. After that, it was clear as a bell. Even when he made us all leave, it didn't change your future. And it still is your future," she said with a wink. "You'll be our true sister soon enough."

I breathed a sigh of relief at that.

"Needless to say, Bella, Edward doesn't feel that you should know any of this, but I think we're past keeping secrets," Rosalie added. "I for one am done with his autocratic bullshit."

She flicked her hair back, all haughty and stunningly beautiful, then a warm smile softened her features. "It took me a little longer than the rest of my siblings, but I'm no longer opposed to you joining us. You're good for him, even I can see that. Though his masochistic tendencies for self-flagellation don't allow him to see it for himself. Well, that and the shit you've pulled lately certainly didn't help."

She stared at me, a warning in her eyes. "You need to fix it, Bella. None of us can do it for you."

Buckets of shame and humiliation flooded my insides, and I couldn't stop the tears from springing up in my eyes again. "I know. I am so sorry," I whispered, looking guiltily at the ground.

Alice squeezed my hand in support. "Bella, all you have to do is let him love you the way he wants to love you. Remember what we talked about?"

I nodded.

"Okay then," she clapped her hands. "Enough of that. Let's get back to what we're here for, shall we?"

"Let's," I agreed quickly though my mind was still reeling from these most recent revelations. I forced myself to focus on my mission.

"The sooner I get him back, the better. Okay...so I drive myself to the house, go in, and simply wait for him? Tell me again why you can't come with me?"

"None of us can enter the house yet, Bella," Alice said decisively. "He'd smell our scent and hear our minds before he even steps into the hall, and if he does, he'll run. We'll be there as soon as possible, but he has to see you first. He has to be convinced that you're actually there. Don't be disappointed if he doesn't get it at first, okay?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, just a little confused until she explained it.

"Edward...well, let's just say that Edward's not quite himself when he gets to the house. Move slowly. Speak before you move. Oh..." Her eyes glazed over for just a second. "Okay. There's a small settee in the front parlor – that's the living room, in case you didn't know, and a settee is just a pretty word for a couch..." She looked at me innocently, her eyes wide and clear.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yes, I'm familiar with those terms, Alice."

She had the nerve to giggle. "Yeah, yeah, don't rip my head off. Just trying to lighten you up. You seem a bit tense."

"You think?" I sneered sarcastically.

"Relax, Bella," she smiled, winking at me. "It'll be okay. Anyway, sit on the couch and let him come to you. He'll smell you as soon as he gets into the house. Your heartbeat will lead him to you. When you first see him, take it slow. It looks like he's just a little out of his mind." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Stubborn ass. He should have just listened," she hissed. "I _told_ him. Stupid, self-loathing, moronic..."

"Alice," I groaned impatiently. "Come _on_."

"Fine," she sighed. "But I'll have my say at some point. Okay...based on what I see, he won't believe you're real. He'll try to touch you, I think...I'm not sure what will happen after that. Play it by ear. I'm sorry, but I can't help you more than that. He's losing his mind, Bella. You must be careful, but firm. He won't believe you initially."

"Well," I said slowly, wondering silently in what state Edward would arrive at his old home, and feeling the guilt creep up inside me again. "I just hope that I'll be able to get through to him...Oh, Alice, what if he doesn't believe me? What if I can't convince him?"

"Give him a little time, Bella," she replied, her voice serious again. "You're the only one who can. As I said, speak first, then move. That appears to be the better way."

"I hope you're right," I muttered under my breath.

"Silly Bella," she snickered. "Have I ever steered you wrong?"

"No," I admitted quickly. "And I appreciate everything you've done, and all of you as well. Bringing me here, helping me get him back...I couldn't have done any of this without you. Though – I'm still not happy that you made me buy a brand-freaking-new car." I glared at her.

"You'll need it for the trip home," she said lightly, shrugging. "I told you that already. Must we go over the reasons again? You didn't expect us to leave the Benz and run home, did ya?"

Her laughter chimed like bells in my ears, and I couldn't help but join in. The rest of them quickly followed suit, Rosalie rolling her eyes at me. Suddenly feeling rather hopeful, I got myself into the outrageously expensive new car she made me purchase with that shiny black credit card, that was now burning a hole in my back pocket. I'd be giving that back as soon as possible.

"Don't even think about it." Alice's pale face suddenly appeared next to mine, her eyebrows scrunched in disapproval, and I jumped a little in my seat. "That card is part of who you are now, Bella Swan soon-to-be Cullen. So just suck it up, mm'kay? Now get going. The directions Jasper drew are on the passenger seat. It isn't far, just a few blocks. I'm sure you can find it, right?"

"I think so," I replied, grabbing the piece of paper. It seemed simple enough.

"We'll stay out of his range until I see him get to the house, then we'll come in. So – we'll see you in a couple of hours. I think we'll go shopping in the meantime. You need some new clothes. Desperately."

"Okay," I nodded, not even trying to convince her that I didn't need anything fancy. "See you then."

Behind the car, I heard Emmett whine. "Shopping? Oh, come on! Why can't you girls go alone? Jasper and I could go... Ow, fuck...what was that for, Rosie?"

Alice closed the door and I started the car, driving away slowly, watching them in the rearview mirror. The engine purred. My old truck, it was not. I couldn't decide if I missed the truck or if I should just enjoy this fine piece of automobile.

I found out quickly that Jasper's instructions were excellent and accurate as I drove into the Lincoln Park neighborhood and turned into the street on which Edward had lived and played so long ago.

The houses were stately, beautiful, old, some taken care of more than others. Finding the house wasn't difficult at all – Jasper had drawn a picture of the front. In no time at all, I arrived at the old house that used to be Edward's childhood home, the place where he'd been born and had lived until Carlisle found him dying in the hospital.

It was breathtaking, a two-story building with an inviting, covered front porch, clap-board siding, concrete steps leading to a large wooden door, the front yard surrounded by a white picket fence. I parked the car and slowly walked up to the house, my eyes taking in every possible detail. In one corner of the porch sat two rocking chairs, and for a split second, I could nearly see Edward's mother sitting in one of them, a beautiful, green-eyed baby boy in her lap.

I swallowed hard. The enormity of where I was standing suddenly hit me. These were Edward's human roots, this was where he had come from. The thought that this might also be the place where the vampire and the man inside him would come back to me was staggering.

Though, after the way I had treated him, I would completely understand if he never wanted to see me again. I tried valiantly to push down the shame and guilt that was threatening to overwhelm me.

With shaking hands, I pulled the key Alice had given me out of my pocket and unlocked the door. The house smelled a little musty as I walked in, the air stale. I wondered if I should open a window but decided against it.

The foyer was an octagon, directly in opposite the front door a hallway leading to the back of the house, with a stair case off in one corner. To my left was a large dining room, to my right the formal living room. The floor was covered with black and white tile. A round table stood in the middle of the foyer.

As I walked through the rooms, I removed the sheets from the furniture, as Alice had instructed me, folding them somewhat haphazardly, before stacking them under a sideboard in the dining room.

I didn't know how much time I would have before Edward arrived, so I decided to postpone my explorations through the rest of the house for a later time, all the while hoping that such a time would come.

_Who knows, he might just toss me out on my ass, deservedly so, and then what will I do_?

_Don't think that way. He still loves you. He said so himself in the letter._

Outside, it was getting dark. I walked back into the parlor, turned on a table lamp and sat in one corner of the settee to wait for Edward.

The streetlights came on.

I waited.

An hour later, I was still alone.

I was tapping my feet on the wooden floors nervously. The sounds echoed in the house, sounding eerie in the silence around me. Kicking off my shoes, I folded my legs under me, leaning on the arm of the settee, when I heard the front door open.

My heart began to race and my breathing sped up. To stop myself from hyperventilating, I started breathing into the sleeve of my shirt, forcing myself to slow down.

The door closed quickly, and it sounded as if something was sliding down the wood. I heard a thump. Long legs, clad in rugged boots and jeans, stretched into what I could see of the foyer. In the silence, I could hear heavy breathing.

For a long moment, that was all I heard. That, and my heart thumping in my ears, my own shallow breaths. Then, there was movement from the foyer.

Slowly, all of Edward came into view, on his hands and knees, crawling towards me, inhaling deeply through his nose. I held my breath.

His lips moved but I couldn't make out the words.

Edward gazed at me, confusion and disbelief etched into his gorgeous face. A long, pale finger slowly stretched towards my leg and carefully poked me.

Before I could blink or react, he scrambled away from me as if in a panic, his eyes dark in the dimly lit room but never leaving mine. Air escaped me on a rush, and I almost choked on my next inhale.

As his back hit the wall with a loud thud, I stared at him, stunned for a moment. This certainly was not the reunion I had expected. Perhaps I should have. After what Rose and Alice disclosed to me on the long trip here, I _should_ have expected this.

"Bella, Bella, Bella..." he keened my name, over and over and over.

"Edward," I whispered brokenly, bursting into tears as I slowly got off the couch I was sitting on. He was sobbing silently, his body rocking back and forth, his hands pulling on his hair, his eyes locked on mine. "Oh, Edward. What have I done?"

I was stopped in my tracks by his raw, anguished screams, piercing the silence, and I had to slap my hands over my ears at the sheer volume of his voice. It was naked, blatant pain contorting his beautiful features, his agonized screams sounding as if he was being burned alive. Never before had I heard such anguish. Never before had I realized just how much agony he had silently endured for me.

I felt like dying at the sight of my beloved vampire, trembling, sobbing, screaming out his pain and fear.

As the tears fell from my eyes, the screams stopped. Edward snapped his teeth shut and looked at me as if he had seen a ghost, his eyes wide, the familiar crease prominent between his brows, his intense gaze searching my face, as if I wasn't really here, and my heart shattered for this sweet, loving man, this angel who loved me so much that all he wanted for me was my happiness.

He never asked for anything in return. Hell, he had even accepted me at my very worst, after I had so foolishly kissed my now ex-best friend in a misguided attempt to save him from hurting himself. Edward had been an intimate witness and an innocent victim to my betrayal, and yet had loved me still. He had held me through my self-indulgent tears, all night, just being there, his never-ending love engulfing me, supporting me, protecting me as best as he knew how.

I didn't deserve his forgiveness nor his undying love, I knew that, but if he would only give me this chance, I would spend the rest of my life, however long it may be, making it up to him. My guilt was eating me alive, my heart clenching in painful remorse for the horrific things I had done to him.

My sins against his love and his heart were grievous and plentiful, and this fear-driven, trembling creature in front of me was the result of my callous disregard for his wishes, his needs and his desires. With my juvenile and inconsiderate actions, I had killed this strong vampire just the same as if I had ripped him apart and set his body on fire.

Where Victoria and her minions hadn't been able to do the job, I had succeeded in bringing him to his knees, cowering before me as if he expected me to land the final blow that would end his existence.

I blinked to keep the tears from blinding me, to keep the sobs in my chest, because he didn't deserve my self-pitying tears. He deserved my love and my devotion, and I had failed so egregiously in conveying just that. Instead of loving him as he so unquestionably deserved, I had virtually broken him, destroyed him so thoroughly, inflicted so much hurt upon him, that he had felt the need to scramble away from me in fear of further pain.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut, cutting off his gaze at me.

For a short moment, I was worried that he no longer wanted me, but then the words from his letter forced themselves to the forefront of my mind, and I squashed my doubts. There hopefully would be time to address them later. For now, I needed to focus on healing this hurting man in front of me.

He was an angel, sent to me to love and cherish, and I had nearly killed him. I took a long, hard look at myself, utterly disgusted with what I saw. I didn't recognize myself. Edward had once called me exceptionally perceptive and more mature than my age indicated, but my recent actions pointed towards an immature, stupid teenager, driven by relentless hormones and ridiculous feelings of obligation directed at someone who did not deserve my care or concerns.

The only deserving one was this shattered man in front of me.

"Edward, please look at me," I begged.

He shook his head rapidly. "No. Nonono. I can't."

I was stunned. "Why not?"

"Because you're not real. You're a figment of my imagination."

I gasped. "Edward, I _am _here. You are not imagining me."

"That's what you want me to believe," he whimpered. "I can't, please, I can't. I have left you again, Bella, and you won't forgive me this time. There is no possibility at all that you are here. Thus, I have gone insane, merely thinking that you are here, that I can touch you, that you are speaking to me."

_Oh God, dear God, I have utterly broken him_.

Alice's warning slammed like a bullet into my brain. "_He's losing his mind, Bella. You must be careful, but firm. He won't believe you initially_."

I heaved a sob. I had done this to him. I had tortured him with my indifference to his suffering and now he believed he was hallucinating. Perversely, this actually gave me hope. If he thought he was conjuring me up, then he truly loved me still.

"Edward," I tried again, making my voice sound stern, though I was dying inside as the guilt was eating me alive. "Listen to yourself. The fact that you can think logically proves you're not insane. Open your eyes. _I. Am. Here_. Open your eyes, damn it! Please. I am here and I love you."

He blinked once, then seemed to force his lids open again. His eyes were so dark, and his pain was visible deep within them.

Here he was, this beautiful, caring man, my Adonis, whom I wanted to love forever, the indestructible, invincible vampire who had always been the strong one in our relationship. This god-like man was now cowering at my feet, his kind and loving heart ripped to tiny pieces by my small and uncaring hands.

Suppressing the sobs that threatened to burst from my throat, I dropped to my knees in front of where he still cowered, and cautiously lifted my arms towards him. His eyes never left mine, the obsidian orbs marred with fear and anguish, his hands uselessly wringing in his lap. He was panting through his teeth, faster than usual. Some small part of me wondered when he had last fed, and if I was pushing his limits now.

Despite my initial skepticism at her words, I now chose to believe Alice who had said he would need my willing touch, would need to feel my skin on his to realize that he wasn't hallucinating.

And I would give him whatever he needed from now on.

"Edward," I whispered lovingly. "I'm going to prove to you that I am real. I am going to touch you now. Don't move, okay? Remember that? Remember our meadow, Edward? I touched you then, too. Don't move, my sweet Edward. Hold very still."

As he had many times before, he became a statue. He was no longer breathing. Again, I wondered if I was pushing him too far, if his thirst was too great. I forced the thoughts down, choosing to trust him instead.

Ever so slowly, I ran one hand up his marble neck, cupping his cheek, putting the other on his shoulder. After a few seconds, he carefully leaned his head into my hand, closing his eyes on a sigh, his long lashes fluttering against his chiseled cheek bones. I whimpered in the back of my throat as the familiar electricity shot through my fingers up into my arm and settled in my heart, closing and healing the black hole that had been clawing at me since I found his letter.

I had been without his touch for less than forty-eight hours, but the inexplicable longing had only gotten stronger with each passing minute. I was overwhelmed by how much I truly needed him, how desperately I craved his proximity.

"Edward," I whispered as the tears streamed down my face. "I'm here. Don't be afraid. Oh, my beautiful angel...I love you. So much. Do you believe me?"

He didn't speak.

After a minute or two, Edward opened his eyes to capture mine once more. He blinked once again but still didn't respond.

"Edward?"

Nothing.

His lips moved rapidly but there was no sound my human ears could discern.

"Edw-," I started to speak again when I heard a faint whisper. Air escaped from my lungs in a rush. I felt as if everything hinged on what he would say, and I strained to hear his words.

"Bella," he groaned in anguish as his voice became stronger. "I'm not...Oh God...I can't believe...are you really here?"

I nodded, smiling through the blinding tears. His hands came up slowly, gently cupping my face, as his thumbs swept softly across my cheeks to wipe away the wetness from my eyes. He gasped, then lifted one hand to inspect the hot liquid that had collected on his thumb. Faster than I could blink, the digit disappeared into his mouth, only to leave it again with a loud plop.

I was still stunned at the sudden movement, when he leaned forward and pulled my face to his. Our lips met, Edward pressing his cold mouth to mine so tenderly, so tentatively, but only for a moment until he pulled back to look at me again.

The smile that broke across his face was nothing short of jubilant.

"You're really here!" he exclaimed exuberantly, sweeping me into his arms and pressing me hard against his chest.

"Yes," I laughed into his shirt, inhaling his addictive scent, overcome by the sheer joy he was expressing, laying all my fears to rest. "Of course, I'm here. Where else would I be?"

In response, he lifted my face with a cool finger under my chin and captured my lips with his. This kiss was no longer tentative, his mouth slightly open, moving urgently and passionately against mine. His cool breath caressed my face, and I was starting to feel dizzy. Edward's icy tongue swept across my lower lip and I automatically opened my mouth to him. He delved in instantly, swallowing my shocked gasp.

He had never before kissed me this way, and I was astounded that he so unexpectedly broke his own boundaries, but I certainly wasn't going to complain. Our tongues tangled, dancing, tasting, though I was careful not to put mine too close to his teeth.

My heart burst wide open with elation that he trusted himself enough, even though we both knew how very thirsty he was. Edward's arms tightened even more around me, never letting up on the kiss, and when I finally had to breathe, we broke apart and with a sigh, he hid his face against the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply a few times. My heart was hammering frantically in my chest, Edward's breathing just as ragged as mine.

His arms were holding on to me more tightly than he had ever allowed himself, his whole body leaning into me, gently rocking us both back and forth.

"You came, you're really here. Oh God, Bella, my beloved Bella, I never thought I would hold you in my arms again," he chanted over and over into my skin, his cool nose nuzzling the sensitive spot behind my ear.

I kissed his ear, smiling in gratitude and pride at the possessive distinction he had applied to my name. I _was_ his, fully and completely, just as he was mine.

"Edward, you sweet, silly man," I gently teased him. "There's no place in the world I'd rather be."

Suddenly, he began sobbing tearlessly into my skin, his whole body shaking, and I tightened my arms around his neck.

"Bella, my Bella..." he heaved with his sobs. "I need you, I need you, oh God, how I need you."

"Shh, Edward, shh...I'm here, I'm here. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Don't cry, baby, please don't cry. I'm here. I love you, I love you so much." I comforted him as best as I could, rubbing one hand on his upper back, the other scratching his scalp, until the sobs slowly ebbed off, and he raised his face to me again, searching my eyes.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he quickly put a finger on my lips. "No, don't talk. Not now," he pleaded. "We will have time for that later. For now, let's just sit here. I... want to enjoy that you're back in my arms, for just a little while. I need to just...hold you, Bella."

I nodded in agreement. "Okay. Whatever you need from me, you can have, Edward. I'm yours."

Edward sighed again, the sound one of utter contentment, and put his head back on my shoulder, carefully adjusting me in his lap. My legs wrapped around his waist, with his folded around my torso, our hips lined up as we sat on the hard wooden floor and melted into each other.

"Mine," he whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear it. "She's mine."

I smiled.

There was much we had to talk about, and I had even more to atone for, but for that moment, we found solace in a quiet embrace.

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**Endnote:** Good? Bad? Indifferent? Any questions? Please leave a review. They make me dance happily around my house.


	8. From The Ashes

**Author's Note: **Welcome! As we all know, the Twilight Saga and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing in the sandbox she created. Having said that, the plot for this story is MINE. Please do not copy, reproduce or translate any portions of this story without my express written permission.

As always, shoutouts to my muses, _Bella's Executioner _and _Confetti Rai__nfall_, whose support and encouragement is invaluable. And the Robpics help a lot! Love you both!

I would also like to thank _Bookishqua_ for the loan of Douglas. Though he does not make an actual appearance in this chapter, he will feature in a future one. And if you haven't read her story, Cullenary Coupling, you should rectify that untenable situation immediately. Link on my profile.

To my husband who lets me indulge in my obsession to spend much time in the Twilight universe - I love you. Thank you for your support. I know you don't understand the fascination, but you still let me be.

To all who have reviewed and favorited this story - **THANK YOU! **Happy dance in your honor. See you at the bottom.

Enjoy!

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**7. From The Ashes**

_If it's true love that's keeping us alive  
Could we find a way to fight this war together_

_Time falls like sand_  
_Watch it falling_  
_Right through our hands_

_Could we be most afraid of what will save us_  
_Break down to find out what we're really made of_  
_If we're standing on the edge_  
_Hold on when it crashes_  
_Could we rise up from the ashes_

Kris Allen – From The Ashes

ooo~~~~ooo

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Tears streaming down her beautiful face, imaginary Bella put her hands over her ears, seemingly to protect herself from the sounds of my screams. It appeared that even my hallucinations of her could be hurt and despite feeling disoriented and utterly confused, that was the last thing I wanted to do, so I snapped my teeth shut and cut off the audible screeching. Still screaming on the inside, nearly petrified with fear and despair, I trembled against the far wall of the parlor.

My eyes were locked on her face, searching every minute detail, trying desperately to find a flaw in this vision, this hallucination, because that was all it could be. I was convinced to my core that Bella could not possibly be in this house. I was simply conjuring her up.

Her creamy, pale porcelain skin mocked me, the wide doe-like eyes were deep pools of milk chocolate, her soft, red lips, the lower one plumper than the top, parted seductively, her fragrant breath washed over me – she was sheer perfection and she was only in my head.

I was completely and utterly insane. Of that truth, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind – my leaving, my losing Bella had driven me over the edge. The absence of her, self-induced as it was, had utterly destroyed me.

I kept my gaze glued to hers. She looked so very real, her deep brown eyes full of agony and shame, staring guiltily down at me. This confused me, unexpected as it was. My impaired mind could not understand why she would look guilty.

Not that she didn't have anything to feel guilty about.

And yet, I had expected a hallucination of her to look at me with love, not guilt, because her love was what I craved more than anything. I needed her so very much.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I closed my eyes, yet the vision remained behind my eyelids, taunting me. Bella's incomparable scent permeated the air, her heartbeat thudded in my ears. It even seemed as if the heat she radiated lapped in gentle waves against my frozen skin. I noticed faintly that I was wringing my hands in my lap. I dared not open my eyes again.

"Edward, please look at me," the vision begged.

_God help me...even the voice sounds just like Bella's. Just admit it, Cullen – you've lost it for good this time._

I immediately shook my head, refusing to even consider granting the request. "No. Nonono. I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you're not real," I explained weakly, compelled to answer even if she wasn't really here. "You're a figment of my imagination."

She gasped at my response, and the sound was beautiful to my ears, so very real, so very Bella. "Edward, I _am_ here. You are not imagining me."

"That's what you want me to believe," I whimpered. "I can't, please, I can't. I have left you again, Bella, and you won't forgive me this time. There is no possibility at all that you are here. Thus, I have gone insane, merely thinking that you are here, that I can touch you, that you are speaking to me."

Imaginary Bella heaved a sob, and still I kept my eyes closed, hoping that if I didn't have the visual, I might just hang on to the last shreds of my sanity. Although that thought in itself was beyond the pale because her image was burned into the inside of my eyelids – there was no escaping it.

When the hallucination spoke again, her voice was firm and strong, demanding my attention.

"Edward," she said sternly. "Listen to yourself. The fact that you can think logically proves you're not insane. Open your eyes. _I. Am. Here. _Open your eyes, damn it! Please. I am here and I love you."

There was that word I had no defense against.

Please.

It made me blink, and forced me to open my eyes again. No matter how much I wanted to refuse, I could deny her nothing. Not even if she was a figment of my imagination.

My eyes found hers again, and my dead heart shattered as my mind shut down from the pain and anguish I had endured. I surrendered to the vision of my Beloved and fearfully waited for the final strike that would end me. There wasn't much left of me anyway, other than this hollow shell, and since I had lost her for good this time, there was no reason for me to go on.

She came closer still, and to my utter surprise, dropped to her knees in front of me, her face wet with tears. The unexpected action felt strange, and very, very wrong. Even if this was just a hallucination, Bella should never kneel before me, and I nearly moved to raise her back up, but my body was frozen in a vice of fear and despair, still waiting for the blow that would shatter my empty shell and envelop me in the oblivion I had come to crave and could not find.

My breath quickened as imaginary Bella lifted her arms towards me, and I cowered in fear until I was panting shallowly through my still-clenched teeth. With every rapid breath, her unique scent touched my tongue and fanned the flames raging in back of my mouth. I swallowed the gushing venom convulsively.

I was so very thirsty, and the monster deep inside me rattled on its cage, taunting me, begging me to just take a bite, to let her life's fluid gush over my parched throat. With my hands still moving uselessly in my lap, I stared at the vision as she choked back a sob and a determined look came over her face.

_Too close_, I screamed internally. I could feel my eyes bleed to black, and I was suddenly fighting the urge to devour her.

What good would it do, anyway? She wasn't real, and my teeth would simply snap into thin air, and then I'd have my proof that Bella wasn't really here. Until then, I could simply pretend that what I was seeing might be real, and that she loved me enough to come after me.

It seemed my fractured mind could not come to a decision – was she real, was she not? Should I move, should I not? What would be easier to bear – the final revelation that I truly had lost my mind and was conjuring her up, or staying put and letting my imagination run wild, only to prolong the time until I couldn't pretend anymore?

My jaws clenched harder.

The vision spoke again, her voice having dropped to a whisper.

"Edward," imaginary Bella said softly, "I'm going to prove to you that I am real. I'm going to touch you now. Don't move, okay? Remember that?"

_Yes_, I wanted to nod, _yes, I'll remember. _

"Remember our meadow, Edward? I touched you then, too. Don't move, my sweet Edward. Hold very still."

The images of a sunny day long ago flooded my mind, of a meadow deep in the forests, of flowers blooming and of a brave girl sitting in the middle, daring to be alone and unprotected with a vampire who at the time wasn't quite certain if he could resist the call of her blood. And like that day, I became a statue, holding my breath.

The hallucination raised her hand and I could hear the faint rustle of her sleeves moving up her forearms as she stretched towards me. Slowly, imaginary Bella touched my neck, the heat of her skin burning my frozen shell, leaving a trail of fire as she moved it up to my cheek. The other hand softly gripped my shoulder.

It felt like it always did whenever she had touched me – electricity shot through my entire body as heat from her hand spread through me, warming me from the inside out, and my mind was screaming at me that this had to be real, that even in my sorry, delusional state, I could not possibly be imagining this.

And if I was, I might as well enjoy it.

It took but a moment until I gave in and gently rested my weary head against her hand, exhaling the air I had held in my lungs in a long sigh, as my eyes closed again, letting the warmth she provided flow over me.

_If only I could believe that this is real_.

Of course, it wasn't. Bella was in Forks, starting her new life without me.

"Edward," the vision whispered with tears running down her lovely face, "I'm here. Don't be afraid. Oh, my beautiful angel...I love you. So much. Do you believe me?"

I wanted to, I really did, but I was so scared to trust myself and my fragile hold on reality, and thus I remained frozen.

I chose to simply sit there, unmoving as she had requested, and not breathing so the fire in my throat would not wake the monster, while my mind jumped from image to image, in rapid succession, showing me every single moment in time I had spent with Bella, the memories we had made and the love we had shared.

In the midst of the reel in my head, the small voice broke through and reminded me that the vision had said that she loved me. Was this another trick of my mind, something I wanted so desperately to hear again, that I was imagining it?

How could I make sure, and did I want to?

My eyelids were the only part of my body that obeyed my command to move, and as soon as my gaze found hers, I felt myself falling into the chocolate depths of her eyes. I blinked to prevent drowning in those lakes, struggling futilely to hold on to something I couldn't quite grasp.

I tried to speak but couldn't.

"Edward?" Her expression became questioning, and this struck me as odd. I forced my mouth open, but all I could see were the images that ran through my head, rapidly streaming. Her words bounced around in my brain, and I desperately tried to compute what she had said. My vocal cords contracted and relaxed, as the jumble of letters and vowels formed into something that made sense and I began babbling, turning the tumultuous images into one word.

"Bella, Bella, Bella."

I was stuck on repeat, her name the only thing that would come across my lips, an anguished need so great, expanding inside me until the voice of reason pushed through out of nowhere and yanked me from the pool of sorrow I was drowning in.

_For fuck's sake, you idiot_.

_Look at what's right in front of you_.

_She's crying, you moron, can't you see that_?

_Do you really think you're imagining her tears_?

_The heat of her skin_?

_Her willing touch_?

_Wake up and see_!

_Feel_!

"Edw-"

"Bella," I whispered in agony, fighting against the whirlpool of emotions, struggling from being pulled under, clinging to that small voice as if it were my last chance. "I'm not strong enough without you. Oh God, I can't believe that you'd still want me. I'm so weak. Please help me believe. Are you really here?"

She nodded as a smile lit up her beautiful features, and I raised my hands from my lap, carefully cupping her face, my thumbs sweeping across her tear-stained cheeks out of habit.

I gasped as I gathered the wetness under her eyes, and lifted my thumb to inspect with my eyes what my mind refused to believe.

My skin was wet.

The moisture trailed down my thumb, coating it. These were not imaginary tears.

Synapses fired in my addled brain, pulling from the depth of my mind a final shred of reason.

_But...but...if that is the case then..._

I lifted the digit to my lips and then the salty liquid burst over my tongue, tasting just like Bella, like home.

Again, the neurons in my mind made a connection, buzzing with electricity.

_Could it be..._?

I gently grasped her face and leaned forward, pressing my lips against hers. The lightning jolt that hit me sent shivers shooting down my spine.

_Oh God...this is real. I can't be imagining this. It's not possible_.

I gulped air into my useless lungs as the electric current raced around my body, and all of a sudden, the world around me exploded into fireworks, and brilliant light illuminated the darkness, chasing it away. I pulled back and captured her eyes with mine.

Sheer ecstatic joy burst through me, a jubilation, an explosion of hope that could not be contained. I'd never smiled more widely than at that moment.

"You're really here!" I exclaimed with fervor, disbelief disappearing rapidly as this new hope rose like a phoenix from the ashes, exponentially brightening the air around us. My hands dropped to her waist and I pulled her against my chest, silently vowing to myself and God above that I would never again let her go.

"Yes," Bella laughed into my chest, her face buried in the fabric of my shirt. "Of course, I'm here. Where else would I be?"

Bella had come after me.

And that could only mean one thing.

She loved me, and I was the greatest fool to ever walk this earth.

My thirst buried under the love my silent heart held for her, forgotten in the darkness of the monster's cage, I pulled up her face with my finger and urgently captured her lips in a passionate kiss, begging forgiveness with my lips, giving meaning to the words that currently eluded me, claiming her once more, and all thoughts of boundaries and chaste behavior flew out the window.

I ran my tongue across her bottom lip and promptly invaded her mouth as she gasped, tasting her, exploring her, making her mine again. Some primal and very masculine part of me felt the deep-seated need to kiss her the way _he_ had, to prove to her and myself that we could have this, too, and to erase him from _us_, to make a new memory that would allow us to move forward from the hurt and pain.

She responded immediately, and for the very first time, our tongues tangled, stroking, giving and taking, and dancing for joy, and she made my taste buds explode until the world fell away and all I could feel was Bella, surrounding my senses, warm and soft in my arms. I held her tightly, as closely as I dared, and rejoiced in her heartbeat thrumming in my ears, in her enticing scent, her sweet mouth, her everything.

It was the kiss I had been waiting to give her for eighteen long months, and finally, at the edge of reason, with thirst burning in my throat more fiercely than ever, I let all thoughts of my repressed nature slip away and reveled in the notion that, despite the monster lurking on the inside, I could give this to her.

To us.

A little voice reminded me that Bella had to breathe at some point, and I broke the kiss with a sigh but not my embrace, and laid my face against the crook of her neck, inhaling her fragrance, coming home.

"_She's here, she's here, she's here_."

My mind was stuck in a loop, the same phrase on endless repeat. Something airy and light expanded in my chest, filling the cavity to the rim, leaving no room for breath. Bella had come to find me, she had come after me. She _wanted_ me. She was _mine_.

For an instant, I thought I could feel my frozen heart beat.

I leaned into her, pulling in each inhale as if it were my last, rocking us slowly, rambling like a madman into her skin.

"You came, you're really here. Oh God, Bella, my beloved Bella, I never thought I would hold you in my arms again."

I nuzzled my nose against her skin as she kissed my ear, sending bolts of electricity to each and every nerve ending.

"Edward, you sweet, silly man," she said, her voice teasing, "there's no place in the world I'd rather be."

Bella's simple words rang with truth and conviction. They were my absolution and my salvation, and as the despair and anguish of the last few days left my body in rivulets of tension, the floodgates opened wide and I utterly broke down.

Great, heaving sobs burst from my throat, my body shook uncontrollably as I cried tearlessly into her shoulder, clinging to her, giving myself over to her to do with as she wished, fully and completely.

She tightened her grip on my neck in a gesture of comfort as I sobbed out my relief and gratitude at her presence in this house and in my life. Whatever had possessed me to leave her again, to think I could face this world without her, I did not know.

I had been utterly lost without her, and it finally dawned on me that Carlisle was right, that we didn't lose our souls in the fires of the transformation, and that no soulless monster could possibly love the way I loved this fragile woman who held me to her so tenderly. _She_ was the keeper of my soul, I could see that now, just as she was the keeper of my heart.

And in my weakened state, my body feeling like a jellyfish flopping about in the sand, the words I needed to tell her, the truth at the heart of the matter, burst out and I laid myself bare, put my heart and my future and my entire existence into her small hands, hoping that she would tread softly on my ravaged soul and keep me in one piece.

"Bella, my Bella, I need you, I need you, oh God, how I need you."

And she did. She took my broken heart and healed it with her touch, with her voice, with her love. Her fingernails gently scratched my scalp as she crooned soothing words into my ear.

"Shh, Edward, shh...I'm here, I'm here. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Don't cry, baby, please don't cry. I'm here. I love you, I love you so much."

With her soft voice and gentle hands, she applied the salve of my redemption and rebirth, as I helplessly cried in her arms and time stood still. There were no more yesterdays to remember, no tomorrows to agonize over. We existed only in the present, clinging to each other, knowing that without each other, we could not live at all.

Eventually, my sobbing ceased, my breathing returned to normal and I raised my eyes to hers again. There was love and trust and all things sacred, but I could also see the questions in her eyes, the guilt and the shame, and her need to apologize for the pain she had inflicted. I didn't know what had happened since my departure, but it seemed to me that Bella had finally realized that even a frozen heart like mine could break when it was trampled on.

As she opened her mouth, I decided that I wasn't ready to discuss it.

Despite the mountain of issues we'd have to sort through and work out, I was not ready to tackle them yet, needing first and foremost the reassurance of feeling her against me, as closely wrapped around me as one organism in two bodies.

And for once, I put my own needs first.

I laid a quick finger on her lips before she could speak and made my request for prolonging this moment.

"No, don't talk," I begged her, pleading with my eyes. "Not now. We'll have time for that later. For now, let's just sit here. I...want to enjoy that you're back in my arms, for just a little while. I need to just... hold you, Bella."

She didn't argue, simply nodded. "Okay. Whatever you need from me, you can have, Edward. I'm yours."

How long had I waited to hear this exact sentiment from her? How much pain had I endured to get to this point?

And yet, I knew I would have gladly waited a thousand years, burning in the fires of hell, if I had known that this would be the end result.

I sighed deeply as I realized that my running from her again had not broken us, not severed but instead _strengthened _the bond between us, giving us a second chance, to make things right, to start over from the ashes.

I felt a smidgen ashamed at the thought that letting her see my pain, being finally honest about my feelings of anguish and hurt, had been the catalyst for her, her very own wake-up call, it seemed. Not because I _regretted_ letting her see into my heart, but because I should have done so sooner. I should have listened to my sister who'd insisted that I be honest with Bella, that she needed to see the damage she was inflicting, and that hiding the jealousy and fear and pain was a very big mistake.

Indeed. In hindsight, it seemed so obvious.

Honesty was one of the crucial ingredients for a healthy relationship, and neither Bella nor I had been completely open with each other.

That would, at least from my end, stop right now. And based on her being here, having come after me, I thought it fairly safe to assume that she as well had reached that conclusion. There would be many things we had to bring out into the open between us, things I needed to say and things I needed to hear from her.

Her words gave me hope. She had declared herself as mine, as I was hers, and we would build our future, our eternity, on that cornerstone and make it our foundation.

As I had given myself over to her, she was now fully giving herself to me, trusting blindly that I would keep her safe from harm. Not only her body, but also her heart and soul.

_Mine_.

The man and the vampire both sighed in exultation.

I rearranged her carefully, lining her up against me with her legs around my waist, my own against her back, and the intimacy of the position was not lost on me. I had never allowed her to align herself with me in this way, to let her brush against the rigid length of my arousal, the erection I couldn't suppress whenever she was touching me in any way.

There were hungers much more potent than my thirst, and I had long desired her the way a man desires a woman.

And somewhere deep inside me, I knew that some time soon, we would have this, too.

"Mine," I whispered softly to myself, giving voice to the possessive feelings that coursed through me. "She's mine."

I felt more than saw Bella's answering smile. We sat in our little bubble, silent in our embrace, the metronome of her heart counting time, and simply drifted away in a sea of contentment. Even though I wasn't quite sure whether I should still consider us affianced, a minor deterrent I hoped to remedy as soon as possible, the future looked bright indeed, and for a moment, I indulged in a little fantasy, complete with a shimmering diamond, a white dress and solemn vows.

Until I could hear my siblings' thoughts intrude on our moment of serenity.

"_We're coming in, bearing gifts and food_," Alice laughed. "_Ready or not_."

She send me images of a despondent Bella riding in the backseat of Carlisle's Mercedes. "_This is what she looked like yesterday_. _I told you not to leave, didn't I_? _I take it you two are doing okay so far. About damn time, too. I swear, Edward, if you don't get over your moronic self-loathing stupidity, I will have Jasper give you a beating while the rest of us hold you down._"

I cringed slightly at the images of a crying Bella, holding onto Charlie's arm as she entered our house. The visuals were only marginally less painful than those I had seen in everyone's mind upon my return in the spring. I truly was a monster to hurt her like that. I should never have run from her again.

Not the first time, either.

"_Edward, I hope you're decent because we're coming in_," Emmett grinned.

I really didn't want to hear what Rosalie had on her mind, because I already knew I wouldn't like it. No such luck.

"_Of all the ridiculous, idiotic things you could have done, this one took the prize. I hope you're happy now, you dingbat. Making us drive all the way here. Dumbass_. Y_ou had better be done running because I'm not coming after you again_. _It's high time you got your head out of your ass_!"

Yes. Just as I had expected.

I had to suppress a smile though, because underneath all that haughty and distant exterior was a fierce and loyal heart, and the glimpses of conversations I caught in her thoughts showed me that Rosalie, too, had been instrumental in getting Bella back into my arms.

Alice kept muttering on, showing me scene after scene of Bella's tears, her talks with my siblings, and their drive up to Chicago. And then a thought slipped in about Jacob Black phasing in Bella's backyard, and then there was Charlie at my house, talking to Carlisle about vampires. What the hell?

Cursing under my breath at the interruption and the information that came with it, I loosened the hold I had on Bella, and she pulled slightly away from me.

"What is it, Edward?" she asked anxiously, searching my eyes.

I cupped her cheek with one hand, stroking the soft skin with my thumb, and smiled reassuringly. "Nothing bad. We're about to have company, and I don't want to share you yet. Also, I'd rather not move right now."

I teasingly smirked a crooked smile, underscoring the last few words.

_Who are you and what have you done with Edward Cullen_?

I chose to ignore the embarrassing yet truthful voice in my head, instead pressing a kiss to Bella's forehead. Perhaps I was still a little out of my mind, behaving the way I was, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

And Bella seemed to like this improved version of me.

She giggled, blushing, and turned her head to kiss my palm. "I take it your brothers and sisters are coming? You know, I have them to thank for getting me here. Without them..." She broke off and tears filled her eyes.

I pulled her to me again, rubbing soothing circles on her back. My frozen heart overflowed with love and remorse and utter gratitude for my meddling family.

When I'd left Forks and my Beloved, it hadn't occurred to me that she'd have no way of coming after me on her own.

Or maybe it had.

I _had_ known that Alice would see my decision as soon as I'd made it. Perhaps, some subconscious part of me had hoped that Bella would find the strength to ask for help, something that was so very at odds with her selfless nature.

It seemed like she did just that.

And the fact that my siblings had jumped at the chance to help her, to help _us_, showed me once and for all how much they loved Bella – and me.

Alice's thoughts had also been full of some rather disturbing images – that despicable mutt had phased in front of Charlie, in complete violation of the treaty, and blown our secret wide open, and now Bella's father knew about the hidden world of vampires and werewolves. I wasn't quite sure how we would deal with this new threat of exposure, and keeping it from the Volturi, but there would be time yet to figure it all out. We might have to relocate, and my heart broke a little when I thought of Bella having to leave her father behind.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Alice is already filling me in on the details of how you got here. Come on, let's get the door for them." I made to untangle us to get up, but she stopped me.

"Wait," she said, blushing a little. "How far away are they? How much time is left?"

I looked at her questioningly, wondering what was on her mind. What did she want? All she had to do was say it, and I would make it so. I'd rope the moon and the stars if she asked me for them.

"They are about half a mile or so out," I answered, mentally making a list of what she might possibly need. "Why do you ask?"

More blood rushed into her cheeks and her scent washed over me in fragrant waves as she ran her hands through my hair and pulled me closer.

"Because I want you to kiss me like that again," she whispered shyly and for a moment I was simply shocked at how unintentionally seductive she sounded.

"I shouldn't have done that, Bella," I said automatically and, in hindsight, rather moronically. "That was very dangerous and rather careless of me. My teeth-"

"I don't care," she interrupted hotly, her shyness having left the building at the return of my stupidity. "Look, I promise I'll be careful, and to be honest, if I do cut myself, then so be it. I need to give this to you, because I know you want it, too, and damn it, I'm done with denying you or me what we both want. Can you tell me that you don't want me for the rest of forever?"

My jaw fell slack as I stared at her, astonished at her tirade. Adorably, she cocked one eyebrow at me, silently challenging me to answer her question. I nearly panicked now at the thought of her tongue or lips touching my razor sharp teeth, something that hadn't even crossed my mind earlier, and I deeply regretted putting her in such danger.

_Do you really_?

_Shut up_!

I also couldn't quite understand why she would press the matter now, considering that we were not in a position to initiate her change. Neither of our conditions had been met.

_Are you nuts_? _Do you really want to continue to handle your engagement and your future like a fucking contract_?

_Of course not_. _Ugh, I can't think about this now_.

What was her motivation to endanger herself? Never mind the teeth, I was obviously not fully in control of my faculties and I recognized this despite my still slightly addled mind.

_Yes, but she doesn't know that, does she_? _She expects you to behave the way you always have_.

_Good point_.

_Then perhaps you should answer her_.

"Of course, I want you forever, Bella, please don't ever doubt that," I spluttered indignantly, "but now is not the ti-"

Bella's chin jutted forward in an obvious sign of defiance, and I lost my train of thought, dumbfounded and strangely excited at the way she narrowed her liquid chocolate eyes at me.

"I say it is," she growled and I couldn't take my eyes off her, magnificent in her anger and resolve, her eyes full of desire and want and a promise of wrath if I didn't comply.

"No time like the present, because none of us, with the exception of Alice, know what will happen tomorrow. I want this – I want _you_. Carpe diem, Edward – unless you can tell me that you don't want me the same way I want you."

The most adorable eyebrow went up again. I couldn't form words, blinking at her a few times, too stunned to say anything. She took it as compliance.

"Nothing to say? Then kiss me, damn it."

_Okay then_.

Bella didn't give me time to answer or protest her command as she closed the distance between our mouths, and I found that in the face of her insistence, I was an all too willing and rather active participant.

It seemed like the gentleman thing to do.

_Oh, who are you kidding_? _You want this – own it, Cullen_.

She took my breath away as she moved her lips hard and urgently against mine, her mouth slightly open, inviting me in, her sweet breath tickling my throat, her tongue sneaking in and out, licking, tasting, teasing, tempting. She rocked into me, again and again, the heat from her center pressing against my groin, and my body responded in ways that shamed and excited me both. My hips bucked in response to her movements, involuntarily and without my permission.

"Bella, please..." I begged against her lips, unsure what I was begging for, whether I was asking her to cease what she was doing to me or pleading for more. Her hands gripped my hair sharply, fisting in the strands with delicious strength, and with a groan I couldn't suppress, I opened my mouth to her and the dance began once more. Desire overpowered whatever morals and fears had been holding me back, and the lines of propriety I had drawn so long ago shriveled up and disappeared into thin air.

Her heart beat rapidly for both of us, echoing in my silent chest, our breathing ragged and strained, and closer and closer we moved, clinging, clutching, melting, until I could not tell where I ended and she began. My hands roamed freely over her entire body and hers did the same to mine, reaffirming, reconnecting. Her husky moans spurred me on, touching something deep inside, something I thought I had no right to feel, a hunger so very human, never to be sated by anyone but her. Her body moved against mine rhythmically, and I grunted, embarrassingly so, in time with my hips.

_Boundaries_? _What boundaries_?

Some part of me recognized the danger I was putting her in, but my control held just fine, surprisingly – considering my most recent frame of mind – and for once, I simply allowed myself to enjoy what I had never before experienced and always denied us until now.

Bliss expanded like a starburst in my heart, a white light of brilliance and hope and promise, and I poured all my love for this fragile yet invincible girl into the union of our lips and mouths and tongues, giving, taking, sharing, healing, suturing the cuts we had given each other, replacing them with smooth lines, never to forget but hindered by them no more.

Pure bliss.

From the moment I'd laid eyes on her, she had utterly bewitched me, reducing me to putty in her small and gentle hands. I simply could not deny her anything, and if I was honest with myself, I didn't _want_ to deny her or _us_ any longer. We both needed this.

And we would have it.

Whatever she wanted, I would give her.

Wherever she went, I would follow.

My running days were over.

I got so lost in the kiss, the ecstatic feeling of her pressed against me, that my siblings managed to reach the front door before I noticed them. As Emmett threw the door open, hollering for us, Bella and I broke apart, breathing heavily, both of us with silly smiles on our faces. She looked a little smug, and I found that I loved her for it.

I leaned my forehead against hers, staring deeply into her endless eyes, making my vow to her. "I love you, Bella, now and _forever_."

Her eyes widened minutely and a joyful smile suddenly graced her beautiful face.

She'd understood the hidden meaning of my words.

"Forever," she confirmed breathlessly as I raised us off the floor, my arms still around her, and we turned to the foyer.

Then our siblings were upon us, and there were shouts of hello and hugs for me and my ma-... fian-... Bella.

"_Geez, Edward, you look like something the cat dragged in_." Alice looked disdainfully at my clothes, stained with dirt and grime, and shook her head. "_Don't think I didn't see what you did in the forest_. _Good thing I packed a suitcase for you, isn't it_?"

I grimaced and mouthed a thank you, for more than just clean clothes.

Jasper smiled, winking. "_I receive much more pleasant emotions from you this time around, Edward_. _Good to see you happy again_. _And is that lust I feel, hmmh_?"

If I could have blushed, I would have. I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent the smile from appearing on my face, but the corners of my mouth lifted anyway and he noticed it immediately.

"_That's what I thought_." He snickered soundlessly.

"Edward!"

I would have dodged Emmett's fist, aimed for my jaw, but in the split second it took to make that decision, Alice's mind lit up with a vision of Bella crumpled on the floor, a remorseful Emmett bent over her, and I took the blow.

_Fuck, that hurts_.

"Damn, my brother, I almost can't remember the last time you let me hit you." Emmett smirked at me as I rubbed my chin. Bella gasped at him open-mouthed.

"_And that was for running away like an idiot and making Bella cry. Don't ever do it again_. _Honestly, Edward, I've never met anyone with your knack of messing up your own happiness. You dumb shit. Are you done running now, or am I gonna have to beat it into you_?"

I nodded once, acknowledging the hidden promises in his words.

"Emmett!" Bella scolded. "Why would you hit him?"

"He deserved it," he retorted unabashedly. "Should've stayed and talked to you instead of running off. You're my little sister and he hurt you. I'm just trying to relay the message, seeing how _you_ can't hit him without hurting yourself."

"That's no reason to resort to violence, you know," Bella admonished him. He just shrugged, and she turned to me. Her eyes flickered dolefully between Emmett and me.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

I waved it off though my chin still smarted from the blow. Emmett certainly hadn't held back. "I'm fine. It's nothing. Don't worry about it. And I did deserve it. I shouldn't have run away again, Bella. I'm so sorry."

I pulled her closer against me, my hands in hers.

She granted me beautiful smile and squeezed my hand. "We'll talk about that later."

Judging by her ominous statement, I was probably in a world of trouble. She could be feisty, I knew that much. Not that she could physically hurt me.

And then Alice stuck her tongue out and giggled. "_Always such a gentleman_. _He wasn't actually going to hit her, you know, but I'm glad you bought it_."

I gaped at her deception. "Thanks a lot, Alice."

She laughed in my face. "_Any time, brother. You deserved more than that for your stubborn, moronic, irresponsi-_"

"Yes," I cut her off abruptly. "I know. Believe me I _know_." I gave her a small smile and pulled Bella back into my arms.

Alice offered Bella a white box with some kind of sandwich inside that smelled abominably nasty, but would nourish her the way she needed, and I thanked my prescient sister with a smile when Bella's stomach grumbled its gratitude. I led her over to the couch and sat her down beside her, unwilling to let go of her, even while she ate. My arm stayed around her small shoulders, my hand on her waist, and though it might have been awkward for Bella to eat this way, she didn't complain.

And I couldn't for the life of me bring myself to move my hands off her, needing to stay connected to her in a physical way, as if she might disappear before my eyes, were I to let go.

While she ate in silence, I absorbed the feelings of peace and bliss and love and family. My siblings' minds were quiet, too, granting me a reprieve I hadn't known I needed, and during the few minutes that it took Bella to wolf down the food, we didn't speak. When she moved the box to the side table and crawled back into my lap and my welcoming arms, Alice broke the silence.

"Okay, first off, Edward – you need to hunt, so Jasper and Emmett will take you, while we get the rest of the house ready for you two." She motioned to Rose and herself.

Her mind was full of plans and I could see that she had secretly prepared this house recently, based on a vision she had successfully hidden from me until now.

Why she had done so, I could not discern, but I was grateful for it nonetheless. Though she should have told me. Then again, if she had, there was a good possibility that I would not have believed her. I could be quite stubborn, I knew that much.

"_There's a new bed upstairs in your old room, large enough for both of you. It's late, and Bella needs to sleep_."

"Come on, off we go, Edward," my brother said. "You sure look like you need it."

"What? No!" I shook my head though the fire in my throat had only intensified over the last couple of hours. "No. Not yet."

I couldn't leave – I was tightly bound to this small slip of a girl in my arms, an intricate thread of humbling need tying me to her, and I knew I would have preferred to be ripped apart rather than leave her side. I'd gone that route twice now, with miserable results, and the thought of doing so again shot shards of pain through my being. I could feel my arms tighten around her, panicking irrationally that she might not be there when I came back.

"_Edward_, _chill out_," Jasper cautioned, "_I can feel your thirst. You have to hunt_."

"Not yet!" I growled. "I won't leave her side_._"

"_Don't be an idiot, Edward. Any fool can see that you're thirsty_." As usual, Rosalie did not hold back with her opinion.

A small, hot hand gently touched my cheek, and like a puppet on a string, I turned my head to look at my Bella, her eyes full of compassion and love.

"Please," she simply said, holding me locked in her gaze, stroking her soft fingers over my hardened skin. "Please listen to Alice. Go and hunt. I cannot bear the thought of you hurting. I promise I will wait for you here. I will be here when you return. I love you. Please, Edward, hunt. For me, for _us_."

"Bella...I...I can't...we just..." I wanted to resist, to protest that I was fine, but then she huddled closer to me and her scent engulfed me, and the raging fire flared, and I knew that they were right. I had to hunt or risk losing control unintentionally, and possibly hurting her. The unacceptability of the latter propelled me to consent.

"Alright," I sighed resignedly, "I'll go. I know I need to go. But not far and not for long. No more than an hour, I promise."

"I'll be here," Bella whispered with a smile, "I'll be here waiting for you. And then we'll talk."

I kissed her fiercely, open-mouthed as before, as my hands wandered, ignoring the silent snickers of my siblings. "I love you, my Bella."

"As I love you." The answer was immediate if a little breathless.

Alice beamed as Rosalie smiled a little, both of them quite satisfied with themselves. Alice's mind was full of approval for the reckless way I was behaving. Even Rosalie silently declared that my PDA was appropriate for once instead of being disgusted by it, but then her thoughts unfortunately drifted to her husband who was cheering me on in his head. Jasper fought against the lust he was feeling from Bella and me, trying to prevent it from spreading through him to the others in the room.

"_Ugh, Edward...bring it down a notch._"

Perhaps he was right but I just couldn't stop myself. The gates of desire were wide open and I had no plans to slam them shut again. Certainly, we had some issues that needed to be discussed and resolved, but I was never more sure of Bella's love for me.

She had come after me.

She had chosen me, despite my idiocy.

Alice giggled in her head and teased me with images of underthings that should have been illegal in all fifty states, but were apparently in the shopping bags she had dragged into the house.

_Holy shit_.

We'd never leave the house if she kept that up.

I could not have cared less, and found myself looking forward to discovering said underthings on Bella. Part of me wondered if my Beloved knew what Alice had done, and I could only imagine the blushes she would sport on her face when she saw them.

I stole one more kiss and then another until Jasper had enough and, groaning, dragged me out of the room amidst laughter and jeers from my siblings. Even Bella had a wide smile on her face.

"Come on, Romeo. There'll be time for that later."

Emmett laughed suggestively, slapping my back. "_Wow, Edward, I didn't think I'd ever see the day..._" He raised his eyebrows. "_Are you__ finally ready to live it up a little_?"

I didn't respond, but couldn't help the grin that tugged at the corners of my mouth. I was still high on Bella, in a way, still riding the waves of exultation and the sheer joy of our reunion, of the renaissance that we were going to have.

She had come after me.

Jasper's thoughts were of gratitude and happiness for me. "_Your emotions are so much easier to handle now, Edward. Except for the lust...you mind toning that down a bit?_"

I pretended to think about it for a moment. "No, that's probably not going to happen," I laughed.

He snickered in response. "_Well, you'll excuse me if I don't hang around too much, then_."

"Alice might not mind if you do," I retorted cheekily.

He laughed out loud. "_I really like this side of you, Edward. About time you came out to play. Keep it up._"

"What's so funny?" Emmett asked, hating to be left out of a joke.

I shook my head, imploring Jasper with my eyes to keep his mouth shut. I didn't need Emmett's imagination to run wild.

"We'll have to drive for a few miles, out of the city," Jasper said as we walked out the front door, past the mountain of bags that contained Alice's shopping. Outside, the Mercedes was parked off to the side, behind a dark blue Audi that sat right in the driveway, the exact kind of car I'd been wanting to get for Bella.

"Whose car is that?" I couldn't even remember it sitting there when I had reached the house, I'd been so far gone.

Emmett laughed boisterously. "Bella's."

I snapped my head around to look at him, raising my eyebrows in surprise as my mouth fell open. "What?"

I was bombarded by both of them with images from a side trip to a car dealership earlier that afternoon, where Bella had purchased this magnificent automobile, without much resistance, using the Amex card I had ordered for her.

This had to be some kind of prank the two of them had fixed beforehand. There was no way that my responsible, self-sacrificing, unassuming Bella had gone and bought a car, a brand one at that, one that cost more money than her father made in a year. With _my_ money, on top of that. Not unless someone had forced her.

"Bella bought this?" The thought alone was so preposterous that my derisive snort down my nose could not be contained. "Bella? You've got to be joking! The same Bella that wouldn't let me buy her a birthday present or a graduation gift? That Bella?"

"The very one," Jasper grinned. "You should have seen her, Edward – it didn't even take much convincing. She didn't so much as blink when she saw the price and calmly signed the contract. Well, okay, I _might_ have helped with that a little."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, staring incredulously at my brothers who were both grinning widely. "Are you pulling my leg? I cannot imagine Bella ever consenting to spending that kind of money on herself. She's fought me tooth and nail in all the time I've known her whenever I tried to give her even the smallest thing. And you convinced her to buy a car? A _car_? What on earth did you say to change her mind?"

Emmett turned serious. "You'll want to thank the girls for this, Edward. Especially Rose – she's the one who talked some sense into our little sister."

He replayed the conversations from the trip, Bella's protest and Rosalie's clear, precise voice, telling my girl in no uncertain terms that she needed to do this for me, and that she was part of the family now, so spending the family money was appropriate and expected.

Well, perhaps not in those exact words but the meaning had been clear.

My knees almost buckled under me in shock, and Jasper stepped up quickly to prevent my fall, as it dawned on me how much I had to be thankful for – how diligent my family had been in doing whatever they could to reunite me with Bella. I hugged him hard, and did the same to Emmett.

"I don't know what to say, except for thank you. You've gone far beyond anything I would have expected."

"Yeah, well..." Emmett scratched his head, a little embarrassed. "_We love you both_. _We should have stepped in sooner_."

I smiled a little when he recounted how Bella said decisively that she wasn't going to buy a Porsche. Little did she know that the Audi she had bought cost only a little less than the Porsche I purchased for Alice not long ago.

"Hey, man," Emmett asked quietly, "so how are you doing? Better now?"

"Yes," I nodded, smiling, "much better, now that she's here."

"You had Alice very worried," Jasper added. "Actually, all of us were concerned, and not only about your mental health. You might want to give Esme a call. I'm sure she's frantic."

I was reminded that I hadn't had my phone turned on since I'd left Forks. Pulling it out of my pocket, I pressed the button to power it up, and soon the screen was alight with notifications of missed calls and messages left in my voicemail.

"You wanna drive?" Emmett asked before we climbed into the Mercedes, but I declined, preferring to listen to the voicemails and making that call to Esme.

She picked up on the first ring. "Edward?"

"Hello, Esme." My voice was sheepish, thinking about how much I had worried her with my leaving.

"Oh, thank God, Edward!" she cried happily. "We've been so worried. Are you alright? Did they find you? Is Bella okay?"

"Yes, we're all here at the old Chicago house. Bella's fine, well, actually, she's much more than _fine_..." I broke off, flooded with embarrassment. Where had _that_ come from? It wasn't like me to speak with such innuendo. What was going to be next – waggling my brows suggestively, like Emmett usually did?

"_Go, Edward_!" My brothers snickered in unison. Even Esme giggled at the other end of the call.

"Well, that's good to hear, then," she laughed. "Will you be home soon? Did you hear what transpired at home? With Charlie?"

I growled under my breath. "Yes, though I don't know all the details yet. I'm not sure when we'll be home, we haven't really had time to discuss any plans. Once I've had a chance to talk to Alice, I'll let you and Carlisle know."

"Very well, and I hope to see you all very soon. Good-bye, sweetheart."

I hung up, and then checked my messages. Three from Alice that I had ignored as I was running from Forks, another two from Carlisle, begging me to reconsider, and then I came upon one from Bella. My breathing hitched and my heart constricted in pain as I listened to her broken voice, her crying as she tearfully asked my forgiveness, pleading with me to call back, telling me she loved me. I was shocked to hear Charlie's voice at the end.

"_Edward, this is Charlie. Please call the house as soon as you get this message. Bella needs you. And for what it's worth...I'm sorry, too._"

That was rather unexpected. Snapping the phone shut, I wondered how much Bella's father knew, and what she had actually told him. What was he sorry for?

_Huh_. _He's sorry_?

Sorry for pushing her towards that despicable mutt, encouraging and guilting her to spend time on the reservation, away from me? Sorry for grunting his displeasure at me, not bothering to give me the time of day whenever I happened to be in his house? Sorry for trying to drive a wedge between Bella and me? Sorry for believing that Jacob Black only had Bella's best interest at heart? Sorry for believing that I had been callous and uncaring in leaving Bella the previous fall, only to have her come after me when I'd nearly lost my mind, thinking she was dead? Sorry for banning me from his house in the aftermath?

He'd disliked me from the time we came back from Phoenix, and after our Italian adventure, the aversion had only become more pronounced.

The anger built the longer I steamed about all the things Charlie had reason to be sorry for, and Jasper threw a look at me.

"_Whoa, brother. What's got you all riled up_?"

I shook my head, trying to calm myself down. Charlie hadn't known anything about what had really happened, and I needed to remember that from the outside looking in, his reactions were understandable and appropriate.

Well, no, perhaps not appropriate. Pushing his daughter who had a boyfriend, though _boy_ was certainly a somewhat loose term in my case, towards another boy was light years removed from appropriate. And just like that, the anger flared again.

"_Jeez, Edward, now what's going on with you_?" Jasper pushed a measure of calm at me. "_Want to talk about it_?"

"No!" I barked and instantly felt regret as I saw him recoil slightly. "Sorry. I appreciate the offer, but not now. Let's just hunt and get back."

"Okay."

He shrugged and threw a bit more mellowness in my direction. Emmett glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, but didn't say anything. His thoughts were a mass of worry and confusion.

"_He really needs to hunt_."

The further we drove away from the house and from Bella, the more pain I was in. As if my heart were no longer in my chest – the pull of my deep love for her combined with the mate connection reopened the black hole and nearly sucked me in, and had it not been for Jasper sending wave after sympathy wave of serenity, I would probably have forced Emmett to turn the car around.

This wasn't new feeling, but I wasn't quite sure why it was happening again now. When I had left Bella in the fall, the misery of being without her had consumed me, and I had barely managed to hang on to my sanity, forcing myself to stay away from her, going months without hunting, simply wallowing in agony. As soon as she'd jumped into my arms in Volterra, though, that black hole had closed as if it had never existed. And after my return to Forks, I had been able to hunt without feeling the gaping schism open again.

"Why is it so hard this time?" I muttered to no one in particular, as I rubbed my aching chest in a pointless effort to make the pain subside.

"I'm not exactly sure," Jasper answered thoughtfully, "you should probably ask Carlisle about it. I do know that it's usually very difficult to be away from your mate for long periods of time. I don't have to tell you that it's not easy for me to be away from Alice, not even after all these years. In your case, being away from Bella for those seven months, and then the turmoil after your return might be contributing to what you're experiencing now. And you haven't hunted in a while, so maybe that's part of it, too."

The anguish in my chest was so bad that Jasper groaned out loud numerous times. "_I'm barely getting __through, Edward._"

"I know," I managed to say, trying to gather whatever strength I had left, feeling terrible for my brother who had to bear the brunt of this agony with me.

"I hope you've learned your lesson now. I strongly suggest that you don't leave her side again. And if you do, please forewarn me so I can get as far away from you as possible." He was only half joking.

"I have no plans to ever leave her again, Jasper. I don't think I could. And if I ever do, please feel free to knock some sense into me," I added.

Emmett laughed. "Yeah, Edward, no worries about that. I think there'll be six of us doing just that if you ever try this crap again. And to be honest, I think your girl would cheer us on the whole time. You really did a stupid thing, brother."

I nodded before a burst of pain made me whimper, and Emmett looked at me with a sympathetic expression. He remembered how difficult it was being away from his own mate in the early stages of their relationship.

"It gets easier with time," he suggested. "I still don't understand how you managed to leave her last year, and then you did it again. You two belong together, Edward – any fool can see that. You guys just have to work out some issues, that's all."

"How will you handle hunting until she's turned?" Jasper asked.

Good question. I had no idea and said as much.

"She feels it, too, you know. All the way here, she was totally miserable. A far cry from what we walked into after you'd been reunited. I don't think I've ever felt this kind of contentment from either one of you."

He silently added his thoughts about the lust he'd felt emanating from both of us. I chose not to address it with him.

We eventually reached an area far enough away from the city and parked the car. Soon, we were running through the woods, scouting out prey. Once I was in hunting mode, being away from Bella became just a tiny bit easier, the dark pain not quite as overwhelming as it had been. Of course, some of this ease was Jasper-enhanced, and I was grateful for his presence. I found a buck and his doe, and made quick work of them both. Feeling slightly less thirsty afterwards, I was anxious and impatient to get back to Bella.

"Okay, I'm fine now, let's go."

"Not yet," Jasper cautioned, checking me over. "You need a bit more before we can head back. I won't risk my sister's safety."

In a way, that was rather rich, coming from him, but I could tell he meant it. Bella had found a way into his heart, too, and he truly considered her part of the family.

I sighed dramatically, knowing he was right. "Fine. I'll get another deer. Or whatever crosses my path first."

"Let's hope it's not a squirrel," Emmett snickered. "Or if it is, that there's a whole nest of them."

"Your jokes haven't gotten better over time, Emmett," I muttered as I delved deeper into the forest, my nose inhaling the scents around me.

"Your sense of humor hasn't either," he retorted, grinning as he ran beside me.

After a time we stumbled across another small herd, and while I took down two more does, Emmett and Jasper both killed the rest of them. We all felt rather full as we made our way back to the car.

"Can we go now? I'd like to get back to Bella," I whined rather impatiently, impersonating Alice by dancing from one foot to the other.

Emmett laughed. "_Jeez, Edward, what's with you? This is a whole new side of you. I don't think I've ever seen you act this way_."

Embarrassed just a little bit, I grimaced and sighed down my nose. "Me either."

"_I actually like it_." He laughed again. "'_bout damn time, my brother_."

He threw me the keys to Carlisle's car, winking. "Here, you can drive. I don't think I could put up with your whiny ass otherwise."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I peeled out of the parking area and made it back to the house in record time. And the painful hole in my chest diminished bit by bit as the miles flew under the tires.

By the time we arrived back, we'd been gone for nearly two hours. I was not pleased, having broken yet another promise to Bella, and Jasper noticed.

"_Chill out, man – your emotions are all over the place tonight. You're giving me whiplash_. _And that's quite a feat, I might add_."

Ignoring his silent comments, I burst through the door after throwing the car in park and ran up to the house, nearly busting the front door in my haste. Alice and Rosalie were puttering around upstairs, putting the final touches on preparing the bedroom and bath for us. Bella's heartbeat drew me to the kitchen where I found her, packing away groceries. She had a portable radio on and was swaying to the beat of the music.

She was utterly adorable.

I walked up behind her and put my arms around her waist, kissing the junction between her neck and shoulder. Apparently, she hadn't heard my approach because she screeched in surprise and her heart stopped for a moment before drumming out a staccato.

"Oops," I murmured sheepishly. "Sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to scare you."

She turned around in my arms and her hands went straight to my hair, pulling me down for a kiss I gladly supplied.

"You're back," she cried happily, her eyes dancing in the bright lights of the kitchen. "Did you have a good hunt?"

"Meh," I replied, wondering for the millionth time how she could be so calm about my eating habits, and kissing me with the knowledge that I had just returned from sucking down the blood of animals.

And then I wondered why on earth I was questioning it, instead of simply accepting this great gift I had been given.

"A few deer. I didn't want to go far, and it was enough. Sorry I'm late."

"It's okay, Edward, you had to go. Alice and Rosalie kept me entertained. Did you see what they did upstairs?" She sounded rather excited about it, which was strange coming from her, based on previous experiences. Money had been spent, and that usually set her off, but she seemed completely accepting of that fact.

My siblings seemed to have really gotten through to her, and I was nearly overwhelmed by gratitude for their interference again.

I nodded. "Yes, I saw the visuals when I came in. They love you very much, and they are very happy to help us out like this."

"So, are we going to stay here for a while?" Bella asked, looking at me through her long lashes, and I could discern from her facial expression that the idea was quite enticing to her. "I mean, Alice bought all these groceries..."

"We can if you like," I answered, smiling. "I'd love to show you around Chicago. Of course, much has changed since I've lived here."

"I'd like that," she whispered. "If we have time."

"We have all the time in the world, my love." I kissed her nose before hugging her to my chest. "We can take all the time you want."

Her answering smile lit up the room.

"But first, let's talk to Alice and the rest of my family. As you know, there are some things that happened while I was...uh...away that we need to talk about."

She sobered immediately and touched a hot hand to my icy cheek, staring at me with the deep eyes I so loved.

"Yes. But before we do, I want you to know something, Edward. I'm so sorry about how I treated you, and I can tell you with certainty that you'll not find me running after him again."

I sighed. "That's actually not what I was referring to, but I appreciate you telling me. And I believe you. We will talk about that more when we're alone. There are some things I need to apologize for as well, but I'd prefer to keep that conversation private."

She nodded sincerely. "Yes, I agree. I just need you to know, Edward. I am yours, if you'll have me. Completely. All of me."

"Nothing would make me happier," I whispered before I pressed my lips to hers again. I had sorely missed her for the two hours I'd been gone, not counting the nearly two days of stupidity that had me running from her. And since I was apparently just as done with chaste as Bella was, the kiss grew quickly into roving tongues and hands. She sighed into my mouth and I swallowed her moans, answering with moans of my own.

"_Perhaps you should take this show somewhere else_?" Alice teased as she came down the stairs and entered the kitchen. "I_ am having trouble believing you're my prude brother Edward, but I am quite happy to see you this way_."

She clapped her hands and I broke the kiss just as Bella jerked in my arms. For a moment I thought she'd hurt herself on my teeth, but there was no blood, thankfully. Relieved, I turned to my sister.

"Alice," I snapped, annoyed at the interruption and the short bout of panic she had caused. "That was rather stupid. Don't sneak up on us like that."

"What, didn't you hear me coming?" She laughed in my face.

"Of course I did, but Bella didn't. And that's beside the point. We were...uh...busy..." I broke off as Bella's face flushed bright red. I supposed she realized what Alice had seen.

"_Busy checking her tonsils_?"

"For God's sake, Alice! Is Emmett rubbing off on you? Ugh, how can someone so tiny be so hugely irritating?"

"It's a special gift," she snickered. "Come on, we're done upstairs. I know you guys want to be alone, and frankly, I'd like to get back to Forks. Let's chat."

"If we ignore her, she might go away," I whispered in Bella's ear, and reveled in her answering giggle.

"I heard that," Alice pouted.

"I'm aware of that. I can also see that it obviously is not working."

"Did you expect it to, brother mine?"

With a sigh, I released Bella and grasped her hand. "Alright, let's get this over with."

We reconvened in the parlor, Bella sitting in my lap on the couch, Alice next to us, with Rosalie in a chair and Emmett standing behind her, with his arms on the headrest. Jasper stood by the door. My disobedient hands lay on Bella's arm and stomach where they were both busy rubbing circles onto her skin and shirt. I nuzzled my nose into her hair and inhaled deeply.

She smelled like home.

"Alright," I said. "What happened?" Instantly I was barraged by images, tumbling topsy-turvy through my head, as my siblings recounted various scenes in their heads. The thoughts ran into one another and I had a hard time discerning the timeline.

"One at a time, please," I groaned. "Alice, go first."

"I saw Bella waking up, and reading your asinine letter. Nice touch on the flower, Edward," she began sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. "Could we do this without the snarky commentary?"

"Fine. There was a discussion with Charlie in her room where she told him about the engagement. And then she decided to leave to come to our house. Charlie made a call while she got ready and then both their futures went dark. I figured he'd called one of the wolves, but I couldn't see anything, so I ran to the house. I stayed in the woods, close enough to hear what was going on, but still out of range of their noses, just in case. Not that they wouldn't expect it, we've been in and out of that house so much, our scents are all around it. Bella was getting ready to leave when two dogs drove up. Jacob Black walked up to the door just as Bella was opening it. There was a shuffle, they both said a few things and then they were in the kitchen, and he was yelling at her for wanting to run after you. I'm not sure if he could smell me, but he was starting to phase...you know that rippling sound they make just before they do? Well, Bella here had the presence of mind to get him out into the backyard before he fursploded. Then the other dog came running, and Bella ran back inside and returned with a pair of ugly sweatpants and a baseball bat. Bella, I think I'm going to have to start dressing Charlie as well. Wherever did you find those hideous things? Hmmm...no, I can already see that he won't like that. Darn...it's a good thing that mutt took the pants, let's hope he doesn't return them. Where was I? Well, I guess he calmed down sufficiently, because he went into the trees and changed back to human. Oh my God, Edward, you should have seen her. She was brilliant. She yelled at that rotten mutt, and threatened to use the bat on him, which I would really have liked to see, and then they all went back into the kitchen, where poor Charlie sat, paler than we usually are, after having seen a huge wolf in his backyard."

She took a breath, but obviously wasn't finished. Rosalie's eyes had glazed over about two seconds into Alice's story, and she was currently scowling at the walls while a grinning Emmett rubbed her shoulders. Jasper just smiled proudly at his wife, and I didn't need his talent to feel the love he had for her.

I didn't speak when Alice took in much needed air – I had learned long ago, much like Jasper had, that it was simpler to just let Alice tell her story without interruptions.

It was faster that way.

"So, they all had some 'splaining to do, and now Charlie knows all about dumb werewolves, and in extension, us." She motioned her hand around the room. "And then, the two dogs left, and Bella was talking to Charlie about you being a vampire and having known about it since the beginning, and Charlie reacted like a champ. No wonder Bella has always been so accepting and unfazed by us – she surely got it from him. He actually stayed calm throughout most of it, except for when he threw the filthy dogs out of the house because Jacob couldn't keep his temper under control. I tell you, Edward, there's something seriously wrong with that mutt. He doesn't know when to take no for an answer. Emmett here is all for decking him once and for all, and if that dog keeps up his little smear campaign, I might just have to deck him myself. Hmmph... So, once they were gone and the future was all clear again, I saw that Bella would call your cell phone which, by the way, moron – don't turn that off again, mmm'kay? How are we supposed to get hold of you in an emergency, hhmm? And this certainly qualified for one, but no...you had to turn the damn thing off."

At that point she growled at me.

"Anyway, after Bella left you a message, she decided to come over to the house so I called her to invite them both over because Charlie obviously needed to talk to Carlisle about the ramifications of what he had just heard. And get answers to his questions. That actually turned out pretty well, I might add. They were still talking when we left. So far, I've not seen anything bad happening to Charlie, but we need to be vigilant about any future Volturi visits. I think first though, we'll have to discuss the treaty, and contact the Alpha to see what needs to be done about that dog. He is required to keep his mouth shut about our world, just like we are, and he needs to be punished for breaking the treaty. We are well within our rights to do much worse than just deck him, as you know." She looked at me, smirking.

"_We could now slaughter the entire tribe if we so desire, I suppose. Not that we would, and Carlisle would never allow it, but I am wondering if that stupid puppy forgot all about that little caveat when he phased in Bella's backyard_."

By the time Alice took another breath, Bella was crying again, hot tears running down her cheeks. I lowered my head and pulled her closer against me. I wasn't sure why she was crying, but my heart broke nonetheless, just because she was.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. I won't let anyone hurt him."

Bella snorted through her tears. "God, Edward, I wish someone would. That obnoxious, moronic dog really needs a good beating. You should have heard him, the way he talked to me, about you. No one has ever spoken to me that way. He is rude and disgusting and very obviously not right in the head, and whatever friendly feelings I may have had for him – well, let's just say I couldn't care less about him now. He's a jerk and I only wish I had seen it sooner."

After her first few words, my mouth had fallen open, because this angry outburst was the last thing I had expected to come from her lips.

"What?"

She turned her face to me, all red and blotchy and beautiful.

"He used me, Edward, he used me to hurt _you_, and I won't _ever_ forgive him for _that_. If it had only been me he'd hurt, I might have been able to excuse that, considering that he kept me sane while...while... we were separated, but he _hurt you_, and I cannot overlook that and continue to be his friend anymore. I'm so sorry, Edward, I'm so, so sorry. He hurt you, and _I_ hurt you, and I didn't realize it, I was stupid and blind, and I'm so sorry..."

At the end, she was sobbing into my shirt, her fingers clutching the hairs at the back of my neck. I didn't know what else to do, so I rubbed her back gently, shushing her.

"Shh, Bella, don't cry. It's okay, sweetheart, it's alright. I forgive you. Besides, I'm not without fault here either."

I ignored the collective snorts of my siblings, all silently agreeing with my last statement. I rolled my eyes again.

Rosalie got up and retrieved a box of tissues from the kitchen. I thanked her quietly and offered it to Bella, who took one and blew her nose quickly.

"_You guys take a moment. We'll be right back_."

I locked eyes with my sister, the one who had in the last few weeks continued to surprise me with a compassion and loyalty that I hadn't ever given her a chance to show before. While she still wasn't thrilled that I had fallen in love with a human, she was well aware of the finer details of vampire mating, and she now supported Bella's request, as well as my consent, to change into one of us.

We would probably always rub each other the wrong way, but there was a fierce love for our family in her, which now very much included Bella, and Rosalie deserved to know that I appreciated it. We communicated silently for a moment and I could see in her mind that she understood what I was trying to tell her with my eyes. She smiled a little.

"_Yeah, yeah...I still hate your guts, but I love you, too, brother_."

They all quietly left the room. I refocused on Bella, wiping the tears off her face, and softly kissed her forehead.

"We will talk about it all, Bella, I promise. I made mistakes just the same, and I am just as much at fault for bringing us to this point. I would prefer though to have those conversations without my siblings in the vicinity. Let's get them out of the house and on their way back, and then you and I can work on us. Would you agree? Is that what you want, too?"

She nodded. "Yes, Edward. I want that, too. I love you, so much."

"And I love you, my Bella. Always." I took another tissue and gently wiped her eyes.

"Ready for more? Alice is already bouncing in the hall. I'm afraid she might bounce right through the tile and end up in the basement if she doesn't get to tell the rest of the story."

Bella laughed a little, her eyes twinkling again. "Well, we wouldn't want that. It's much too beautiful a house to be destroyed by an impatient little pixie."

"I heard that, too." The response was immediate and loud enough for Bella to hear.

Bella and I both laughed as my siblings entered the room again, Alice dancing across the floor at the front, and took their previous positions. I addressed her as soon as she sat down.

"Then what happened?"

"We came here. I knew where you were headed, so we all got into Carlisle's car and here were are."

I could usually tell when she was hiding something from me, and this time was no different. Certainly, the French translation of the King James Bible, while well done, had nothing to do with her story, but that was all I could see in her head.

"There's something you're not telling me," I accused her but she only laughed.

"_Nothing you need to know right now, dear brother. That's all between you and Bella. The next few days will be overcast, and you should be okay to go out during the day. If that changes, I will call, so keep your phone on. After that, you haven't decided yet where to go and which way to get home, so when you do, I'll know. The kitchen is stocked, your clothes are up in your old room, and the bed is turned down_. _And that's our cue to leave._"

Even Emmett, who was normally no good at hiding his thoughts from me, had nothing else to offer, except things I had no wish to see, and Jasper as well as Rosalie were busy keeping me out of their heads.

I gave up after I saw Bella hiding a yawn. Time for bed, it seemed. The seventeen year old male inside me rubbed his hands in glee. The gentleman was outraged but I told him to shut up. Both Bella and I deserved some quality alone time.

"Very well. Let me walk you to the door."

Alice laughed, having seen my intentions. "_Remember, she still needs to sleep, Edward_."

I rolled my eyes. "And she will."

We all walked to the door and amidst hugs and thanks, good-byes and various silent encouragements, some of them the less-than-innocent kind, my siblings all piled into Carlisle's Mercedes. Bella and I stood on the front porch, arm in arm, her head leaning against my chest, as we waved good-bye to the quickly disappearing car, before going back into the house.

It was finally our time. Time to talk, time to reconnect, time to just be.

Time to resurrect our love.

* * *

**Endnote:** Well, what do you think? Please leave me some love in the form of a review.

I am using a term towards the end of this chapter that was coined by someone else though I don't know who. I have seen it pop up in other fanfiction, and thus cannot and will not take credit for it. More info can be found here: **www (dot) pbworks (dot) com/Twilight#Fursplode**

ConfettiRainfall and I wrote a oneshot for The Writers' Coffee Shop - Sport of Love Challenge that won FIRST PLACE in the Espresso category. To all of our voters, THANK YOU! We are going to expand the story. Future chapters can be found on TWCLibrary and FanFiction [dot] net.

Also, voting is now open for the Silence of the Wolves contest at www [dot] fanfiction [dot] net/u/2269000/.

I tweet on occasion. Find me [at]twilightmomofto.

Till next time... the next chapter will begin the healing process for Edward and Bella. Many things need to be discussed, but I also have some fun planned for them. See you then.

TMoT


	9. New Day Dawning

**Author's Note: **What's this? An update? Just in time for the New Year, I present you with Chapter 9. I am so grateful to everyone who hasn't flounced on me because of my serious, inexcusable delay, and those who sent encouraging PMs and reviews. Thanks for sticking around. I really appreciate it.

Muchas Gracias to ConfettiRainfall and Bella's Executioner for pre-reading and their welcome and very helpful suggestions to pretty things up. Love you both.

And finally, thanks to my husband who puts up with me.

Happy New Year!

* * *

**9. New Day Dawning**

_Taken all I could take,  
And I cannot wait.  
We're wasting too much time  
Being strong, holding on.  
Can't let it bring us down.  
My life with you means everything,  
So I won't give up that easily.  
I'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
'Cause it's all misunderstood.  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around._

_Let's start over._  
_I'll try to do it right this time around._  
_It's not over._

_ooo~~~ooo _

It's Not Over – Daughtry

Chapter Songs: The Reason – Hoobastank, Please Don't Leave Me – Pink, Starlight – Muse, Happiness – The Fray

* * *

I was pressed firmly against Edward's side, his arm around my shoulder with mine around his waist, as we stood on the front porch of his old home and watched his siblings drive away. When the taillights of the Mercedes disappeared around a corner, Edward turned to me and grasped my face with both of his hands. He searched my eyes for a long moment, and though I wasn't sure what he was looking for, I returned his gaze, putting all my love for him at the forefront of my mind, hoping that he would see my emotions in my eyes.

"Bella," he whispered softly before leaning down to press a kiss against my forehead. "Sweet, sweet girl. Let's go inside."

I nodded, and he put his arm back over my shoulder as he turned me towards the house. Arm in arm, we walked through the front door and he shut it behind us, the sound echoing through the silent entry hall.

"You must be tired," he said evenly as he gripped my hand and walked towards the stairs, but there was an underlying tone to his voice, something that made my insides quiver in anticipation. He didn't sound like he wanted me to be tired. He sounded like he wanted more of what we had found sitting on the living room floor.

It made me throw all caution to the wind, and I found resolve I hadn't known I possessed. I'd be damned if I ever denied this man anything again. I wanted to give him whatever he asked for, and even those things he would never dare to request.

"I'm okay," I replied, looking up at him. He stopped at the foot of the stairs, staring up towards the second floor, seeming to contemplate something.

"You, however," I added teasingly to lighten the suddenly heavy air around us, "you look like you need a shower. I don't think I've ever seen you this disheveled."

Edward inhaled sharply as he looked down at himself, and then at me.

I took a deep breath. "Icanhelpifyouwant."

"What did you say?" His fingers flexed on my upper arm where he had rested his hand.

Courage left me like a deflating balloon. I swallowed hard.

"Uhm...well, I..."

Edward smiled crookedly and my breath got stuck in my throat at seeing the desire that lit up in his eyes.

"Bella, I'd like that. I'd really like that..." His voice trailed off, and I could only imagine the conflict that had to be going on in his mind.

"But?" I croaked.

"But I thought you might want to talk first?"

I exhaled in a rush.

"Yes, of course, we do need to talk," I nodded quickly. "I just thought...well, you are a bit dirty, and after...you know...after a shower, it might be easier to...uh, I'll just shut up now."

My face was bright red and I lowered my eyes to the floor, fiddling with the bottom hem of my shirt, embarrassed to no end.

Edward raised my chin up with his fingers. Reluctantly, I met his gaze. The love in his eyes took my breath away. He kissed my nose, his sweet breath washing over my face.

"Do you want to help me take a shower?"

"Yes," I whispered.

His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat.

"I think we can do that," he murmured. "Perhaps if we...just...we have to go very slow, Bella. I can't..."

Edward cleared his throat.

"Hmmhmm...I can't lose control with you. Whatever we do, and believe me, I want it all with you, Bella, but we have to go slow."

"Slow is fine. Slow is good," I nodded, surprised and elated that he would trust himself to move forward with our intimacy. His reactions to me earlier had been very encouraging, and I had hoped they would bode well for the future.

He bent his head down to kiss me, softly at first, but then some switch flipped in my brain and I clutched at him, desperate and wanton, pulling his shirt out of his jeans, touching the cool skin of his back. He hissed against my lips and his arms tightened around me, pulling on the fabric of my shirt, the pressure of his hands increasing on my lower back, slipping down to my bottom and pressing my hips against his, as his tongue flicked urgently against my mouth. His very evident arousal was unmistakably pressing against my stomach, and my female bits clenched involuntarily as tingling sensations expanded in my core. I met his tongue with my own, moaning at the taste of him, sweet and spicy and all Edward.

A few moments later, he released me with a gasp, breathing hard. I looked at him sheepishly and panted an apology. Instead of reprimanding me like I expected, Edward simply grinned.

"Come on, you vixen. I'll explain the meaning of 'slow' on our way up."

I couldn't suppress the giggle bubbling from my throat. Edward swooped me up in his arms and ran up the stairs.

Earlier that evening, Alice and Rosalie had dragged me upstairs as soon as the boys left with Edward. There were three bedrooms, one the master suite with an attached bathroom, plus a separate guest bath. Alice had explained that they'd had the house renovated some years prior to bring it up to code and modernize the interior for easier renting.

And apparently, Alice had had a vision some weeks prior that put Edward and me in the house alone. She patiently elaborated on ordering new furniture, getting the interior painted and decorated and setting up the entire house for whenever her vision would come to pass.

Every detail had been meticulously planned, down to the 600-thread sheets on the king-size bed in the master suite. The bathroom was stocked with towels, soaps and shampoos, both Edward's and my favorites. From her massive number of shopping bags, she pulled an electric blanket with a teasing smirk.

Then she'd started to stock the closet with brand-new clothes. She'd pulled out jeans, shorts, skirts and a number of shirts and blouses, shoes, socks, and finally a large, pink bag from Victoria's Secret that had made blood rush to my face without even seeing the contents.

And every time I had opened my mouth to protest, she had shot me a warning look that made the words freeze in my throat.

With a satisfied smile, she had graciously allowed me to head down to the kitchen to stock the groceries, while she and Rose had finished up. I hadn't been upstairs since so when Edward opened the door to the master bedroom, my mouth fell open when I saw the candles that cast a soft glow around the room.

"Well," Edward snickered, "it certainly looks like Alice has been busy."

"She and Rosalie both," I muttered, looking around the room. "Oh, my God, are those rose petals on the sheets?"

"Red ones, too," Edward chuckled. "Could this be any more clichéd?"

He set me on my feet, but kept me in his arms, tilting my face up to his. His golden eyes were soft but serious.

"Bella, I don't know that we can go as far as my sisters seem to think."

I reached up to touch his face, stroking my fingers across his cheek, running them across the shell of his ear and into his hair. I knew now that he wanted me just the way I wanted him – there was no longer any doubt in my mind – but I also knew that he would be scared to death to hurt me.

And I was finally able to set aside my selfish desires and let his needs come first. I reached higher to brush his hair out of his forehead.

"I know. To be honest, I don't want that to happen yet anyway."

He froze and blinked at me. "You don't?"

I shook my head. "No. I think we should wait until after I'm changed. Edward, I was a stupid girl to make you promise me to try before my change. I...I want you to be able to enjoy it, too. And I don't think you would, if all you were worried about was not hurting me when we...you know. It was wrong of me to pressure you into this...this ridiculous arrangement."

He blinked again. "Who are you, and what have you done with my fiancée?"

I shivered at the word, joy spreading through me as he insinuated that our engagement wasn't over.

"Am I?" I whispered, searching his eyes for confirmation.

"Are you what?"

"Your fiancée."

His arms released me instantly and he stepped back. My hands fell to my sides as I looked at him curiously, not having expected this reaction, and my heart suddenly hammered in my chest with the painful thought that perhaps I was mistaken, that I'd been too late after all, and that my misdeeds against him and his love had been too much.

Of course, he heard it beating against my ribs, and I was certain that my sharp intake of breath reached his ears just the same.

He immediately engulfed me in his arms again and pressed a kiss to my lips. It was so sudden and over so quickly that I didn't have a chance to react before he released me once more.

"Don't move," he warned with a wink, "I'll be right back."

He turned and blurred down the hallway, down the stairs, only to appear a few seconds later with a familiar black box in his hand. When he reached me, he sank to one knee and offered me his mother's ring once more, nestled in shiny satin inside the velvet box.

"Isabella Swan, I'd be honored to be your husband until the end of time. Will you still do me this extraordinary honor and marry me?"

Tears welled in my eyes as I fell to my knees in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Relief and gratitude flooded my insides.

"Yes. Yes, Edward, yes, of course I'll marry you."

"State your conditions, Miss Swan."

I fought down the rush of guilt, knowing that my past actions were causing him to say those words, but then I thought of a way to turn it around, to make him see that I was his, willingly and unconditionally.

"I have only one condition this time."

He waited patiently.

"The sooner, the better," I smiled, watching as first disbelief, then glorious joy flickered across his face.

"Really?" he breathed.

I nodded tearfully.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I started but he put a finger across my lips.

"Shh, my beautiful girl. It's alright. No more apologies tonight." He smiled at me. "Now, I still need to put this ring back on your finger. If you would please hold out your left hand..."

I grinned through the tears as I pulled back slightly to sit on my feet and immediately offered him what he had requested. I was suddenly desperate to feel the cool metal on my finger, no longer able to even comprehend the reasoning of the stupid girl that had so adamantly refused to wear it when it was first bestowed upon her.

What an ungrateful shrew I had been.

I could now not think of any reason why I would not want to shout it from the rooftops that this beautiful and loving man was mine, and mine alone.

Just as I was his.

In Edward's golden eyes, I could clearly see how much this moment meant to him. A small yet proud smile played around his lips as he glanced at me from underneath his long lashes. Reverently, he picked his mother's ring from the box and carefully slid it over my finger. My hand curled into my palm automatically as he held it aloft to press a soft kiss below the ring, and I knew it would never voluntarily leave my finger again.

The diamonds threw sparkles in the light of the candles around us. We both silently admired it for a moment, much like we had done the first time in his bedroom only a few days ago, but the emotions flowing through me were much different this time. There was gratitude and possessiveness and sheer jubilation in my heart, and not a trace of apprehension or reluctance to proudly wear this symbol of Edward's devotion to me.

Edward raised his eyes to mine again and smiled brilliantly.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too..." I tried to say but my words were cut off by his lips on mine. He pushed his tongue in my mouth for a moment, and when I gasped and tried to deepen this kiss further, he threw his head back to laugh and got up, twirling me around the room in his arms, his face jubilant and joyful; for once he looked everything like the seventeen year old boy he was.

"We're getting married," he sang in his angel voice while I started to get dizzy, my vision blurring from the speed; yet I was laughing with him, holding on to his neck for dear life. Not that I was afraid he would let me fall, because if there was one thing I was absolutely certain about, it was that Edward would never let any harm come to me.

"We're getting married," he trilled again before looking down at me and then immediately setting my on my feet, with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Oops. Are you alright?"

It took a moment for me to regain my equilibrium but I couldn't stop smiling.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm perfect."

The love shining out of his eyes made my heart flutter and my breathing stop.

"You are," he nodded with unexpected sincerity. "Utterly perfect."

I couldn't speak, overwhelmed by this man, this wonderful, forgiving man, whose heart I had stomped on without thought, and who loved me still. I could tell when he saw the strangling guilt in my eyes because his eyes narrowed just a little before he smiled softly.

"Breathe, Bella," he whispered so sweetly. "It's okay. You're here with me. We're alright."

I collapsed in his arms, clutching at him with all my might, sobbing and smiling through the tears – I couldn't get close enough.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Edward, oh, I love you, love you so much, and I'm so sorry."

He picked me up gently and carried me over to the bed, only to lay me down, settle next to me then pull me half on top of him. His strong arms held me to him as I cried into his shirt, sniffling great snotty sobs. I felt him kiss my hair over and over, whispering quiet words of comfort.

Edward held me until I finally calmed, his fingers softly stroking my back, my side and everywhere else he could reach. I shifted back slightly to look at him, my heart overflowing with the love I had for him. The guilt and regret cut like knives in my stomach.

I opened my mouth but he shushed me with a quick shake of his head.

"No more tonight," he said firmly before grinning boyishly. "I'm going to take a quick shower and then it's time for you to sleep, my beauty. Well, right after we change the sheets. I'm afraid the dirt on my clothes has stained them."

"Okay," I acquiesced. "Though I'll change the sheets while you take a shower. And Alice said to throw those clothes away. That no amount of detergent would clean them and we shouldn't even try."

"Of course she did," Edward snickered as he kissed my nose and then walked to the bathroom, shaking his head.

I watched him enter the room and then turned towards the bed, my mind ablaze with thoughts of a very naked, very wet Edward standing under the stream of hot water just a few feet away. Shivering from the sudden desire to join him, and very thankful that he couldn't read my mind, I stared at the crushed rose petals on the bed. I could only guess at what Alice and Rosalie had tried to accomplish with this underhanded gesture.

I knew how very much Edward feared hurting me, and once I had left the silly girl in me behind, it had become clear to me that pressuring him into sex by dangling my acceptance to his marriage proposal under his nose had been very, very unfair and pathetically wrong.

Of course, I still wanted him, still wanted to appease my raging hormones but I could finally see that it wasn't going to be possible until after I was changed. Though Edward's behavior upon our reunion had given me a renewed hope that while we may not be able to go all the way, he seemed willing and able to take things beyond the chaste kisses of the past.

We'd just need to communicate how far he would feel comfortable to take our intimacy before it became too much. My face grew heated as blood pooled in my cheeks at the thought of seeing more than glimpses of skin, tracing my fingers across the planes of his naked chest. The one time I had seen him without a shirt was in Volterra, and in that situation, I had obviously been too distracted by the threat to his life to properly pay attention.

More blood rushed to my face. I quickly removed the soiled sheets and covers from the bed and replaced them with clean ones, wondering if Alice had foreseen them getting dirty in any way and had thus bought more than one set. This set off a new train of thought about just how she might have seen them getting soiled, a thought that had me breathing much more rapidly than the exertion of my current activity warranted. I needed to get a grip.

Fast.

I had just pulled the other set of pillow covers from the closet when Edward walked out of the bathroom, clad in only a set of sleep pants, rubbing a towel through his wet hair.

My mouth dropped open and the fabric in my hands fell to the floor as I took in his pale skin, still damp from the shower, the muscles flexing in his chest, the way his waist narrowed, and the thin trail of hair that disappeared into the waistband of the pants. My heart beat out a staccato in my chest. I whimpered pitifully and unintentionally, and his eyes snapped to mine.

With my face flaming red, I mumbled an apology and picked up the pillows, quickly turning away from him to busy myself with the bed linens. My hands were trembling as I tried to put the pillows into the covers. I heard the soft thud of the towel falling to the floor, and then Edward's bare feet padding across the wood. A second later, his bare arms encircled me, his cool breath floating down my neck as he whispered into my ear.

"Bella."

I stood stock still, unable to move. He kissed my ear, his lips warmer than usual. Erratically, the thought that the hot water must have heated him up fluttered through my mind. Edward pushed my hair out of the way to nuzzle on my neck.

"Turn around."

I took a raggedy breath and slowly turned in his arms, coming face to face with his bare chest. Pale nipples centered on each of his pectoral muscles; a few sparse hairs in the same reddish tone as those on his head lay softly against his skin. Edward reached down to take the last pillow from my hands, then lifted my chin with his long fingers. My eyes met his shyly. He was grinning crookedly, and there was a hint of determination visible in his gaze.

"Touch me, Bella," he whispered. "If you want to, that is."

I exhaled in a rush, searching his eyes to see if my mind was playing tricks on me. He smiled encouragingly, and I lifted a trembling hand to his chest, my gaze never leaving his. He softly moaned a little as my fingers made contact with his skin, and I jerked back instinctively. Smiling still, he grasped my fingers in his hand and gently led me back to his chest, squeezing his hand on top of mine for a moment before letting go again. He bent down to kiss my forehead.

"Breathe, sweetheart. I want this, I do. Just go slow."

Nodding, I drew in a deep breath, my heart pounding in my throat, as I gently and very slowly explored his bare skin, drawing my fingers across and around his muscles, up and down the center, and across to his ribs and back. Edward closed his eyes on a sigh. His muscles twitched under my fingers. From deep within his throat, he began to purr. I grew bolder, flattening my hand to rub across the cool skin, circling a finger around one of his nipples, scraping my nail across it.

Edward hissed in a most erotic way and his eyes flashed open. I giggled and did it again.

"Bella!" he exclaimed. "That feels . . . "

"Good?"

He stared at me with wonderment and sheer adoration in his eyes. "Yes. Very good."

The next second, I was pressed against him, trapping my hand effectively between us, and his hands were pushing into the small of my back. He captured my lips in a searing kiss, and as I gasped in surprise at the suddenness of his movements, his cool tongue delved into my mouth, stroking against mine. He turned his head slightly as I moaned. I could feel every inch of him pressing into my lower stomach, and as I raised myself up to my toes I pushed my hips hard towards him. Wetness spread in my lower girlie bits as his firm member hit right where the tingling sensation had centered itself.

It was Edward's turn to gasp, and with that I was beyond rational thought. My free hand shot into his hair and grabbed hold of the strands, my lips pushing against his, twirling my tongue with his, inhaling his sweet scent through my nose. My heart was pounding in my chest, my mind unable to grasp what was happening, incapable of wrapping itself around the enormity of this moment.

Somewhere in the back of my brain, I knew we had to still discuss everything that had happened, but for now I was perfectly content to drown myself in Edward's arms.

Slow was completely overrated. It seemed as if Edward had the same thought.

Suddenly I was flying, only to land a moment later very softly amidst the fluffy clouds of pillows strewn across the bed. Edward loomed above me, and somehow my legs had wound themselves around his waist. He was lined up perfectly against me, his hardened flesh pressing deliciously close to where my body was throbbing in need. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

My eyes closed.

He shakily held himself above me on his arms, still kissing me deeply and passionately like never before, repeatedly capturing my lips with only short breaks so I could breathe. His breath had quickened to match my panting gasps for air.

"Bella," he choked out, "I want...I need...I can't, oh..."

Whatever I might have wanted to reply died on my lips when Edward's hips lowered a bit more, then began to move rhythmically against me, rubbing me right on the seam of my jeans with just the right pressure. Fabric ripped and my shirt was gone. Cool air hit my bare skin and I could feel the goosebumps build.

Edward's fingers curled over my shoulders, holding me to him, tightening his grasp on me. I felt possessed and possessive at the same time as my fingers pulled on his hair, holding on for dear life.

"Mine," he mumbled again and again. "Dear God, she's mine."

From out of nowhere, white hot pleasure exploded inside me and I had to tear my mouth away from his, throwing my head back into the pillows and arching against him as shattering waves rolled over me.

I had no words.

Only his name tumbled like a prayer from my lips.

Edward growled my name from deep within his chest, jerked against me twice more and then held himself poised above me, his fingers digging and ripping into the pillows beside my face. His expression was one of unbridled pleasure, his head thrown back, his brows crunched up, his mouth openly panting.

"Oh!"

I could feel him pulse between my legs as he fell forward, catching himself on his forearms, his face burrowing into the hair at my shoulder with a rumbling guttural cry escaping his lips that vibrated against my neck.

Then he was gone from my arms. I lay limply on the bed, valiantly trying to raise my head to search for him. I finally found him pressed against the far wall, with his hands flattened by his side. His chest was heaving, his eyes were dark and wild, his nostrils flared, looking every bit the predator he kept so carefully hidden from me. I made to get up to, lifting myself up onto my elbows.

"_Don't move_!" he hissed tersely and I stilled where I lay, holding my breath as my eyes searched his. I wasn't sure what had happened. I could only assume that the scent of my blood had been too much for him. My heart beat rapidly but not in fear, and I hurt not from his departure from my arms but knowing that I was responsible for it.

I had pushed too far, without thought, without concern for his fears, falling into the same trap as before. My only excuse was that I simply couldn't think straight whenever I was in his arms.

His facial expression smoothed slightly as he repeatedly opened and closed his mouth.

"I apologize, Bella. Just, please, stay where you are for a moment."

"Okay," I breathed. "I'm sorry, Edward."

He exhaled loudly and shook his head. A crooked smile lifted the corners of his mouth.

"Don't be. That was perhaps the most incredible experience of my life so far."

That made me smile a little.

"Me, too." I blushed.

He simply nodded at my confession and looked at me tenderly. I waited and watched his eyes return to their normal amber color, as his breathing slowed further. After another minute or so, Edward pushed himself away from the wall and slowly made his way to the closet.

"I'll be right back," he simply said after grabbing something and disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the water run in the sink, then the shower turn on. A moment later, Edward stood beside the bed, clad in a different pair of lounge pants, his hands clasped in front of him. He wasn't breathing.

"Can you please take a shower, Bella? Change into your pajamas, perhaps? I took the liberty of turning on the water for you."

I stared at him, confused as to how a shower would help with my scent. "Uhm, sure, but why?"

Edward rubbed the back of his neck, then looked at me sheepishly, taking a small breath.

"Well, please don't be embarrassed. It's your...uh, female scent, Bella. After, uhm...your climax, uh, it's very strong. Hard...I mean, difficult to resist."

My eyes grew wide. I may have squeaked in surprise. Cue the burning cheeks. I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, utterly mortified, slamming the door shut behind me. I tore my clothes off, tossing them into the pile of Edward's clothes in the corner, and stepped under the running water, quickly cleaning myself, especially between my legs, though I took care not to get my hair wet.

The hot water cleared my head and I was able to think rationally again. The embarrassment faded as I thought over the last few minutes and the incredible experience I had just shared with him. I ventured a guess as to why Edward had reacted the way he did, and a part of me smiled at my sweet vampire, while another part was awed by the strength of his control. My mind went over and over the vision of Edward falling apart above me, in the thralls of his orgasm, his face contorted with pleasure, and more beautiful than he'd ever looked. It made me feel powerful and invincible to see the strong vampire come undone in my arms, knowing that it was I who had gotten him to that point.

I could hardly wait to see him again this way, and I was filled with irrational pride at the knowledge that I was the only one who had ever seen him in this state. There had never been anyone before me, and though it had been a long time coming for me to believe it, I knew now that there would never _be_ another, either.

This man, my darling Edward, was mine alone, to cherish and to love, for the rest of my life. It was almost like a wedding vow, those thoughts that ran through my mind. And I was ready like never before to say them in front of our family and friends and bind myself to Edward in all ways possible.

I toweled off in record time, then reluctantly put on the skimpy pajama set that Alice or Rose had left in the bathroom for me. After brushing my teeth, during which time I studiously avoided looking in the mirror, I finally raised my eyes to look at myself.

My eyes were shining with excitement, my cheeks were still flushed and a weird tiredness slowly seeped through my body. On the very top of my shoulders were small, purplish marks, and I realized that they were most likely from Edward's fingers as they had curled around me so possessively. I leaned closer towards the mirror, pressing a finger on one of them. It didn't hurt at all, but I knew if Edward saw them, he'd be appalled.

He'd probably never touch me again.

And that was completely unacceptable.

The pajama top had simple straps that didn't cover the bruises, and I knew he would see them as soon as I stepped out of the room. There was only one way to deal with it. I'd have to preemptively mention it to him, and tell him unmistakably that this was not a big deal.

I hoped he'd believe me.

I knew he probably wouldn't.

It was time to have that talk.

In the mean time, I would cover them with my hair.

I slowly opened the bathroom door. Inside the bedroom, the candles had been extinguished, and from the nightstand a small lamp cast the room in a soft light. Edward had straightened the room, and the bed looked inviting, with fluffed up pillows, the cover pulled back on one side, and a tall, lanky, exceptionally handsome vampire with erratic, reddish hair lying on the other, with his legs crossed at his ankles and his hands folded up under his head. He looked delectable and completely at ease.

Happy.

Sated.

It gave me perverse satisfaction to know I was at least partially responsible for the expression on his face though I instantly chastised myself and reminded the wanton girl inside me not to push him again.

He was ogling me openly, his eyes roaming up and down my body, and I couldn't suppress the giggle that burst out, though my cheeks burned within seconds.

Edward grinned boyishly at the sound.

"You look exquisite, Bella."

I was tempted to roll my eyes since I still wasn't comfortable with compliments, but I also knew he meant every word, so it was easy to find the appropriate reply.

"Uhm, thank you."

I turned off the light in the bathroom and softly stepped into the bedroom towards the bed. His eyes followed my every move, until I reached the bed and crawled in beside him. He pulled the covers over me, then turned onto his side to face me.

"No, thank _you_," he whispered as he gazed into my eyes.

I moved closer to him, ready to begin our conversation, no matter how embarrassing it might be. I had promised myself honesty, and I would keep that promise.

"So," I started as I ran a finger down the side of his angelic face. "Do you want to talk about what happened? I mean, just now? Why did you end up against the wall? Was it my blood?"

"No," he immediately replied, gently cupping my face with one hand. "That wasn't it at all, and I think I've explained that to you before. I...well, if I'm honest, I didn't prepare myself to go as far as we did, and then, when you...came, and then I...did, too – it was a little overwhelming. Unexpected. The sensations were...Bella, you have to understand. For years, for _decades_, I've been exposed to the minds of humans and vampires alike when they were in the midst of...you know...and yet, nothing could have prepared me for what I felt when we did what we just did for each other."

"Yes," I nodded, smiling at the fact that he seemed just as embarrassed as I was by the topic, yet just as determined to have this conversation as well. "Of course, I understand that."

"And...I wanted more, Bella. I wanted to rip those jeans away and I wanted to feel you without the barriers of fabric between us. I was so close to just taking you, claiming you fully and completely, and I became scared. The only option I saw was to remove myself from the temptation. I want you, Bella, I do, however I can; I'm just terrified of hurting you in the process."

"Oh," I breathed, too stunned to continue for a moment. That was an unexpected development and I scrambled to find the right words.

"Well, I know and understand that, too. But you see, Edward – I trust you. I trust that you love me so much that even in the middle of your...uh...you know...jeez, this is ridiculous...your orgasm, you still knew that you could break me if you weren't careful. You still knew that you couldn't lose control. So you didn't. And that's really all that matters. We'll go slow, we already agreed to that, but I'm not really willing to return to chaste kisses, and it seems like neither are you."

"God, no," Edward snorted. "I couldn't possibly go back to that. And I don't want to, either."

"Good," I nodded, grinning. "Then we agree. This is good. Though I stand by my earlier statement. I'm okay to wait until after I'm changed before we go all the way. I love you, Edward, I love you so much."

"As I love you, my sweet girl. I'm content to just see what happens, if that's alright with you. Slowly," he winked but became serious again quickly. "I do want to postpone the full consummation until we're married, though."

"Yes, definitely," I agreed. "I can't think of a better wedding gift than to fully give myself to you. If possible," I amended. "If not, it will be my gift to you whenever I'm able afterwards. Just know that I don't expect it, and it's not a condition any more. I was a stupid, selfish girl to make that a requirement, and I am so sorry for that. I will marry you as soon as possible, wherever you want. Name the time and place and I'll be there with bells on."

Edward swallowed hard, and his eyes began to shimmer in the soft light. He hugged me fiercely to him, a small sob rattling through his body as he buried his face into my neck.

"Shh, it's okay," I said, softly stroking his hair. "I'm here, I love you, you'll never be alone again."

He pulled back to look at me; then with a small groan he kissed me so thoroughly that all thought fled. When he broke the kiss, he was smiling again.

"I don't have words to explain how much you mean to me, how much I need you, and how very much I love you."

"No words needed, Edward. You show me every day."

And then the fog of exhaustion settled over me and expressed itself in a wide yawn I couldn't suppress.

Edward leaned over to gently kiss me. "You should sleep, sweetheart. It's very late."

"Will you get under the covers with me, Edward? Alice put an electric blanket under the sheets, so I won't get cold."

He chuckled slightly. "She does think of everything, doesn't she?"

I smiled shyly. "I think she just wants us to be happy."

"I agree," he replied. "Alright then, come here. I'm surely not the most comfortable pillow but if you don't care, then neither will I."

He crawled under the duvet and opened his arms for me. As I raised myself up to put my head on his chest, my hair fell back from my shoulder and I could see Edward's eyes zero in on the marks his fingers had left. He recoiled immediately.

"What are those, Bella?" he questioned, pointing a long finger at my shoulder and then the realization dawned in his eyes.

"Oh God, I hurt you. I fucking _hurt_ you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I promise I'll never do it again. Please, Bella – I'm so _very_ sorry."

He rambled about selfishness and lack of control and other things I didn't quite understand, all while pulling on his hair in desperation and regret. I sat up and looked at him evenly.

"Edward. Stop it."

He wouldn't even look at me, and I had to raise my voice to get his attention.

"Stop it right now and listen to me. Those are small bruises from where you held me earlier. They do not hurt, not now and not then, and you will not freak out about them. They are also the only part of me that was somewhat negatively affected in any way by this most wonderful experience we shared and I will not let you diminish that in any way. They. Do. Not. Matter. Do you understand me, Edward?"

His head whipped around to me, and he stared at me, his mouth open in protest. I held up my hand to prevent him from saying anything else.

"Please listen to me, my darling fiancé," I added in a softer voice, smiling at him with tenderness. "I know you're beating yourself up inside over this, but there's no need for that at all. You've given me something I didn't expect to receive, and I am so grateful that you trusted yourself with me. Please do not taint this experience for either of us with unnecessary guilt. I love you, Edward. Nothing you say or do will ever change that."

"But, Bella..."

"No!" I stated firmly. "I mean it. They'll be gone by tomorrow and they do not matter. Please, Edward, I beg you. We'll be more careful next time."

"Oh, really?" he scoffed. "And how do you propose we accomplish that?"

I smiled, relieved that he hadn't categorically decreed that there would not be a next time. This was progress. The Edward from before would have made a unilateral decision and vowed to not even touch me again until I was just as indestructible as he.

"Well," I said while I wiggled closer to him, smiling when his arm gently wrapped around me, and I laid my head on his bare chest. I put my hand flat on the planes of his stomach, just resting it there. He flinched slightly, then relaxed again.

"Well," I started again as a small giggle bubbled up. "I think we both need an explanation regarding the meaning of the word 'slow'."

A muffled laugh rumbled underneath my ear, and Edward splayed his hand across my back to pull me closer while pressing a kiss onto the top of my head. I moved my head to look up at him.

"We'll consult a dictionary tomorrow," he chuckled, smiling at me lovingly. "For now, I think you should sleep. I will hold you all night if you'd like."

"Yes, please," I murmured agreeably, tired as I was, raising myself up enough to kiss him. "Good night, Edward."

"Good night, my Bella."

He began to hum my lullaby, and as usual, the soft melody swiftly pulled me deep into dreamland, safe in my Edward's arms.

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**Endnote:** That's all she wrote. Thank you for reading. Please leave a review. Until then, have a Happy New Year.


	10. She

**Author's Note: **Hi! I can't quite believe I've produced another one but this chapter basically forced itself out. Edward also wouldn't quite let me do what I had planned for them, and thus took my outline and ripped it to shreds. I had some fun things for them in mind, but he wouldn't hear of it. The below is most of what he told me to write. I hope you'll like it.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. I know - shocker!

Thanks to my pre-readers, Bella's Executioner, ConfettiRainfall and IcarusToSun. Without your thoughtful comments and kind words, this would have taken much longer.

Thank you also to my husband who, while not understanding it, still supports my obsession. Love you.

Chapter songs: Alibi – 30 Seconds to Mars, Breathe – Anberlin, All In – Lifehouse, and the beautiful song below.

Seriously – is there a song that better describes how Edward feels about Bella? I think not.

**

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**10. She**

_She may be the beauty or the beast,_

_May be the famine or the feast_

_May turn each day into a heaven or a hell_

_She may be the mirror of my dream_

_The smile reflected in a stream_

_She may not be what she may seem_

_Inside her shell_

_She may be the reason I survive_

_The why and wherefore I'm alive_

_The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years_

_Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears _

_and make them all my souvenirs_

_For where she goes I've got to be,_

_The meaning of my life is..._

___She._

_ooo~~~ooo _

She – Elvis Costello

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She fell asleep within seconds, exhausted from the long day she'd had. Humming her lullaby softly, I held her to me, watching her head move with every breath I took, admiring her long lashes graze the very top of her cheeks. A soft smile raised the corners of her lips. Her dark locks were spread out over the pillow and my arm, my hand was splayed across her back, centering and anchoring her to me.

She looked peaceful, relaxed.

She was sheer perfection.

She was everything I'd ever need and ever want. I ached for her always, and I could not conceive now of what had possessed me to try to leave her again instead of trying to work through our issues.

I closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling her scent deeply, drowning myself in it, and while it burned my throat like a fiery pit, the fire reminded me how precious a gift I had been given.

Not once, but twice.

Bella had apologized, or tried to, numerous times in the past few hours, and soon I would let her have her say, let her explain to me what had motivated her to run after the mutt again and again. I would let her because I needed to know her reasons.

I needed to know what part I had played in this whole mess, though I could hazard a fairly accurate guess.

Running from her again had been one of my least shining moments, I realized this with perfect clarity, though at the time I'd made that decision it had seemed the only feasible option.

"Edward."

My eyes flashed to her face, my body tensed automatically and my senses immediately monitored her heartbeat and breathing when I heard the distress in her voice. Bella's hand on my chest moved, searching for but not finding purchase on the smooth planes.

She sighed, still fast asleep but there was fear and hurt in her expression and a tension in her body that spoke of a bad dream.

"Oh, Edward. Please...please, don't leave me. Stay with me."

Guilt instantly flickered to life, burning me from the inside. I shouldn't have run. I should have stayed and listened to her, given her a chance to answer the questions and doubts I had. I should have asked her those difficult questions. I should have listened to my family when they told me how foolish I was acting.

I should be thankful to still have her in my arms.

And I _was_ utterly grateful to know that her view of things had changed nearly as drastically as mine. For her to come after me, for her to adjust her perspective on things such as the family money, for her to buy a new car, a rather expensive one at that – it was unexpected and it showed me how very much she had seemingly changed overnight.

It had liberated me, setting me free from the prison of my own self. For the very first time, I felt worthy of her.

She had chosen me, freely and willingly.

I felt like I was on top of the world.

"I'll stay forever, Bella," I whispered, pulling her closer, willing her to hear me in her sleep as she had sometimes before.

And she did, it seemed.

"Hmm, okay," she mumbled, once more relaxing against me. Her hand stilled.

I reached over to turn off the lamp beside the bed. The moon shone into the window and bathed the room with its soft glow. It caught on the diamonds adorning her ring finger and the space where my heart used to beat swelled at the sight. Warmth spread through that frozen center of my chest, right where that silenced organ resided - a warmth that only she could give me.

Of course, I didn't need the light to see, but it made Bella's bare skin glisten and highlighted the ugly marks my fingers had left on her delicate shoulders. I fought off the guilt that was starting to build in my stomach, remembering quite well the stern talking-to Bella had delivered when I had first discovered them. The way she stood up for what she believed to be true, and how she had yanked me from the dark turn my thoughts had taken, my propensity for self-loathing immediately taking charge, was quite astonishing and I was certainly not willing to incur her ire again on that particular subject. I would choose to trust her to tell me if and when I hurt her.

I would also need to trust myself. I didn't _want_ to hurt her. I couldn't conceive of intentionally doing harm to her but my superior strength combined with a lack of control could and would be deadly. And yet, even in the midst of my spine-tingling orgasm I had possessed enough presence of mind to remove myself from the situation when it had become too much.

Bella's strong reaction to my instant guilt had given me pause. She was magnificent in her anger, that was without question, but it had also made me think. She was right, of course. The experience we had shared had left me utterly blissful and I could agree with her that we both came out of it relatively unscathed.

She had a few small bruises.

I had a new outlook on life.

The change I experienced in those extraordinary moments of complete and utter abandon had felt almost as disorienting as the second I fell in love with her.

I could only imagine what it would to to me when we finally made love and gave each other our virginities.

I had gone without sexual experiences for all of my existence. Hearing the vulgar thoughts of everyone around me as soon as I entered a room was turn-off enough, but even the sexual revolution of the sixties and the many open advances from women over the years, including Tanya's repeated offers, had not remotely interested me, so much so that Esme began to wonder if I had been changed too young.

The truth was that I couldn't conceive of having sex without the overlaying blanket of love and affection – I had seen the mutual devotion in the couples of my family and had noticed how much better it seemed to make their experiences when love was at the heart of the relationship.

I had yearned to find that kind of love for a very long time and eventually had given up on the idea and the hope that I would ever be so fortunate to experience it for myself.

Until Bella.

Everything changed that day she stumbled into my life.

And now after much struggle and heartbreak she was truly going to be mine.

Her renewed agreement to my previous request that we wait until after marriage, her offer to wait until after she was changed had set off a chain reaction inside me, and I was suddenly questioning my stance on so many of our issues.

It warmed my silent heart to hear her take my views into consideration and that in turn had made me wonder if my upbringing to believe in the sanctity of marriage and my ingrained desire to bind myself to Bella in all ways possible were what was keeping me from giving her that ultimate gift of myself or whether it was only my fear of hurting her in the process that had me deny her on so many occasions.

I had wanted to leave that last rule unbroken, that much was true, but at this point what I had once believed to be accurate seemed blurred now. Right and wrong no longer seemed black and white. No, they appeared to be infinite shades of gray that I was learning to accept.

My unyielding stance on my beliefs was perhaps partially to blame for the misery we had put each other through.

Still, I couldn't think of anything more meaningful, more powerful than to consummate our love not only with a physical act but with a binding promise of forever in front of witnesses, a forever that in our case would actually be possible.

And I wanted her so very badly that despite my remaining misgivings on that subject, I could try to be content to see where this new path would lead us.

It was either that or dragging her to Las Vegas in the morning as the state of Illinois required proof of residency to issue a marriage license.

Alice would never forgive me the latter, and I did want to marry Bella in front of our families and friends. I wanted that vision to come true, the one where Bella walked towards me, in a beautiful white gown and a long, flowing veil. It didn't have to be a huge production, and I would fight Alice every step of the way to ensure that Bella and I were married in the way that we both wanted. We would decide together on what kind of ceremony would be appropriate for both of us.

Compromise.

Though more than that, the vampire in me wanted to claim my mate, fully and completely. I wanted to mark her as mine, drench her in my scent as I was covered in hers. My earlier shower had taken longer than expected, the need to find a release overwhelming, and I had somewhat shamefully taken matters into my own hand, under the laughable premise that it was safer that way.

I was certain that I was nowhere near in sufficient control to attempt any kind of sexual activities, yet I felt more confident than I ever had and continued on the path we had set, to be more relaxed with the previous rules and loosen some of the rigid precautions that had become second nature to me; thus I had walked out of the bathroom wearing just a pair of lounge pants that hid absolutely nothing.

I had wanted Bella to touch me for so long, and finally, I'd been able to let her, the need to feel her hands on my skin overpowering any reluctance I might have previously harbored. The monster had been utterly silent, the tempting call of her blood gone.

Yes, the fire still flared in my throat and the venom flowed freely, but I burned for her in other ways now more than ever.

Her reaction had made my heart soar and my skin tingle; to see the desire flash in her eyes when she openly regarded me was all the encouragement I needed. She'd turned away quickly upon being caught, mumbling an apology, but I wouldn't allow shame or embarrassment to mar the fact that we had been reunited against all odds.

Deliberately, I had asked for her willing touch, had put her small hand on my bare chest.

I _wanted_ us to explore, just safely and slowly.

The feeling of her hand on my frozen skin, the softness of her fingertips, her heated touch growing bolder with every pass she took, was unbelievably arousing and the last vestiges of my archaic attitude towards premarital sex fell by the wayside when I claimed her lips. She pressed herself against me wantonly, pushing her hips into mine, against my erection.

This wasn't the first time she had reacted this way to a kiss but before today I had always gently pushed her back before allowing her to feel what she was doing to me.

This time, I didn't feel the need. I let the flames of arousal shoot through my body and instead of denying myself and her like I had before, I just let go.

And because I did, it took only mere seconds until she had reduced a stony vampire to a quivering heap of utter need.

So much for slow.

Before I could form a clear thought, she was under me on the bed, lined up perfectly and my body took over, moving against her rhythmically, searching and then finding the pleasures I had so far denied us, her throaty moans and whimpers only spurring me on.

All rational thought was gone, my mind focused only on giving and receiving pleasure, sharing the intense emotions with my mate and yet, instinctively, I was able to keep my movements gentle enough to not hurt her.

I hadn't expected that.

I hadn't known.

The difference between hearing about it in people's minds and experiencing it for myself was like night and day.

I'd had no idea I would feel this overwhelming bliss, the sensations racing through my body, thawing that what had been frozen in time and releasing the seventeen year old human male once and for all.

Chaste could go fuck itself.

When Bella found her climax, it was all over. I watched in breathless rapture as she threw her head back, exposing her long neck, her face and chest flushed a beautiful pink, her whole body tensed under and around mine. I felt the still unfamiliar tightening in my groin, the coil winding itself up in preparation for the explosion. When my name fell from her lips, I reached my destination with a few additional thrusts.

My world exploded in brilliant fireworks as the coil snapped, and the vampire burst out of the cage with a vengeance, growling deep in my chest, screaming at me to tear away our clothes and claim her fully, insisting that I take her and make her mine completely. The intensity of the pleasure that rocked through me was breathtaking, shaking me to my core and shattering the tenuous grasp I had on the primal urges that raged inside me.

I fell towards her, trying to find myself in the scent of her blood so thinly disguised under the creamy skin of her neck, biting the inside of my lips so I wouldn't bite _her, _all the while swallowing down venom convulsively. It took every last ounce of willpower, fueled by the now ingrained need to never harm her, to tear myself away from her before I could fall into the trap I had inadvertently set for myself.

Snarling, I flung myself against the far wall, panting and desperately trying to find the restraint I needed, hissing out a terse warning when she made to get up. My silent heart broke when Bella looked at me, the remains of her shirt I didn't quite remember ripping hanging in shreds from her shoulders, her eyes wide and sorrowful, apologizing for what she thought was her fault.

I disabused her of that ridiculous notion immediately, ashamed that I had made her feel as if she were to blame for my current state, even if she _was_ in a most wondrous way, and made it clear to her that I wasn't sorry at all for what we had just shared. A few minutes later I had calmed down sufficiently to notice the wet stickiness inside my pants. Mortification set in, and for once, I was glad that I wasn't human and could no longer blush. I quickly excused myself to the bathroom to clean up, grabbing a clean set of pants on the way.

I suspected that she would want to clean herself as well so I preemptively turned on the water for her before walking out of the bathroom.

Upon reentering the bedroom, the lingering scent of her arousal, her glorious climax, was overwhelming and called to the primal, feral part of me. My lower regions stirred again, and I was forced to cover myself with my hands before asking her to take a shower.

We somehow managed to get through a rather embarrassing conversation with stumbling honesty, and I felt terrible for the way she reacted but it couldn't be helped. I quickly aired and straightened the room and the bed, and then waited for her to return, lounging on one side of the large bed.

I felt oddly relaxed.

Calm.

Sated.

And completely blissed out.

Just as she had earlier done to me, I openly and shamelessly admired her body when she came out of the bathroom, clad in a rather skimpy pajama set with shorts that exposed much more of her flawless, milky skin than I had ever been privileged enough to see, her slender legs going on for miles, and a simple strappy top with a low neckline that barely covered the gentle swell of her breasts, the thin fabric doing nothing to disguise the hardened peaks. I clenched my teeth and fought the urge to jump up and rush to her, yet was unable to prevent the rapidly growing predicament in my groin.

She was a vision and a temptress incarnate, sorely testing my willpower. I forced myself to remain on the bed, unmoving until she had crawled in beside me. Covering her with the duvet, I turned my body to face her.

We fumbled our way through another embarrassing yet honest conversation during which I explained why I had felt the need to remove myself from the bed so abruptly earlier. This new policy of honesty, no matter how mortifying the subject might be, proved to be well worth it.

Brick by brick, honest word by honest word, we were rebuilding a foundation; one that would be stronger than the previous one which had been built on half-truths and avoidance, concealment and my ever-present mask.

What the hell had I been thinking?

My thoughts circled back to the present and I began to make plans for the next few days. I wanted to show her my hometown, and see for myself the changes that had happened over the last few decades since I'd been here.

For the rest of night, I spun daydreams of the two of us exploring the great city of Chicago and listened to her steady breathing, her solid heartbeat, her scent hovering all around me and settling into every pore. Every hour or so I would click off the electric blanket when a sheen of sweat would glisten above her brow so she wouldn't overheat, then turn it back on when she cooled down from my frozen skin. Her legs were tangled with mine, her breast pressed into my side and her hand, adorned with my token of my commitment to her, occasionally twitched on my stomach.

It was absolutely glorious, and I resolved there and then that we would never spend another night away from each other if I could help it, come hell or high water.

I could already foresee that I would have considerable trouble letting her sleep more than absolutely necessary. And despite my lingering worries about her choice, my inner bastard, the one that wanted her to join me in this life, pumped his fist victoriously at the thought that there would come a time, sooner rather than later, when she wouldn't need to sleep at all.

My need for Bella had grown exponentially. Eternity didn't seem long enough anymore for me to get my fill of her. It didn't seem possible that I ever _would_ reach that point.

As she had predicted, the bruises on her shoulders slowly faded overnight until they were nothing more than pale marks, a gentle reminder of what we had shared. When the sun rose in the eastern sky and slowly lit the room, Bella began to stir in my arms. Her silky lashes fluttered a few times and then I was greeted by the deep brown pools of her eyes, sleepily glancing up at me.

"Good morning, sweetheart," I whispered lovingly, kissing her forehead. "Did you sleep well despite the rock hard pillow that I am?"

In response, she snuggled closer, bringing her knee up to my groin and pulling herself half on top of me.

"I can't complain," she giggled, stretching a little and pushing her chest further into my side. "This was the best night's sleep I've gotten in a while."

"Glad to be of service," I joked. "Anything for milady."

Bella's hand move up my chest and played with the few hairs I had managed to grow before contracting the Spanish influenza and being changed by Carlisle. The heat from her fingers tingled where she touched my bare skin, sending bolts of electricity down to my nether regions which twitched in response to the stimulation.

If she noticed the sudden swelling in my pants, she didn't let on.

"Thank you, kind sir." She yawned adorably then pressed a kiss to my collarbone. I nearly came undone when her soft lips connected with my cold skin, and had to grit my teeth for a moment to get myself under control.

"So, what's on the agenda for today? Anything you'd like to do?"

"Well, after I fix you breakfast, I thought you might like to head down to Navy Pier," I replied while playing with the long strands of her hair.

"I've heard of that. Isn't it outdoors? Will it be safe for you?" Her eyes grew wide with concern.

"Parts of it is outdoors, yes. Well, most of it, I suppose, but Alice predicted an overcast day so we should be alright to go out. There's always a store or an exhibit we can duck into if the sun decides to make an appearance, and I will dress accordingly."

"I don't want you to risk anything just to appease me, Edward," she stated firmly. "I'm perfectly happy to stay inside if it's to dangerous for you to venture out. Besides, there's still a lot of talking we have to do. There are things I feel I need to explain to you, and I have questions for you, too."

I scooted down a little to put myself at eye level with her, turning onto my side and stroking her cheek while I gazed into her eyes.

"Bella, I promise I will not put myself or you at risk. And I promise that I will answer all your questions with utmost honesty. I am done hiding the truth from you."

I smiled sadly, remembering all the times I had pretended to be fine when I wasn't. I imagined she had done a similar thing, if recent information was any indication.

"Some of our conversations will likely be very difficult, but I promise you – I will not hide from you. Will you do the same?"

She nodded earnestly. "Yes. I think it's time we get all of it into the open and sort it all out."

"There's one thing I need you to know before we begin," I added. "No matter what you tell me, I will still love you. My love for you will not change, no matter what you might disclose. And I'm a big boy, so don't spare my feelings."

"Alright," she agreed easily, "as long as you understand that it's the same for me."

"Very well."

I was encouraged by her response, feeling very hopeful for the future. We both fell silent for a long moment, while I simply enjoyed the feel of her pressed against me. The thin pajamas did nothing to prevent the heat of her skin from seeping into mine. I was struck again by the thought of making this a permanent occurrence.

A man could certainly get used to this.

So could a vampire.

"Edward," she whispered as her hand reached up to the back of my neck and her fingers wound themselves into my hair. She pressed herself ever closer to me, hitching her leg over my hip.

Desire flared.

"Yes, my love?" I replied huskily, swallowing hard, silently cursing my hands as they developed a life of their own and pressed into the skin of her back, pulling her towards me until there was no space left between us.

"Kiss me."

With a lustful groan, I complied, claiming her lips, wondering in the back of my mind what had changed that she would kiss me and not worry about her perceived 'morning breath'. I mentally slapped myself for the thought and focused on the feel of her soft lips moving feverishly against mine, her hot tongue peeking out to taste me.

I met her with my own and rolled onto my back, pulling her with me so that she was astride me, the heat from her womanly folds centered directly on the throbbing erection I had been sporting for the last ten minutes or so.

We kissed with open lips, our tongues stroking the other's languidly, playfully, with her fingers wound into my hair while my hands roamed her back, down over the delectable curves of her hips until they were firmly attached to the round cheeks of her bottom. I squeezed her soft flesh thus pressing her further against me, and Bella giggled against my mouth, breaking the kiss.

"Mr. Cullen," she laughed, a huge smile lighting up her sweet face. "What's gotten into you?"

I smiled at her, happy and relieved that she didn't take offense against the liberties I had been taking.

"You," I answered honestly, my grin nearly splitting my face in half. "You've gotten into me. You've gotten into me so completely that I simply cannot seem to help myself."

"I like it," she grinned. "Though as much as I'd like to stay right here, you have to let me up now."

"Why? I don't want to," I whined, pouting like a small child and emphasizing my point with a gentle thrust of my pelvis that earned me a gasp from her. "I quite appreciate the position we're currently in."

"So do I," she assured me, a hot hand stroking my face, still grinning widely as a blush crept into her cheeks. "But unless you want me to have an accident, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella," I said as I released her instantly. "I didn't realize...I should have known...I'm an idiot. So very sorry."

"Oh, Edward," she laughed, shaking her head. "Don't be silly. It's not a big deal. Stay where you are. I'll be right back."

She scrambled out from under the covers and jumped off the bed, though not before kissing my nose. I watched her walk to the bathroom, swaying her hips, whether on purpose or unintentionally, I could not say.

I enjoyed the view nonetheless.

My body readily responded.

And where I might have scolded myself before for this outrageous behavior, I now could not have cared less. Bella didn't seem to mind, and I obviously needed to join the twenty-first century. Despite the depth of how my morals were ingrained, I no longer believed that two people fully committed to each other, such as Bella and I, were not allowed to at least explore each other before being joined in marriage.

With that thought, I jumped out of bed and quickly dressed for the day in a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved shirt with a hood attachment and black boots. I knocked on the bathroom door, listening to the sound of running water, Bella's heartbeat and her steady breathing.

"Bella? Take your time, sweetheart. I'm going to head to the kitchen to fix your breakfast. Come down when you're ready?"

"Oh. Okay, Edward."

"What do you want to eat?"

"Surprise me."

"Surprise me, she says," I muttered to myself, shaking my head, grinning happily as I ran down the stairs. "Surprise me, she says to the vampire who only just started to learn how to cook. On the Food Network."

Of course, I hadn't told her that yet.

Though by now, I was proficient with the simple things that didn't require taste tests. I could easily slice up fruit and pour a bowl of cereal for her. Rummaging through the pantry and fridge, I pulled out the ingredients I would need and began to artfully assemble a variety of fruit on a plate, setting it next to a bowl of her favorite cereal. I would wait to add milk until she came down, knowing that it would soon turn the colorful rings soggy otherwise.

The putrid smell of of the white liquid was also not something to look forward to.

Milk was nasty although its smell didn't not even come remotely close to the horrid, repulsive scent of wolf.

The human kind.

The animal kind was quite tasty.

On the counter, I spotted a brand-new coffeemaker.

Would she want coffee? It wasn't usually something she drank, and I could count on one hand the times she'd requested it, but I couldn't think of any reason why Alice would have purchased the thing, other than anticipating Bella making that choice in beverage. In the pantry, I found coffee grounds and filters, as well.

That settled it.

Instead of rudely shouting my inquiry up the stairs, like some men might do, I went back up to the bedroom, thoughtlessly entering without knocking.

"Sweetheart, did you want cof-"

I completely lost my voice at the sight that greeted me. All I could do, all I could _think_ of doing, was to openly admire her. Bella stood, blissfully naked, in the entryway to the closet, holding a pair of jeans and a shirt over her arm, a lacy blue bra and panties dangling from her hand. A towel was pooled next to her feet.

I exhaled on a rush, taking in the sheer beauty of her, from her long legs to the gentle curve of her hips, the patch of dark curls at the apex of her thighs, her small waist, her perky breasts, all covered by the silkiest skin I had ever seen or felt in my existence. She was absolutely breathtaking, she was mine, all mine, and I had to firmly plant my feet to prevent myself from rushing towards her to touch her all over.

And then throw her onto the bed to have my way with her.

My erratic member twitched in anticipation.

"Sweet Jesus," I breathed.

Bella flushed instantly, all the way down to the swell of her chest; her eyes grew wide. I averted my gaze to the floor as soon as I saw her reaction. I twisted my hands nervously, mortified that I had just walked in on her without announcing myself.

Though oddly not embarrassed that I had been caught staring. With that errant thought, I found my voice, although I could only manage to squeak out the words.

"I'm sorry, love...uhm...I didn't mean to just barge in here...terribly sorry...It would have been horribly rude to shout from the...I just wasn't sure if you would want..."

The high-pitched sound of my own voice was strange to my ears.

"Edward," she said softly, interrupting my babbling and taking a small step towards me. "It's okay. Really."

She didn't sound upset or angry that I had seen her in all her naked glory. I couldn't decide whether that should shock or please me.

"Uh..."

She giggled. My eyes snapped up to hers, confused by the flash of amusement in her face. She was holding the clothes in front of her body in such a way that they were now covering up her most intimate areas. Her eyes met mine calmly.

"Now what did you mean to ask me?"

I cleared my throat, trying to swallow around my Adam's apple that seemed to have swollen in tune with my nether regions to where all the venom in my body had rushed like flood waters. The jeans I was wearing had grown uncomfortably tight, the stiff fabric thankfully preventing any obvious sign of my current state.

I sure as hell didn't want it to be pointing at her.

That would have been obnoxious.

"I came up here to ask if you wanted coffee for breakfast. Alice bought a coffeemaker and grounds and..."

I broke off and asked the question that was actually burning on my mind.

"How can you be so calm about this? I just barged in here like a lunatic, surprising you while you were getting dressed, and you stand there, gloriously naked, and it doesn't seem to bother you at all?"

Bella smiled a little. "Oh, it bothers me. Just not in the way you think."

My mouth fell open. "I beg your pardon?"

"It bothers me because it's clearly bothering you."

I didn't know what to say to that. It had been a long time since Bella had seemed to take my emotions and concerns into consideration, and a part of me was pleased to hear that her attitude had so drastically changed in that aspect as well.

Although, if I was honest, the fact that she was naked as the day she was born didn't actually perturb me, though I wondered if it should. I was man enough to admit that seeing her like that was actually quite arousing and I wouldn't mind feasting my eyes on her more often.

Hell, not even my reaction to her state of undress really disturbed me.

No, what truly bothered me at the moment was the fact that I had behaved in such an ungentlemanly fashion as to barge into the bedroom of a lady without first checking if she was ready to receive me. I had been raised better than that.

"Well," Bella began evenly when it became clear that I wasn't going to speak, though she seemed to be suppressing a grin, judging by the way the corners of her mouth twitched and she was biting the insides of her cheeks. "Coffee would be lovely. Why don't you go back downstairs and I'll be there in just a minute, okay? We can talk about this then."

"Alright," I mumbled obediently, then turned to flee the room as if all the demons of hell were after me.

I could have sworn another giggle followed me down the stairs. Frazzled unlike ever before, I managed to set up the coffee, carefully measuring the grounds without spilling them. By the time the pot was nearly done and I had sufficiently calmed down, I could hear Bella's footsteps on the wooden stairs.

She entered the kitchen soon after, clad in simple dark jeans and a pretty blue shirt, her hair pinned back into a low pony-tail, with soft tendrils framing her lovely face.

I unfortunately knew what awaited beneath those clothes which didn't help at all with my attempts at taking things slow.

I stood by the counter, fidgeting and waiting for her to approach me. I still couldn't quite get over the fact that she hadn't been upset with my faux-pas earlier. She hadn't even seemed embarrassed or shy; a reaction I hadn't expected. It was flabbergasting me to no end, and I could hardly wait to talk to her about it.

"Hey," she smiled, scrunching her nose and taking a deep breath. "Smells good in here."

She walked straight up to me and my arms opened automatically to embrace her. She wound her arms around my waist and snuggled her cheek against my chest, inhaling through her nose.

"Though not nearly half as good as you."

She was trying to kill me, I was certain of it.

"Edward?" She raised her head.

Pulled by invisible strings, I gazed down into her brown eyes that looked at me so tenderly.

"Do you want to tell me what bothered you? Upstairs, I mean?"

I hesitated minutely before answering.

"Yes, I will tell you. First, though, let me pour you some coffee and get you settled at the table."

"Alright," she replied with an easy smile, releasing me and moving over to where I had set her breakfast out for her.

"This looks delicious," she praised as she sat down.

"Thank you. I hope you'll enjoy it," I beamed at her, happy that she was happy. I pointed to the coffeemaker. "Milk and sugar, as usual?"

"Yes, please."

I retrieved a cup from the cabinet, setting it on the counter, then opened the refrigerator to take out the milk.

"Oh, look," I said, holding up a bottle so she could see it. "It appears Alice bought some kind of special coffee creamer. It's vanilla flavored." I scanned the label quickly for sugar contents. "And sweet, it seems. Would you prefer that to the milk?"

"Sure," Bella replied, still smiling at my efforts.

I poured a generous amount of the creamer into the cup, then filled up the rest of it with the dark, aromatic liquid, taking it over to the table, grabbing the milk with my other hand. After pouring it over her cereal, I put it back into the fridge and then sat down at the table opposite her, resting my chin on my clasped hands.

"Are you gonna watch me eat?" Bella asked teasingly. "I know for some reason it's highly entertaining to you."

"If you don't mind, I think I will." I grinned at her, loving the playful banter.

"Knock yourself out. And while you do that, please tell me what had you all bothered upstairs."

I sighed.

"Well, if I'm honest, I was bothered by the fact that I simply burst into the room without giving you a chance to grant me permission. That was rather rude of me."

Bella laughed. "Are you serious? Since when do you need permission to come into my bedroom? That certainly never was an issue before. In fact, I seem to remember a certain vampire who'd come into my room late at night while I was sleeping. I don't recall giving _him_ permission."

Her eyes twinkled with amusement. If I could have blushed, I probably would have, though I couldn't regret my transgressions, not when they had brought me to her.

"Yes, well, that was different," I argued weakly. "At the time, it was sort of unavoidable. And then you did give me permission, if you will remember. Besides, I always either waited until you were in bed, or you would change in the bathroom while I waited for you."

"Uh-huh," she grinned wickedly, spearing a strawberry with her fork. "And you've been there on mornings, too. Go on."

She popped her red fruit into her mouth and I was momentarily distracted by the movement of her jaw, my eyes following the muscles in her throat as the fruit slid down her esophagus.

"Edward?"

I looked at the table, collecting my thoughts.

"Uh...sorry. I...never mind. As I was saying, it was different this time. Today...well, I don't know if you feel the same, but this morning just...what I mean to say is...that after last night, well, basically, after yesterday, I just feel...more comfortable, is perhaps the right word. Liberated. I entered the bedroom without forethought. It didn't even occur to me that you might be in there getting dressed, and even if it had, I don't think it would have prevented me from coming in. It feels like you're supposed to be here, Bella – like _we're_ supposed to be here, like this, together. I feel...well, I suppose I feel...as if we're almost like a married couple. Domestic. It feels...nice. Really nice. Perfect, actually."

Her hand holding the fork suspended in mid-air, Bella was staring at me when I raised my eyes to hers. She blinked slowly, then calmly picked up a piece of melon, studying it carefully. I wished for the umpteenth time that I could hear what was going on in her head.

"That's...good. It does feel very comfortable, I agree." She moved the fork to her mouth and bit into the melon, chewing slowly. Again, I couldn't help but watch, feeling strangely aroused and wondering if this would be a permanent state for me now.

"So, you weren't bothered by the fact that I was standing there naked?" she clarified, then bit off another piece of melon.

I had to close my eyes for a moment, unable to watch her lips close around the fruit. I had never before found her eating to be _this_ erotic. Of course, doing so only served to give my mind an opportunity to flash the images of her naked form behind my eyelids which wasn't helpful at all. Thankfully, my groin was hidden by the table. My constant erection was beginning to annoy me.

"No, bothered is not the word I would use. Did it affect me to see you this way? Yes, certainly. Of course, it did. How could it not, Bella? You are absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. Positively exquisite. As I've told you once – I may be a vampire, but I'm also a man. A man who happens to be very much in love with you. I very much desire you as a man does a woman. And thus, this love manifests itself in a desire to express it physically as well. To see you like this – well, it's like a dream come true. If I could dream, that is. Which of course, I can't, so let it suffice to say that you have featured prominently in my waking dreams for quite a while."

And I was rambling again. That seemed to happen quite often lately, my usual eloquence having taken a backseat to just blurting out whatever I was thinking. I wasn't sure whether I liked it or not, unaccustomed to being reduced to this pathetic word vomit, but Bella didn't seem to mind, and that had to be enough for me.

She smiled, blushing a little. I was transfixed by her open gaze, and swallowed again, another question burning in my mind.

"Did it...uh...did it bother _you_ that I saw you like that, without any warning?"

She glanced down for a moment, but then I could see her shoulders straighten in determination and she lifted her eyes back to mine.

"I thought it would, but it actually didn't. I expected to feel inadequate but the way you looked at me, Edward – there was no mistaking it for anything but complete admiration. It made me feel beautiful."

"You _are_ beautiful, sweet girl," I whispered reverently, my voice thick with emotion at finally hearing her acknowledge what I'd been trying to tell her for so long. "I've never seen anything _more_ beautiful in my life."

A soft smile lit up her features.

"You know, I'm really starting to believe that."

A choir of angels was singing a Hallelujah.

"Good," I nodded with a crooked smile. I swallowed the rest of what I wanted to say because it wouldn't do for her to hear me cussing. I could hardly believe I had blurted out what I did the night before, but at least that could be excused with the level of stress I was under at the time, having just discovered her bruises.

She slowly sipped her coffee and finished her cereal, her eyes lingering on me. When she was finished with the bowl, I jumped up and took it to the sink, together with her plate. A quick rinse later, I stuck it all in the drying rack before turning around again.

"So, ready to go?"

"Sure," she replied, setting down her cup. "Let me just go grab my purse."

"Bring a ja-," I started but then stopped myself. I wasn't her father, and thank God for that. "I mean, perhaps you'd like to take a jacket as well? It can get a little chilly by the lake."

"Really?" she asked, smiling and seemingly pleased that I had made a suggestion instead of telling her what to do.

I nodded. "Yes, the wind coming in from the north brings chilly air from Canada with it and right on the lakefront, and certainly between the buildings downtown, it can get a little windy. The pier is right on the lake."

"I guess a jacket would be a good idea, then," Bella replied before quickly walking up the stairs. She returned shortly thereafter, a beige sweater jacket wrapped around her shoulders, with her purse in her hand. When she reached the foot of the stairs, she held out a car key.

"I'm sure you'd like to drive," she grinned. "It's a fabulous car, or so I'm told."

"I still cannot quite believe you actually bought it," I confessed. "You have no idea how much that pleases me."

Bella blushed. "Yeah, well, it wasn't my idea, but you had said you were going to buy one for me anyway, and I had already sort of agreed to that."

I winced at the memory of that night, our bartering to come to an agreement, and Bella seemed to be thinking of it, too, judging by the appalled look on her face. I pulled her into my arms quickly and she looked up at me.

"That's not why I agreed to buy it," she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Please don't think that. Edward, I'm so sorry about that night. It wasn't fair to ask that of you, and it was wrong of us to haggle like that."

"Yes, it was," I agreed, grasping the back of her head with one hand and gently pushing her against my chest. She melted into me and again I was struck by the warmth that expanded inside me.

"It was wrong of _me_ to pressure you into agreeing to marriage when you were clearly so against it."

"All I thought about was to get you to agree to try – I saw an opening in your defenses and I took it."

"That's interesting," I murmured into her hair, "because all I heard was that you'd marry me if I would agree to that condition. It was definitely the wrong way to start that part of our lives. And yet, look where we are now. It's rather ironic if you think about it. You have a brand-new car, a fine automobile if I do say so myself, exactly the one I had picked out for you, and we're engaged and exploring our intimacy. The only difference this time is that there are no conditions attached to any of it. And that makes it all worth so much more, don't you think?"

She sniffled into my shirt, nodding. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, preparing myself to lay out my pain for her to see.

"I love you, Bella – I love you so much that I would give you anything your heart desired, everything I have to give and more. You taking advantage of that...well, let's just say it hurt."

"I don't know why I did that," she cried. "You didn't deserve it, and I sure as hell didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know that, sweetheart," I soothed her. "I have wondered this whole time if all of our struggles are rooted in my leaving you. I shouldn't have run from you, not then and certainly not this time. I just didn't know what else to do. The more I played his game, the farther away from you it pushed me. I should have told you the truth, Bella, instead of pretending that it wasn't affecting me whenever you ran to visit him."

Her arms tightened around my waist at my words. She raised her head up and back to look at me.

"What do you mean, the truth?"

I smiled sadly. "Well, the truth is – I'm a jealous man. Yes, I know I denied it once, but that _is_ the truth. Seeing you with him nearly tore me apart. You're mine, Bella, just like I am yours, and to see you with him brought out my possessive side. I tried so hard to hold onto you, but it seemed the more I tried, the more you slipped through my fingers. To watch you lie in his arms that night on the mountain, to see you kiss him through his eyes – I don't have words to describe the agony I felt. After you cried all night - well, I was certain I had lost you then. And I was ready to give up. If you hadn't come after me..."

I didn't finish the sentence when Bella shook in my arms, sobbing into my chest, holding onto me with all her strength. I picked her up and carried her to the couch in the living room, sitting down and positioning her across my lap. I stroked her hair as she laid her head across my shoulder. I wondered idly how this wonderful morning had turned so quickly to these difficult conversations, but perhaps it was better to get it all out in the open now instead of letting it fester any further.

We had promised each other honesty and I was going to keep that promise.

"I wonder if you can imagine the conflict in my heart. On one hand, I knew that he could take care of you, protect you, and you would be able to stay human with him and live that long, happy life I had envisioned for you. On the other hand, I also knew that I would not be able to live without you. My selfish desires warred with what I thought would make you happy."

"I wanted you, Edward, I _want_ you," she sobbed. "I was scared that you would leave again, that something would happen to make you decide that I just wasn't worth the hassle. I can't lose you again, Edward, and yet everything I did, subconsciously or with eyes wide open, was because I'm afraid that you will stop loving me."

I sighed deeply at her admission as it confirmed what I had suspected.

"Bella, I thought I had explained it before – the moment I fell in love with you I was changed forever. There is not a part of me, not a _molecule_, that doesn't love you. It will never change. You have altered me completely and every facet of me is yours."

She sniffled. "I know that in my head, but I guess my heart didn't believe it."

"Do you believe it now?" I whispered.

Bella nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I do."

I had one more question.

"Why did you continue to go after him? Was it truly just out of a sense of obligation? I know he was there for you when...I was not, and I will be eternally grateful to him that he protected you while I was off being stupid, but was that the only reason?"

She rubbed her face with one hand and then changed her position to straddle me, sitting on my knees with her feet hanging off the couch.

"I thought so at the time, but now I'm not so sure. I felt bad for him, for having used him to keep me sane while you were gone. There was a moment, right after I...jumped off that cliff, just before you called my house, when I thought that maybe I should give him a chance. I was certain that you weren't coming back, even Alice didn't give me any hope, and though I knew that I could never love him the way I love you, I was at the point of wondering whether I could move forward. I knew he wanted me to, he'd made that clear enough. Once you returned and we were back together, I simply felt guilty for just dumping him like that. I guess he exploited that guilt, didn't he?"

I snorted. "Yes, he said as much that night in the tent, but Bella, you can't have ignored the fact that he tried everything in his power to come between us. He fought dirty and he manipulated you, don't you realize that?"

She was silent for a long moment, looking at her lap but then she raised her eyes to mine, and a shudder wracked through her body. My arms tightened around her instinctively.

"Yes. In hindsight, it's easy to see. And I'd like to think that I would have seen it sooner if I hadn't been so busy punishing you for leaving me." She voice sounded so small, so pained and yet there was an undertone of determination.

It seemed she was just as dead-set on telling the truth as I was. And though I had anticipated our conversations to include some incredibly difficult truths, at these harsh and honest words my breath left my useless lungs in a rush. I didn't know what to say to that confession.

My mouth opened and closed a few times and I looked at her in absolute shock, frozen in place, stuttering out the words as my voice rose to a pitch at the end.

"Y-you...you...you did _what_?"

With bare honesty came a vulnerability I hadn't taken into full consideration.

_Too late now_.

I prayed that whatever we would disclose to the other, we'd come out stronger on the other side.

"That's not what I meant," she was quick to add as soon as my shock became apparent to her. "I didn't do it on purpose, not really. It was more of a subconscious action, I think. I didn't realize that's what I was doing until after I had driven you out of town. You see, a lot of things became clear when I found your letter. I kept telling myself all this time that the only reason I was trying to keep my friendship with him was out of guilt and out of a feeling of gratitude. And yes, he did help me through that dark time, he gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, but when he told me that he loved me and that he wanted me to end things with you, I should have walked away. The reason that I didn't is because I wasn't sure if you would stick around. And he encouraged those thoughts. No matter how much I defended you against his accusations, deep down inside me I kept wondering if you would vanish again."

"But Bella," I said indignantly, "how could you think that? I made it very clear to you when we came back from Italy that there was no option for me _but_ to be with you. I promised that I would never leave you again. I proposed to you, I agreed to your conditions, hell, I even agreed against my better judgment to initiate your change. I spent as much time as you would allow me to in your room and with you. I destroyed a sentient creature for you so you would not come to harm. What else did you want me to do to prove my devotion to you?"

"You did everything you could, and this is not your fault. I didn't think I deserved you. I still have a hard time believing that you're meant for me."

I was appalled.

"So, he was – what? Your insurance policy? Dear God, Bella, I don't know what to say to that."

"I know!" she cried, her fingers gripping my shirt as her eyes spilled hot tears. "It was wrong,_ I _was wrong. I used him in the same horrible way he used me. I hurt you, whether I meant to or not. I'm so sorry, so very, very sorry."

In a way, I could understand her twisted reasoning. My leaving had left deep scars on her psyche and her heart, and it was difficult though not entirely impossible to lay blame at her feet when I knew what had initiated this clusterfuck.

"I'm sorry, too," I muttered as I pulled her closer to me, inhaling her deeply and grounding myself in her warm embrace. "I'm sorry that I left you in the first place, I'm sorry that I made you doubt my love for you. I thought I was doing the right thing by you, but it has become painfully clear that this whole mess started because I foolishly thought I knew what was best for you."

"_You_ are what's best for me, Edward."

"Yes, my darling," I replied, more convinced of that truth than ever. "I know that now. Just as you are what's best for me."

She simply nodded.

We had finally come to understand that the inexplicable connection between us went far beyond comprehension, and that what tethered me so intrinsically to her had in the same fashion irrevocably bound her to me.

It had taken us long enough.

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**Endnote:** Thank you for reading. Any and all comments are appreciated. Until next time. *waves*


	11. In Bloom

**Author's Note:**

Welcome back. So glad to see you. Thank you to Bella's Executioner and IcarusToSun for prereading this chapter, for their helpful comments and overall support. Any errors are mine.

This story has been nominated in the Shimmer Awards. Voting ends 2/20/11. You can find all nominees here:

http: / shimmerawards [dot] blogspot [dot] com/p/nominees [dot] html

A word of caution: These two are obviously growing. Their behavior will wander further into OOC territory as they grow and mature in themselves and their relationship. Edward is not going to be as self-loathing - he has accepted Bella as his mate and what that means for her down the road. Bella is less of a shrinking violet and more secure in herself and Edward's love for her. Thus their reactions to certain situations and their conversations with each other will at times feel OOC. Please be aware.

Thank you to my husband who despite not understanding the obsession indulges my need to write about Edward and his Bella nonetheless. I love you.

Chapter songs: Love Song – The Cure, The Rose – Bette Midler, Für Dich Da (There for you) – Herbert Grönemeyer, Hold On My Heart – Genesis

**This chapter is dedicated to IcarusToSun who purchased it in the FandomGivesBack Eclipse Auction last year. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it up. **

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11. In Bloom

Some say love, it is a river

that drowns the tender reed

some say love, it is a razor

that leaves your soul to bleed

some say love, it is a hunger

an endless aching need

I say love, it is a flower

and you its only seed

When the night has been too lonely

and the road has been too long

and you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong

Just remember, in the winter

far beneath the bitter snows

lies the seed that with the sun's love

in the spring becomes the rose

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

Bette Midler – The Rose

There had been a couple of awkward and painful conversations but we made it through. After my confession, we sat on the couch for a long time, silently and fiercely clinging to each other, both of us needing the close contact to reaffirm the inexplicable connection between us. Edward's arms were strong and solid around my back, yet holding me gingerly as if I were the most precious thing in the world to him.

And finally, I knew I was. There was no reason to question it anymore. I was so convinced of that truth that I couldn't understand why I had ever doubted him.

Edward loved me.

He _loved_ me.

Despite everything I had put him through, despite the lies he had told me, despite our differences and even despite every newborn roadblock and every canine mountain in our way, we had made it.

Guilt still burned inside me, but it was a dying flame. I had received forgiveness and offered my own.

We were moving forward, both of us with the solid understanding that we were in this together and would be, for the rest of forever.

Neither one of us was unscathed but we were healing.

When I raised my head to look at him and found him gazing at me openly with the softest of expressions, such love and adoration shining from his eyes, I nearly lost my mind from the intense emotions that suddenly coursed through me. My breath caught in my throat, my hands flew to his face, into his hair and I pulled him down to me. He indulged me willingly until our lips met in a searing kiss that turned into frenzied lips and tongues in no time at all. His smell, his strength, the whole of him surrounded me and I gave myself over to the feelings and stopped thinking of anything but Edward.

His hands began to wander over then under the fabric of my shirt, igniting my skin wherever they touched; his hips flexed up to become flush with mine, letting me feel his desire, and soon I was rocking into him and panting into his mouth, my pulse thrumming loudly in my ears. He abruptly yet gently broke our kiss and pulled me against his chest, his hands on my waist effectively stilling our movements.

"Oh, Bella," he huskily groaned into my ear. "I currently find it exceedingly difficult to not give in to the desire to run you upstairs and devour you completely."

I was instantly contrite, scooting back a little and releasing the iron hold I had on his hair, twisting my hands in my lap instead. Heat raced to my cheeks. Edward pulled back and smoothed my hair down my back.

"Sweetheart, it's alright," he murmured reassuringly, kissing my forehead.

"I just can't seem to help myself," I whispered as I met his eyes. "I'm sorry. I wish I had your kind of control. Blame my irresponsible human hormones."

Edward chuckled, the crocked grin making an appearance. "My control isn't as firm as it used to be, either. I would like to be able to claim irrepressible hormones as the culprit but alas, I cannot. Believe me though, love, I suffer from the same affliction as you. Now that we've come this far, I cannot seem to get enough of you."

He didn't seem upset and his honesty made me smile. To know that I could arouse him to this point was a huge ego boost. After the conversations we'd had I no longer felt like he was rejecting me, and I understood now and could appreciate that when he stopped us he was only trying to keep me safe. I owed it to him to be cognizant of his limits and needed to allow him to lead our forays into intimacy.

We sure had come much farther than I had ever expected in such a short amount of time. Edward was making a huge effort, intent on giving me my heart's desire, and it was time I acknowledged it and supported him.

"Perhaps we should remove ourselves from the temptation," I suggested with an easy shrug. There would be other times, and I was willing to wait. We had an eternity ahead of us.

Edward nodded, smiling. "That might be a wise decision."

I extricated myself from my perch on his lap and held out my hand to him, smiling. "So – Navy Pier? Sounds like fun. Have you been there before?"

"I'm sure it will be," Edward replied happily as he got off the couch, grasping my fingers gently in the process. "I haven't been in ages, and I can't wait to show it to you."

"Do you want to check with Alice to make sure the weather will hold?" I asked, nervous and worried about him going outside and unable to hide from the sun. "I have to take a human moment before we leave, so there's time. It would make me feel better to know you'll be safe from the sun."

Edward smiled indulgently. "Sure, though I would expect to have heard from her by now if that weren't the case. I'll call her if it will ease your fears."

I smiled. "Thank you."

"You know," he mused while pulling his phone from the back pocket of his jeans, "your concern makes me feel very loved. I'm so used to taking care of you that I never thought how it would feel to have you take care of me. I like it."

I frowned, the flames of guilt and shame flickering to life. "I've been so selfish, haven't I? You've shouldered all my burdens on top of your own without question or complaint and never once did I consider that it might be too much. I'm a horrible person."

He stared at me, aghast, the cellphone in his hand forgotten.

"No, Bella," he exclaimed and rushed towards me, engulfing me in his arms, kissing my face all over. "No, sweetheart, that's not at all what I was trying to say."

"But it's true, isn't it? I only thought of myself." Tears sprang to my eyes and I cursed myself for the constant waterworks. I buried my face in his chest.

Edward sighed and lifted my chin to force me to look at him. "Well, yes...perhaps you did. You have to remember though that I encouraged it, if not with words then with my actions. And it's not fair of me to complain about the repercussions when I never confronted you about it."

I was struck dumb by the fact that Edward actually agreed with me and would tell me so. The old Edward would have rather torn out his tongue. I stared at him, incredulous and oddly proud of how far we both had come.

"Did you just call me a self-absorbed brat?" I winked at him to let him know I was only teasing.

Edward hesitated and a slight look of panic flashed across his face. "Uhm...maybe?"

I nodded, satisfied. "Good."

"Okay," he drew out the word, scrunching his eyebrows as if he was waiting for something bad to happen. "You're confounding me."

I stroked his cheek. "Sorry, that's not the intention. I actually mean it. You should feel that it's okay to tell me when I behave badly. I guess despite my _advanced_ age I still need a reminder now and then."

Edward laughed heartily, throwing back his head, his teeth gleaming in the muted light of the hallway. He picked me up and twirled me around before setting me back on my feet and pulling me against him, kissing the sensitive spot underneath my ear.

"You are incredible," he murmured lowly as his tongue flicked out to gently lick my earlobe. I shuddered, alight from the sensation. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," I sighed, "but Edward – why didn't you tell me?" The question burned on the way out but I suddenly needed to know.

He pulled back to fix his eyes on mine. It was his turn to frown.

"I don't know. No, scratch that. I _do_ know. Mostly I was afraid that I would lose you if I pushed back too hard. When I tried the kidnapping route and it blew up in my face, I thought it would be best to not rock the boat anymore. I was scared that you would choose him and I didn't want you to look at me as this controlling boyfriend or think that I didn't trust you."

"Well, you can be a bit autocratic," I said hesitantly, "but I guess I'm used to it by now. You said you didn't want me to go because you were worried that I wasn't safe with 'young werewolves'."

He ducked his head and mumbled something I didn't understand.

"Edward?"

He looked up, his expression all sheepish and embarrassed.

"I said, no, that was only my excuse. I didn't want you to spend time with him because I knew he was after you. Granted, I _was _concerned about your safety as well and young wolves _are_ unpredictable, but you had spent plenty of time with them before I came back so that wasn't the primary reason. At the time he first confronted me in the woods behind your house, when he brought over your motorcycle," that reminder earned me a quick glare, "he made it very clear that he intended to fight for your affections and that my return to you was merely an inconvenience in his mind. He was convinced that you would see reason if he only told you often enough and that you'd dump my 'sorry ass', as he called it. He would have loved to eliminate me then and there but he also realized that killing me on the spot was unlikely to win him your undying devotion, considering that you had just recently run off to Italy to save my rear end and we were back together."

I gasped at his words. "Wait...what? He...he...he...oh, my God...I had no idea."

Edward shrugged. "The animosity runs deep. Their legends prepare them to hate us, no questions asked, and it's drilled into them from an early age. Combine that with his desire for you and his fears that I could and would hurt you – it's easy to see that my death would have given him great pleasure. His exact words at the time were 'I'll find a way, bloodsucker. This ain't over.' Extraordinarily eloquent in his choice of words, I must say. Of course, he didn't say it out loud since that would certainly not have won him any points in your eyes. Smart boy even though his maturity level is on par with a grapefruit."

I couldn't help but snicker at his accurate assessment though I sobered quickly.

"And I just played into his hands when I ignored your concerns over and over, didn't I?" I shook my head in disgust. "I've been such an idiot."

"I'd rather you not talk about my fiancee that way, Miss," Edward teased as he pulled me towards him. "I happen to be quite fond of her and I think she's highly intelligent. Misguided on occasion, possibly, but always with her heart in the right spot."

I snuggled against him and breathed deeply, his scent calming me. "Yeah, well, maybe not as smart as you thought."

We stood there for a moment until he grabbed my butt and squeezed gently. I startled and stared at him, open-mouthed.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Edward?"

Edward laughed and the sound of his happiness filled me to the brim.

"Come on," he said with a wink, "let's get out of here and take advantage of the weather while we can. I'll call Alice while you take care of your human moment, and then we'll go."

I reached up to wrap my hand around his neck and raised myself to my toes. My lips found his in a soft kiss.

"Okay. I love you, Edward."

"As I love you, sweet girl. Now go." He smiled happily.

I took care of my needs then splashed cold water on my face after washing my hands. My face was still flushed and my eyes were a little red, leftovers from the hard conversations we had made our way through.

As I was about to leave the downstairs bath the cellphone in my pocket, the one that Alice had forced on me, vibrated. I pulled it out and found a notification for a text message displayed on the screen. After fumbling for a bit, I was able to read it.

**Don't forget – it's his birthday today. You'll know when you see it. Use the card. Oh, and the weather will mostly hold. -A **

Thank goodness for Alice. Even though I knew that neither Edward nor the rest of the Cullens ever really celebrated their birthdays, especially after the disaster of my eighteenth birthday, I decided to get Edward a gift. Something meaningful.

I had no idea what to get but based on the text message, Alice seemed confident that I would find something. In the meantime, I wouldn't mention anything to Edward – he wouldn't expect it, anyway, and perhaps this would be my chance to surprise him.

Soon after, we were on our way into the city. With one of his hands firmly entwined with one of mine, Edward expertly navigated the shiny new Audi through the streets of Lincoln Park, then onto the highway and soon, the tall buildings of downtown Chicago loomed ahead.

"If you'd like, we can go up Sears Tower – there's an observation floor at the top that lets you see across the whole city."

He pointed a long finger towards the skyline.

"It's the tallest building in the States. It used to be the tallest in the world."

"It's not anymore?" I asked, staring at the building in fascination.

"No, there's a building in Kuala Lumpur that surpassed it 1998. Well, actually, there are two of them."

"That's in Indonesia, right? I think I've heard that somewhere. Maybe on TV?"

He nodded. "Malaysia, actually, but yes. It was big news for a while. Though those are no longer the tallest, either. A new building in Taiwan, the Taipei 101, now holds that record."

I stared out at the building again, leaning forward towards the windshield to get a better view. Our clasped hands jerked towards me but then he rested them on the middle console again.

I hid a smile.

"Have you ever been up there?"

"Yes, shortly after it was completed but only that once. I can't wait to get up there with you. It's quite fascinating."

"I assume it's safe?" I teased.

Edward chuckled. "Of course it is, sweetheart. Would I take you otherwise?"

I grinned, my free hand pointing at my chest. "Danger magnet here."

His smile faltered as he tensed in his seat, his hand suddenly clasping mine more firmly. "I know – don't remind me."

My happy mood evaporated and I mentally kicked myself for making that stupid comment.

"I was just kidding, Edward."

He sighed and turned his head to look at me. "I know you were. It's just...the thought of anything happening to you...God, Bella, there are times I wish you were already immortal."

I gaped at him, speechless.

Edward grimaced when he saw what had to be a completely shocked expression on my face.

"I'm fully aware how selfish that makes me."

I swallowed hard and shook my head, turning my whole body in my seat to face him fully.

"Not at all," I whispered, still stunned. "You know there's nothing I want more than spend the rest of eternity with you. I'm just surprised you're actually looking forward to that time. What about your fears for my soul?"

He dropped his gaze to our clasped hands, silent for a long moment.

"Well," he replied after a minute, "I guess my beliefs have changed in that aspect. I look at Carlisle whose capacity for compassion far surpasses my own, I look at Esme who loves us all with such abandon – surely they are good. Their hearts may not beat but still, they love. Carlisle has never fed from a human. He saves lives every day, doing his best to cage the vampire and remain as close to his humanity as he can. If God is benevolent and redemption is possible if one confesses and regrets the sins committed, then perhaps we do not lose our souls in the transformation. I look at you...you who saved me so completely. How could a soul like yours, so kind and tender and loving, be condemned?"

I didn't know what to say. He continued before I could form a complete thought.

"I wasn't alive until I met you, Bella, and after everything we've overcome I've finally realized that _you_ are the keeper of my soul. And even if making you like me is the most selfish act I commit, I'll do it gladly because I simply cannot live without you. I still think any possible redemption of mine is debatable, considering the magnitude of sins I have committed, but I've come to believe that perhaps I do have one, after all."

He smiled a little.

"Our choices make us good or evil. There are some things we cannot avoid – we _have_ to lie to keep our true identities hidden. And perhaps Alice's knack for predicting the stock market to keep our coffers filled could technically be considered cheating, and maybe we will be punished for that when the time comes, but we do a lot of good with the money as well. There are orphanages and scholarships we fund, we invest in nature preserves, for not completely unselfish reasons, and we all have chosen not to feed from humans. We do not take human life. Not anymore. And those of us that _have _killed regret it sincerely. We carry the guilt and sorrow with us every day. Is that enough to redeem us? I don't know. I do know though that I will do my damnedest to prevent you from committing that ultimate crime when you have been changed. You see, Bella – if you're the keeper of my soul because of how much you love me, then perhaps that makes _me_ the keeper of _yours_."

I flew at him then, kissing his face all over as much as the seatbelt would allow me. The car swerved slightly as Edward turned his head and kissed me fully on the lips. I laughed and cried simultaneously as he gently pushed me back into my seat.

"Wait," he said with a chuckle, "wait. We're almost in the parking garage."

"Hurry," I whined. "I really, _really_ need to kiss you right about now." He laughed in response while my legs bounced up and down in anticipation.

Two minutes later, Edward pulled the Audi into an underground space, turning off the engine and pulling me clear across the console into his lap before I could blink. My arms went around his neck automatically and then he proceeded to kiss me senseless.

Long, deep, wet kisses that stole my breath and blew my mind, unhurried caresses, sweet whispers of love and low moans of happiness occupied us for quite some time. Minutes, hours – I had no idea. The world around us fell away and all my senses were filled with his taste, his scent, the feel of his body – all I could sense was Edward.

Eventually, we stopped and he pressed his forehead against mine, breathing just as raggedly as I was, his amber eyes looking deeply into mine. The connection between us was so strong that I could almost feel the steel cables that bound me to him.

"I love you, Bella Swan." He gently swept his thumb over my swollen lips.

"I adore you, Edward Cullen."

His answering smile rivaled the brilliance of the sun, a contentment exuding from him that I hadn't ever seen before though it matched the huge grin on my own face.

"You seem rather happy," I commented, a teasing tone in my voice.

Edward laughed out loud. "Happy isn't the word I would use, my Bella. Ecstatic comes close though I don't think there _is_ a word to accurately convey how I feel."

I snuggled into him, inhaling deeply against his neck.

"I know exactly what you mean," I said before pressing a kiss beneath his ear. "We need better words."

"Maybe we'll find some in the dictionary. We still have to look up 'slow'."

I snickered at the reminder. "Well, maybe we'll find a good bookstore down here. I haven't been to one in a long time."

Edward shuddered under me and his arms tightened around my back. I looked at him curiously but then I remembered.

"Huh," I said, "you know, it didn't occur to me until just now, but that actually _was_ the last time I tried to find a bookstore on my own. It's different now – you're with me. Nothing like that will happen."

"And I thank God for that," he ground out. "I am still amazed that I was able to walk away from them that time instead of sending them to hell like they deserved for what they were planning."

Edward's enraged face flashed before my eyes. That night he saved me from those men had been eye-opening in more ways than one. I had admitted that I knew what he was and he had confessed that he didn't want to stay away from me anymore.

"Do you know what happened to them? Was I the first they planned to do that to? I mean, you read their minds that night, right?"

He took a deep breath, his whole body tensed. "Three of them, yes. They were drunk and had been promised a good time. The fourth, the ringleader, no – he had done that many times before. He...he planned to kill you after taking your innocence. He thrived on the fear of his victims and he had killed before. If I hadn't gotten there in time...oh God, Bella...I can still hear your frantic heartbeat, can still see the panic in your eyes."

I put my hands on his cheeks. "Shh, Edward, I'm here, I'm okay. It didn't happen."

He kissed me then, his lips moving against mine roughly and in desperation. I kept stroking his cheeks, rubbing the pads of my fingers across his skin to keep him calm and in the moment. Eventually, the intensity of the kiss slowed as Edward returned from the abyss of his fears.

"I can't lose you, Bella," he groaned when he pulled back, his eyes shimmering from tears he could not shed.

"You won't," I stated. "You won't ever lose me."

It took him a moment to collect himself before he nodded and sighed deeply. I tried to distract him a little from the morbid path his thoughts seemed to have taken. I was also very curious to find out what had happened to those men, because I suddenly realized that the Edward I knew would not have let this go.

"Did you go back that night? After you dropped me off at home?"

Edward didn't reply for a long moment and my blood ran cold. "Did you kill them?"

He shook his head and I relaxed a little.

"I wanted to, I _really_ did, but I knew that if I did I would deserve you even less than I already thought. I was certain that you wouldn't forgive me if any of them were to die in your name. You were so sweet and gentle and I couldn't fathom that you would want me to harm anyone for you no matter how badly they may have wronged you. I went to Carlisle instead and between the two of us we came up with the plan to take care of the ringleader. This vile man was wanted in another state, for similar reasons, and we found him and basically delivered him to the police. He was alive when we left him, I promise you. I hated the idea that you would think even less of me if I had killed him. Carlisle was very proud of me that night."

His voice sounded incredulous at the end, as if he couldn't believe he deserved the praise. I knew how strongly Edward abhorred the monster inside him, how he thought that he was evil but this tale just proved to me again how inherently good he was. I wished I had the words to convince him of that.

"As he should have been," I asserted. "I'm proud of you, too. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to let them live. I'm glad you didn't take that man's life, no matter how much he may deserve it. And I'm glad you went back and took the necessary actions to ensure he cannot hurt anyone else."

"Last time I checked, he was on death row in Texas, awaiting his execution for his crimes."

"Good," I said with conviction, "I hope he gets what he deserves but you were right to let the courts handle it."

Edward sighed. "It was such an odd feeling. The need to take care of you, to make sure you were okay overruled any other thoughts that night."

I suddenly realized something I hadn't considered before and I just blurted it out.

"Edward – you were already in love with me then, weren't you?"

His eyes locked with mine, the confirmation to my question shining deep within his tender gaze.

"Yes. I have loved you from the moment you walked into that biology lab. It just took me some time to figure it out. I'd never experienced those emotions so I didn't realize what was happening, and of course, your scent was a little distracting at the time."

I giggled. "A little?"

Edward grinned and lifted his hand to show me his thumb and forefinger, only millimeters apart.

"Just a smidgen."

I stared at him, the love I felt for him and the gratitude that I had been given this wonderful man to have as mine nearly overwhelming me. That he could tease and laugh about our beginning now showed me yet again how much things had changed.

"We've come so far," I sighed, relaxing against him. Edward buried his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply.

"All the way to Chicago," he replied, chuckling.

I lightly smacked his chest.

"That is so not what I meant, silly."

"I know," he laughed, "but I couldn't resist."

"Very funny," I grumbled though I wasn't mad. "I would expect this from Emmett, not from you."

"Yes, well," Edward replied, scratching his neck. "He told me to, and I quote, 'remove the stick from my ass'. Apparently, I've been too uptight and I need to loosen up. His words, not mine."

"Oh," I said and then I giggled. "He might be right, you know. You are a little rigid on occasion."

"Is that so?" He glared playfully and tickled my side. "It's a good thing I have you, then. It seems that you can loosen up all kinds of things in me, Ms. Swan. And solidify others." He winked suggestively and waggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, my God, Edward, did you just make a veiled sexual innuendo?" I choked a laugh. The changes in him were mind-boggling. "What happened to you in the last two days?"

The atmosphere in the car changed, the air suddenly charged with seriousness. Edward took my face into his hands and gazed deeply into my eyes.

"Two days ago, my Bella, I was a broken man. I had lost all hope, all faith of ever being happy again, convinced I'd be alone for the rest of my existence. I had resigned myself to a life filled with loneliness and pain, and I thought I could bear it as long as you were happy. I was wrong. I couldn't. Somewhere out there, the Edward you knew took his last breath and withered away. When I walked into my childhood home, I was an empty vessel. There was nothing left of me, just a shell. I was virtually dead."

He took a breath as I shivered at the thought that this beautiful man had been hurting so badly because of me and my stupidity.

"Last night, I was reborn in your arms," he continued, "through your tears and words and most of all, your love. You've restored all that I thought I'd lost and you've recreated me, not a monster but a man. I questioned a lot of things while I was running from you, and parts of me were lost on that trail. I've realized that I don't need those parts – in fact, they were hindering me from loving you the way I am supposed to. I've come to understand that no relationship can function without honesty and, let's face it, we haven't been exactly honest with each other about a lot of things. I don't mean that you've actively lied, nor have I, but we're both guilty of keeping things to ourselves that we should have talked about instead."

I nodded slowly.

"I'm also guilty of making decisions on my own that affect both of us. I can't guarantee that I won't fall into that same trap again but I'm asking you, if it does happen, that you call me out on it. I'm not very good at this, it seems, much to my dismay, but I promise you I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Whatever you want, it's yours, Bella. I'm yours."

I pulled him down to me and kissed him softly. "You're all I want, Edward, and all I need. As long as I have you I will be happy. And I will give you anything you want in return."

"I want your forever, Bella, the sooner the better."

My eyes watered at the admission I'd yearned to hear for so long.

"So do I."

"I want to marry you before I change you."

I smiled through the tears.

"So do I."

He exhaled on a rush. "Really?"

I nodded. "Absolutely."

A huge smiled formed on his face. "Shall I look at airline tickets to Vegas?"

I laughed. "Is that what you really want? Getting married by some Elvis impersonator? And will we survive long enough or will the pixie kill us before we have a chance to say our vows?"

As if on command the phone in my purse went off as did Edward's in his pocket. We looked at each other before scrambling to pull them out.

They both said the same thing.

**Over my pile of ashes. - A.**

Both of us burst out laughing.

"Told you," I gasped through my giggles.

"Let's have a real wedding," I told him when we had calmed down again. "Let's give my father the chance to walk me down the aisle. To be honest, while I don't want a huge wedding, I'd like to plan something small. A family affair. A few friends, maybe. You in a tux, waiting for me."

His eyes were shining. "Hmm...and you in a white dress? I'd like that. As long as it's what you want."

"I do."

Edward's breath hitched and he gazed at me longingly.

"Say that again."

I giggled at the eagerness in his voice. "I do."

His eyes smoldered with reverence and passion, and I turned to jelly in his arms.

"I do, too."

We both smiled at each other.

The phones went off again.

**Much better. :) See you soon. - A.**

Edward laughed, shaking his head. "She's something else."

"It's settled then," I said. "No eloping."

"You know what that means, though," he replied.

I cocked an eyebrow in question.

"We need to get back to Forks."

"What?" I stammered. "Why? There's still time. Even Alice will need a few weeks to plan a wedding."

"Sweetheart, your dress has been hanging in her closet for months. I'm sure that she has already called the caterers and the florist and the minister."

My mouth dropped open but I recovered quickly. The more I thought about it the more enraged I became with Alice.

"Well, this is _our_ wedding, Edward, and we should have a say when and where it will take place. And I honestly think that we need to stay here for a few more days. We need this time away. I want to spend time alone with you before we get caught up in her craziness. If she doesn't like it, she can take a hike. You know what, I'm going to tell her exactly that."

Towards the end of my rant, my voice had gotten louder but I was beyond caring. I whipped out my phone again, pushing buttons frantically until Edward gently removed it from my hands.

"It's okay, Bella. I'm sure she has already seen that decision, considering how intently she's been watching."

"How do you know?" I challenged, yanking the phone back from him. "Right now, she might be too busy intimidating the baker about some monstrous wedding cake that nobody but me and Charlie will be able to eat."

"Hmmm...you might be right." He took the phone again and pressed buttons with lightning speed. It didn't take long at all and part of me was envious not only at the speed but also at the fact that he seemed to know exactly how to work the little white piece of plastic and electronics in his hands.

"There," he exclaimed triumphantly, holding the phone up so I could read what was displayed on the screen. "That should do it."

It was a simple message, precise and to the point.

**Alice: Our wedding. Our time. No rushing us. - E & B**

"So," he said when I looked at him, smiling. "How about lunch and then the Sears Tower?"

"I'd say that sounds like a plan."

He grinned like a little boy in a toy store. "Don't move."

Two seconds later, my door opened and Edward held out his hand. "Milady?"

I let him help me out of the car and as soon as I put my feet on the concrete, he pulled me up into him, nuzzling my cheek.

"Ready? It's not far – we can walk."

A few moments later we stepped out of the parking garage onto the sidewalk. People were everywhere, walking briskly in various directions. The noise was nearly deafening, cars honking and street vendors shouting. Instinctively, I shrank against my vampire, intimidated by the hustle and bustle of downtown Chicago.

A year in a podunk town had certainly spoiled me.

Edward swung one arm around my shoulders and pulled my hand around his waist with the other, leading me along and bending down to kiss my temple every few feet. I couldn't remember ever walking with him this way but I had to admit I thoroughly enjoyed his display.

I felt safe.

Protected.

Loved.

"Any preference for your lunch?"

I shrugged. "I'm not all that hungry. A salad, maybe?"

"Alright," he said, "let's see..."

A few minutes later we were seated in an Italian restaurant inside the huge building that dominated the Chicago skyline. As I perused the menu for something to eat, a pretty waitress came to the table to take our order.

"Welcome to..."

I looked up and snickered under my breath. As so many before her, the woman was thunderstruck when her eyes fell on Edward. And where it might have made me shrink into my seat in the past, I refused to let her fawn over my fiance. I knew it bothered him, not only because he didn't appreciate their advances, never mind their thoughts, but also because he didn't like it when they ignored me.

And this one hadn't even glanced at me.

I cleared my throat and Edward smirked, his eyes never leaving my face.

"I'd like a diet coke, please," I said louder than required. The woman's eyes flickered away from him and she forced a smile on her face as she looked at me for just a moment before her gaze went back to Edward.

"Anything for you, sir?" the woman breathed, her face flushed.

Edward shook his head. "No, thanks. I have everything I need."

He reached across the table to grasp my left hand, prominently displaying my ring.

Her expression fell and she didn't look too pleased with the bling on my finger.

"Are you sure I can't get you anything?" she tried again, batting her lashes at him.

Something inside me snapped and next thing I knew I was spitting mad, drawing courage from thinking of Rosalie who would never in her life let this waitress get away with that kind of behavior.

"I think you heard him. And as soon as you're done making a fool of yourself," I stated snidely, "I'd also like the Antipasto salad, with oil and vinegar on the side. Plus a basket of bread."

Edward snickered quietly though his expression changed to surprise.

Reluctantly, the waitress turned to me. I gave her a hard stare, raising an eyebrow. Apparently, that was enough to make her remember her job.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be right back with your drink."

I handed her the menu, giving her another icy look. "Thank you."

As she walked away, Edward leaned forward and smiled, stroking his thumb over the back of my hand and rubbing it gently across the ring.

"I'd say sorry for her behavior but it seems you have firmly put her in her place." He sounded proud which confused me.

"I can't believe I just did that," I said, completely shocked at myself. "That's so unlike me."

"I'm glad you did. She was being rude to you and you had every right to speak up for yourself."

"You'd think I was channeling Rosalie for a moment."

Edward laughed.

"Yes, well, perhaps. I thought it was...exciting to see you stand up for yourself like that. Well done."

His praise made my heart flutter.

"Really?"

"Yes! Feel free to do that any time." He laughed a little. "I love it when the tiger-kitten comes out to play."

"The what?"

He slapped his free hand over his mouth. "Oops. Did I say that out loud?"

"I'm a tiger-kitten?" I asked with barely suppressed mirth, raising my eyebrows. "Is that how you think of me?"

He pushed out his bottom lip, dropping his head and peering at me from under his freakishly long lashes.

"Sometimes. Are you angry with me?"

I shook my head. "Not at all. It's kinda cute. A little strange...but cute. Should I growl like a tiger or mewl like a kitten?"

"That depends on the situation, I suppose," he replied with a wink. "Or on what we're doing at the time."

The suggestive tone of his voice could not be mistaken. For the second time that day, my mouth fell open.

"Edward!" I sputtered in disbelief.

He laughed unabashedly. "The stick is out."

"I'd say." I shook my head at him though I was smiling, simply enjoying the way he seemed so much more relaxed than usual. "And did you get rid of it for good or is this a temporary condition?"

"I reduced it to toothpicks," he said but there was a tone to his voice I couldn't quite place, some hidden meaning I didn't understand.

Before I had the chance to ask him about it, the waitress returned with my drink, gingerly setting it in front of me while she surreptitiously glanced at Edward.

"Thank you," I said evenly, keeping my eyes focused on Edward, and she scurried away.

She didn't bother us again, just coming back twice with my food and then the check. When I was done eating, Edward pulled cash from his wallet and left it in the folder without even looking at the receipt, his eyebrows raised in a silent challenge.

I didn't say a word, just smiled at him gratefully. Obviously, that was not the reaction he'd expected from me. His eyebrows rose higher and became questioning.

"No complaint?" he asked, his voice incredulous.

"About what?" I played dumb.

"I paid for your meal."

"You did." I nodded.

His chest deflated as he exhaled. "I'm sorry, old habit. I was all prepared for resistance from you."

I laughed. "Edward, do you seriously think I'm going to fuss about a few bucks for lunch when there's a car parked not too far from here, registered in my name, that cost more than what my father makes in a year? With a shiny black card in my purse, made out to Isabella Cullen? Oh, you didn't know that?"

He blinked innocently.

I smirked at him. "_Someone_ apparently ordered it for me. My driver's license says the same thing. Are you telling me you have no idea how those came to be?"

Edward smiled beatifically. "None whatsoever. Jasper handles all those things."

I giggled. "Whatever, Mr. Cullen. You can wipe that innocent smile off your face because you're not fooling anyone. Besides, according to Rosalie, it's the family money and as your fiancee, I'm expected to let you spend it any way you want."

I winked at him as he openly gaped.

"Any way I want?" he confirmed, still a little suspicious.

I simply shrugged. "Who am I to tell you what you can and cannot buy? Just, for my sanity, don't go overboard."

His eyes twinkled with amusement. "Oh, you really shouldn't have said that."

I groaned. "Edward!"

"No, no – you can't rescind your permission."

I growled but then I realized how happy he seemed at the prospect of being able to give me whatever he wanted. Rosalie's admonishment sounded in my head.

"Yes, well – fine. I won't take it back."

"Thank you," he said simply.

I stuck out my tongue at him.

"Is that an invitation?" He gazed at me suggestively.

Instantly, I flushed though it wasn't really in embarrassment, more at the promise in Edward's eyes.

"Maybe." I returned his gaze evenly and licked my lips.

Edward choked on a laugh. "You little vixen, besting me at my own game. Come on. We need to leave before I embarrass us both by pulling you clear across the table."

I seemed to have forgotten where we were as our surroundings slowly made themselves known again. This time, I blushed in embarrassment. Edward chuckled and helped me out of the chair.

Heads turned in our direction as we walked to the exit. I did my best to ignore them but Edward must have noticed me stiffening beside him.

"Let them stare. All the women are jealous of you, Bella," he whispered into my ear. "And the men all want to be me. I know." He tapped the side of his head with one of his long fingers.

I looked up at him with narrowed eyes. "You are mine."

"That, I am. Happily."

I clutched his hand more tightly. He squeezed back gently in confirmation.

"Up, up we go, Bella," he smiled as he led me out of the restaurant to the elevators. "Ready to see Chicago from above?"

Once we were on the sky deck, Edward pulled me gently towards the floor to ceiling windows, excitedly pointing out landmarks in various directions. I ignored the surreptitious glances he received from the females milling around the area.

"You can almost see our house from here," he said, raising his hand to point to some area in the distance. I squinted at the dots that I guessed were roofs miles and miles away, unable to make out anything clearly. "Well, I suppose I can. You will be able to eventually."

"_Our_ house?"

He smiled down at me. "Of course. I would expect that Jasper has by now instructed his contact to file the deed like I asked him to."

"The deed?" I choked.

"Silly Bella," he chastised me gently. "Everything I own is yours now, too. The house will be registered in the name of Edward and Isabella Cullen for the foreseeable future. Of course, eventually, we'll have to pass it on to Anthony and Marie Swan," he winked, "or perhaps some perpetual trust, but it will always be ours, for as long as it's standing."

"Isn't that a little soon? I mean, we're not married yet and..."

"And what? Are you not going to marry me?" he demanded as his eyes dulled with pain.

I rushed to assure him. "Yes! No! Yes! Of course I'm marrying you. You'll never lose me, Edward, never. I just...never mind, I don't know what I was thinking." Eager to distract him, to rid him of the agony in his eyes I rambled on. "So, shall I put my meager checking account into our names as well? I will, you know. As soon as we get back."

"That's up to you, sweetheart," he smiled, happiness returning at my words. "Though I wouldn't call it meager."

"What do you mean? Last I checked there wasn't a whole lot...wait...did you...tell me you didn't."

There was that beatific smile again. "_I _didn't."

It didn't escape my notice that he emphasized the first word in his response. I narrowed my eyes at him playfully and put my hands on my sides.

"Are your siblings doing all your dirty work for you, Edward? You should be ashamed of yourself."

I could tell he wasn't abashed at all, his eyes twinkling as he pulled me against him and kissed me.

"Oh, Bella, my love, you make me so exceptionally happy."

I melted in his arms. "You are a dangerous creature, Mr. Cullen. Killing me with sappiness."

He chuckled, his sweet breath cool on my neck. "You have seen nothing yet."

"Should I be scared?" I snorted.

"Very."

"God help me," I snickered. "What kind of monster are you? Sap-zilla? The cheesy creature from the sugary lagoon? Oh, I know – Cornycula. Not very scary at all."

Edward laughed out loud. "Would it help if I growled?"

"I don't think so. You did _plenty_ of that last night. Totally not scary," I retorted before I burst out laughing at the incredulous look on his face, his mouth hanging open as the stared at me.

It took him a moment to recover. "Jesus, Bella. Look at what you've done now. No...wait...don't look. Damn it!"

Yeah, I looked, not that I could see much since the area I thought he was referring to was hidden by his jacket. I was just about to reach out a hand to lift the hem when ice-cold fetters closed around my wrist.

"Bella!" he hissed. "What's gotten into you?"

I noticed that people around us were now openly staring and blood rushed into my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." I ripped my hand from his grip and moved over to the nearest window, staring unseeingly at the view below, my arms around my chest. Embarrassment coursed through me. I felt stupid.

I could feel him walk up behind me, his arms wrapping loosely around mine, and his mouth next to my ear. My hands immediately moved on top of his, holding him to me.

"I'm not mad, sweetheart, but we _are_ in public. We can't draw attention to ourselves like that." He kissed my cheek, nuzzling his nose against my skin. "I'll let you lift up my jacket when we get home, if you like."

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," I blurted, "I just got caught up in the moment...we were having fun, joking around...I can't remember a time when we ever did that and I...I'm sorry, Edward."

"I'm not embarrassed, darling girl, though I am glad for the length of the jacket. And I enjoyed the banter. You're right – we never have been so playful before and I quite like it. We just need to keep our surroundings in mind and this is not exactly private."

I turned in his arms. "Really? You're not mad?"

"Absolutely not," he vowed as he pulled me closer. "Not even a little bit."

"Okay," I squeaked and hid my face in his jacket. "Can we leave? People are still staring."

"Of course. Come on."

We rode the elevator down in silence, his large hand completely engulfing mine, our fingers entwined. He rubbed the back of my hand soothingly with his thumb.

My face was still hot.

When we reached the bottom floor, Edward pulled his phone from his pocket.

"Alice says we have forty minutes until the sun peeks out for a bit. She recommends the Galleria near the pier while I can't be outside. It's a shopping mall of sorts containing a variety of one of a kind stores. Interested?"

"Sure," I nodded, "that sounds great."

"It's only a few blocks. Will you be okay to walk?"

"Yes, of course." I was suddenly anxious to get moving, worried that we wouldn't make it in time.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we left the Sears Tower and joined the crowds on the sidewalk again.

"I think there's even a bookstore in this place," he mentioned as we walked along the streets of Chicago. "Not a Barnes & Noble, by any means, mostly old or rare books. It might be fun to browse in there."

It wasn't far, as he had promised, though we had to cross the river. With plenty of time to spare, we entered a large building with mirrored glass. The entry gave way to a myriad of quaint little shops that were lining the main floor, with passages darting off left and right leading to more quaint little stores. The best part was that there was no light coming in from outside once we moved a few feet into the structure.

Edward would be safe. I breathed easier.

The building was air-conditioned and I put my sweater on, glad that Edward had suggested to bring it. We wandered slowly around the building, staring into shop windows filled with collectibles, candies and chocolates and even one that sold nothing but hot sauces. Edward raised an eyebrow when I openly gaped.

"Did you want to pop into this one?"

I shook my head. "Definitely not. Spicy food is not for me."

Next was a jewelry store that only sold antique pieces. In one of the windows I spotted an old pocket watch, silver with beautiful engravings and a long chain, so I stepped towards it to take a closer look. The tag on it said it was made in 1895 and I wondered if this was the type of watch Edward's father would have worn.

"Could we...go in here?" I asked, my mind spinning off in tangents as I turned to him. Perhaps I'd find a present for him inside.

"Sure," he said easily and moved towards the door. A bell rang above our heads as we stepped into the store. In the muted overhead light, I could see brightly lit glass cases displaying a multitude of necklaces, bracelets, rings and earrings but they didn't hold my interest for long.

I looked around to find the proprietor sitting on a stool in one of the corners, bent over a desk with a magnifying glass held to his eye. He smiled when we entered but didn't say anything. I nodded a greeting.

Edward let go of my hand and strolled towards one of the glass cases, his gaze focused down towards an arrangement of earrings.

I quickly walked up behind him. "My ears aren't pierced, you know, so whatever you're thinking of doing, don't."

His smile was reflected in the glass. "These are screwbacks. They don't require a pierced earlobe. Come take a look – they are quite pretty."

I joined him reluctantly and gazed at the display. A pair of dangling earrings caught my eye. Tiny diamonds were set in an oval frame connected to a single diamond at the top with an emerald hanging down in the middle of the oval. The green of the emerald reminded me of something Edward had told me long ago. I raised myself up to his ear.

"Your eyes used to be green, right?" I whispered.

"Yes," he nodded, whispering back. "I can't say for certain but from Carlisle's memories, this is almost the exact shade of green."

"Do you like them?"

Again, he nodded. "I do. I think they would look stunning on your ears."

"They are very beautiful. I just wouldn't know when to wear them."

"I can think of many occasions, our wedding being one of them." He looked at me, the question obvious in his eyes. I gave myself a good kick in the butt and said just one word.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

I nodded, unable to speak when I saw the brilliant smile forming on his face. Edward pulled me against him, dropping a kiss on my head.

"Thank you," he said. "Thank you so much."

I giggled. "I think you have that backwards. Shouldn't I be thanking you?"

He just shrugged in response.

"What about these?" He was pointing to a smaller pair, with yellow gold that almost looked like a four-leaf clover, small yellow topaz and clear diamonds clustered in the middle.

"These may be more functional for everyday wear. Smaller, less obvious."

"They are lovely," I agreed.

"Yes? Would you wear them?"

I valiantly swallowed the bile that had risen to my throat at the price on the attached tag, putting a smile on my face and trying to forget the fact that he was proposing to buy both pairs.

"With pride," I replied.

The proprietor had wandered over in the meantime and Edward greeted him, then proceeded to point out both pairs, whipping out his credit card from his wallet as he spoke.

"We'll take both of these, and my fiancee would like to wear the smaller pair right away."

I just stared at him, speechless.

"Certainly, sir. Excellent choice. I picked up both of them just last month in an estate sale. They are from the Edwardian period. Let me just clean them for you. Won't take long at all."

The man walked off with both sets of earrings, setting them gently on the desk and proceeded to carefully wipe them down with some cleaning solution.

I turned to Edward. "From the Edwardian period? Did you know that they were this old?"

He shook his head. "No, but I hoped they were. I thought I recognized the style."

"And you're sure the closure is safe so I won't lose them?"

"Quite secure, I assure you. Screwbacks are actually more secure than the modern clips. Besides," he bent down and lowered his voice to a whisper, "every time I kiss your ear, I'll make sure they're still safely in place."

My heartrate skyrocketed as his cool lips touched my ear and his tongue peeked out to lick the lobe. Venom tingled my skin. I gasped and my knees buckled. Edward caught me easily, chuckling.

"Sorry."

"Sure you are," I grumbled though I was smiling. "That's why you look so smug."

"You're right. I'm not sorry at all. I'm in love with the most beautiful girl in the world and I'm happy beyond my wildest dreams."

"Such a sap." I grinned at him. "So sweet. Tell me more."

"I will. Tonight," he promised with a wink. I nearly forgot to breathe. Thankfully, the shopkeeper chose that moment to return to us and handed Edward a small package.

"Here you go, sir. I've already put the larger pair in a box for you. Would you like me to help the lady with putting on the others?"

"No, thank you," Edward responded after quickly checking the box. "I'll take care of that myself."

"Of course," the man nodded, a knowing smile on his face.

Edward took the earrings gingerly out of the box in the man's hands and carefully attached them to my ears. He stepped back when he was done and regarded me critically, his head cocked to the side, while I eagerly waited.

"Absolutely adorable," he finally said.

I blushed. "Thank you."

"The earrings are nice, too," he grinned.

My response was a gentle smack to his chest as the shopkeeper laughed. I moved towards the display cases where a small mirror stood on top of the glass, pushing my hair back to admire the earrings. They fit my earlobes perfectly and the yellow stones matched the color of Edward's eyes right after he had hunted, much like they were now. I turned to Edward and smiled widely.

"Thank you. They are gorgeous. I'm a lucky girl."

Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek, whispering into my skin. "You make me a happy man."

"Tis refreshing to see a young couple so in love," the proprietor said. "I hope you'll be very happy with your purchase today."

We bid him good-bye after he put both boxes into a small gift bag that Edward proudly carried.

"Would you like to see the bookstore next?" he asked. He seemed ecstatic – a twinkle in his eyes, his face split nearly in half by his smile, looking every bit the seventeen year old boy he was.

"Is this what you're like when you get to buy me things?"

He nodded eagerly and I had to laugh. "Okay, but you're cut off for the rest of today."

Edward pouted, his lower lip jutting out. He looked adorable, and much like Alice when she didn't get her way.

"Okay, _Alice_," I snickered, "I'll amend that to nothing over fifty dollars."

Edward simply laughed. The change in him was remarkable. I had never seen him so carefree in the entire time we'd been together. It was like some huge burden had been lifted off him. I was saddened suddenly by the thought that we could have had this so much sooner if I hadn't been so blind.

He noticed the sudden shift in my mood. "What is it, Bella? What's wrong?"

Stupid tears sprang to my eyes and I sniffed in frustration. "It's nothing, really. I'm just so amazed at the changes in you and it makes me so damn happy to see you like this, and then I think that it's my fault for not giving you the chance to be like this before."

"Oh sweetheart. You have to let it go. We're happy now, we're together and we have all of forever stretched out before us. That's what counts." I was engulfed in his arms, his scent calming me almost instantly. "Let's move forward, Bella. We can't change the past, we can only learn from it."

I rubbed my cheek against his jacket and kissed the spot where his heart used to beat. "I love you so much."

"I know," Edward replied wistfully. "I _really_ know that now."

He kept his arm around my shoulder as we walked further down the main aisle. Soon enough, we stood in front of the bookstore. Butler's Rare Books, it proclaimed in golden letters above the door. Inside, the store was somewhat dimly lit, the musty smell of old books permeating the air. The shopkeeper, an older woman, sat behind the counter, reading a newspaper. She greeted us with a friendly smile but then went back to her reading.

Edward and I separated, each of us wandering around to look at the variety of books that were simply stacked up or sitting on shelves. I moved aimlessly for a while, until my eyes fell on a stack of book sitting on a low table in front of a display rack.

The very top one was a copy of Beatrix Potter's The Tale of Peter Rabbit, the colorful cover faded from age but still clearly visible. It had been one of my childhood favorites and I vaguely remembered my father's voice as he would read to me. As I was getting lost in memories, Edward stepped behind me and looked over my shoulder.

"I used to have a copy of that book," he said in a low voice. "My mother would read it to me when I was a child. It's one of the few memories I still have of her."

"My dad read it to me, telling me that Mr. McGregor was the sheriff of the garden. Sort of like he was the Chief of Police, you know?" I smiled, thinking of the gruff, quiet man that was my father.

Edward chuckled quietly. "Yes, I can see how he would use that imagery."

I carefully picked it up, running my fingers along the spine and opening the cover as Edward moved away again to look at some of the books that were sitting in the book case. My eyes fell on the old-fashioned handwriting in the top left corner of the inside cover and widened in disbelief.

'Property of E. A. Masen'

My hand flew to my mouth to contain the gasp that was forming and my heart began to pound. I glanced at Edward but he was absorbed in a thick book he had pulled from a shelf. My mind was flying. Could it truly be possible for me to find Edward's childhood book in a dinky store in the middle of Chicago?

I checked the publication date and saw that it had been published in 1904. Edward would have been three. It seemed more possible that this really _was_ his old book.

There was no way to tell for sure but I imagined him lying in bed with his mother or father sitting by his side to read to him from the adventures of a little rabbit. The image pierced me with pain because I knew that Edward would never experience having a child of his own, would never even have that possibility.

I had never wanted children, but it was easy to think of a little boy with green eyes and Edward's wild hair bouncing on his knees while he read him this book. I wished fervently that I could give Edward a child, a child that would combine the two of us into one perfect little being.

Sadly, it was not an option we had but perhaps buying this book would give him something from his own childhood to hold onto.

Now the question was how I could manage buying it without him knowing. I would have to get him out of the store, buy the book and then meet him outside, hoping that he wouldn't try to read the shopkeeper's mind.

I put the book down carefully, trying to get my racing heart under control before he noticed my excitement.

"Edward?"

I coughed a little and immediately felt bad for worrying him because he looked up instantly, a concerned look on his face.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine, just a little thirsty from the dust in here," I fibbed, "but I'd like to stay and browse a while longer. Would you mind getting me a bottle of water?"

"Of course not," he said with a smile. "It would be my pleasure. I saw a vending machine not too far from here. Stay there, I'll be right back."

"Thank you," I managed, guilt for lying to him eating me up. The second he left the store, I grabbed the book and moved quickly to the counter, pulling out the black card as I went. The woman looked at me expectantly.

"Hi," I said as I reached her. "I'd like to purchase this book, please, but I have to ask you to make it quick before my bo...fiance comes back. It's a surprise for him."

"Sure, honey," she smiled. "Give it here. I have some paper we can put around it so he doesn't see."

I handed her the book and she quickly added a few layers of tissue paper, putting it in a plastic bag before ringing it up. I realized that I hadn't even looked at the price and was unpleasantly shocked when she told me. It was just money, I told myself. I was supposed to spend it any way I saw fit, I had been told. My hand was shaking as I held out the card to her.

Alice would be proud. I was surprised that my phone hadn't gone off yet, but she was probably busy scaring a florist about some monstrous wedding bouquet or something to that effect.

"Do you have an ID, Ms. Cullen?"

"Oh," I said when it sank in that she was talking about me, "of course." I handed her my driver's license. She glanced at it for a moment, then gave it back to me together with the Amex card.

"Here you go," she laughed, "I hope he'll enjoy it."

"Thank you so much," I said as I took the cards and stuffed them in my purse, then picked up the bag from the counter and carefully put it in there as well. "Good-bye."

I literally ran from the store and waited outside for Edward to return. I could see him striding towards me with a confused look on his face, holding a water bottle in his hand. I moved towards him quickly, my purse clutched with one hand, and took his free hand with my other.

"I'm all done," I said with fake cheerfulness. "Thanks for the water."

He looked at me with suspicion, his eyes narrowing. "Why do I get the feeling this was a ruse, Bella? What did you do?"

"Nothing," I squeaked then quickly lowered my voice to a whisper as I pulled him along, further away from the store. "Please, Edward, don't ruin this for me, okay? Don't try to find out. Trust me. Please?"

He didn't say anything for a long moment, just stared at me, but finally nodded. "I'm terribly curious now and I really, _really_ don't like that I can't read your mind but I will do as you ask. What would you like to do now?"

"Is there anything you'd like to look at?" I asked. "I don't know what else there is in here."

"Actually, I got another text from Alice. Apparently, the sun has gone back behind the clouds and we could go to the pier now."

"Oh, okay. Yes, sure. That's where the Ferris Wheel is, right? I haven't been on one in ages," I babbled, thankful that he didn't press me further about what I had done in the store.

He handed me the water. "Here you go though I'm not sure you actually want it. You _should_ drink something – we've walked quite a way and I don't want you to get dehydrated. There's a public restroom right before the exit if you need a human moment. And yes, we can go on the Ferris Wheel if you like. It's not something I've ever done in this existence."

I looked up at him. "Really? You've never been on a Ferris Wheel?"

"Not as a vampire, no. And I don't have a memory of riding one when I was human."

"That's so...sad," I said, "but also good, in a way. You've done so many things in your life, it's nice to know that there are still new experiences for you that I can share in."

"We may have to wait until nightfall, though," Edward cautioned. "It would be dangerous for me to get caught on the ride if the sun were to come out again. No place to hide in the gondola."

"Of course we'll wait. I don't want you to put yourself in danger, Edward. I'm happy to wait until it's safe for you."

He squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry. I wish I could be human for you."

"I don't," I replied, stepping closer to him and stroking his cheek with my fingers. "If you had stayed human I would never have met you and never known what it's like to be loved like this. I think Carlisle saved you so I could meet you. Just think about it, Edward. There are so many things that had to line up just perfectly for us to be together – it can't be anything but fate."

The old Edward would have scoffed at the notion that we were meant to be, drowning in self-loathing and guilt. This new version paused and gazed deeply into my eyes before bending his head down to kiss me softly, adding a cool tongue to quickly sweep across my lower lip.

"You might be right," he said with a crooked smile when he pulled back. "You just might be right."

The small seed I had hoped to plant had taken root and begun to bloom.

* * *

**Endnote: **

For those of you living in or knowing your way around Chicago, please suspend your disbelief. I had to take some liberties with this chapter and created a shopping mall of sorts downtown that doesn't actually exist. There _is_ a building in downtown Chicago that looks from the outside as if it could contain such a place. I've only walked past it so I don't know.

I've been on the Sky Deck of the Sears Tower but it's been many years since. If anything has changed, I apologize in advance. The Italian restaurant described does exist. I do not know if the food that Bella orders is actually on the menu.

The quote "his maturity level is on par with a grapefruit" has to be credited to Sareliz (look her up on my profile) who used this phrase in a review she left for one of my friends. It fit perfectly into this chapter and I hope she doesn't mind me using it.

Thank you for reading. Please leave a review.


	12. Forward Movements

**Author's Note: **As you may have noticed, at this point there are two arcs to this story. The first arc began with the letter and ended when Bella caught up to Edward in Chicago. It described their old selves and sent them on the way to a new maturity. The second arc begins in chapter 9 and is rather different from the first. Edward and Bella are exploring their new perspectives, talking and explaining their motivations for the actions that shaped their past and moving forward into a stronger relationship. Part of that is the journey into intimacy. Thus, the current chapters will contain occasional limey times and possibly, eventually a full lemon. It will earn its M rating.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine. This is not breaking news. I own copies of the books and the DVDs, nothing more. Oh, and a New Moon Edward life-size card board, thanks to ConfettiRainfall.

Thank you to ConfettiRainfall and Kzintikiller for pre-reading this chapter. All errors are mine.

Much gratitude and love to my husband who simply lets me hide in my woman cave to write whenever the urge strikes. Which is often. Love you, Babe.

Chapter songs: Lifehouse – Everything, Fisher – I Will Love You, Matt Nathanson – Come On Get Higher, Bob Dylan – Make You Feel My Love

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**12. Forward Movements**

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

to make you feel my love

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

To Make You Feel My Love – Bob Dylan

* * *

Bella didn't say another word about what she had purchased in the bookstore. I had barely managed to resist reading the shopkeeper's mind though by the time Bella met me outside and basically dragged me off, it was likely too late anyway.

Not that I checked.

Curiosity burned inside me but I tried very hard to be mindful of her request and let her have this surprise. While I certainly considered myself a patient man, this was almost too much for me to handle. All through the rest of the day, while we explored the Navy Pier, throughout her dinner and even while we were standing in line for the Ferris Wheel my mind wouldn't leave it alone.

I devised scenario after scenario of how to set up a situation where I might get a look into her purse and had to chastise myself repeatedly for being such a nosy Parker.

And it seemed that Bella was onto me – she even took her purse to the restroom with her, a knowing smile on her face, when she excused herself before her dinner arrived and thus foiled my evil plan.

While I waited for her return, my phone vibrated with a text from Alice.

**Stop trying to find out! If you continue this, I will tell Bella! -A**

Damn it! My girl had a phone now, too, and I knew my sister well enough to know that she would rat me out, gleefully, if I continued to scheme. I needed to get a grip.

Or perhaps take the phone from her.

**Don't even think about it! - A**

_Fuck!_

I bought Bella a sticky, sugary funnel cake at the pier that she slowly enjoyed as we walked along, her fingers covered in powdered sugar, my eyes following each of her movements from the sweet confection to her lips. When she stuck her fingers into her mouth to lick off the residue, my mind went off on a tangent in a direction that made the viscous fluid in my veins rush to a specific area.

I severely chastised myself for imaging those plump, rosy lips wrapped around a much different appendage, the one that was currently causing an issue in my jeans, but then caught on to the fact that Bella was spending much more time than necessary on licking her fingers, throwing an occasional glance in my direction, quietly humming her delight.

There was purpose behind her actions. She knew exactly what she was doing.

_Vixen._

She was temptation incarnate and she was mine, all mine.

I couldn't kiss her quickly enough after that realization, my tongue flicking out to lick any leftover sugar from her lips. Combined with her natural flavor, the taste was divine.

I managed to ignore the thoughts of the people milling about though most of them where not even focused on us. There was one young man who was openly staring at Bella and I, putting himself in my place in his mind, but once I leveled him with an angry glare he quickly disappeared into the masses.

I must have growled a little because Bella squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"All yours, Edward," she whispered.

"All mine," I replied on a sigh, dropping a grateful kiss on her temple.

Eventually, we joined the line to ride on the Ferris Wheel. I was standing behind her, trying to cop a feel of her purse to see how much the weight had changed but she pulled it in front of her so I didn't get that chance. Thwarted again, I wrapped my arms around her, pressing myself into her back side and nuzzling on her neck.

"What are you hiding in your purse?"

She only giggled in response.

Bella's satisfied smile when she thought I wasn't looking drove me nearly batty with the need to know what she was hiding from me. I knew it wasn't going to be anything bad but even that knowledge didn't help any to quell my raging curiosity.

It had been a very long time since anyone had been able to surprise me with a gift.

And it was my birthday after all.

Did Bella know? Did she remember?

We'd never actually celebrated it before. Though in all fairness, it was only the second time I'd have a birthday while she was in my life.

And I was nearly deliriously blissful at the thought that I'd never have to spend another birthday without her.

The first year, we had treated it like any other day. I remembered taking her out to dinner the night before, after a long, hassled game of pleading with her to agree, but never mentioned that it was my birthday. We were in the last week of school at that point and looking forward to the summer.

I'd also never told Bella the actual date of my human birthday, just the year I was born. If Bella knew, it was likely that Alice had opened her big mouth and told her.

That certainly explained the texts.

Fine, then. I would wait. I had waited nearly one hundred years for this woman – a few more hours of waiting for a possible birthday present would not make any difference. Besides, I was fairly certain that it was a book – after all, she'd been in a bookstore when she had sent me on a contrived errant to buy herself some time.

But which book?

Her heartbeat had changed, the rhythm a little faster than usual when she was looking at that old, faded Beatrix Potter book but I quickly dismissed it as Bella thinking of time spent with her father. I could certainly see how that might increase the tempo of her heart, and it had shortly thereafter calmed down again.

There had been a few books in the store I was interested in, especially a thick tome that detailed the Egyptian expedition resulting in the find of Tut Ankh Amun's tomb. This particular book wasn't one Carlisle had in his library and I'd been debating whether to purchase it.

Had she noticed? Though, that couldn't be it, I deduced, considering that her purse didn't look heavy enough for that particular book. No, it had to be one of the other two I had picked up and found interesting – one a near complete collection of Shakespeare's sonnets, the other a copy of Kennedy's Profiles in Courage. Granted, the latter wasn't all that old but it had been a first edition.

Receiving either one as a gift from Bella would have pleased me immensely.

The line finally moved forward and as I gently helped Bella into the gondola, I sneaked a peek at her purse. She had closed the zipper – and I was foiled again.

And to make matters worse, she noticed my surreptitious glance since I had apparently lost all ability to be stealthy about it. She was simply much too observant. An adorable eyebrow rose up as she took her seat, pulling her purse into her lap.

"Not very patient, are you?" she teased. "This must be driving you nuts, not knowing."

"Yes," I groaned, "if you must know, yes, it does. Can you give me a hint, maybe?"

"Sure," she replied easily, shrugging her shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal. "I'll give you a hint."

I smiled widely and rubbed my hands, eagerly leaning towards her. "Excellent. So? Tell me!"

"It's a book."

My face fell as Bella burst into pealing laughter. Part of me didn't like that she was laughing at my expense but I did see the humor in the situation. I snarled at her playfully.

"You are wicked."

"And you are nosy," she retorted, still smiling. "Not so much fun, is it, when you're on the receiving end." Her face was a picture of mirth, her soulful eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Fine," I said, resigning myself to having to wait, sitting back but reaching for her hand. "After this ride, we're going home."

Bella giggled. "Anxious, are you?"

"You have no _idea_," I moaned. "I cannot wait to find out. You know very well how much it irks me that I can't read your mind."

"Oh, you poor baby," she snickered, her voice dripping with pretend sarcasm and I couldn't help but smile at her. "What a terrible thing, to get a surprise." She leaned closer, whispering conspiratorially. "You know, maybe when I'm like you, my mind will be open to you."

"I wish!" I exclaimed, "but unfortunately, these kinds of things only tend to get stronger after the change. I highly doubt that I will ever hear your thoughts."

The gondola began to slowly move upwards. Bella scooted closer to me and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her against my side. As we rose, the city twinkled with millions of lights. We could see across the lake to one side, ships moving in the far distance, and on the others, the great city of Chicago was laid out beneath us.

"It's so beautiful," Bella sighed. "Thank you for bringing me here."

I began pointing out areas of interest. "Do you see that strip of light over there, where it's really bright? That's Magnificent Mile – Michigan Avenue – where all the famous stores are. It's a shopping mecca, if you're into that sort of thing."

She snorted derisively.

"Haven't we spent enough money already?" Bella asked, fingering the earring on her lobe. She'd been doing that ever since I had put them on her. "I mean, unless you'd like to go there, I don't really need to."

"No, that's fine," I replied, happy that she had accepted my gifts earlier so easily. "I have some other things in mind that we can do while we're here."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well..." I hesitated for a moment. "I'd like to visit my parents' graves," I continued. "I haven't been there in a long time and while I don't remember them clearly, I'd like to pay my respects."

"Yes, of course. Can I come with you?"

"Absolutely," I replied. "I want you with me at all times. Everywhere. Well, with one exception."

She looked at me, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and a shadow of hurt passed over her face.

"Hunting, Bella," I explained quickly. "That's still out of the question. At least for now. Though, I must admit, to my shame, that I can hardly wait to take you for your first hunt after your change."

The images in my mind were exciting and revolting at the same time. Exciting because hunting with Bella, teaching her and guiding her into her first kill, would be a culmination of my deepest desires and yet, the urgency and speed with which I wanted to see those images come true burned my insides from the shame of my selfishness.

Unexpectedly, a slow smile spread out from the corners of her sweet lips.

"Yeah?" she breathed, seemingly as excited as I was at the prospect. Stunned, I stared at her before I slowly nodded, giving in to the promise in her eyes.

"Are you actually looking forward to that?" I was feeling a little incredulous.

"I have long tried to imagine what you look like when you hunt," she replied with a dreamy smile. "And I suppose I'd like to see if the theory is true – that your preference in prey is indicative of your hunting method."

I exhaled in a rush as I recalled a conversation from long ago, back when we first started to admit our feelings to each other, shortly after I had given into the inexplicable pull she had over me. By that time, Bella had known the secret, known I was a vampire. We were sitting in the cafeteria, at a table apart from my siblings who at the time were still somewhat unclear on what Bella had come to mean to me and certainly mostly oblivious to the fact that she knew our secret, and had talked about what I still considered an odd topic for conversation between a human and one of my kind.

I still had that worn bottle cap from her lemonade buried in my treasure box, having carried it around in my pocket for a long time after that first lunch date. The paint had mostly worn off after I had repeatedly rubbed it whenever anxiety and fear of killing her seemed overwhelming.

I no longer needed it as a reminder to be careful with her – by now it was second nature.

"Hmm," I said in response, gently squeezing her shoulder. "I think it would be interesting to find out what your preferred prey will be and if your way of hunting will match."

She released a contented sigh. "I'm so proud of you, Edward. You are amazing. The changes in you are extraordinary. So happy. You make me so very happy."

I wanted to blush as my silent heart exploded with joy and gratitude that this woman in my arms would be mine for all time.

I was half amazed at myself and the easy way I was able to discuss events that would come after her change, and it reminded me yet again that I finally had made peace with the fact that she would become one of us.

It had taken me nearly eighteen months from the first vision Alice had of Bella as an immortal to the point where I could freely admit to myself that I wanted it, with a desperation that still surprised me occasionally, yet without drowning in guilt and self-loathing. I might be a monster, but not to her. I realized that now – Bella saw more deeply inside me than anyone ever had and while she knew the vampire and had seen him, the also knew the man behind the mask.

She'd only ever seen _me_. Not a monster, not a vampire, and always more than just a man.

My love for her was all-consuming.

And there was absolutely no way I could ever think of Bella as a monster – not even when she would be as indestructible as I.

My mind wandered. There were other benefits I looked forward to that were part of a hunt shared by two mated vampires. With my talent, I hadn't been able to avoid seeing those benefits in the minds of my family when they returned, especially Emmett and Rose early on, often disheveled and in tattered clothing.

When mated couples hunted together, the feeding frenzy more often than not turned into a frenzy of a very different kind, and even my virginal imagination had no trouble picturing Bella and I in that kind of situation. Something stirred deep in my groin and the traitor in my pants grew to epic proportions. I shifted my upper body slightly forward to hide the raging erection with my jacket.

Bella nudged my side and when I glanced at her, she wore an expression of concern. "Edward, what's wrong? You're staring off into space and there's a strange look on your face. Are you okay?"

"Uh...yes, I'm...just thinking," I stammered, embarrassed and highly aroused by the thoughts of claiming her like that. If I managed to hold out until after her change, our first time would most likely not be romantic and gentle love-making but a wild and frenzied, rather animalistic domination of my mate.

And she'd be just as feral, most likely, if not more.

It was not only our hunting style that often matched our favorite prey but also veered into the way we made love. Well, at least if the images forcibly injected into my mind over the years were any indication. I shivered at the delicious prospect.

The vampire inside me rubbed his hands in glee while the gentleman I was raised to be stood there in shock, outraged and speechless.

"What were you thinking of?" she asked innocently though the amusement in her eyes betrayed her, one eyebrow raised in question. A small, hot hand landed on my upper thigh, very close to where my need was currently concentrated, and my breath escaped in a gasp.

I locked eyes with her and almost instantly, her face began to bloom a lovely pink color. The ride came to an end, the gondola's door opened and I helped her back onto solid ground. Our eyes remained on each other, the silk of a thousand ties stretching between us and pulling us closer to the edge.

"Take us home," she breathed, and that was all either of us said until we reached the house. Electricity crackled between us and I couldn't stop touching her, kissing every inch of her hand clasped in mine.

We took a cab back to the car so Bella wouldn't have to walk. Thirty minutes later I pulled the Audi into the driveway. By now, it was late enough for the neighbors to be asleep and, after a quick check, I raced around the car, pulled Bella out of her seat and had her inside the house, in our bedroom, not a minute later.

She shrugged out of her cardigan and draped it over a low chair in the corner before kicking off her shoes and sitting on the bed, opening her purse and patting the spot next to her. I threw my jacket on top of hers.

"Come here," she said and I joined her quickly, toeing off my own shoes and crawling onto the bed facing her, stretching my limbs out on either side of her body and propping myself up on my hands behind me. She arranged herself into a seating position with her legs crossed underneath her before reaching into her purse and pulling out a plastic bag.

"Close your eyes, Edward."

Again, I complied, listening to the rustle of plastic and paper as she pulled whatever was inside out of the bag.

"I'm sorry it's not really wrapped properly, but please hold out your hands."

Shifting forward, I felt paper first as the weight of the package landed in my upturned hands and kept my eyes closed as instructed.

Bella softly began to sing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, my Edward, happy birthday to you."

She knew.

"Bella," I breathed, overwhelmed by the emotions that were welling up inside me. I couldn't remember having received a birthday present in my human life, and if my parents had ever sung to me I did not know. It was a bittersweet moment and my silent heart surged with love for this fragile creature in front of me.

"I love you, Edward. Happy birthday. Open your eyes."

I slowly blinked them open, first finding the deep brown warmth in hers before looking at the crudely wrapped package in my hands.

"Go ahead," Bella smiled. "You can look now."

A giddiness spread through my core and a slow smile of anticipation built on my face. Finally, I would get an answer to what had occupied much of my mind all evening. I made short work of the wrapping paper and then I stared at the Beatrix Potter book Bella had been so interested in earlier.

There must have been some confusion on my face when I looked at her again because her expression showed that she was anxious.

"Look at the inside cover," she whispered and began to wring her hands in her lap. Her heartbeat sped up, the blood rushing rapidly through her veins, as I dropped my eyes and opened the book, curious to find out what she was suddenly so nervous about.

There, on the inside of the faded cover, were a few handwritten words.

I could only stare in shock, absolutely frozen. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe and memories of a time long forgotten suddenly swirled in my mind.

My mother's voice as she read to me about a rebellious little bunny from this very book now resting in my hands rang through my ears.

"_Now, do you see that it's best to always listen to your mother?" she'd said gently as she tugged the corners of my cover around me when she had finished reading to me. "Bad things can happen if you don't follow what you're told. Poor little Peter learned that the hard way."_

"_Yes, Mommy," five year old me had nodded earnestly. "I'm sorry I ran off in the market today."_

"_That's my sweet little boy," she'd praised me. "I'm sure you're not going to do it again."_

My breath escaped in a rush and then I was gasping for air I didn't need as my throat constricted. Through the sobbing breaths, the scent of salty tears hit my nostrils and my eyes snapped up to Bella's wet face as a hot hand touched my cheek.

"Shh, Edward, it's okay, calm down, it's alright..."

"I...I...how...I don't...my mother...oh, my God..." I stammered, unable to form a clear thought as my fingers reverently stroked my mother's handwriting.

Bella hiccuped a laugh. "Is it really yours?" she asked. "I saw the inscription in the store and could hardly believe it."

"Yes," I replied, still in disbelief, my mind reeling. "I...I don't know what to say, Bella. This feels unreal but it's my mother's handwriting. I recognize it. What are the odds?"

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I muttered, still fingering the book in my hands, and brought it close to my nose to inhale. Faintly, deeply embedded in the pages, my mother's perfume lingered. "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment."

"Oh," Bella said and scooted back a few inches, "should I...I mean...do you need some space?"

I shook my head and pulled her closer, inhaling her sweet scent and soaking in her warmth. Carefully, I laid the priceless book on the nightstand.

"No. I think it might be helpful if you were right here in my lap." She giggled through the tears.

I moved us both up the bed so my back was against the headboard and Bella was draped across my legs, with her head on my shoulder. I softly stroked her back, running my fingers through the ends of her long tresses after brushing the wetness from her cheeks. My emotions were running amok but what kept me sane and in the moment was the feel of her, the scent of her skin and her blood and the heat that flowed into me where her body touched mine.

It took me some time to come back to my normal self, to find the words I needed to say to her.

"Thank you, sweetheart. Not only for the book – I can't quite get over that – but also for taking the time to celebrate my birthday. It's another first I get to share with you." I dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "And I'll do anything to ensure it won't be the last."

"So, did you like the gift? Is it okay?"

"Love, it's so much more than just okay," I replied with a chuckle at her anxious question. "The odds are staggering and it's boggling my mind that you found this particular book, and I can't thank you enough for what you did. You returned a piece of my past to me, and this might sound a bit sentimental and corny but you've managed to combine my past, my present and my future all into one."

She snuggled deeper into my chest and ran a finger over my upper arm, leaving a trail of fire where she touched me. I needed more, much more, drowning in my desire for her. I felt loved and appreciated and adored, and I pulled up her chin to look into her eyes, falling into the depth of her love reflected from within.

The beast was silent.

The man was begging for my hands on her bare skin.

"Bella," I moaned, leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss. The floodgates opened and I rolled us so she was under me while I held my weight above her, wedged between her legs. I pinned her hands by the side of her head, entwining my fingers with hers. The kiss grew in intensity, our tongues began the age-old dance and soon it wasn't enough anymore. I ran my lips across her cheek to her ear, gently sucking on the lobe before confessing my need to her.

"I...I need to...touch you. Please, Bella, please...may I put my hands on you?"

Her eyes grew wide but there was no fear only acceptance and desire. She nodded, a small, encouraging smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. I kissed her again, running my lips back to her mouth, dipping my tongue in between to taste her. My hips bucked into her involuntarily as she moaned.

"Leave your hands up here," I whispered, trying to get myself under control as I lifted myself to my knees and to her side. "I want to focus on you."

She looked like a goddess, spread before me. Her long hair was still in a ponytail so I gently removed the tie and combed her hair with my fingers, spreading it across the pillow. From there, I trailed softly to her neck and over her collarbone, running further down across her sternum to her stomach and finally reaching the bottom of her shirt.

I took a breath before carefully reaching with both hands to push the hem upwards, revealing smooth, pale skin glistening in the light that spread from the lamp on the nightstand. She was so very beautiful. Higher and higher I pushed the fabric until I reached the underside of her perky breasts. Reverently, I ran my fingers over her stomach, circling her navel, fascinated and utterly spellbound by the feel and heat of her skin.

Bella gasped and my eyes flew to meet hers, nearly panicked until I saw the bliss in her face. She smiled and whispered sweet words of encouragement. I bent down, nuzzling the bare skin, drinking in her scent. Gently, I dipped my tongue into her navel, tasting, licking, and my tongue exploded with her flavor, sweet and clean like mountain water, overlaid with her natural scent.

Venom flowed but I swallowed it back. There was no desire to bite, to my satisfaction. The bloodlust was firmly under control but there was tension in my body, caused by anxiety and worry that I might hurt her, though those feelings were pushed down by the sheer need to take this next step.

What we had done the night before was born from desperation, a burning, raging need to reclaim what I thought I'd lost. I was lucky I hadn't hurt her more than the marks on her shoulders.

I was better prepared now. I wouldn't be leaving marks this time. I would go slowly and carefully, concentrate on her and make sure that she didn't come to harm.

"Edward," she cried, her hands balling into fist by her head and her back arched up against my mouth. "Yes...oh...please..."

Further encouraged, I slowly moved higher, reaching the hem of her shirt, bunching the fabric up and pushing it towards her neck. I looked at her questioningly, silently asking for permission, and when she nodded shyly, I carefully lifted her up and pulled the shirt clean over her head and down her arms before laying her back on the bed.

The shirt landed somewhere on the bedroom floor but I was too preoccupied with the sight before me to notice where exactly it hit the hardwood.

Her bra was a dark blue and my breathing hitched when my eyes fell on the lacy cups that only barely hid her breasts, the darker skin of her aureoles shining through. Her nipples hardened under my gaze and I reached out a finger to slowly stroke across one of the rigid buds.

"You are so beautiful," I breathed, "so utterly breathtaking. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

Softly, I cupped each breast, my thumbs gently moving across the peaks. Bella squirmed and moaned, arching her chest into my hands. Again, I checked her eyes but found only love and desire reflected at me.

"Can I...would you mind...may I take off your bra?" My voice sounded husky in my own ears and I cleared my throat to remove the lump that was suddenly stuck there. I traced the edges of it with my fingers, around to her back as Bella lifted herself up by grabbing my shoulders which brought her face right in front of mine.

I kissed her while uselessly fiddling with the closure of her undergarment, having absolutely no experience with them.

"Damn it," I muttered, annoyed at having to break the kiss, "how do you open this evil contraption?"

Bella giggled and reached back with one hand, and suddenly the bottom band was loose and the fabric lifted from her breasts and my fingers delved underneath to slowly pull the straps down her arms, flinging the offending garment to join her shirt on the floor.

And then she was bare before me.

All I could do was stare. The glimpse I had gotten that morning was nothing compared to the feast that was now laid out before me, Bella's chest rising with rapid breaths, her heart thundering in my ears, her eyes watching me, hooded with desire, yet shy in her exposure. Her face was flushed, the soft pink hue stretching down her neck and ending just before the swell of her breasts. A thin sheen of perspiration glistened on her skin, illuminated by the light from the nightstand, giving her an almost ethereal glow.

"Beautiful, so beautiful...," I stammered, at a complete loss for any other words. "I never thought...so beautiful..."

Pathetically, I whimpered, greedily devouring her with my eyes. Bella's hands gradually came up. At first I thought she was going to cover herself, her blush deepening under my greedy stare but then a look of determination crossed her face and she lifted them to clasp mine and with only a short moment of hesitation, she pulled me forward, laying my hand where it most wanted to be, her eyes never leaving mine. I made contact with the silken skin of her breast, cupping her as she squeezed my fingers to spur me on. When she moved her hand, mine remained, kneading gently, running my thumb over her straining nipple; the heat from her skin was searing my hand, shocking me to my core, sending tingles of electricity through my spine.

She moaned loudly, or perhaps it was me, and I fell towards her, kissing her bare chest, laving at her nipples with my tongue, sucking gently with my teeth sheathed behind my lips, nipping and teasing as her back arched and pushed her breasts further into my face. She tasted like peaches drenched in cream, the flavor coating my tongue, eradicating the memory of her blood.

"God, Bella," I groaned, "you don't know how long I've wanted to do this, always too afraid that I might hurt you if I did. Your skin is so soft and you taste so good..."

Her legs were rubbing together, seeking friction and without my permission, one of my hands moved down her flat stomach to the top of the waistband of her jeans, my fingers barely dipping underneath, itching to get closer to the source of the mouthwatering aroma wafting in the air.

The scent of her arousal curled up my nose, enticing like her blood but with a hint of musk, calling to me, and inside me the need for her grew. I lifted my face from her glorious breasts, seeking her eyes, asking another silent question.

"Yes," she whispered, "Edward, please."

My erection, still somewhat contained in the jeans I was still wearing, strained further against the fabric, the weeping head breaching the top of the low-slung waistband. I felt a trickle of fluid drip into my shirt.

I popped the button of her jeans and slowly lowered the zipper, the sound of each releasing tooth echoing in my ears. Both of us stopped breathing. More blue lace appeared and before I could think clearly, her jeans lay in tatters around her legs. Bella gasped loudly, her hands fisting in the sheets. Instantly, I recoiled at the sight, horrified at what I had done and the danger my need for her had put her in.

I had forgotten to check myself and thus it had escaped my notice that the beast had woken up and charged out of the gate. This was exactly the reason I had never allowed us to go beyond kisses. How we'd gotten as far as we did the night before, I didn't know.

"Oh fuck!" I blurted, utterly disgusted with myself as I rapidly checked her over, frantically making sure that she was unhurt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...Oh God...Bella...please forgive me...you should stay far away from me...I'm horrible...horrible...so sorry..."

Desire had turned into agonized fear in the blink of an eye. I quickly scooted away from her as she lifted herself up and quietly extricated her legs from the remains of her jeans. Her heart was still beating a rapid staccato and her breathing had not yet settled back to its normal speed. I heard those scraps of fabric hit the floor and then she crawled back to where I lay, with one arm thrown over my eyes, hands clenched into fists, trying to get myself under control and the beast back into its cage.

I loathed the monster, loathed my strength that far outmatched hers, loathed the fact that she was but a soap bubble against the marble of my body. Cursing silently, the beast moped and ranted petulantly at having been thwarted yet again.

A small hand soothingly stroked my biceps; a murmured whisper filled the air.

"Hey. I'm okay. I'm not hurt."

I snorted in disgust at being comforted by the girl who meant everything, the one I had just put in so much danger - again. Fear and shame engulfed me and before I could stop myself, I snapped without meaning to.

"Yes, by sheer_ luck_ you're still alive." Amidst the guilt, anger rose to the surface. I didn't understand how she could be so calm about nearly having met her demise.

"That's a load of crap and you know it! I'm fine," she scoffed, disagreeing hotly. "You stopped yourself before you hurt me. Edward, please – move your arm so I can see your eyes."

I scowled but did as I was told. Molten chocolate met amber gold. For a long moment, we quietly stared at each other, a stand-off, until she broke the silence again.

"This is exactly what I've been saying all along, Edward." A small finger poked my chest repeatedly as if to underscore her words. "You think you can't stay in control, but you've proven yourself wrong again and again. If you stopping yourself from moving further isn't proof that you in fact _are_ in control, at least enough to know when to stop, then I don't know what is."

While that made sense, I wasn't willing to concede the point yet.

"I could have hurt you," I spat in anger.

"But you didn't!" she shouted. "That's my point, damn it! You knew when to stop."

"Just barely! I ripped your pants to shreds, Bella, because nearly I lost control," I retorted, raising my voice to match the level of hers. "Don't you realize that I could have just as easily torn your legs to pieces if my fingers had but slipped a little deeper? But what do you expect from a creature as vile as I?"

She growled at me in frustration – she actually fucking growled with her teeth bared, her lips curled back.

This was the tiger-kitten I had joked about earlier that day. I couldn't help it – I had to laugh but did the best I could to make it sound like a cough.

I didn't fool her. Bella's eyes narrowed and she got off the bed, pacing on the floor, her firm breasts bouncing with the movement and I stared in fascination. I was convinced she had forgotten that I had undressed her almost completely and that she was clad only in her lacy blue panties and white ankle socks.

Shy Bella had left the building and in her stead was a woman fueled by irate strength and determination that was nearly too enticing for her own good.

She was a picture of perfection, utterly adorable in her wrath as she turned towards me and put her hands on her hips.

I knew enough not to smile.

And then she let loose a string of words that made me blink and open my eyes wide in utter shock. My mouth fell open as she ranted at me.

I was strangely aroused though I fully realized that it was completely inappropriate to feel that way. The predicament in my pants didn't get that memo, again trying to force its way out of the fabric.

"Damn it, Edward, enough with the self-loathing already. Open your eyes and see what you freaking accomplished tonight! I'm half-naked and still alive, not a hair harmed on me. So you ripped my pants off. How's that a big deal? It was hot, if you must know, and _I liked it_. Sue me! Your hands were on my boobs," at which time she pointed at the mounds in question and my eyes followed the movement greedily, "your _mouth _and your _tongue_, for crying out loud. And then you were about to lose control, you realized it and you freaking stopped. Is that not success? Didn't we agree on slow? Huh? Have I been pushing for more? I'm letting you lead at your pace, however slow you want to go because I realize that you are scared to hurt me but I'll be _damned_ if I let a small mishap create a major setback. And why the _hell_ am I crying again? Jeez, this is ridiculous. Damn waterworks, always when I don't need them. Stupid, stupid Bella..."

Towards the end of her tirade, she seemed to have turned on herself, berating herself instead of laying into me. She angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks, roughly with the back of her hand, while she stood there, shaking with fury.

"Whoa," was all I could say. Apparently, that was enough to bring her focus back to me because her eyes snapped to mine and she threw me a withering glare, the tears running down her cheeks, before turning on her heel and disappearing into the closet. When she came back out, she was wearing long pajama pants and a short-sleeved shirt and marched into the bathroom where I could hear her brush her teeth and use the facilities. When she returned to the bedroom, her face was free of tears though her eyes were rimmed in red.

Without even glancing at me, she crawled into bed, underneath the covers, and turned away from me, lying on her side, facing the window.

That was completely unacceptable. I had to fix this somehow though I had no idea how to accomplish that. First, I needed her to face me, look at me, preferably while she was in my arms.

I laid down behind her on top of the covers, as close as I could get without invading her personal space since her current posture clearly indicated that she was not happy with me. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite clear on the reason.

"Bella," I began and stopped, not really knowing what to say but if living with three women had taught me anything it was to admit when I was wrong and beg forgiveness. It seemed to work for the other males in my family.

"I'm sorry," I started again. "I'm sorry that I yelled at you, sorry that I lost my head for a moment. My reaction was uncalled for. I panicked – that's my only excuse."

"Hmmph."

That wasn't encouraging at all. I had to do better, clearly.

"Are you upset that we didn't go any further?"

I hadn't actually meant to ask that question but part of me couldn't help but think that she was angry because I had stopped us again.

Her head whipped around, her eyes narrowed. "Seriously, Edward? Are you _seriously_ asking me that question?"

The fire in her eyes convinced me that the question had been ridiculous and stupid on my part.

"I guess I am, but based on your reaction I can also see that it is not the reason why you are shutting me out."

"You got that right." With that, she turned back around and pulled the cover up to her neck, dismissing me.

While she was in the bathroom, I'd had enough time to think about what she had thrown at me and I now realized that she was right.

I _had_ stopped, had known when to remove myself from the situation before I could hurt her. My panicked and over the top reaction afterward was obviously what had set her off.

With good reason.

I was an idiot, a fact that became more and more apparent to me.

"Sweetheart, you are right – I reacted very badly. Perhaps I haven't changed as much as you gave me credit for."

She sniffled and I could smell the salt of her tears. I reached out slowly to touch her shoulder, brushing my fingers across the shirt and feeling the heat from underneath. Bella dug her face into the pillow and before I could say another word, her whole body was shaking, great sobs wracking through her.

She was in my arms two seconds later.

"I'm sorry, too," she sobbed, her hands fisting in my shirt. "I didn't mean to yell but I was so frustrated. You fell right back into your old ways, not listening to what I said, assuming the worst instead of talking to me and working it out. And it's your birthday...and I ruined it..."

She cried even harder after that, clinging to me as I helplessly held her close, whispering into her ear how much I loved her, how I needed her and how sorry I was for overreacting. I drew strength from the fragile woman in my arms when I told her how it had been the best birthday I could remember and how thankful I was that she had thought to celebrate it.

"Really?" she sniffled.

"Yes, absolutely. You've made today one of the best days of my life. I thoroughly enjoyed spending this time with you, exploring downtown Chicago and seeing things again through your eyes. And the present – Bella, that was something I never even expected. How did you know it was my birthday today?"

"Alice told me...well, she texted me a reminder this morning."

"Of course," I smiled. "I suspected as much. I'm glad she did, especially since I never actually told you the date of my birthday."

"Why didn't you? We were together last year when it was that time – why didn't you mention it?"

I shrugged. "I haven't celebrated a birthday since my change. For a vampire, it's just another day since we don't age. There just doesn't seem to be a reason to make it anything memorable."

"That's so sad," Bella said slowly, "I think you should celebrate it every year. Maybe not because you're getting older... well, I guess you don't age, but you do get older...but I think it's worth celebrating that you were born because if you hadn't...well, that thought is just too painful. I can't imagine my life without you in it."

I had to smile at her logic and my silent heart gave a jolt at the passion with which she made that declaration. There was a flaw in her thought process though – despite having been born, it was Carlisle's bite and my subsequent transformation that allowed me to be in her life.

"I wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for Carlisle changing me," I replied softly. "But you are right in one aspect – the thought of not being with you _is_ too painful to contemplate."

Bella lifted her head from my shoulder and smiled, slowly stroking her fingers across the area where my shirt lay open, playing with the chest hair poking out. "Do you remember the date of your change? Maybe we should celebrate that as well, since it brought you to me."

"Hmmm," I replied as I met her gaze, "you know, I never thought of that. To me, it was always the day I turned into a monster, something evil and vile, and that certainly wasn't something I wished to honor with a celebration."

That was obviously the wrong thing to say because I could feel Bella stiffen and balling her fist against my chest.

"You are _not_ a monster, Edward!" she spat. "Stop referring to yourself that way. Do you really think I could _love_ a monster? Or that a monster could love _me_ the way you do? Would a monster have saved my life time and again? Do you put yourself on par with the likes of James and Victoria? Or the Volturi? _They _are the evil ones – not you!"

The passion and conviction with which she delivered her words warmed my frozen heart. Deep inside, there was a tiny voice that whispered that she was right, that everything I had done since I had met her were not the actions of a vile creature but a man in love, a vampire mated.

The first and foremost thought in a vampire's mind, each action and reaction, was rooted in the primal need to ensure the safety of the mate. Nothing mattered more, I knew this.

I had fought the call of her blood, reprogrammed myself to ignore it at all cost, risen above the burning flames in my throat because all of it had paled in light of the overwhelming pull I had felt towards her, the instinctive urge to protect and keep her from harm.

The depth of my love for Bella had overridden my thirst.

Were those the actions of a monster?

Would a monster feel as guilty as I did about the sins I had committed?

There was a time when I used to be a deliverer of death, killing with precision those I considered the dregs of society, to quench my never-ending thirst, convincing myself that I was doing a favor to humankind if I dispatched those that were the predators themselves.

Once I had realized that I was no better than them in my actions, I had repented, carried the guilt for decades, letting it slowly crush me amidst the monotony of my existence. I had looked at myself as a monstrous villain – the very thing Bella had _never_ seen in me. Even though she had seen me at my worst, fighting with James, coolly dispatching Victoria, she had still only seen the man that loved her and fought the monsters to protect her.

I played with the ring on her left hand, the symbol of my love for her and her easy and complete acceptance of me – no matter what I thought of myself or how selfish I considered my desires to be.

And then it finally all fell into place. Loving Bella had changed me in more ways than I had realized.

I made another notch on the post that kept stock of the various follies I had committed.

"I'm not a monster," I murmured, almost to myself, but she heard me anyway. Her eyes grew wide.

"No, you're not," Bella replied softly. "Never in my eyes. I love you, Edward."

"I'm not a monster," I said again, a little louder this time, staring in awe at the only woman who would ever hold my heart.

A smile started to form on her face as she shook her head. "No, never."

And then my lips were on hers, my tongue in her mouth, and with each reaffirming stroke my silent heart exploded and the crushing weight of the guilt and shame I had carried for so long lifted from me, disappearing into the shadows around us.

"I'm not a monster," I smiled when I pulled back so she could breathe. She panted in my face and shook her head, gasping the words.

"You're. Not. A. Monster." Her face was beaming and I could almost see the thoughts in her mind – she was proud of me, happy that I would finally admit what she had known all along.

How was it that she was so much smarter than I? I might have considered it to be somewhat emasculating if I hadn't been so pleased with what she had gotten me to say out loud.

"October ninth," I said, thinking back to the murky memories of Carlisle bending over me while I was lying in the hospital bed and feeling his teeth in my neck. I realized I had never even thanked him for saving me and instantly decided that I would do so first thing upon our return to Forks.

"Huh?" Bella looked at me curiously. "What's on October ninth?"

"That's the day Carlisle saved me so I could meet you and find more love than I have ever known."

"Well," she replied with a smile, "then that's the day we'll celebrate as well."

I chuckled. "I'm surprised Alice hasn't called about it yet. She loves to plan a good party."

She looked at our hands on my chest. "Would you be very upset if we marked the day privately? Just between you and me?"

"Not at all, sweet girl. Will you tell me why you'd prefer that?"

Bella shrugged as a blush crept across her cheeks. "Well...I...was thinking...maybe we could get married that day? And perhaps combine the two? The day that you were saved for me and the day I become Mrs. Cullen...sort of like bringing it all full circle? So, we'd have a wedding but you and me would know how much more that day would mean."

I didn't say anything, overwhelmed that she would look at it that way. My arms tightened around her, needing to feel her as closely as was possible.

"You don't like the idea," she said, sounding dejected.

I cleared my throat to find my voice. "Actually, I think that's a fantastic idea and it would be very meaningful that way. Are you sure though that you want to wait that long to get married? I'll be happy with whatever date you choose, but I was under the impression that sooner was better? And by October, we'll be in Hanover, at Dartmouth. I was hoping to introduce you as my wife when we meet our new classmates."

Bella laughed. "Edward, how can we go to Dartmouth or any university, for that matter, if I'm a newborn by that time?"

There was a flash of disappointment that shot through my heart but then I reminded myself that we had already agreed on changing her as soon as was feasible after the wedding. And I really wanted that more than anything.

I smiled a little. "You're right. I wasn't sure if you still wanted to go so I made a foolish assumption. Of course, you wouldn't be able to attend – not for a while, at least. I guess October ninth, it is."

She searched my face with her eyes and I struggled to keep my expression calm and even. I wasn't successful because her eyes narrowed and she wiggled out of my embrace, sitting up and crossing her arms over her chest.

My breath hitched in my throat because I was convinced I had committed yet another faux pas and she was upset with me again. Bella must have noticed because immediately her face softened and she stroked my cheek, resuming her previous position and pressing herself closer against me.

Needless to say, my nether regions reacted instantly.

"I'm not mad, Edward. I just want you to be honest, and it says a lot about my previous behavior that you are scared to tell me what _you_ want. Please tell me – what is the timeline you see for us? If you had your way, how do _you_ see all this going down? And don't give me what you think I will want – let's pretend you got to choose everything. What would that look like?"

I stared at her, confounded for a moment. I hadn't given much thought to any of it after we'd been reunited, too busy trying to make up for leaving her again and making sure that she got everything her heart desired.

Now I had to search inside myself – what was important to _me_? First and foremost, I wanted to be her husband. I wanted her to carry my name, for all the world to know that she was mine, and mine alone.

I started with that.

She ran her fingers through my hair and it was somewhat distracting but I stayed on task.

Sort of. While I told her what I envisioned, my hands ran down her back, finding the hem of her shirt, and slowly crept beneath the fabric until they touched her bare skin and the tingles shot up my arms.

I suppressed a needy moan.

"I want us to have a small wedding when we return to Forks, with our families there and perhaps some of your friends. I'd like to invite Seth Clearwater. I want you to wear the dress that's hanging in Alice's closet and I want to wait for you as you walk down the aisle towards me."

Bella nodded when I stopped speaking. "Okay – your vision and mine match up on that. How soon do you see us back in Forks?"

Her nails scratched across my scalp and she pressed a hot kiss on my neck. Valiantly, I fought the desire that welled up in me and focused on her question. My fingers danced on her bare skin, slowly pushing the shirt higher.

I thought for a moment. "If we leave Saturday, we can be back in Forks by Monday or Tuesday, depending on whether you'd like to sleep in the car or in a hotel room. That would give us enough time to visit my parents' graves and go to the Opera like I had planned for us. Then we can get married the following weekend. Knowing Alice, she'll be ready to go at a moment's notice to pull everything together."

She nodded again. "I don't mind sleeping in the car if that gets us home sooner. At some point though you'll need to hunt because I can tell by your eyes that you didn't feed enough last night. Perhaps there's some place on the way where we can stop for the night and you could take care of that while I sleep?"

A wet tongue flickered against my skin and legs moved then descended on either side of mine as she pulled herself on top of me. Soft breasts pressed into my chest and I scooted a little lower on the bed. Her fingers had resumed their marathon through my hair, occasionally tugging on the strands as her lips began a torturous march from my ear to my throat. My hands found hold on her hips, softly kneading the skin, my thumbs skimming across her stomach.

"I hunted plenty yesterday, Bella," I disagreed, my voice deep and husky, my mind beginning to feel addled. "The color of my eyes is not caused by thirst...oh..."

She had squeezed her legs around mine thus raising herself up and suddenly I was faced with the most glorious mounds mankind had ever known. I quickly looked up at her, looming above me like a goddess.

Brown eyes bored into mine at my statement. "No? But they're still dark."

I had to chuckle at her innocent question. "Sweetheart, they are dark because of what you do to me. Right now, I want nothing more than...oh God...Bella!"

She'd sat back down, the apex of her legs hitting my groin right where my need was concentrated, and then she'd licked the sensitive spot behind my ear. My hips bucked in response, showing her without doubt exactly what I was experiencing.

"What do you want, Edward?" Her voice had dropped to a seductive whisper, teasing, taunting, promising.

The gentleman I was raised to be, knowing he was beaten, put on his coat and hat and followed Shy Bella out of the house. In his place, the ever virginal seventeen year old boy, having imagined this scenario more times than I could count, licked his lips and told his girl exactly what he lusted for.

"I want to make you fall apart in my arms. Please, Bella...let me love you."

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**Endnote: **Oh no! A cliffie? Please don't pelt me with rotten fruit, but it was necessary to stop there. I promise the next chapter will pick up right at that spot with BPOV. Scout's Honor. Until then, thank you for reading. Please click on that link below and leave me a review. I would love to know what you think of this chapter.


	13. Floating On Clouds

**Author's Note: **As promised, this chapter picks up exactly where the last one ended. Thank you to Caius09, KzintiKiller, ConfettiRainfall and Bella's Executioner for pre-reading. This chapter would be much different without your thoughtful comments and support.

Thank you to my husband who despite not understanding the obsession lets me hide in my woman cave to write. I love you.

As before, I don't own Twilight - Stephenie Meyer does. I don't make any money off this. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just righting a few wrongs.

Chapter Songs: Deep Inside Of You – Third Eye Blind, World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode, Take My Breath Away – Berlin, First Time – Lifehouse, Iris – Goo Goo Dolls

On with it. See you at the bottom.

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**13. Floating On Clouds**

We're crashing

Into the unknown

We're lost in this

But it feels like home

I'm feeling alive all over again

As deep as the sky that's under my skin

Like being in love, she says, for the first time

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right

Where I belong with you tonight

Like being in love to feel for the first time

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

_Lifehouse – First Time_

I froze on top of him at the unexpected request.

His eyes were a liquid gold, shining with love and adoration. I couldn't detect any fear or hesitation. Something had changed inside of him, so quickly that it was hard to see, but the man looking at me with hopeful eyes was not the one that had recoiled from me in a panic not an hour ago.

He seemed to have buried the guilt that had held him back for so long, and pride for my amazing vampire welled up inside me.

Of course, while he had told me, at least partially, his vision of our future I had also distracted him. At some point, possibly while I was ranting at him half-naked, my natural shyness had taken a leave of absence.

And my shameless attempts at seduction had certainly worked if the sudden hard bulge I felt under me was any proof of that.

I wanted to feel his hands and lips on me again so very badly. My girly bits tingled and there was a now somewhat familiar pull building in my abdomen.

And so my answer to his plea should have been only be one word.

Instead, I started to word vomit because I was still worried that he was only playing along because he thought this was what _I_ wanted.

Even though it was.

Guilt fueled by anxious worry – not a great combination for moving forward.

"Are you sure? I mean...I don't want to push you for anything, and I probably shouldn't have tried to...what I'm trying to say...Edward, we don't have to...is this what you really want? Because it is for me, but not if you're worried about hurting me...if you...I mean...don't do this just for me unless..."

A cool finger pressed over my lips and I shut up, staring down at him with wide eyes as he smiled up at me. Across my face, I could feel the heat spread; as usual, I was blushing furiously

"I could _never_ hurt you, sweetheart – I realize that now. I've been a fool for a very long time but no more. We agreed on doing this slowly, a little bit more each time. So, yes – I do want to take this further but only if that is also your wish."

I nodded mutely, searching his eyes, and still only found love and desire reflected in the golden orbs. His finger moved to my cheek, gently stroking my heated skin. He pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and then his fingers dipped beneath and curled around the back of my head.

With his eyes wide open, his gaze never leaving mine, he slowly rolled us over, hovering above me and quickly kissing my lips before moving off to the side. I turned my head, following his movements. There was a slight smile playing around his lips.

"I want to make this about you, Bella," he said softly. "I want to see your reactions, I want to hear your sounds as I touch and kiss you all over. May I, please?"

Finally, the word I should have spoken earlier rose up to my throat.

"Yes."

His eyes became dark and hungry, a black obsidian framed by his impossibly long lashes. Involuntarily, I shivered. Something deep inside me recognized that look.

My heart took off at a gallop and I must have stopped breathing because he nudged me gently.

"Breathe, Bella."

I drew in a ragged breath, and then his hands were pushing my shirt upwards. He lifted me and pulled the fabric clear over my head, tossing it behind him without care before laying me back down against the pillows. His shirt joined mine on the floor a second later.

I looked at him questioningly, not understanding how this was anywhere in the vicinity of slow, but then my eyes were drawn to his bare chest, his even breaths making his defined muscles rise and fall.

And then all thought fled as he bent down to kiss me, one hand cupping my head, his icy tongue delving between my open lips to stroke and retreat, infusing my mouth with his sweet flavor. Sounds began to fill the room, sounds that came from deep within me, but I had neither time nor inclination to worry about them.

My eyes closed as my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him as close as I could, my fingers weaving into his hair.

A cold hand molded itself around my left breast, a tentative thumb stroked the erect bud and my hips flew up, my back arching into his touch. Edward pulled back from our kiss and I opened my eyes. He was staring reverently at my chest, his breathing much more rapid than before.

My lungs were struggling to keep up and each breath was filled with his scent, overwhelming and nearly incapacitating me.

"You blind me with your beauty, Bella," he whispered. "You are utterly exquisite and I can hardly believe you're mine."

"I'm yours," I replied through panting breaths.

His eyes widened and zeroed in on a spot on my chest, and a gasp came out of his mouth. A long finger reached out and touched the diamond that hung from the necklace Alice had given me, then his hand curled around it.

"What is this? I...I hadn't noticed until now. Where...?" His other hand snatched up my left arm and then his gaze flew back to mine, suddenly wild. "Where is that godforsaken bracelet?"

"I took it off, silly," I said with a small smile, reaching to touch his hand, still wrapped protectively around the diamond charm, and giving it a squeeze. "You didn't think I would continue to wear it, after what happened? It's in my purse, waiting for you to do whatever you like with it."

"Oh, Bella," Edward croaked, his eyes glistening with emotion as he rapidly gathered me into his arms, his bare chest pressing against mine, and kissed my face all over. "You have no idea how much it bothered me to see his representation on your wrist. Thank you, thank you...this is the best birthday _ever_. I love you...I love you so fucking much..."

As surprised as I was to hear him curse yet again, I forgot all about it as his lips descended on mine and he proceeded to kiss me into a stupor, our tongues tangling heatedly, his hands roaming across my bare skin, setting me on fire wherever he touched. His mouth slid lower, across my pulse point where he gently sucked at the skin for a moment, making me gasp, and then his tongue flicked out to lick the spot behind my ear, the one that drove me crazy with need.

My hands tugged on his hair, my nails dug fruitlessly into his scalp, and Edward's lips continued to lay a trail of icy fire across my collarbone and then finally moved with barely there kisses to where I needed him, nudging it with his nose before his mouth carefully closed around the straining nipple of my left breast, flicking the tight bud with his tongue.

The whiny moan that left my mouth was embarrassingly loud. I was on fire, burning with need, arching towards him as much as I could until he gently pressed my hips back down on the bed, yet never letting up on the sweet torture he was inflicting on me.

He switched to the other side, circling his tongue around the bud before sucking it into his mouth. He teased and sucked and licked, his venom tingling on my skin, his breathing becoming just as labored as mine. He hummed a moan and the vibrations raced all the way down to my center.

His hand drifted further south, inching across my stomach and finally toying with the waistband of my pajama pants; another whispered moan reverberated against my chest.

"Will you grant me the honor?" Edward's breathing had increased in speed. My nerve endings were in overdrive, humming with desire to take that next step. My hands fell from his hair, clenching by my side.

I panted a yes, squeezing my eyes shut even more as his long fingers slowly slipped underneath the fabric. Another, much louder moan followed when he encountered nothing but skin and the curly hairs that covered that area _down there_. I stopped breathing, the sensation almost too much, his fingers so close, so close to where my need had relocated. I could feel the wetness between my legs and my knees shifted automatically, opening to accommodate his hand's journey.

"Where are your panties?" he muttered against my chest and I couldn't help but giggle at the surprised tone of his voice.

"I took them off when I changed."

"I liked them a lot. Why did you remove them?" He seemed disappointed.

I flushed bright red – I could feel virtually every ounce of blood rush to my face.

"Because...they were..." I fumbled with how to form my answer and decided to just go with the truth, stammering my way through. "Because they were...damp...from before...and I thought that it would be best to get rid off the temptation since...you said yesterday...it was difficult...after...you know..."

Edward chuckled at my explanation. "I appreciate you being so proactive...though I must admit, shamefully but honestly, that I was rather looking forward to peeling them off you."

I gasped at his words and my eyes flew open, shocked at his confession, staring at him with wide eyes, and Edward smirked sheepishly then shrugged.

"Well, no matter," he murmured lightly, "perhaps next time."

I choked on a giggle when his trembling fingers reached the top of my most intimate place, the one no man had ever touched. Edward softly rubbed along my flesh, spreading the moisture around, the coolness of his hand welcome against my overheated skin. A low growl hummed in his chest, almost like a purr.

"So wet," he whispered, a cold finger dipping deeper into my core, searching and finding the small opening. Slow circles, long strokes up to the sensitive bud at the top where he stopped to rub a little harder, then sliding back down, repeating the movements over and over, and with every pass his finger slid into my entrance a little deeper until it was fully inside, and he began to gently pump in and out.

At that point, I was reduced to wanton moans and whines, unable to form any coherent thought.

"Such heat...I had no idea...sweetheart...oh...tell me, is this okay?"

"Yes," I panted, nearly delirious from the amazing feeling, "please..."

I could feel myself climbing up that cliff, stepping up to the edge and I knew it wasn't going to take much more until I was going to fall.

Edward must have noticed.

"Look at me," he commanded softly and I forced my eyes open. He captured my gaze and I nearly drowned in his dark eyes, looking at me with such awe and wonder that it took my breath away. My hips bucked repeatedly against his hand as his thumb circled around my clit and his finger curled against the flesh inside me, rubbing gently until I could feel a coil tightening rapidly, and suddenly I felt like was floating on clouds, surrounded by fire and stars and light.

"Edward, oh God...Edward, Edward..."

With my hands frantically clutching at the sheets, my heels dug into the mattress, my hips lifted and my leg muscles locked in place, and yet my eyes didn't leave his face. Wide-eyed and panting, with my heart beating so hard against my chest that I thought it would burst right out, I looked right at him as fiery heat flooded my whole body and I fell into a maelstrom of pleasure.

"Jesus, so beautiful," I faintly heard him murmur, his voice sounding awed. "So breathtakingly beautiful, my Bella."

He slowed down his movements, slipping out of me, and just continued to gently swipe his finger through the drenched folds of my center, calming me down from the high. When my heartbeat had slowed and I was almost breathing normally again, a heavy weight seemed to settle over me, like I was caught in a vat of molasses. I felt boneless, exhausted and utterly sated, a lazy smile on my face.

Edward beamed at me, his face full of pride, before bending over to kiss me, his hand still teasing the sensitive flesh.

"Thank you, my sweet girl, thank you for this gift you've given me tonight."

He clearly had that backwards, but my brain was still too mushed up to form a response. My arms wrapped around his neck automatically as I whimpered against his lips.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, my darling."

Edward pulled back and removed his hand from my pajama bottoms, his middle finger glistening with my moisture in the pale light. Faster than I could blink, he lifted his hand to his face, regarding it curiously for a moment before inhaling deeply.

A loud growl burst from his chest as he stuck his finger into his mouth. I held my breath, unsure what to do or say as my face flushed even more from the knowledge that he was tasting my arousal. Edward's eyelids fluttered, closing and hiding my gateway to his soul. His face contorted with pleasure, his eyebrows knit together as he sucked and licked his finger.

He hadn't stopped growling.

Then his eyes flew wide open and the sound cut off. "I'm sorry...I need to...forgive me..."

The next second he was out the door and I could hear the back door open downstairs. When he hadn't yet returned a few minutes later I got off the bed and put on my shirt after picking it off the floor. Once I had opened the windows to clear out the air in the room, I padded down the hallway and slowly made my way down the stairs, still a little weak in the knees.

I had a pretty good idea why he had left.

I found him on the back porch, staring up at the moon that was lighting up the yard, with his hands folded behind his back. The muted light shimmered on his bare skin and he looked stunningly beautiful. He turned his head when I stepped out of the doorway, smiling crookedly at me.

"Hey," I said, "you okay?"

Edward nodded. "Yes, fine. I...had to clear my...nose, if that makes sense."

I calmly walked closer and he opened his arms immediately, pulling me in front of him with my back to his chest. His arms folded around my waist and I rested my hands on top of his. My head fell back against his chest.

"I apologize for leaving you up there alone," he said with a sad tinge in his voice. "I know it's customary to lay together after such an event."

I squeezed his hands. "I don't think much about our relationship is customary, Edward. And I'd rather you leave when you've reached your limit than hurt me without meaning to. I'm proud of you. You knew when to stop. That's the whole point I was trying to make earlier."

He kissed the top of my head. "Thank you."

"Uhmmm...can I ask what exactly happened that you had to leave? Was it something I did? Because if so, tell me and that way, maybe I can avoid doing it next time? I mean...if there's a next time...uh..."

"I'm afraid the fault is all mine, my love. You see, I was rather...stimulated watching you come undone and when I...tasted the proof of your climax, it became too much. I thought it prudent to remove myself lest I go further than I should."

Based on how stilted he spoke, I guessed that he was embarrassed. We simply stood there for a long while, silently lost in our thoughts, and I wondered what I could say to convince him that there was no need for embarrassment, that we were learning this together.

"Well," I finally said, "I thought it went rather well...considering...it was the first time and neither of us knew what to expect."

That was apparently enough to jolt him out of whatever funky mood he'd been in. He sighed down his nose and nuzzled his face into my hair, moving the strands with his breath.

"Bella, to see you like that...it was like a dream come true. I have wanted to give you this, I've wanted to see that ecstasy on your face...you have no idea what it did to me that you gave yourself over to me, with such trust and love and...God, Bella...I'm simply amazed and I don't have the words to adequately describe what I felt. To bring you to such heights...to know it is me you want, me that makes you feel that way..."

I turned my face up to his, smiling. "There's no one else I would have wanted to experience this with. It's only ever been you."

He kissed me gently.

"I am not worthy. No, hush, let me finish," he said when I started to protest. "I am not worthy, my Bella, but no man is worthy of you. I will love you until the end of time and I will gratefully accept the honor you bestow upon me. I am yours until the stars cease to shine."

Placated, I relaxed against him.

"Such a sappy boy. So sweet. You should be proud of yourself, Edward. What we accomplished tonight was amazing and I'm so happy that you decided to take the chance. We made such progress."

He nodded against my neck and kissed my skin. "Yes, we did. And I'm not at all opposed to trying that again. After all, they say practice makes perfect."

"Good to know," I grinned. I felt his silent laugh.

The shy girl I used to be hadn't come back yet.

I would have liked to bring him that same kind of bliss but I also knew that there was no way he'd let me even attempt it tonight. And it was fine. There was time. I wasn't in any rush to force the issue. Even if he wanted to wait until after I was changed, that would be okay by me.

I looked at the huge oak in the backyard, its branches spreading across nearly half of the space and imagined a green-eyed little boy on a homemade swing playing in the sunlight, wishing again that we had that possibility, the option to create a child between us.

"Did you have a swing when you were little? On that tree?"

Edward chuckled. "That's a question out of left field. What made you think of that?"

I blushed a little, loathe to tell him what I had been imagining so I chose to distort the truth a tiny bit.

"Well, it's just that the branches are wide and it looks like there should be a swing hanging from one of them."

"They are now. The tree is not as old as you might think. I don't remember clearly but I don't think it would have supported a swing back then."

"Oh."

"There is a family of squirrels that lives in it, though. Perhaps in the morning you might get a glimpse of them."

"How do you know there are squirrels in that tree? I thought you hadn't been here in a while?"

He chuckled again. "They are trying to be very quiet but I can still hear their heartbeats. They know there's a predator close by."

"Huh," I replied. "But why would you hunt a squirrel? That just doesn't seem worth the effort."

Behind me, Edward inhaled sharply and then breathed out rather loudly. I turned my head to look at him.

"What?"

He shook his head, closing his eyes before opening them again, returning my gaze.

"It's nothing. I'm just...Jesus...I'm astonished at how easy it is for you to talk about my feeding habits. You continue to amaze me, Bella, every minute of every day."

I shrugged, blushing just a little. "It's not a big deal to me, Edward. I look at it as part of who you are, and what I will become. Maybe it's something we've never really openly talked about, but that doesn't mean I didn't think about it often. Those are the things that worry me about my change, and I'd rather know what to expect. I think that maybe it will make it easier for me to adjust. Don't you think?"

Edward kissed my temple as his arms squeezed a little more tightly around my waist.

"I honestly don't know, sweetheart. None of us had any warning beforehand, none of us had ever heard of vampires other than in scary stories, and we woke up to this life without any knowledge of what it would entail. It's an interesting theory, though, and I'd love to discuss it further, with Carlisle perhaps, when we get back home. Anything that will make your change easier for you is a good thing in my eyes."

I smiled. The discussion we were currently having would have been impossible to imagine just a few days ago and I was reminded yet again that despite the hurt and pain we had caused each other we had come out on the other side much stronger and a lot more grounded in our relationship.

"So – squirrels?" I asked again. "Any good?"

"God, no," Edward exclaimed with a shudder. "Absolutely hideous, from what I'm told. Emmett tried one once on a dare and he said it tasted like...well, he used a bad word."

I giggled. "A bad word, huh?"

He snorted. "Emmett uses them frequently. It's impossible to escape the profanity in his head though out loud, he does tamper it down since Esme usually gets upset when she hears him swear. And when Esme is upset, so is Carlisle, and none of us want to anger either one of them."

"I've noticed that you don't curse either, at least you didn't use to." I winked at him teasingly.

Edward lifted his shoulders into a shrug and smiled sheepishly. "I was raised to never use such language in front of a lady, though it seems I've been remiss in remembering that in recent days in your presence."

I snickered. "I actually like it when you do, if that makes you feel better. Not that I would want you to use those words all the time, because that's not who you are, but I do believe there are situations that warrant a cuss word or two."

"It's disrespectful," he argued.

I dropped my voice to a whisper. "Not always. When you throw in an occasional f-bomb, it just makes me want you more. And I don't feel disrespected at all."

Cue the blush. Remnants of the shy girl still lived inside me.

Edward lowered his lips to my ear. "Really," he hummed mischievously. "You like it?"

His tongue flicked out to lick behind my earlobe. All I could do was moan an affirmative.

"So when I say..._fuck_..." he breathed down my neck, "that excites you?"

Air left my lungs in a rush as my knees gave out and he tightened his arms to hold me up.

"Uh-huh," I ground out.

He straightened himself up. "Interesting. I'll keep that in mind."

I turned around, glaring at him. "You are a tease! And that is not what I meant, mister."

He raised an eyebrow, grinning smugly. "No?"

I poked his chest. "No. I was talking about situations like you saving me from being crushed by a van. Do you think I forgot what came from that mouth of yours at the time?"

His face fell. "I hoped you had though I guess not. I didn't mean to swear, I promise. The situation was tense and dangerous and it just slipped out. I'm sorry."

"Oh jeez, Edward. For once, I wish you _could_ read my mind. Didn't you listen to anything I just said? It's fine. Not a big deal. You cannot put me back on a pedestal – that's part of what got us in trouble in the first place. I'm not some delicate little flower. This is the twenty-first century, you know. People cuss all the time. It's usually a sign of high emotions and I don't mind. It's when that language is used all the time that it becomes crass and off-putting."

"Hmmm," he said, staring at me. "I had no idea you felt that way."

"Yes, well, I do," I muttered, trying my best not to get lost in his eyes. "Besides, it's not like we actually had these kinds of conversations before."

"This is true," he replied, smiling. "And I must say, this new honesty between us is exhilarating. I wish we had decided on this sooner."

With those words, a sadness stole over his face and I reached up to touch his cheek, needing to remind him to stay in the moment.

"Me, too," I said as he leaned into my hand. "What's done is done, though. We can only learn from the past and move forward, with the intent not to repeat our mistakes. And we're doing just that. Remember what matters, Edward."

"You're right." He pulled me against him, lifting my chin, and bent down to kiss me. "And now I believe it's way past your bedtime. Come on, I'll carry you."

"I can walk," I protested.

He scooped me up, ignoring my words. "Don't fight me on this, Bella, please. I like you better in my arms."

That made me give in immediately.

"By all means, then," I grinned, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I like _being_ in your arms."

"Good," he nodded with a happy smile as he carried me through the kitchen after closing the door behind us. He marched up the stairs, down the hall and into our bedroom before gently depositing me in front of the bed.

"Do you need a human moment before we lie down?"

I shook my head as I crawled under the covers, lifting them up to invite him to his rightful place beside me. Edward flicked the lever on the electric blanket and settled down next to me, pulling me into his arms again. I snuggled up against him, noticing that he hadn't bothered to put on a shirt.

"Sleep, my Bella. I love you. Sweet dreams."

"Good night. Love you, too." I kissed him, then laid my head on his shoulder. Our legs intertwined and Edward kissed my fingertips before resting my hand on his chest covered by his own. Sleep claimed me quickly when he began to hum my lullaby, though right before I succumbed to unconsciousness I heard him whisper.

"Best birthday ever."

I woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and bacon wafting up from the kitchen. The spot next to me was empty. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and smoothing my hair out of my face, before I rolled out of bed. After a quick stop in the bathroom, I made my way downstairs to find Edward busily preparing a breakfast feast. I stopped at the doorway to watch him, a huge smile nearly splitting my face in half.

Domestic Edward was a sight to behold.

He whirled around the kitchen, stirring scrambled eggs in one pan, lifting sizzling bacon from another onto a plate, and setting a place for me at the table. There was a small, skinny vase in front of my plate, a pink rose in it, just starting to bloom. A small smile graced his handsome face as he took the pan over to the table and scooped a healthy portion onto the plate, adding a few slices of bacon.

The toaster popped up and I watched him spread a thin layer of butter onto the hot slices. A small bowl of jelly suddenly appeared, was set down next to the plate of toast, and with one last look and a satisfied smile, Edward spun around to face me fully.

"Good morning, my love. Your breakfast awaits."

He pulled the chair out from the table and before I could blink, a cup of coffee was held out to me.

"I already put in creamer. Sit down, before it gets cold."

He was absolutely adorable and I simply couldn't help myself – I jumped him, vaguely noticing that he put the coffee cup down before catching me, his hands conveniently landing on my behind. My legs curled around his waist and I peppered his entire face with kisses before pressing my lips to his.

"Wow," he exclaimed happily when I pulled back. "I think I could get used to this kind of morning ritual."

I grinned. "Well, that could be arranged."

His eyes grew wide. "What are you saying, Bella?"

I unscrewed my legs from his waist and he let me slide down his body. I looked up at him and gathered my courage.

"Well, I was thinking – we're getting married soon, and married couples live together, and then I thought that maybe when we get back to Forks, I don't want to go back to living with Charlie. I really like being with you, like this, all the time, and I understand that maybe moving into your house isn't the best idea and...well, I guess I didn't really think it all the way through, but your room is on the top floor and maybe..."

At that point, I stopped rambling and dropped my gaze to the floor.

"You'd move in? Really?"

I looked up at him from under my lashes. "Would you want me to?"

"Would I...oh Bella, yes, of course I want that. Actually..." He looked lost in thought for a moment but then he smiled brilliantly.

"You don't know this, but there's an old cottage in the woods behind the house. It's nothing much, just a few rooms, but I bet if we asked Esme and Alice to fix it up, they would love to do that for us. It wouldn't take them long at all to get it ready. And we'd have our own little place, with a bit more privacy than living with my family."

A smile grew on my face. "Yeah?"

He nodded, still grinning widely. "Yes. I must admit, I wasn't looking forward to returning you to your father's house. Having you live with me is the much more preferable alternative. Shall we call Esme to ask for her help?"

Edward was already pulling his phone from his jeans. I giggled at his eager response.

"You call, I'll eat. After all, my wonderful fiancé made this amazing breakfast for me and I wouldn't want to let it go to waste."

He quickly walked me to the chair and made sure I was properly seated before fetching the coffee from the counter top.

"What do you think your father will say?"

I shrugged, not terribly concerned about Charlie. "I'm not sure, but I would think that he realizes we're here alone without supervision, and considering all he's learned in the last couple of days, me living with you is probably the least of his concerns. Besides, I am eighteen after all. I can move out if I want to. And I want to live with you. I don't want to be separated from you again. I want this," I waved my hand between us, "to continue when we get back to Forks."

He wrapped his arms around me, chair and all, and kissed me. "I want that, too."

"Make the call," I smiled and watched him as his fingers flew over the keypad.

I half-listened to what he was saying but he was speaking so fast that I only caught every other word. While he was enthusiastically talking to Esme, catching my eye every few seconds and smiling widely as he talked, I dug into my breakfast with just as much enthusiasm.

It was wonderful.

When he was finished with his call, Edward sat down across from me. Amidst his usual routine of watching me eat, he filled me in on what Esme had said to our request and how excited she was about remodeling the cottage for us. Emboldened by the previous night's events, I took full advantage of the fact that his eyes were focusing on my lips, licking the fork dramatically and moaning around every bite, sticking my fingers in my mouth to suck off the grease from the bacon.

Shy Bella was nowhere to be found.

When he began fidgeting in his chair, I took pity on him and stopped, giggling. He mock-glared at me before excusing himself.

"I'll just be a minute...going to straighten up the bedroom," he said as he walked towards the door and then turned his head. "Oh, and Bella?"

I looked at him questioningly.

"Two can play that game."

He winked and sauntered down the hall. My mouth fell open and I exhaled loudly. His laugh echoed from the stairs. Unable to eat any more of the delicious food he had prepared for me, I got up and took my plate to the sink. I dumped the remains into the trash and then started to run the water to clean up when suddenly I was pressed against the countertop, two marble arms trapping me on either side, and Edward's whole body was lined up with the back of mine.

His cool breath flowed down my neck as he bent down and swept my hair to the side with his nose before kissing me behind my ear.

"Do you need help, my love?"

I had to hold myself up as my knees buckled and gather my wits about me before I was able to respond.

"You can dry, if you like."

"Hmm," he said, his voice low and seductive, "while I rather like you...wet...I think I'd want to spare your soft hands from the dirty dish water. I'll wash, and you dry."

I could only squeak out my consent to his suggestion, nearly out of my mind by the innuendo he'd unleashed on me, before his hands gripped my hips and he turned me around. His amber eyes darkened as his mouth descended towards mine. We kissed for a long moment, my arms around his waist, before he let me go and stepped back. His gaze burned into mine and he let out a sigh.

"You are far too tempting, my darling. It's simply not fair."

"Says the man who just drove me crazy," I retorted with a smile. "Don't complain about fairness, Edward. As you said yourself, we suffer from the same affliction."

"Touché." His eyes dropped from my face to my chest and he seemed very distracted all of a sudden. I bit my lips to stop myself from laughing.

I grabbed a dishtowel from the counter, waving it in front of his face. "Ready when you are."

"Minx."

"Tease." I stuck my tongue out at him.

Edward laughed loudly and the happy sound filled the kitchen and my heart. Grinning, I swiped the towel at him.

"Get busy, Mr. Cullen. These dishes won't clean themselves."

"I'm on it, Mrs. Cullen."

I blinked at him and my mouth fell open in shock; a scared expression crossed his face as if he had just realized what he'd said.

"I mean...I'm..."

"Stop." I recovered instantly, interrupting another possible downward spiral while I flushed with pride that he already thought of me that way. "It's fine. I really like to hear you call me that."

"You do?" he whispered.

I simply nodded. Edward smiled hesitantly, seemingly relieved, and I flicked some of the dish foam at him, grinning widely. What could have been an awkward moment turned into splashing water and giggles. Together we tackled the dirty dishes and when the kitchen was clean again, Edward pulled me towards the backdoor.

"Look, Bella."

I peeked out the window, wondering what he wanted me to see. At the foot of the majestic oak tree sat a squirrel, adorably cleaning its face with tiny paws. Above, nearly hidden under the branches and leaves, was another, its body pointing downwards, stretching towards its mate on the ground.

"Wow," I breathed, "how cute. How come they look different than the ones at home?"

"Those you've seen in the forests around Forks are Douglas squirrels and are only found on the northern Pacific coast. These here are called Eastern Grey, due to their different coat color," Edward explained patiently. "They are much more spread out, with habitats all over the East coast and the Midwest."

I nodded, absorbing the information. "Can we leave some food out for them?"

"We could," he replied slowly, "but I doubt they will take it. Everything will be tainted with my scent and that will make it rather unattractive to them."

"Oh. Right." I shrugged. "That's okay. What are our plans for today?"

I turned away from the door. Edward gazed at me and reached out to push my hair from my face.

"I assume you would like to take a shower before we leave, and then I'd like to go visit the cemetery where my parents are buried. After that, I don't have anything specific in mind. Anything you'd like to see?"

"You know this city better than I do," I replied as I walked towards the hall. "What options do we have? I think we should stay indoors as much as possible so you don't get caught in the sun. A museum, maybe?"

He thought for a minute, following me as I made my way up to the bedroom.

"We could go to the Field Museum," he finally said. "I saw something downtown yesterday about an Egyptian exhibit they are currently running that you might be interested in. It just opened last month so it may be a bit crowded. You've heard of King Tut, I'm sure."

I was rummaging in the closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a shirt, as well as underwear, much like I had the day before.

"Yes, of course. We went over Egyptian history in Social Studies when I was in Phoenix. Isn't the Field Museum also where they have the Tsavo Lions?"

His head peeked into the closet, his expression incredulous. "Yes. I'm surprised you are familiar with them."

I raised an eyebrow. "Should I be offended by that comment?"

Horror flashed over his face and his eyes widened. "No, no...," he stammered. "That's not at all..."

"I'll have you know," I cut him off with a smile, "that I read a book written about them. The Man-Eaters of Tsavo, I think it was called. Of course, I had nightmares for a week afterward. Probably not the best choice for a little nighttime reading."

Edward laughed. "No, probably not. Carlisle has one of the original copies in his office which I read in the early thirties, right before Rosalie joined the family. Fascinating story. I visited the exhibit once in the seventies. The size of them is quite impressive. Much larger than you would think."

"Well, then it's settled," I replied, grabbing my clothes and walking out of the closet, giving him a quick kiss as I passed him on the way to the bathroom. "So, I'm gonna shower now. Are you taking one, too?"

"Why, do I smell?" he teased and I stopped in the doorway.

I sniffed and then pinched my nose mockingly. "God, yes...you do...you smelly vampire, you."

Edward took a menacing step towards me, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "You love my scent, admit it."

"Maybe a little," I grinned and, with a wink, closed the bathroom door on him. Edward snarled playfully as I giggled.

"Love you," he called through the door.

"Love you, too," I replied before turning on the water in the shower.

I quickly took care of business, choosing to let my hair air-dry, and put on my clothes. The pile in the corner was growing and I decided to sort it. Edward's stained jeans and shirt went on one side and the rest of the dirty clothes I gathered to take to the washer.

I fumbled with the door but finally got it open over the mountain of clothes in my arms, walking out of the bathroom straight into Edward's marble chest.

"Oomph."

"Sorry, sweetheart. Can I help you with these?"

"No, I got it but could you get the jeans and shirt you wore when you got here? I left them in the bathroom."

Edward agreed and once he had grabbed them, he followed me downstairs. I dumped the dirty clothes in front of the washer in the laundry room off the kitchen.

"I'll do those when we get back," I said, turning around. "And please throw those out, per your sister's instructions. And then we can go, if you like."

Shortly thereafter, we were driving towards the cemetery. It was overcast again, a fairly thick cloud cover stretching across the sky, but I didn't trust the weather. It was summer and Chicago was not like Forks. The sun making an unexpected appearance and thus putting Edward in a very dangerous situation worried me, and I would be glad to leave for the museum.

But first, I wanted to support Edward when he stood by his parents' grave. I could only imagine losing my own, and despite what he'd told me about how long ago it was, I was certain that he would still feel sadness.

I hoped that I would be able to carry some of those emotions for him – after all, he'd stood by me unfailingly and carried my burden for longer than he should have.

The cemetery looked old, thick vines of ivy growing along the walls, nearly obscuring the small cast iron gate. Large trees provided shades with their extensive canopies, giving the place a closed-in yet peaceful feeling. Edward led me along the walkway as I looked at the gravestones from a different time. There was a reverent silence that covered the hallowed grounds like a mist, and I felt as if we had just stepped back in time. The dates on the weathered stones spoke volumes, a lot of them listing a date of death towards the end of 1918.

We walked through a section where the graves also featured smaller stones and my breath caught when I read the dates. Children were buried here. My hand flew to my mouth as Edward's head turned towards me, his eyes questioningly locking with mine. I stared up at him, in shock and horror, never having thought that the epidemic that claimed his parents had also extended to take the lives of children younger than he had been himself.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He dropped my hand and curled his arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "I'm fine...I just...these are _children_, Edward." I pointed at the graves. "That's so sad..."

His eyes tightened. "Yes. The epidemic cared not about the age of its victims though most of the people affected were in their prime. Some of these graves predate the Spanish Influenza, though. Infant mortality was much higher in those days, and many didn't live past the age of four. They did not have the advantages of modern medicines we have today. A rusty nail, a simple scratch that became infected could end a child's life. We didn't have antibiotics. Penicillin wasn't officially discovered until 1928. Of course, even if it had been available back then, the epidemic was viral in its origin and antibiotics would not have helped."

I was reminded again how much Edward had seen in his long life. He dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

"Come. It's not much farther."

And then we were standing in front of his parents. Two large gravestones, side by side, surrounded by a single stone border, both weathered with time, stood as a silent reminder of Edward's human roots.

_**Edward Anthony Masen**_

**Born March 7, 1875**

**Died September 3, 1918**

_**Elizabeth Anne Masen**_

**Born July 15, 1878**

**Died October 8, 1918**

To my surprise, Edward fell to his knees in front of the grave, clasping his hands in front of him. His head was bowed as if in prayer. His lips moved silently. I stood beside him quietly, with my hand on his shoulder, not knowing what he needed from me but wanting to comfort him nonetheless. After a few moments, he raised his head and looked at me, his eyes glistening with venomous tears. I dropped to my knees beside him, wrapping my arm around his waist and staring at the final resting place of the two people that had born and raised him. He let out a sigh and put his arm around my shoulder, clasping my free hand and holding it up to the grave, the diamond ring facing out.

"Mother and Father, may I present to you my Bella," Edward whispered reverently. "We're engaged to be married and I love her very much."

I squeezed his waist.

"I never thought I would find her," he confessed, "the one made for me, but finally, I did. I'd like to think that perhaps you had a hand in my provenance, Mother. Your plea to Carlisle is what ultimately led me to Bella, and I can now openly admit that I am grateful for it. Thank you for your selflessness and your love. I miss you. I love you."

He took a breath, pulling me closer against him.

"Father, I wish I'd had the chance in life to tell you how much I admired you. I'm sure that the sullen teenage boy you had to live with was not what you envisioned in a son. I strive to be the man you expected me to become and remember all the things you taught me. I miss you. I love you."

Edward bowed his head again. "I hope that you both can forgive me for the sins I have committed in the past. I was lost for so long..."

He heaved a sob and my eyes filled with tears at his pain and anguish as he crumbled in my arms. I sat back on my heels and held him up as best as I could while his whole body shook, sob after silent sob. With no idea how to comfort him, I softly told him that I loved him and that his parents loved him and that surely they would see what a great man he had become.

A slight breeze moved the leaves in the trees above and then blew directly toward where we were kneeling on the ground, swirling around us. Suddenly, I felt warm and at peace, as if covered by a soft blanket. Edward gasped and raised his eyes back to the headstones, a look of disbelief on his face, before turning towards me, his gaze wide and frantic.

"Did you _feel_ that?" He sounded incredulous.

I nodded, smiling a little. "Yes."

"What do you suppose that was?"

"I don't know. How did it make you feel?" I inquired, searching his eyes.

Slowly, a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "Peaceful. Loved. It was almost as if I could feel my parents' embrace. I feel...relieved of a burden."

I raised my hand to his face, gently stroking the marble skin of his cheek. "I'm glad. You've certainly carried it long enough."

He shook his head as a disbelieving snort fell from his lips. "Incredible."

My eyes turned back to the headstones, flickering between the inscriptions.

"Thank you,"I whispered fervently. "Thank you so very much. I promise I will love him, always."

Edward's arms tightened around me, and we remained there for a while longer, at the foot of the grave, silent in our thoughts but connected in our hearts. Eventually, my lower legs began to tingle and I shifted to ease my discomfort, groaning a little at the pins and needles that shot up and down my legs. That was enough for Edward to jump up and pull me to my feet, then dropping back down to massage my calves.

"I'm sorry," he said, glancing up at me from his position at my feet, and for some reason I couldn't get past how wrong it felt to see him crouching before me to appreciate how much better he was making my legs feel. My heart began to beat faster and I cringed inside. The image was too much, too painful, too strong a reminder of how screwed up our relationship had been for so long.

I held out my hands to him. "Get up. This is wrong."

He rocked back onto his feet, still squatting down, and stared at me questioningly. "What do you mean?"

I took a step back and motioned at him. "This...you shouldn't be sitting there, like that."

"Like what?"

I moved further away, faintly aware of how inappropriate my reaction was considering our current location, but I couldn't help it. He should never _ever_ kneel before me. My hands flew to my throat because suddenly I couldn't breathe, overwhelmed by guilt and shame.

"Bella?"

The last few months came crashing down on me and I relived every moment of my grievous sins against this loving man; the pain I had inflicted on him now ripped through me and tore me apart. My stupid brain told me that I didn't deserve him and he would leave me once he came to his senses.

And then I would die.

Erratic fear constricted my throat further and I was gasping for air.

"Bella? What on earth...you're scaring me...oh, my God, sweetheart..."

He rushed at me, surrounding me with his body and his scent and his love, and I fell completely apart, the dark hole opening wide and gaping at me, threatening to suck me back in. Irrationally, I forgot everything he had told me in the last two days; every promise and every word of his fidelity and love for me disappeared into the bottomless pit of despair.

"I'm sorry," I croaked with every forced breath, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't leave me, please, I won't survive it, please, I love you, I'm sorry..."

"Bella!" he called out in a panicked voice. "I'm not leaving you, sweet girl, never again will I leave you, I swear it. I'm yours, my darling, and you're mine. I love you."

I lost it, shaking and crying and clutching at him blindly, needing his forgiveness, his assurance, his promise. I felt him move us and then settle me on his lap on one of the benches that sat beneath the canopy of trees.

He gently stroked my back as I cried myself out and when I finally raised my head to him, his eyes met mine with a worried gaze.

"My precious girl," he whispered. "What happened just now?"

I sniffled and he handed me a pack of tissues from my purse. After I had blown my nose, I curled up against him and haltingly tried to explain what had caused my embarrassing breakdown.

"I saw you kneeling at my feet...and the visual of that...it was just so horribly _wrong_...and I couldn't stand to see you in that position, as if you were below me, because you're not...and I was thinking of how you've always put me on a pedestal...I don't want that...but you knelt...and then...oh, it's ridiculous because I know in my head that...things have changed...we're so much _better_ now...especially with what...you just said at the grave...that would convince anyone...that you love me and want me...but maybe my heart needs to...catch up...or vice versa...it still all came back to me, the wounded looks, the hurt and terror in your eyes that I ignored, all the times I pushed you and disregarded your fears. I stomped your heart under my feet, and when I saw you just now...it killed me, Edward...and I was suddenly convinced that you would see me for what I really am...a stupid girl...an ungrateful shrew...not worthy of you, and...I thought...I thought...that you would realize that and..."

He clutched me more tightly in his arms, kissing every inch of my face before pulling up my chin so I would look at him.

"Did I do this to you, Bella? Did my leaving last year break you so completely? Are we still broken? We never really talked about it and the bits and pieces I do know I picked up from other people's thoughts. It's been this huge elephant in the room and we have so far ignored it."

"I'm so afraid to lose you," I confessed. "I _know_ you love me...and we've come _so_ far...but I guess part of me is still wondering how you could leave me in the first place. Twice. I'm still a little scared that you'll change your mind again."

His eyes tightened a little and a look of pain crossed his face as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine. His eyes were glowing with sincerity and conviction.

"Never, Bella. Never. I'm sorry that I haven't yet taken the time to talk to you about what happened. I was scared, too, thinking that you wouldn't want to relive the pain I put you through. Afraid to rock the boat, maybe, and worried that if I said anything it would break the fragile bond we had reestablished. That stops right now. I am convinced that we're stronger than ever, and I'm going to take you home now and we _will _work through this, I promise. Before I do, though, please know this – I will _never_ leave you again. I cannot _live_ without you, and I don't _ever_ want to. Believe me, I have thoroughly learned my lesson. We _cannot_ be apart. You are mine and I am yours, and we will be together for the rest of our lives. My love for you, the way I feel about you, will _never_ change. I promise you that."

"Edward," I whimpered pitifully, clinging to him as he made to get up.

"I'm here," he breathed, kissing my temple. "I'm here. I love you. Forever. Let me take you home."

"I love you, too," I replied, exhausted from the crying jag and emotionally drained, unable to move my arms from his neck, though the fact that he referred to the Chicago house as our home was not lost on me.

With his arms securely around me, Edward carried me to the car.

* * *

**Endnote: **Two steps forward, one step back. They are learning to rely on each other for emotional support in a much healthier way than they have before. Communication lines are wide open and they both stick to their promise to be honest with each other.

Quick shoutout to Bookishqua - the inclusion of Douglas squirrels is in her honor. Read her story Cullenary Coupling. Snark and sarcasm FTW!

So, what did you think? Please click on the link below - I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Next up - attacking the pink elephant. How do you think that will go down? Any guesses? I hope to see you then. Thank you for reading.


	14. Letting Go

**Author's note:** This one took a little longer than the last few, mostly due to RL stress and lack of time. I had a slightly different chapter planned but Edward wouldn't hear of it. Sorry about that. I think though that the end result will be enjoyable. Limeade included.

This is the second to last chapter for the 2nd arc. One more and then we'll be moving into the final arc of this story. Their journey into being a stronger couple, with communication lines open and a solid foundation built, is almost done. The beginning of this chapter includes some revisits to the past.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight - not mine. This is not breaking news. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer who's been kind enough to let us play in her sandbox. No copyright infringement is intended. The plot to this story however is all mine. Please don't steal.

To all who supported the Fandoms4Floods compilation, thank you for donating. The outtake (Alice) has now been posted.

Thank you to Robsten who provided many (un)intentional laughs at the MTV Movie Awards this year. "I ripped your head off and now you're pregnant." "I didn't cut you out. But I did fuck you." Including the awkward acceptance speeches, you were epic as always. You are both adorkably cringeworthy.

Many thanks to Bella's Executioner and Caius09 who preread this chapter and gave me valuable feedback. Kudos to you, ladies. You make me a better writer.

And much thanks to my darling husband who lets me hide in my woman cave whenever I can. Love you mucho.

**Chapter songs:** Broken – Lifehouse, Iridescent – Linkin Park, Have I Told You Lately – Rod Stewart (yes, yes – I know there's a version by Van Morrison which is actually much better, but in this particular case, the rough and raw voice of Rod just fit this chapter. Sue me. No, wait - please don't.)

* * *

**14. Letting Go**

You were standing in the wake of devastation  
And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown  
And with the cataclysm raining down  
Insides crying "Save me now"  
You were there, impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?  
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known  
Remember all the sadness and frustration  
And let it go

Let it go

_Linkin Park – Iridescent_

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

Bella fell asleep in the car as I drove us back to the house. My mind was reeling from the last few minutes at the cemetery. What had started as such a wonderful day was rapidly turning into a situation that had the potential to either make or break us.

The latter was absolutely unacceptable.

Ignoring the deep-seated issues that had nearly torn us apart was no longer an option, and I needed to come clean. If the last two days had been any indication, we were at a much better point now, as if we were seeing clearly for the first time.

We would survive the upcoming discussion; I was sure of it. All I had to do now was lay myself bare and tell her honestly why I had left. Somewhere along the way I had realized that the reason I'd initially given myself, my family and ultimately her wasn't what had truly compelled me to leave.

No, it was simply how I had justified it to myself at the time.

And I'd been skirting around the truth ever since.

That would end today.

I pulled into the driveway a few minutes later and carried my still unconscious fianceé into the house, debating only for a moment until I trudged up the stairs. After I settled her on the bed, I carefully removed her jacket and shoes, allowing myself to gaze at her for a bit while she slept before flying down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water for her.

When I reentered the bedroom, she was awake, sitting up on the bed, her deep brown eyes searching for me.

"Hi," I said softly, smiling. "I fetched some water for you. You must be thirsty."

"Thank you," she replied as she took the water from my outstretched hand. She drank about half of it before putting the cap back on, wiping her lips on the back of her hand when she was done.

I hadn't lifted my eyes off her.

Bella put the bottle on the nightstand and then crossed her legs, putting her hands in her lap, looking down.

Unsure of what to do, I sat down on the bed myself, mirroring her position after toeing off my shoes. Our knees touched and she raised her eyes to mine. There was a deep sadness in those brown lakes and it made the venom freeze in my veins.

A heavy weight pressed down on me. The reason for the anguish in Bella's eyes was laid squarely at my feet.

And it was up to me now to remove it, once and for all.

"So..." I started awkwardly and stopped. "Uhm...I...don't know where to begin."

Bella smiled a little but it didn't reach her eyes. "You know what they say – it's best to start at the beginning."

I nodded and took a deep breath. "Very well. You've already heard most of this, of course. I suppose it all began one dreary day last year in January when you walked into my life and tormented me with the most magical, alluring scent I had ever encountered. Of course, at the time I didn't realize that I was already hopelessly in love with you. No, in that moment I merely hated you for ruining my peaceful, dull, pathetic existence. So I ran. I ran to save you from death and to save myself from being responsible for it. I kept my distance because it was inconceivable to me that you could ever care for me, let alone love me. I was a vampire, a blood-sucking monster and surely you deserved better than that. I was prepared to leave you after Phoenix..."

I stopped as the familiar pain flashed inside my core. A hot little hand brushed against mine and with a flick of my wrist, her fingers were in my grasp. I felt a gentle squeeze, encouraging me to continue. I inhaled again, suddenly feeling the weight on my chest get a little lighter as I reminded myself silently that she loved me, despite all the hurt and pain we put each other through. The last few days had brought us closer than we'd ever been and this was going to be our final step forward.

"I warred with myself ever since that incident and it finally culminated in seeing my own brother's attempt on your life. I was scared, blinded by fear," I admitted remorsefully. "All I could see was that I was putting you in danger just by your proximity to me. I had already seen Alice's dual vision of your fate and neither outcome was acceptable to me."

"Death or vampire," Bella added while her thumb stroked my knuckles.

"Yes. The former is still too painful to even contemplate and, as selfish as it may be, I can hardly wait for the latter to occur."

That last statement drew a tentative smile from her lips.

"It's not selfish if it's what I want, too," she replied. "Why did you think you don't deserve to keep me, Edward?"

"I..."

"Furthermore," she cut me off before I even had the chance to form a response, "selfishness aside, why did you not believe I love you just as strongly and eternally as you love me? Because I think that might be part of your reason, is it not?"

"My intentions were to protect you..."

Bella snorted. "Maybe so, but mostly you wanted to protect yourself. At least, that's what it looks like from the outside looking in."

My chin hit my chest as her quick mind cut down to the heart of the matter. Her thumbs didn't cease their movement and she gave me time to formulate my response.

A simple yes sufficed.

She already knew what I had only recently admitted to myself – I had left her preemptively to spare myself the pain of her rejection. And in the course of doing so, I had hurt her more than I ever intended.

"Yes," she repeated. "Did it ever occur to you that I might have been just as scared? I've already told you why I believed your lies. I didn't think I was enough."

Bella's voice sounded resigned.

"It hurt _so much_ when you left. I was shattered, Edward, as if you had ripped out my heart. It felt like I died that day, like a huge black hole sucked every ounce of happiness out of me. Your leaving destroyed the small amount of self-esteem I had, and I felt unwanted. Undesirable. A small, insignificant human. It made so much sense for you to leave me, because compared to you I was nothing. And afterward, I just went through the motions of daily life, primarily to appease my father. Jacob helped but I wasn't happy. I couldn't breathe properly until I was back in your arms. And even then, I was still terrified you'd leave me again. Even though you had promised not to I didn't completely trust you to keep that promise. Which is part of what led me to keep Jacob around. He held me together while you were gone and I knew he would again, if...if you had decided that I wasn't worth it after all."

"Bella, you are the very best part of my life. You're _everything _to me. You're the sum of all things. My heart, my soul, my entire being is bound to you irrevocably. And I'm so very sorry that I caused you so much pain. I don't know that I'll ever forgive myself for leaving you and I will spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to you. My reasons were wrong and my actions condemnable, and I still can't quite fathom that you took me back, but I am so very glad you did."

We were both silent then, our eyes directed at our intertwined hands, as I fought the rise of anguish in my chest. Bella heaved a huge sigh.

"Do you believe now? Do you know how much I love you? Do you realize that I cannot live without you, just as you can't live without me?"

My eyes flew up to meet hers. "Oh, God – yes! After I came back...well, after _you_ came to bring me back, I was certain that you loved me just the same way. You flew all the way to Italy, thinking that I didn't love you anymore, and still you came to save me. I had treated you abysmally, lied to you so horribly, and still you loved me. I still didn't want you to change but I had finally realized the strength of your feelings for me, and I was slowly working on getting used to the idea of you as a vampire. Which brings us back to the current time...after the last few months... You blew hot and cold, and while I knew you loved me, I could also see that you loved your friend. What I didn't know was whether you were still _in love_ with me. I based my conclusions on your actions. The most important thing to me is your happiness, Bella, and I wasn't convinced anymore that your happiness lay with me. So, in typical fashion, I ran again."

"Hmmm, and I certainly can see why," she agreed. "So, basically, what we both did was to let our own insecurities do the talking for us."

"Yes, it would seem that way."

Bella smiled and this time, her face was lit up with joy and it reached all the way to her eyes, which were now sparkling with love and trust and forgiveness.

And then, in a move that was faster that she had any right to be, she was in my lap with her arms around my neck, her hot breath in my ear and her ankles locked behind my back.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, do you promise to never run from me again no matter how stupidly I act? Do you promise to talk through any issues that might come up in the future? Do you promise to listen and trust and never again make any life-changing decisions without my input and consent?"

For a moment, I felt overwhelmed by the semblance of her questions to what I hoped would soon be our wedding vows. With that in mind, I cradled her face with my hands, stared deeply into her doe eyes and made a solemn vow.

"I do."

"I love you. I forgive you. I don't want to ever be without you."

Joy expanded deep inside me and burst from my lips as my smile stretched ear to ear.

"I _know_." I winked at her and she smiled happily.

"We need to let it all go now," she said, nodding her head earnestly, utterly adorable as her hands cupped my jaw. "The past, I mean. All the guilt and the pain and the hurt we inflicted on each other – we _have_ to put it behind us. I want to move forward. I might still have flashbacks but I will promise that when they do happen I'll always remember that you love me and want me and need me."

I smiled. "And I will promise the same. I love you, Bella. I forgive you. I don't ever want to be without you."

Her eyes lit up as I repeated her earlier words. And then Bella pounced, her hands on my shoulders pushing me back and I complied until I was flat on the bed with a small human girl attached to my front from top to bottom, fully aligned from head to toe. I could feel every inch of her body pressed against mine, even through our clothing. As I wrapped my arms around her waist she put her elbows on my chest and propped her chin up in her hands. Her eyes twinkled mischievously, her lips curved up in a happy smile that matched the one on my own face.

"So...," she drawled, grinning and wiggling her hips against mine. "Now what?"

My body had an instant primal reaction; my nostrils flared with delight as her scent wafted around us and the traitor in my pants twitched a greeting to what was currently pressed against it. Before I could react to the rather enticing situation, her stomach let out a roar to rival one of mine and, as if on cue, her cheeks turned pink.

I laughed out loud as she slapped her hands against her face with an embarrassed groan.

"Now, I suppose, we feed the monster in your belly."

In an almost shameful teenage boy show-off move that I enjoyed nonetheless, I jumped off the bed with her still in my arms, tossing her gently onto my back before making my way downstairs to the kitchen. Bella giggled in my ear the whole way, her legs wrapped firmly around my torso, and the sound of her giggles filled me to the brim with happiness as she pressed hot, wet kisses into my frigid skin.

I gently deposited her on the kitchen table but before I could move away, her legs were locked around my knees and her hands were pulling me towards her by my shirt. I kissed her gladly, carefully sucking on her lower lip before turning my head slightly to deepen our kiss. Bella moaned softly, her legs tightening around me. I moved forward without noticing until we were lined up perfectly. My hips started thrusting without permission as my hands ghosted all over her back and curled into the strands of her glossy hair.

Her hot center rubbed against my rigid length and I groaned with pleasure, wanting nothing more than to bury myself in her heat. She broke the kiss and threw her head back, exposing the silky skin of her neck to my lips.

"I want you so badly, Bella," I confessed without shame against her pulsing artery.

"Then have me," she moaned huskily.

I groaned as I pulled back even though the thought of hearing her soft whimpers and seeing her fall apart around me made it so much more difficult. My erection was straining against the seams and had seemingly taken on a life of its own, unwilling to listen or be contained. I moved my hips backward to break the connection it relentlessly sought.

"You're _not_ helping this situation. We need to slow down before I take you on this kitchen table like some uncouth savage."

Her legs fell to the side and she released me while her glorious blush crept up her neck and into her cheeks.

"You're right. Damn it!"

Before she could get further annoyed, whether with herself or me, I stroked my fingers down her cheek before hugging her to me.

"If it's any consolation, my love, I'm struggling just the same. Our first time should be special, though. Not a frenzied coupling in the kitchen."

She kissed my chest through my shirt, right above my frozen heart.

"And it will be," she said. "I don't need flowers and candles, mind you, but however it happens, it will be special because it will be our first time. For both of us. Now feed me, before the monster in my stomach gets any more demanding."

"As you wish, milady." I couldn't help myself and pressed another although rather chaste kiss to her lips.

No tongues involved.

Completely unsatisfactory.

After a quick lunch to appease her hunger, we decided to forgo the museum trip until the next day and head to Michigan Avenue instead so Bella could purchase appropriate Opera attire. I myself needed a suit and soon, we were at Neiman Marcus where I was comfortably seated on one of the couches while Bella modeled dresses for me with the help of one of the sales ladies.

I did my best to stay out of the woman's head while Bella changed, wanting to get the full impact without having seen the dress in the woman's mind.

I had already seen a few dresses that hadn't met with either my or Bella's approval but when she stepped out of the dressing room in a navy blue floor-length gown that clung to each of her curves, my breath got stuck in my throat and I froze in my spot on the couch. The silky material, gathered on one shoulder with beads and embroidery, enhanced the luminosity of her skin. It wasn't too revealing and it looked as if it had been made for her.

She looked like a goddess.

It was perfect.

"You like?" She slowly turned in a circle, showing me all sides of her tempting body.

I could only nod, utterly speechless and immensely grateful that the beautiful woman in front of me had chosen me.

The saleswoman beamed. "_What a lucky girl. He's so gorgeous. And so obviously in love with her._"

I cleared my throat. "Perhaps a stole to keep her warm? It still gets a little chilly at night."

"_Damn, he's good_."

"Yes, of course. Did you have something specific in mind?"

"No, I trust your judgment. We'll also need matching shoes. Size 7."

"Very well. I'll be right back, sir."

I winked at Bella who by then had put her hands on her waist with an eyebrow raised. I blew her a kiss and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"You realize that this is probably the most expensive gown of all the ones I tried?"

"Indulge me, my darling," I smiled easily. "Let me spoil you."

"Oh, alright," she grumbled. "Just don't tell me the total, okay?"

"My lips are sealed. You are absolutely stunning in that dress, Bella. So very beautiful. I'll be the envy of every man at the Opera tomorrow night."

She blushed and looked at me shyly from under her lashes. "Thank you."

I smiled at her response, so very different from before. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered.

The woman returned shortly thereafter, laden with a few shoe boxes and a shimmering silver stole draped over one arm.

"Here we go," she announced, addressing me. "I have chosen mid-heel type closed toe shoes since your fiancée said she would prefer those. And this stole should go very well with the dress."

While I wasn't appeased that she didn't address Bella instead – which I pointed out immediately – I was slightly mollified by the items she had chosen. They matched perfectly.

A little while later, I was carrying a gown bag and a shopping bag containing the silver stole and a pair of strappy heels plus a small evening purse as we made our way to the men's department to purchase a suit and proper attire for me.

What Bella didn't realize, and I didn't mention, was that neither of the earrings I had purchased for her the day before would match the dress and I had nefarious plans of surprising her with yet another heirloom from my trusty treasure chest.

And then it was time to head home. After storing our purchases in the trunk, I opened Bella's door for her.

"Dinner? Are you hungry?"

"Just a salad or something," Bella replied. "There's plenty in the fridge at home so we don't have to stop anywhere."

"Very well. Perhaps after you've eaten, we can watch a movie? Alice has been very thorough, I'm sure."

"How did she know?" Bella asked. "I mean, apart from the clothes and groceries, everything else was ready for us. How did she see that so far in advance? I thought her visions were based on the decisions people make? When did you decide to...leave..."

She became very quiet at the end and I pulled her hand up to my lips. We were almost home and I could already tell that this was a conversation we should best not have while in the car.

I couldn't hold her the way I wanted to in a moving vehicle.

"I didn't, Bella, not until that night I ran from you. I think there's a good explanation for why Alice saw us needing the house before either one of us made a conscious decision to come here. Let's talk about it over your dinner, alright?"

"Okay."

I pulled into the driveway and put the car into park before moving around the car to help her out of her seat. She walked ahead after grabbing the keys from me while I gathered our purchases from the trunk. I was struck again by how normal this moment was – just a young couple coming home from a shopping trip.

Bella unlocked the door and stepped into the house, leaving it wide open for me. When I entered the foyer, I could hear her in the kitchen, washing her hands.

"I am just going to take these things upstairs," I said a little louder than usual so she would hear me. "I'll be right down."

"Okay."

A few seconds later, after I'd hung up her dress and my suit in the closet and stored the rest of our purchases on the shelves, I flew back down the stairs to the kitchen from where her heartbeat was calling to me.

Her back was to me, bent as she rummaged in the fridge and pulled out ingredients for her meal. My eyes zeroed in on her luscious derriere and I had to force myself over to the table to sit down, rearranging myself to avoid bursting through the zipper.

Now that I knew what Emmett had meant, I had to agree – sitting down while erect was really uncomfortable.

When Bella popped up from the fridge, she turned and startled, dropping the tomato that was in her hand. Her heart was racing and her face flushed.

"Damn it! I didn't even hear you come in."

I chuckled as I plucked the vegetable off the floor and held it out to her, waggling my eyebrows playfully. "I'm stealthy that way."

"I think I'll put a cow bell around your neck," she grumbled, trying not to smile. "Sneaky vampire."

I laughed and stepped towards her, pulling her to me gently to kiss her.

"God, I love you, Bella. You make me a very happy man."

I stared deeply into her eyes and suppressed a happy snicker when her eyelids fluttered and her breathing sped up. She looked dazed and for just a moment, I felt bad but I loved having the power to dazzle her. I didn't abuse it but it certainly called to the feral beast inside me, knowing that I was the only one who caused this reaction in her.

She was mine.

All fucking mine.

_You just like thinking that, don't you?_

_Absolutely!_

I broke the stare and released her.

"Can I help you prepare your dinner?"

She shook her head and blinked a few times. "What?"

I pointed to the food items on the counter. "Your dinner? Would you like me to help you prepare it?"

"Oh...uhm...sure."

We worked side by side; I was gently tearing the lettuce into smaller pieces as she peeled the cucumber, only arguing for a moment when Bella pulled the chef's knife from the drawer and reminded me snidely, in response to my intake of breath, that she'd been handling sharp cutlery for years. I acquiesced but watched her every move, poised to intervene if the knife should slip, so intensely focused on her hands that I nearly missed her movement when she playfully hip-checked me, smiling mischievously when my eyes cut to her in shock.

"Grab me a plate, please? Oh, and the sliced ham and cheese from the fridge."

Shaking my head at her antics and with a wide smile, I did as I was told and returned quickly, watching her with fascination as she cut the ham and cheese slices into small strips. She tossed the lettuce, tomatoes and cucumber chunks into a bowl, poured salad dressing over the mixture and used two forks to mix it all together. After putting a generous portion onto the plate, she layered the ham and cheese strips on top, picked up a fork and moved over to the table to sit down.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked solicitously when I noticed she didn't have any kind of beverage already waiting for her.

"Just a glass of milk, please."

"Coming right up."

After getting her the desired drink, I sat down across from her.

"So..." Bella said, after taking a bite, "what's your theory about this particular vision?"

"It's actually rather simple," I replied, propping my head on my hands. "You are correct – usually, Alice's visions are subjective, based on the decisions a person makes. And perhaps, somewhere in the last few months, one of us made a decision that triggered that particular vision." I shrugged. "Then again, every once in a while, Alice sees something on a grander scale, something that she doesn't always understand at the time. The best example is probably when she woke up and saw Jasper's face in her mind. Or when she saw my family. I suppose it could be argued that those visions were based on the decision of the vampire who changed her. However, I think it's just as plausible that fate had a hand in it – that she was meant for him and he for her. And that they both were meant to be a part of our family."

"That makes sense."

"And as for us," I continued, "well, perhaps _we_ needed to get to this point to grow as a couple. To realize once and for all that we are meant for each other, because clearly, _I _wasn't quite up to snuff to get that point on my own. So, again – maybe it was fate that steered us onto this path and triggered the vision Alice had."

"Fate, huh?" Her tone of voice was just slightly mocking and she smirked before sticking her fork into the salad again.

I nodded, chuckling. "Yes, my dear, fate. You said something yesterday that made me think. If it weren't for Carlisle changing me, we would never have met. And if you follow along that line, considering everything that had to fall into place in both of our lives so we could fall in love on a rainy, cold day in January in Forks, of all places, what alternative reason is there? Also, if it weren't for me leaving last fall, we wouldn't have gone through the craziness of the last few months, and I wouldn't have run off again only to have you follow after me. Which means that we wouldn't be here now. So – taking all of that into consideration, how could it be anything but fate?"

Bella smiled, her eyes gleaming with mirth. "Glad to hear you see it my way now."

I snickered. "I never claimed to be exceptionally bright when it comes to our relationship."

"Hey now, that's my fiancé you're talking about. I happen to think he's very smart." She winked.

My reply was a snort. "In the words of Emmett – whatever! I tried to approach our relationship from an intellectual level but as Esme would tell you – you cannot understand love. You have to _experience_ it. And I think I finally get her point. For so long, I presumed that because I hear the thoughts of everyone around me, I could gain knowledge of how relationships work simply by listening to them. And since I had heard it all, I was convinced that I knew everything there is to know about loving someone. Obviously, that is not the case. It took you and your silent mind to teach me what it means to love."

My hand reached out to clasp hers tightly – well, as tightly as I could without hurting her.

"I love you, Bella, I love you so fucking much that I can barely contain it. You fill my life with more happiness and joy than I ever could have hoped for." The words fell from my lips before I could censor them.

I immediately realized that I had no desire to change them.

None at all.

Her eyes filled with tears as a wide smile broke across her face. "Oh, Edward," she sighed. "I love you, too."

I wasn't sure why but all at once, I was nearly overcome with urgent need for her and it took all the discipline I had built over nearly a century to not sweep her dinner off the table and ravish her the way the beast inside me demanded. My free hand curled around the edge of the table and my whole body tensed. Fighting back the urge, I gritted my teeth and breathed slowly for a moment to get myself under control before sheepishly smiling back at Bella who had by that time realized that I was struggling.

"Bella, I..."

The air crackled with electricity and I didn't miss the flash of intuition that lit up Bella's eyes. Her soft fingers squeezed mine; her thumb soothingly rubbed the back of my hand.

"Easy, baby," she said quietly. "It's okay. I feel it, too."

I blew out a breath, warming up to the endearment she had used only once before. "Yes...I...I think I need a moment."

"Sure. That's fine." I was granted another smile. "I'll just be here eating my dinner while you...do that."

"You misunderstand, love. I wasn't planning to leave you sitting here alone," I was quick to assure her. "I'll be fine staying, watching you."

She groaned and I chuckled at her response.

"I don't get the fascination but if it makes you happy..."

"More milk?"

Bella laughed.

We spent the rest of the evening in our bed, watching a movie, kissing and touching languidly and snuggling intimately under the covers like the teenagers we were, until she drifted off to sleep, safely ensconced in my arms, her back pressed against my chest, her luscious behind nestled in my groin.

We were spooning, her head cushioned by a pillow that lay on my arm, her feet entangled with my own, the only barriers her thin pajamas and my cotton lounge pants. And even though my always-present erection strained valiantly to obtain what it had thus far been denied – life was beautiful.

Somewhere in the wee hours of the early morning, Bella started to squirm against me, pressing deeper into my groin. Her heartbeat sped up as her core temperature rose slightly and her breathing became more shallow. At first, I thought she was having a nightmare, but her whispered words and the soft moans that fell from her sweet lips disabused me of that notion within moments.

The head of my insistent length began to leak.

She turned in my arms, laying on her back. Her soft, pouty lips were parted and I watched in utter fascination as her pink tongue slid out and moistened the skin. Her mouth was glistening in the muted light.

A wicked fantasy slammed into my mind, of seeing those rosy lips wrapped around my rigid appendage, her soulful eyes looking up at me through hooded lids as she swallowed around me, and my breath stuck in my throat.

"Edward. Yes...oh yes, please..."

I was out of the bed and down the stairs not two seconds later, fighting the temptation to run back to the bedroom and wake Bella from her slumber to indulge with her in more of the intimacy I so thoroughly craved, pathetically reduced to pacing the moonlit back porch, making grandiose plans to rush her off to Vegas, discarding them soon after only to consider them all over again.

There was certainly some merit in the idea.

If we eloped I could be changing her and finally making love to her sooner rather than later. I certainly didn't need a big wedding, I just wanted her to be mine officially. My ring on her finger. My mark on her neck. My scent all over her, my venom inside her, proclaiming to humans and immortals alike that she was mine.

All fucking mine.

The idea seemed more and more perfect until my blasted prescient sister apparently saw what I was contemplating; I suspected that the instant my phone buzzed on the nightstand upstairs. Afraid that it would wake Bella, I dashed back into the bedroom only to be decimated by the scent of her arousal and the sight of her bare skin.

I hit my knees.

Bella writhed on the bed, still asleep, whimpering my name.

The now-silent phone forgotten, I crawled to the foot of the bed, biting on my finger, willing the burn of my own venom to jolt me back to reason.

It was to no avail.

While I had been pacing downstairs, Bella must have gotten too hot underneath the blanket and the covers were now bunched at her ankles. Her too-short top had ridden half-way up her stomach, exposing the silky flesh, now fully flushed in her current state.

Her hand had found its way into her shorts.

My will, my control was non-existent, extinguished at the sight of her pleasuring herself.

I inhaled deeply, my nostrils flaring as the scent of her arousal coated the receptors in my nose. My erection ripped through the flimsy fabric, leading the way like a beacon to the promised land.

I was on the bed before I could stop myself, disobedient hands discarding the remnants of the lounge pants like the pesky hindrance they were and then I was on my knees between her legs. My trembling fingers found the tops of her thighs, carefully pushing them apart for a closer view, gently tearing the seams of her shorts and pulling the fabric to the side. My head dipped down to inhale the musky-sweet scent again, watching in awe as her small fingers moved relentlessly inside the pink, swollen flesh, running through the moisture that had gathered between her nether lips.

The beauty of the sight before me reduced me to a pile of quivering stone, delirious with desire and need, marveling at the wonder of her most intimate place.

It was the most erotic thing I had ever seen with my own eyes.

I wanted to taste her again, preferably directly from the source. Sucking her arousal off my fingers the night before had only fueled the need, not doused it.

"Edward," she moaned. "Yes, yes...ohh, yes! Please, oh...oh..."

Bella's whole body stiffened for a long moment and then went slack. Her hand fell to the side as she relaxed after finding her climax. Frozen, I remained right where I was, not daring to move even a fraction of an inch for fear that I would be unable to stop myself from simply taking her if I lifted even just a finger.

I wasn't breathing any longer.

And then she woke up.

Her eyelids fluttered before lifting completely, her head came off the pillow and the chocolate orbs found my own.

Two things happened simultaneously – Bella's face bloomed redder than I had ever seen and I fled down the stairs, naked and ashamed to my very core.

I was no better than a rapist. I had taken advantage of her in her sleep, shamelessly watching her, exposing her further without her consent, poised to take her in the vulnerable state she was in for my own pleasure.

The worst part? I was still as hard as a...well, a rock.

Disgusting.

Burning at the stake would be too kind a punishment.

I curled up in a corner of the parlor, rocking in agony and despair and pulling at the strands of my hair, contemplating every possible way I could dispose of myself.

She came after me, of course. It didn't take long at all. I heard her heartbeat slow, her feet padding softly across the wooden slats, the rustling of fabric and her steps on the stairs. Bella entered the parlor and flicked on one of the table lamps before squatting down in front of me with a small sigh. The blanket was wrapped around her small form, the surplus trailing behind her.

I buried my head in my hands, unable to look at her, too consumed with shame and guilt and fully aware that I was still utterly naked.

Bella wasn't having any of it.

"Well, this is more than just a little awkward," she mused quietly, "though I'm not sure which one of us is more embarrassed."

"Embarrassed?" I spat through clenched teeth. "You think I'm _embarrassed_? That is _not_ the primary emotion I'm feeling right now, I assure you. I almost _raped_ you, Bella. I have no idea what stopped me from just taking you. I'm a weak, despicable, disgusting piece of..."

I started sobbing, convinced that she would never let me touch her again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

Her fingers began to scratch my scalp, soothing me slightly. Her willing touch gave me a smidgen of hope that I hadn't completely destroyed every shred of trust she had in me.

"Look at me, Edward. While I love your unruly hair, I'd rather see your eyes right now." Her tone was not what I expected – she didn't even sound upset.

Reluctantly, I lifted my head and met her gaze. To my great surprise, though it shouldn't have been after all this time, I found no accusation in her eyes, only love and acceptance. She held up the jeans I had discarded earlier.

"Here. Get dressed and then come back upstairs so we can talk about this. I love you."

With that, she got back to her feet and turned to walk out of the room, regal and striking, a goddess incarnate. Like a puppet on a string, I did as I was bid to do, only dawdling for a few minutes to compose myself before following her to the bedroom. I found her sitting in the middle of the bed, the comforter loosely wrapped around her. Both table lamps were on, bathing the room in a warm light. All evidence of the near disaster had been disposed of – not even a scrap of fabric remained visible. I wondered for a moment what she had done with it.

Bella was resting her elbows on her legs and her chin on her hands. Her heartbeat was a little higher than usual and her cheeks were still slightly flushed but she seemed calm and collected, focusing her eyes on me as I made my approach.

With halting steps I slowly walked toward the bed, unsure whether she wanted me to join her on top of the mattress. Wringing my hands in front of me nervously, I stopped at the side of the bed and silently waited for her invitation.

It quickly came.

"Sit down with me, Edward, please," she said softly. "Tell me what happened."

I assumed my position across from her, mimicking her posture though I carefully extended my hands to take hers. Seeing my slow progress, she raised her head and her fingers found mine, intertwining and softly squeezing, before resting them between us.

"Uhm...well, you were sleeping and I was holding you...as always...and then...you started moaning and...uh...you turned on your back and then..."

I broke off when more color crept up Bella's face.

"I was dreaming," she stated, her eyes focused on our clasped hands, "I remember. It was a good dream but I'm sorry that it caused you to lose your control."

"Stop right there!" I snarled. "I won't have _you_ apologizing to _me_. You did nothing wrong. You were asleep and I...I..."

The dam broke, the words flowing from my mouth without filter, without even a remote chance of stopping them.

"I was _so_ aroused, Bella. It's a near constant state now, and when you flipped onto your back and whimpered my name I had just enough control to make it downstairs to clear my head, but then the phone buzzed and I was worried that you'd wake up so I came back in here and the comforter had moved and your hand was...and the scent...oh God, your _scent_...so alluring, it drew me towards you and then I just lost it. I simply _had_ to see, _had _to smell, _had_ to watch you find your pleasure. I wanted to taste you, devour you. I'm so very sorry to have removed your clothing without your consent. It's utterly despicable – to take advantage of you like that, in your sleep, but I couldn't stop myself...I needed...Bella, my Bella, I want you so desperately, all the time, all the fucking _time_, but I'm still a little scared that I'll hurt you and I really want to wait until we're married. I just don't know that I can but I can't compromise your virtue though perhaps at this point we're both already compromised anyway, so maybe we should just run off to Vegas and get married so I can make love to you because, damn it, I don't know how much longer I can resist you. I'm so sorry, Bella – I'll understand if you can't forgive me for what I did."

I clamped my mouth shut and dropped my chin to my chest, waiting for her anger to cut me to pieces, just as I deserved.

It never came.

Instead, she leaned forward, disentangling and raising a hand to my face to stroke my cheek.

"Edward," she soothed softly, "calm down, darling. I'm not mad. Surprised and a little embarrassed, yes, but not angry. Okay, mortified that I...did that...in front of you."

"No, no," I argued, "you shouldn't feel that way. I deserve your anger. This is all my fault. I should have just woken you up, or left the room, instead of molesting you while you were sleeping. Please, don't take this on your shoulders. I've always been able to leave your room before...uhm...I mean...uh..."

Trailing off at the sight of all blood leaving her face, I knew I shouldn't have said that because Bella's shocked inhale and her sharp voice made me cringe. Her heart began to race and her scent changed, adrenaline tinging her unique aroma.

"What? What do you mean, before?"

_Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. Should have kept your mouth shut, you moron_.

In for a penny, in for a pound. Rarely had I been so glad that I couldn't blush anymore though I hated myself for adding to Bella's stress level with my thoughtless words. I considered lying for a split second but we had promised each other complete honesty. Besides, I was fairly certain that her question was rhetoric – based on her reaction, she knew exactly what I had meant.

Thus I remained silent, only rubbing the back of her hand soothingly, hoping this would help her work through the mortification so that she wouldn't hide from me.

No such luck.

Bella yanked her hands away from me and hid her face in them.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God..."

"It's okay, Bella," I tried to calm her. "I never stayed around for...that. I always exited your room before you...uhm..."

"Not helping," she whimpered into her hands. "_So_ not helping. Oh God, oh God, oh God."

"I'm so sorry." I felt helpless, unsure how to alleviate her stress, frantically thinking of anything that might make her feel better. "Ah...would it help at all if I told you that you're not the only one who's...uh...laid hand on yourself? If I told you that there have been many instances in the recent past where I felt the need to...uhm...do that?"

Bella's hands fell from her face as she searched my eyes.

"Really?"

I simply nodded.

"Seriously? You've..." She waved her hand at the direction of my crotch where my usual predicament was saluting her.

I swallowed hard but answered her question honestly.

"Masturbated, yes."

I was still very, _very_ glad that I did not possess the ability to blush.

With that admission though, a strange twinkle began to gleam in Bella's eyes. My silent heart jolted in my chest as I wondered what exactly was going through her mind.

Nothing I would like, I was certain of that.

"What are you thinking?" I asked foolishly, unable to prevent the words from leaving my mouth.

"I was just wondering," she replied as her lips curled into a small smile and her heart began to pound in staccato. "Are you in a...uhm...condition now where you would normally do that?"

My eyes widened as my mouth dropped open for a moment before I had a chance to collect myself. She saw, of course, and the smile grew.

"I..."

Slowly, she leaned forward, tucking her feet underneath her legs and placing her hands on my knees as I rearranged myself on the bed, closing my legs.

My erection was not pleased. At least the jean fabric proved to be a little stronger than the lounge pants and thus restrained what wanted to escape. I adjusted myself rapidly at vampire speed so she wouldn't notice.

"Well, if you are, do you want to...ah...take care of that?"

_Holy shit_.

It took only a very short amount of time until what she was asking for and even less time for me to decide that I just wouldn't be able to do what she had requested.

"I can't, Bella. Not like that. That just...doesn't seem proper."

"What?" she muttered with just a little bite to her tone. "You can watch me, but I'm not allowed to watch you? That's not fair, Edward."

Her arms crossed in front of her chest, a movement that made the blanket slide down her shoulders and expose the silken skin. Before I had formed a conscious thought, my fingers trembled across the milky expanse, running across her collarbone and up her neck, resting only momentarily on the pulsing artery.

As it had for a while now, the strong beat centered me and calmed me down sufficiently to look at her request through her eyes and not colored by my fears. I knew why she was asking and perhaps at some point down the road, I'd feel comfortable giving her what she desired but not yet.

"I know it's not fair, but please, Bella – do not ask that of me. It would make me feel as if I was disrespecting you."

"You seemed to have no problem earlier with disrespect."

I didn't respond, trying valiantly to keep the sudden hurt in check. It seemed as if we were spiraling into the same behavior pattern that had for so long hounded us in our relationship.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." Her voice had dropped to a whisper. "How easily I fall back into my old habits."

There were warring emotions in her eyes and flitting across her face but then she settled into a resigned sigh.

"I am sorry. And I understand where you're coming from. I do. No pressure, as promised."

I released a long sigh, grateful that she wasn't pushing the issue but then I felt that I owed it to our progress to give a little as well. And if I were to approach it where she touched me and my hands could be locked behind my head, it just might be safe enough. That thought firmly in mind, I took her hands in mine and rearranged us both on the bed so I was stretched out beside her, with her head on my chest, her face upturned to mine.

With a deep breath and a kiss to her forehead I took one of her hands and moved it slowly towards the waistband of my jeans.

I cleared my throat. "Uhm, if you want, you can...ah...touch me."

Bella gasped against my chest. "Are you sure?"

"I'm fairly certain that I can safely remove myself if it gets too much, but yes, I'm sure. Of course, that is only if you wa-"

"I want," she said rapidly, cutting me off and alerting me to the return of the vixen. I clamped my mouth shut, moving my hands behind my head, firmly grasping the headboard, chanting a chorus of 'don't fucking let go' in my mind.

I stopped breathing when she opened the button, slowly, carefully pulling down the zipper. As soon as the material fell away, my erection stood at full mast, dripping fluid from the top. Smart girl that she was, Bella moved so that she was kneeling next to me.

My eyes were focused on her hand as she ever so slowly wrapped her fingers around me. Fire exploded down my shaft. My hips jerked slightly before I could help it but then I forced my body to freeze. Her thumb swiped across the slit at the top, gathering the moisture.

"Ungh..."

The feelings were indescribable. The heat from her touch, the soft yet strong grip she had on me as she carefully began to move her hand up and down, ripped through me and sent a bolt of electricity up my spine and down into my toes.

I was quickly losing my grip on my control.

It came down to a question of either controlling my body or my speech.

I chose to let go of the words, further twisting my fingers around the headboard.

_Words won't hurt her_.

A small part of my brain was aware of the irony of that statement.

"Oh God," I moaned. "Bella..."

"Am I doing it right?"

I choked out a laugh that sounded like a sob. "Yes...please...oh...anything, just don't stop moving..."

The movements sped up slightly.

"Like this?"

"Uh-huh," I ground out as the fire started burning in the pit of my stomach and the sensations kept rippling through me. I wanted to keep watching her but my eyes closed of their own volition, my head fell back and I was lost in the feelings.

I also lost complete control of my mouth.

"Oh...yes...so good...please...faster...Bella, yes...oh God, Bella...I love you, I love you...oh, _fuck_...yes...keep moving...oh...oh...OH!"

Stars exploded behind my closed lids and I fell into an abyss of pure pleasure. My hips jerked once more in her hands and then my climax ripped through me like a tornado, lifting me, spinning me around until I lost all sense of my surroundings, feeling only her and her hand and the wetness that spurted across my stomach.

Astonishingly enough, my hands never left the headboard. I noticed much later that it looked a bit worse for the wear, a few gashes decorating the wood where my nails had dug in. All in all, not bad for a first time.

As I floated back to earth, I opened my eyes just in time to watch her hesitantly lick my ejaculate off her finger. And then she closed her eyes as if she was actually enjoying it, a smile playing on her lips. I gasped and pulled her hand away from her mouth.

"Bella, no. Don't do that."

"Why not? It doesn't taste anything like I've been told it would. Besides, turnabout is fair, right?"

_Wait, what? She's been told what?_

I exhaled in a rush and filed that comment away for a future discussion. "That's beside the point. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Hurt how?" An adorable eyebrow went up; she clearly didn't believe me.

Sighing, I explained. "It likely contains venom. A small wound inside your mouth would absorb it and start your change. And that's not how I envisioned starting your transformation."

Bella snorted. "It doesn't taste like the venom in your mouth when you kiss me. Besides, if that were the case, if there was a wound, after all the kissing we've been doing, I should be writhing in pain by now."

"I...well, I..."

I couldn't argue with that logic. It just seemed so wrong for her to want to taste it but I reminded myself that this was the twenty-first century and things certainly had changed since my teenage years.

"Cat got your tongue?" she snickered.

Carefully, I sat up slightly, staring at the mess I had created and hating the fact that she was right. It hadn't even crossed my mind in the last few days because the need for her had been too great.

And certainly, the venom hadn't harmed her at all.

"You truly are smart, my Bella," I admitted with a smirk. "Though perhaps I could claim stupidity by orgasm as my excuse?"

She burst out laughing. "Yeah, okay. If you say so. Stay there, I'll go grab a towel."

Bella jumped off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the water run and then she returned a few moments later with one of the fluffy hand towels my sister had so graciously provided. She handed it to me and I quickly mopped up the fluids I had emitted before tossing the towel off the bed and closing up my jeans.

I pulled her into my arms when I was done, pressing my lips to hers for a long moment, savoring the feel of her soft mouth on mine.

"Thank you, sweetheart, for giving this to me. That was...well, I actually don't have any words to describe it. I love you."

"I love you, too," she sighed. "Hmmm, I don't think I'll ever get over the way you look when you...ah..."

And she blushed bright red again as she fell silent.

I loudly exhaled down my nose and squeezed her just a little tighter before pulling up the comforter to cover us both.

"I can safely say that I return that sentiment unequivocally," I murmured. "You are a sight to behold, my love."

Bella snuggled closer and then yawned widely. "Oh, sorry. I think I'm still a little tired."

I chuckled. "It's not quite morning yet. Sleep a while."

"Hum my lullaby?" she requested sleepily.

I smiled as I kissed her hair.

"As you wish."

* * *

**Endnote: **Thank you for reading. Please do leave a review. They make my day. Really.

A link to Bella's dress can be found on my profile. I don't expect to do that a lot, but if you want the visual, please go check it out.

Next up, the visit to the Field Museum, the Opera and leaving Chicago. And perhaps a surprise encounter in the woods. At least, that is the plan. Unless Bella pulls an Edward and hijacks the chapter.

Till then,

TMOT


	15. Homeward Bound

**Author's Note: **I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry it took me so long to get this written for you. Between vacation and kids home for the summer plus that pesky full-time job, RL has been crazy busy.

I know I said in the last chapter that this one was going to be the last one of the 2nd arc...well, I lied. Sort of. Unintentionally. Bella talks a LOT. She just wouldn't shut up. So, there will be at least one more to complete that arc before our two favorite people are back in Forks.

ILY's to Caius09 for being a fuckawesome beta for this chapter. It's because of her thoughtful comments and challenging questions that it turned out the way it did, limes and all. ILY's to ConfettiRainfall for pre-reading and finding more typos. All residual errors are mine, all mine.

Thank you also to my husband who lets me write without complaints. I love you.

Chapter songs: You and Me - Lifehouse, Endlessly - Muse

Enjoy!

* * *

**15. Homeward Bound**

_It's plain to see,  
It's trying to speak  
Cherished dreams  
Forever asleep_

_Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly_  
_Hopelessly, I'll give you everything_  
_But I won't give you up_  
_I won't let you down_  
_And I won't leave you falling_  
_If the moment ever comes._

_Endlessly - Muse_

_ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo_

The next two days passed quickly. After breakfast at the house, Edward took me to the Field Museum the day after my breakdown. Both of us thoroughly enjoyed the King Tut exhibition. Edward's excitement was palpable as he, with much animation, relayed his memories of hearing about the find of the tomb in 1922, when he was barely out of the newborn stage, devouring newspapers and his excitement at finally seeing the recovered artifacts when they were first exhibited in London.

"It was simply amazing, Bella," he said as he eagerly pulled me to a glass case that contained ancient pieces of jewelry before dragging me along to the gilded sarcophagus that had contained the mummy of the pharaoh. "To think that all these artifacts had survived for a few millennia, buried deep under the sand. Oh, I wish I could have gone directly to the excavation site, but that was impossible, of course."

He lowered his voice to avoid being overheard.

"The sun would have given me away immediately, and my thirst was still somewhat uncontrolled. Though, as Carlisle would tell you, it took him some time to convince me that even going at night would be too risky. Even with the supposed curse of the pharaoh as a possible excuse, it would have been tremendously foolish to unleash me in the midst of all those people. So I waited until they were made available to the public to view and I was more in control of the bloodlust. And I just happened to be in London during that time."

I glanced up at him, smirking slightly, convinced that his being there was no coincidence at all.

"Really?" I teased. "How fortunate that you were in the right place at the right time. And here I thought you weren't impressed with antiquity."

"You remember that?" Edward's head swiveled to me quickly.

"Of course," I nodded and hip-checked him. "Tell me more about this. It's fascinating. All that gold and precious stone. Reading about it in class and looking at pictures is quite different than seeing it in person. How many times have you been to one of these?"

Edward scratched the back of his head. "Would you laugh if I told you about once or twice a decade?"

I shook my head and tried valiantly to hold back the giggle that tickled the back of my throat, meshing my lips between my teeth but couldn't help it when the corners of my mouth turned up. Of course, he noticed and furrowed his brows, pouting like a little boy and I couldn't hold on any longer; the laughter burst from my mouth.

"Really, Edward," I spit out through the laughter. "Was that a rhetorical question?"

He moved his head so that his nose touched mine and softly snarled, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Oh, you just wait, missy," he threatened playfully. "You'll pay for this later."

"I can't wait," I whispered, tightening my fingers around his.

He kissed my forehead before pulling back. "Vixen."

After a deep breath, he quietly spoke again. "I've always wondered why this particular thing fascinated me so, and while my memories are murky, I do recall a book in my father's library that I used to pour over again and again. Back then, of course, not much was known about the ancient world and much of what was written turned out to be false assumptions and incorrect. For example, I vaguely remember reading about another pyramid that was found a few miles from Giza – well, not a pyramid as much as the ruins of one. The archeologist who discovered it came up with a reason for the destruction that eventually was disproved only recently."

"So, you were into this stuff when you were still human?"

He shrugged. "It would appear that way."

"That's so cool," I exclaimed and then frowned upon realizing I sounded like a ditzy blonde. "I mean..."

Edward chuckled in response. "I guess so. Come on, let's go see the lions. At least with those, you share my fascination."

I giggled. "I don't know that I would take it that far. Remember, they gave me nightmares."

He stopped in his tracks, his eyes suddenly concerned and solicitous as they searched mine. "Would you rather we not see that exhibit? We don't have to if you would prefer not to. I don't want you to have any nightmares."

I squeezed his hands, melting a little inside. "You are so sweet, Edward. I'm gonna be okay. They're dead, right? Just two large stuffed animals. Besides, even if they were still alive, they'd be no match for you, now would they?"

When we finally stood in front of the lions, I almost regretted my flippant words. They were a lot more imposing in person than I had imagined. Whoever had done the taxidermy on them had managed to retain their viciousness in their expressions.

They frightened me and I shifted closer to Edward involuntarily. I could only imagine the fear they had invoked in the poor men they had hunted in the dark.

My darling vampire noticed my obvious discomfort so we didn't linger for very long and I was clutching Edward's hand as we left the exhibit. There was a small smirk curving the corners of his mouth.

"Don't say it," I hissed under my breath. "Just...don't."

"My lips are sealed," he replied, his eyes gleaming. "I am a little torn, though."

"Oh, yeah?" I retorted. "About what?"

Edward pulled me into his side and matched his strides to mine, leaning down to whisper in my ear. I shivered as his cool breath flowed down my neck.

"First of all, I don't like when you're frightened, and I certainly don't want you to have any nightmares. Remember, they are very dead and have been that way for a very long time. Which is part of the reason why I find your reaction perhaps a tiny bit amusing. They can't harm you, yet they scare you. In complete contrast, you spend all your free time with a blood-sucking vampire and never blink an eye. You see how I might be slightly torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to kiss you senseless so you forget all about them?"

My face flushed at his words and I must have whimpered because he tucked me under his arm and pulled me into a quiet corner before doing exactly as he had promised.

By the time he pulled back, I was a puddle of goo, melting from the heat of his kisses. He regarded me lovingly, his amber eyes carefully assessing my state. Eventually, I found my voice though I had to clear my throat once or twice before I could make my tongue obey. I was hard-pressed to remember what we had been talking about.

"Uhm, what?"

Edward chuckled. "How about lunch, my darling girl? Well, I suppose it is after lunch time already."

Having regained most of my senses, I thought for a moment.

"I guess I could eat," I replied. "Can we go back to the house, though? I don't want the food to go to waste."

"Of course," he readily agreed. "If that's what you prefer."

Edward led me out of the museum and back to the car, and soon we were on our way to the house, holding hands in my lap. Our house. I still had a hard time wrapping my head around it all though I was beginning to see that Rosalie had been right – it made him exceptionally happy when he could spend his money on anything my heart desired.

He was going to spoil me rotten, I just knew it but I also knew that I would let him.

When he pulled into the drive and turned off the car, he shifted in his seat to look at me. Well, he actually looked at our clasped hands.

"You should probably call your father at some point," he remarked as his fingers gently drifted across my bare skin. "We've been here for a few days now and he must wonder how you're doing. I don't want him any angrier than he surely already is with me."

I waited until he looked at my face before answering to disabuse him of the notion that I cared much whether my father was angry with him or not. Besides, I knew that Charlie was supportive of my decision to go after Edward, considering he had driven me to the Cullen house himself.

"I appreciate your concern for my father, Edward, and while I will call him to assure him of my well-being, I am fairly certain that he realizes we need this time to ourselves. You deserve to have my full attention. And if he's _still_ angry with you after all this, I'll set him straight, don't worry."

My eyes had narrowed towards the end when I recalled Charlie's behavior in the last few months. Sure, from his perspective he'd thought he had good reason to mistrust Edward, but I still hadn't forgotten his reaction to Jacob's unwanted kiss.

Though he had come through for me when I had needed him the most. I closed my eyes for a moment to shake off the guilt that I still carried and reminded myself that Edward and I were so much better now.

"Are you alright?" the love of my life inquired with concern in his voice.

"Absolutely perfect," I smiled at him before I quickly kissed his cheek. "Let's go eat. Well, I'll eat and you...watch, I guess."

He laughed and then opened his door to climb out of the car. I waited until he had flitted around to open my door for me, allowing him to be the gentleman I knew he needed to be.

When he threw me over his shoulder and began to stride towards the house I shrieked in surprise. His laughter vibrated from his body into mine as I dangled upside down from his back. Well, two could play that game. When my hands met his buttocks and rubbed his tush through his jeans, he abruptly stopped laughing.

I giggled and kept rubbing. "Nice view from here," I grinned.

Edward's voice was rather husky as he replied. "I can unequivocally say the same."

As if hanging upside down wasn't enough to move all my blood to my head.

Thankfully, he set me back on my feet as we reached the front door and hustled me inside. The door wasn't yet fully closed when he pressed me against the wood, his hand on the back of my neck, and devoured my lips, his tongue insisted on entering my mouth, his whole body lined up with mine, his hips rocking against me. His free hand roamed up and down my back, dipping underneath the hem on my pants and pulling out my shirt. Ice met fire when his fingers reached my bare skin. His scent slammed into me with tsunami-like force, engulfing me, drowning me.

My arms flew around his neck and my hands dove into his hair as I pulled myself harder against him, returning his kisses with abandon until my lungs started burning from lack of oxygen. Heat flooded through my veins, flushing my skin, and I gasped for air on a moan when his lips left mine to gently suckle on the sensitive skin under my ear, flicking his tongue, making me shiver. My hands were tugging him closer. I needed him _closer_.

He groaned quietly when I curled my left leg around his thigh and threw my head back against the door, offering him my throat, arching my back with my breasts pressed against his chest. The movement of his hips became more insistent until a snarl left his lips and he picked me up, hands on my butt, to carry me into the kitchen. He sat me down on the table and leaned over me, kissing every bare inch of my neck and face as his fingers smoothed over my body while my hands roamed across the muscles flexing in his back.

After a few minutes or lifetimes, his intensity lessened and he put his palms on either side of my face, kissing me gently with his eyes closed before he released me and stepped back, sheepishly straightening my shirt.

"Uh..."

"Wow," I gasped as my lungs fought for air. Edward was breathing just as hard. When my eyes found the prominent bulge in his pants, I flushed even more.

And then I was alone in the kitchen as he ran up the stairs while shouting a 'I'll be right back' over his shoulder. With a sigh, I leaned back onto my hands and let my legs swing, still trying to catch my breath. I knew not to go after him when the shower came on upstairs even though my body screamed to join him in there. When I had sufficiently calmed, I set about making myself a sandwich. I had just sat down with my plate, when Edward appeared in the doorway, running his hands through his damp hair, tense and nervous.

"I...uh, Bella, I'm-"

I smiled at him to let him know everything was fine. "I know. I understand. It's okay, Edward."

He sighed with relief and fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. "Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you give me space when I need it."

"Hey," I replied softly, "we're in this together. No pressure, remember? I know why you...do what you do when it gets too much."

Edward nodded and moved towards the table, pulling out the chair to sit down across from me. I finished my lunch while we chatted about the museum visit before calling my father at the police station.

"Hey, Bells," he exclaimed when he picked up the phone. "I was wondering when I'd hear from you. How are you? Things okay with Edward? Alice called Monday night and said you'd found him?"

"Uhm, yes. Sorry I didn't call sooner," I replied. "I'm, I mean, _we're_ okay. He was here and we've been talking a lot and it's been...really good."

"Yeah, well, I'm glad. Uh...as long as you're happy..."

"I am, Dad. I really am."

"And he treats you well?" He sounded as if he didn't believe it.

"Of course he does," I snapped, growing angry. "You _know _that."

He was silent for a moment and I waited, tapping my foot in annoyance. After everything that had transpired I had thought that my father had finally gotten past his aversion.

"Right. Ah, okay. So, when are you coming home?"

"In a few days. We're leaving Chicago tomorrow to drive back to Forks. But Dad...I'm not coming back to the house. Edward and I will get married in a few weeks and until then, I'm staying at the Cullens' house, okay? But I'll come see you when we get back and to get the rest of my stuff."

I held the phone away from my ear in preparation for the shitstorm that was about to erupt on the other end.

Charlie surprised me completely.

"Oh...hmmm...well, that might actually be for the best."

My mouth dropped open in shock and I blinked a few times before I was able to answer.

"What?"

"Well, I got a call from Billy the other day, uhm...after you had left...Jacob was at home, ranting, and Billy wanted to know what was going on, so I told him what had happened and...well, I mentioned that you'd gone after Edward to Chicago. I guess he told Jacob, and apparently, Jacob ran off after that. Nobody's seen him. I heard from Seth today. From what he told me, Jake might be coming after you guys. Something about a scent trail or whatever that Edward left. Be careful, okay? Actually, lemme talk to Edward for a moment."

Fear slammed into me.

"Uh...okay..."

Edward of course had heard the entire conversation and was already reaching towards the phone before I held it out to him with trembling hands. I bit my lower lip, listening to Edward as he spoke to my father.

"Sir? This is Edward...yes, I did. Thank you for...yes, sir...if you insist, Charlie, thank you...it's actually my parent's old house...yes, I grew up here...right...I appreciate the information. No, I'm not worried about that pup. I will keep her safe. I'll ask Alice to stay in touch with you, if you like...yes, sir...very well. We will see you soon. Thank you...good-bye."

He hung up and looked at me. Tears filled my eyes and he dropped the phone, coming around the table to pull me into a hug.

"Don't worry, Bella. If he was going to find us here, Alice would have seen it by now. You know how she can't see the wolves. You know she'd call immediately if our futures went dark. He isn't anywhere close and he won't ever get close to you again. You're safe. I promise you."

I snorted derisively. "I'm not afraid of him. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Well, while I appreciate that sentiment and, simultaneously, am a little perturbed that you would think he could actually get near enough to hurt me," he winked, "I can assure you that he won't get the chance to hurt either of us."

His face was suddenly full of grim determination. "And I want you to forget all about him while we're here. He cannot touch us. We've come much too far to let a hot-headed, juvenile delinquent with an over-inflated ego come between us."

"You're right," I sniffled. "I love you, Edward."

"As I love you, my darling."

Mollified and reassured that he wasn't concerned about Jacob's impossible shenanigans I began to clear off my lunch but he insisted on cleaning up for me, telling me instead to go pick out a movie upstairs in the bedroom. He'd gotten a text from Alice that the rest of the day would be sunny and we needed to stay indoors.

"I'll join you in a moment," he called after me as I made my way to the stairs.

In the bedroom, I changed into soft yoga pants and a simple tank top before perusing the small collection of movies someone had stacked next to the DVD player on the TV stand. As I was about to pull the DVD from the case, Edward entered the room.

"Did you make your choice?"

I held up the case. "This one okay?"

He raised an eyebrow. "The Princess Bride?"

"Hey, I love that movie," I grinned. "The male lead reminds me of you."

"As you wish." He winked, grinning back and bowing with flourish.

"Cheeseball."

"You wound me, princess."

I laughed and turned to the DVD player to insert the disc. "I'm gonna need some help here. This remote has too many buttons. I'm not used to such fancy stuff."

We spent the rest of the day with the curtains drawn, curled up around each other, watching romantic movies. When night fell outside, Edward made sure I had dinner before inviting me for a moonlight walk. We walked the quiet streets of his old neighborhood while I marveled at the stately homes from yesteryear.

Sleep took me quickly, wrapped in his arms.

The next day, we lazed around the house and started to pack for our trip back home until it was time to get ready for the opera house. We made slow progress, too busy kissing and necking to get much packing done.

I might possibly have worn the short shorts and skimpy shirt on purpose.

It was a great way to spend the day. We were both breathless when I finally tore myself away to get ready for the Opera.

I washed quickly in the bathroom and brushed my hair, before grabbing my clothes to make sure they'd get packed as well. The bedroom was empty but Edward had apparently come in at some point and put the gorgeous new dress onto the bed. Unsure what do do about my hair, I went over to my purse to grab my cellphone and text Alice with an SOS.

Before I could even send my first text message, I received one from her.

_**From Alice: Bobby pins are in right top drawer of bathroom cabinet. See attached pics for instructions. Only use little make-up, gloss on lips. All in same drawer. Have fun! - A.**_

I quickly composed a reply.

_**From Bella: You're a life-saver. Thank you! - B.**_

The pictures she had attached showed detailed information how to put my hair up as well as what she wanted me to do with the bag of make-up she'd left for me.

Another text came in just when I had finished putting up my hair in the style she'd recommended and applied my make-up as told.

_**From Alice: Black bra/panties set in dresser in blue velvet bag. Wear stockings and garter, also in bag. You'll thank me later. ;) - A.**_

With a sigh I did as I was told, rooting in the dresser for the blue bag. When I pulled the underwear out, my mouth dropped open at the sight of tiny scraps of black lace. I had no idea what La Perla was but it looked and felt ridiculously expensive.

I dropped the obscenely small underwear onto the bed as if it had burned me. No way was I going to wear this. No effing way. My cotton bra and panties would do just fine.

The phone buzzed. I groaned, already knowing what it would likely say.

And I was right.

_Damn it!_

_**From Rosalie: Do I need to remind you what we talked about? PUT IT ON! - R. **_

Grumbling to myself about fortune-telling pixies and bossy future sisters-in-law, I gave up. After throwing the phone onto the bed I grabbed the scraps of fabric and went to work.

They fit much better than I expected and when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, I looked as sexy as Edward made me feel.

_Huh. _

I twisted and turned in front of the mirror for a little while, regarding the figure reflected at me critically before slipping into the gorgeous dress and the heels that went with it.

A dash of lip gloss as instructed and I was ready. I stuffed the phone and gloss into the small evening bag, pulled the wrap off the hanger and left the bedroom. When I got to the top of the stairs, I found Edward waiting for me at the bottom, his golden eyes shining, raking all over me as I carefully made my way down the stairs. He was so ethereally beautiful in his evening suit that I felt like pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

I knew now more than ever that this marvelous man was all mine for as long as I lived.

However long that would be. At that moment, forever didn't seem long enough.

"You look exquisite, Bella, utterly breathtaking," he marveled and held out a hand to grasp mine. "Absolutely stunning. There's just one thing missing."

I checked to make sure I hadn't missed anything. I was wearing my engagement ring and the necklace with the diamond Edward had gifted me.

"What do you mean?" I stared at him as he simply smiled and presented me with a small velvet box.

"What's this?" I asked, my emotions and my tone of voice a mix between annoyed and scared of what he had purchased now.

Edward's grin grew. "Don't get upset, Bella. It's just another hand-me-down, to be honest. You see, I realized that neither of the earrings we purchased the other day quite match this beautiful dress. These, however," he said while opening the box, "these will match perfectly."

His voice was a little hoarse with emotion and I could only imagine how much giving me another piece of jewelry that had once belonged to his mother meant to him. I felt slightly overwhelmed with my own feelings; the love I held for him grew just a little more every single day.

Nestled inside the ivory satin were a shiny pair of sapphire and diamond earrings, shimmering in the light that illuminated the foyer. My hand flew to my throat and stupid tears blurred my vision.

"They're beautiful, Edward," I stammered, "thank you."

"They are dim and without spark compared to you but it would make me very happy if you agreed to wear them tonight."

"Of course I will. Help me put them on?"

"It would be my pleasure."

Apparently, these earrings had the same kind of screw-back closures as the others. Once they were attached to my lobes Edward stepped back.

"Absolutely perfect."

I blushed but allowed him to wrap the stole around my shoulders.

The opera was amazing. The loge seats he had bought for us let us see the entire stage at once. The story of Madame Butterfly, Cio-Cio-San, a Japanese Geisha who marries an American and is later betrayed and discarded by her uncaring husband, choosing to take her own life, was heart-wrenching. I was in tears by the time it was over, so moved by the music and the story. Edward solicitously handed me his handkerchief about half-way through and put his arm around my shoulders.

It was enchanting and throughout I felt like a princess on a date with her prince.

It was the perfect way to end our time alone in Chicago.

Afterward, he held my bag and stole while I used the restroom before he took me into the on-site bar-slash-restaurant for a non-alcoholic cocktail and a late bite to eat, and we ended the night swaying softly to music that was playing in the background while he whispered into my ear how all the men were staring at me, envying him.

"I wish you could hear them like I can," he breathed against my neck as he swung me around carefully. "They think you're breathtaking, stunning. They are wondering what you're doing here with me. They want to be in my place, holding you in their arms, dancing with you."

I giggled. "Do they realize I only have eyes for you?"

Suddenly, he stiffened and raised his head to glare at someone sitting by the bar. I followed his eyes and saw a balding man in his forties skimming his gaze up and down my body with a lustful and somewhat discomfiting glimmer in his eyes. It was almost predatory and made a shiver of discomfort run down my spine. I could tell what was going on his mind and I knew exactly what it would do to my vampire.

I tightened my hold on Edward's neck. "Hey," I whispered sternly, "whatever he's thinking doesn't matter. I'll be going home with you."

"He's mentally undressing you, thinking of all the dirty things he'd like to do to you," he hissed under his breath. "And he isn't here alone. The woman next to him is his wife. I ought to-"

"No," I replied firmly, "the only thing you ought to is forget about him. Dance with me, Edward. It's just you and me that matter. I love you. Just you. Always you. Ignore him. He's not worth it."

I ran my fingers through the hair at the back of his head and pulled him toward me. "Kiss me and show him who I belong to."

He obliged and slowly relaxed while he swirled us around the dance floor and I forgot everything and everyone around us, drowning in his scent and the way his strong arms felt around me.

Edward took great pleasure in helping me remove my dress upon getting back to the house though he cursed a few times when he uncovered what I was wearing underneath.

They were good curses.

I reached new heights of ecstasy that night, all thanks to Edward and a few black scraps of lace. He slowly unwrapped my body as if I were a gift, his face a mask of concentration, his eyes full of awe.

Whatever embarrassment I might have felt otherwise vanished when I saw the look in his eyes, dark with lust and want and need. When I was down to just my panties, he laid me down on the bed and crawled up to lie beside me, still in his shirt and pants.

I guessed he had toed off his shoes at some point but his tie was still around his neck. I leaned up on my elbow and fiddled with the knot, slipping the fabric off slowly, all the while kissing him. His arms were loosely wrapped around my back, holding me close but not close enough.

My fingers trembled as I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, my rapid heartbeat thrumming in my ears, remembering a night not too long ago when I had attempted the same and had been thwarted.

This night was different. Impatiently, or so it seemed, Edward broke our kiss and then proceeded to rip the shirt off his torso, buttons scattering across the room from the force.

For a moment, all I could do was stare at him in disbelief until he shrugged and smirked. And then I was distracted by the solid planes of his chest glinting in the muted light, the sparse hairs and the small nipples centered on each pectoral muscle. I slid down a little and pressed my lips against one of them, boldly sticking my tongue out to flick the hard peak.

Edward flinched and hissed. I stopped.

"No...," he whispered. "Please do it again."

I smiled.

I played with him for a long while, just exploring his chest and stomach, memorizing what made him moan, what made him whimper, what made the muscles ripple under my touch.

Until he turned the tables on me.

"I need to touch you, Bella. Please say I can." His voice was hoarse with emotion and all I could do is whimper my consent.

He sighed blissfully.

Faster than I could blink he had pulled me up to his face and kissed me, his cool tongue slipping between my lips. Heat built between my legs and I lost all sense of time when his hands began to roam all over my body, touching every inch of my bare skin. Soon, his lips followed his hands, kissing and gently nipping, teasing me, tantalizingly close to where I needed him and still too far.

"Edward...please..._please_..."

He chuckled a little, his eyes lit up with fire, before his mouth closed around my nipple, gently sucking and licking. The coolness of his lips against my heated skin nearly blew my mind and soon I was a gasping, moaning mess underneath him.

When his fingers slipped lower, approaching the panties I still wore, I nearly died from anticipation.

"Unngghh..."

My hips flew up repeatedly, a mindless invitation that he finally, finally followed. A quick rip and the panties were gone but I could not have cared less because just then he cupped my aching flesh, dipping a finger into the cleft, rubbing gently between the curls of my sex, sinking a finger into the center of my need.

I lost my speech, lost in the feelings, lost in his scent all around me, his movements, and in no time at all I approached that cliff and fell right over, his name on my lips and his love in my heart.

Gasping for breath, I clung to him as he gently brought me down from the high, whispering how much he loved me, how beautiful I was to watch in my moments of ecstasy.

I felt boneless and utterly happy.

"I love you, I love you so much."

"I love you too, my Bella."

He kissed me gently, pulling me against him.

"Why don't you take a shower before bed?" he suggested. "I'll clean up in here."

It sounded like a good idea, and though I would have liked to bring him the same kind of satisfaction he had just given me, I assumed that he was too close to losing control to let me touch him further and tried to hide my disappointment.

After another kiss, I rolled off the bed and made my way to the bathroom.

Yes, I was naked.

No, I didn't cover up.

And yes, I knew that his eyes followed me all the way to the door. For a moment, I hoped he would follow me but I knew that was unlikely.

And I had promised not to push. I was going to keep that promise, no matter what.

I had just stepped under the warm spray and washed my hair when the bathroom door opened a little.

"Bella?"

I poked my head out of the shower and found Edward standing at the door. All I could see was the top of his head; his eyes were downcast.

"Yes?" I answered, puzzled.

"I was wondering...if perhaps...you would like me to wash your back?"

Puzzled no more, I dropped the loofah in surprise. It bounced off the tile and rolled toward his feet. I stared at it, still too shocked to reply. Edward cleared his throat but I scrambled to respond before he could say anything, afraid he'd rescind his request.

"I would like that very much," I whispered as goosebumps broke out all over my skin, undeterred by the blush that heated my face.

He entered the shower clad in only his boxers, shyly holding out the poof while I poured a large dollop of shower gel onto it. I moved my hair out of the way and turned my back to him, bracing myself against the tiled wall. With measured circles, Edward gently washed my back and down my arms while the water flowed over me. His breaths became as shallow as mine as he stepped closer, his chest almost touching my back, and slowly moved his hands around to my stomach, stilling his motion and dipping his head to kiss my shoulder.

"May I wash you here as well?"

I breathed a yes and his hands began to move again, running the loofah across my stomach and my hips before slowly advancing upwards to my chest, running circles of soap around my breasts. Behind me, I could feel his desire for me grow and it made me feel powerful.

I knew I shouldn't surprise him so I whispered a plea.

"Edward...can I...touch you? Please?"

He exhaled harshly against my skin and I shivered, both from his icy breath and the pleasure it made race through my body.

I felt him nod against my skin before he spoke, his voice rough with need. "Yes...God, yes...but please, turn around. I need to see your face when you do..."

His hands fell away from my chest, dropping the loofah, and grabbed onto my hips as I slowly turned to face him. He discarded his boxers with another quick movement. The fabric landed on the shower floor with a wet thud.

His eyes were dark, needy and desperate, and his lust-filled gaze took my breath away. I ran my hands across the expanse of his chest before dipping lower to wrap my fingers around the hardened appendage. As rigid as it was, it still felt soft to the touch, long and thick in my hand. As the rest of him, this part too was sheer perfection.

He hissed out a breath when I began moving my hand. I searched his eyes but found only love and desire.

Edward put his hands on the towel bar above my neck and his hips started to slowly pump in time with my movements.

He groaned loudly when I rubbed the pad of my thumb across the top, my finger curled around the ridge that separated the head from the rest of his manhood. I smiled a little, loving the reactions I could elicit from him.

"Please, Bella," he moaned, "please...ungh..."

As I resumed moving my hand and speeding up the movements, he started to pant. Above me, the towel bar groaned in time with his hips pushing and pulling the hardened flesh through my fist. I reached with my other hand to touch him below his shaft, feeling the sac and gently running my fingers over it. Edward growled deep and long in his throat and his face contorted in pleasure, his eyes jammed shut, as he jerked in my hand and cool fluid spilled against my stomach.

At the same time, the towel bar whined plaintively once more and then a loud crash sent shards of chromed plastic raining down behind me, spreading them in a half-circle around my feet.

Instantly, Edward's eyes flew open and a look of sheer panic crossed his face. With rapid speed, he picked me up and spun me around to the other side of the shower stall, setting my feet on top of his after twisting me so my back was facing him. He held me with one hand around my waist while the other smoothed over every inch of my back.

"Oh, my God...Bella, are you alright? Are you hurt? I'm so sorry...hold still, let me check. Oh God, sweetheart, please tell me you're not hurt."

"I'm fine, Edward. I don't think any of it touched me." I shook my hair out with my hands and heard a few pieces hit the tiled floor while his hands continued to run across my skin. He picked me up again and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the counter and wrapping the soft cloth around my torso, tucking the edge under so it would stay up.

When he was done taking care of me, he took a towel for himself, fastened it around his waist and then proceeded with yet another to dry off my hair.

"Well...," he started as he finally looked at me again and as our eyes locked, a corner of his mouth lifted in half a grin.

"Well...," I replied in the same tone, smirking just the same before we both burst out laughing, fueled by relief that we had managed yet another intimate encounter with damage to inanimate objects only.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply. "I'll have to clean up and replace that bar but it was definitely worth it. Thank you, my love."

With spunk I didn't know I had in me, I winked at him and wiggled my eyebrow. "Any time."

As his mouth dropped open, I stepped in front of the sink and nonchalantly continued to squeeze the excess moisture from my hair into the towel, watching him in the mirror. Occasionally, I still had a hard time reconciling this beautiful, happy man with the one that had returned to me just a few days ago but I was glad for the changes we had both made to ourselves and our relationship.

This new Edward and Bella were infinitely better than anything I could have hoped for.

And I had never loved him more.

I fell into bed afterward, utterly sated and immensely happy, wrapped securely in his arms, listening to him hum the melodies we had enjoyed earlier that evening.

The next morning, we finished packing our bags and other stuff in the house, loaded up the car and, shortly before noon, left for our trip back to Forks.

I was a little melancholy as the house disappeared in the rear window and Edward noticed my mood immediately.

"I'm sorry to leave, too." He gave me a little smile and squeezed my leg softly. "I thoroughly enjoyed our time here. We can come back soon, if you like. Perhaps for part of our honeymoon?"

I shrugged, running my fingers through my hair. "It's not so much the house, I guess, even though I love it. It's more...this is where we rebuilt what we had, where we became closer than we've ever been, and I'm kinda...well, not worried, but...reluctant to leave our bubble. You know?"

"You think that we'll fall back into the old behaviors?"

"No," I replied decisively. "Not at all. I'm just...selfish? I want to spend all my time with you. There's so much I still don't know about you, all the things you've seen and I just feel that once we get back, we won't really have time to just...be. Does that make sense? Alice will be all over me with wedding plans and shopping and whatnot, and...God, I sound like a whiny brat. I'm sorry."

Edward smiled indulgently and lifted my hand to his lips to kiss it.

"Bella, my love, we have all the time in the world. In a few weeks, we'll be married and I'll carry you off into the sunset. Well, figuratively speaking. And once you're immortal like me, the future is spread out before us. We'll have forever. Like you, I'm not looking forward to all the craziness my sister will put us through before the wedding, but I'm keeping my eye on the prize. On what the outcome will be...the best part of it. I'll get you as my wife, as my mate, my always and forever."

His honest and heartfelt words made me tear up.

"You're right. That is the best part. I can't wait to get there."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too." I smiled happily. "Drive faster. The sooner we get home, the sooner we can get married."

The car jerked slightly and Edward stared at me as if I had grown another head. It was only for a moment until he recovered sufficiently and a huge grin spread across his face.

"You're serious," he whispered, seemingly awed. "You're really serious."

I nodded. "Yes, I am."

The Audi accelerated quite a bit and I giggled. "Anxious, are you?"

Edward groaned even though he was smiling. "You have no idea, my soon-to-be wife."

Laughing, I relaxed further into the seat though I didn't let go of his hand. "And why is that, my soon-to-be husband?"

"God, just hearing you say that makes me so incredibly happy," he replied. "If you must know, I have two reasons, both of which are terribly selfish. Firstly, I get to make you like me, something I can finally openly admit I want very badly, thanks to you, and secondly, well...perhaps you can imagine why."

He smirked boyishly and winked at me, his eyes shining.

I giggled mischievously. "No clue. Care to enlighten me?"

Edward chin dropped to his chest and he stared at me, an are-you-serious expression on his face.

I giggled again. "I'm kidding. Well...actually...no, never mind." I blushed, realizing how forward I was being, though the prospect of hearing Edward tell me exactly what he was referring to shot shivers of desire through my body.

"What is going on in that head of yours?" he demanded instantly. "You must tell me."

I flushed even more. "No, I can't...it was...just...it was naughty. I...really, I can't."

"Naughty?" he repeated as a sly grin lifted the corner of his perfect mouth. "Bella, do tell."

I shook my head stubbornly and looked at my lap while my face burned. Edward lifted our entwined hands and kissed the back of mine before rubbing his thumb soothingly across my wrist.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, sweet girl. I can honestly say that I think about what I think _you're_ thinking about quite a lot."

Now it was my turn to stare at him incredulously, even though it seemed that he had slightly misunderstood my reasons for being red-faced.

He chuckled in response. "How could I not? You are stunningly beautiful to me. Your body is a treasure trove to my eyes, and all my senses. Your reactions to my touch make me feel a hundred feet tall, to _know_ I can give you pleasure is a dream come true. The things we've done in the last few days have only exacerbated my need and desire for you. It's always been there, from the very start, getting stronger every day. Well, once I got past the bloodlust, of course. But, Bella, you must understand – once I accepted that you were my mate, the need to claim you, to...forgive me..._possess_ you and mark you as mine has always been simmering beneath the surface. I've just been very good at hiding it, I suppose. Or suppressing it. To a vampire, nothing is more important and more precious than one's mate. It's also for most of us the only thing we can be selfless for. Which is the only reason I managed to leave you, as you know."

I sat there, stunned into silence.

He shrugged. "I've struggled mightily with the conflicting needs to keep you safe and make you completely mine. Though, again thanks to you and your faith in me, I've come to realize that I can trust my instincts more than I previously thought. Things I never thought possible whilst you are still human...well, you've shown me that they are. That we can share in that. And it's giving me the courage I needed to believe that we can make love before you are changed."

I had no words. None. My brain was a pile of useless mush. I opened and closed my mouth a few times but all I managed to produce were unintelligible whispers.

In typical fashion, I cried. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I beheld the face of the man who loved me so completely, whose endless love I returned in full.

"Shh, don't cry, my darling," he crooned. "I wish I had told you all of this before it got so messed up. I love you, Bella, more than myself, more than my own life. And I know now that nothing, absolutely _nothing_ will ever get the chance to come between us, especially not my fears. I'm not afraid anymore."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just squeezed my fingers around his as hard as I could. He drove silently, a small, happy smile on his face, as I mulled over his words, still somewhat shocked by his honesty though I knew I shouldn't have been surprised.

Being alone with him for the last few days had solidified us in more ways than I had thought possible, and soon enough I found the words I had been missing. And with a deep breath I spoke from my heart.

"I think I've always trusted you to keep me safe, no matter the situation. Even when we were on that mountain facing Victoria and Riley, I knew that no harm would come to me because there was no way you would allow that to happen. I just never realized you drew your strength from me and...well, I think that is the highest compliment you could ever pay me. For so long I thought myself weaker because I was human, but when I listen to you now, I realize that's not true, is it?"

I lifted my face to his and Edward shook his head. "Not at all. You've always been the stronger of the two of us."

I thought back to our first time in the meadow. "So, when you said the lion fell in love with the lamb...?"

His smile grew wider and his amber eyes shone with pride when they met mine.

"_You_ were the lion, Bella, and I was the lamb at your feet. I still am."

My heart swelled and suddenly I could no longer contain my need for him.

"Pull over."

Edward's eyes were wide. "What?"

I giggled. "Oh, you heard me. Pull over, so I can kiss you silly."

He let out a belly laugh. "Yes, ma'am."

Edward hadn't quite stopped the car yet when I undid my seat belt and crawled across the middle console, wrapping my arm around his neck and straddling his thighs, before staring into his eyes. His arms tightened protectively around my waist as he bored his gaze into mine.

"I love you, Edward."

And then I kissed him, not caring who might see. I kissed him, putting all my feelings and my need and my desire for him into the way my lips moved against his. He returned my kisses with equal fervor.

After what seemed like hours, I finally lifted my head and moved my hands to his statuesque face. My lips felt puffy, my face was red, my breathing ragged. Well, at least he was as breathless as I was.

"Thank you," I whispered, running my fingers across his marble skin.

His eyebrows rose. "What for?"

"Indulging me. Loving me. Mainly for loving me."

Edward's face shone with joy.

We got back onto the road eventually and our conversations revolved around Edward's history. It was fascinating to hear him speak of events in the past that he had seen with his own eyes, things I had only ever read about. He knew things that had never made into the history books, either because they'd been found to be insignificant or, more possibly, because no one had known to include them.

And when he delved further back in time, relaying things that Carlisle had told him, I hung on his lips like some obsessed fangirl, absorbing the knowledge like a sponge. Or as much as my human brain allowed me to.

"Will I remember all this when I'm changed?"

Edward grimaced a little. "Probably not all of it, no. Our human memories tend to be murky as you know, and while you'll remember a lot of facts, the images that go with those are blurred. For example, you won't forget languages. If you spoke Spanish before the change, you'll remember how to after. The same goes for most anything you learned in school or read in books. It's events that you experienced that are harder to recall. Does that make sense?"

I nodded slowly. "I think so. Whatever I learned in Trig so far, I'll remember but I won't remember any fishing trips I took with my father. Or time I spent with my mother. Or you? What about our time together? I don't want to forget any of that."

I began to panic, thinking that I might wake up from the change, not able to remember falling in love with him. Our first real date in the meadow, confessing our feelings for each other – no, I couldn't ever forget that.

Could I?

Would I wake up a savage, unable to recognize Edward?

"No, Bella," Edward replied calmly and ran his hand down my cheek. "That is not what I meant at all. You won't forget your parents. And you won't forget me, or the rest of my family. It's only the details that become unclear. Your emotions will persist. Remember, we are frozen at the stage we're in when the transformation takes place. I'll do whatever I can to ensure you're happy and in love with me when I change you. And if you like, since there's still plenty of time, perhaps you'd like to write down what you don't want to forget. Start a journal of sorts to write down all the things that are important to you, including the small details you don't want to forget. Then, when you wake up to this life, you can read it again and again so your memories solidify in your vampire mind."

"Are you sure?" I asked, not completely convinced yet though I really liked the idea of creating a memory book. "I couldn't bear it if I woke up and didn't know you. If I couldn't remember how much I love you."

He smiled. "We can talk to Carlisle about it, if you like, but I'm not worried. You'll remember, I'm sure of it."

Mollified, I returned his smile. "Well, you _are_ pretty unforgettable."

Edward winked. "So are you, my love."

We stopped for my dinner somewhere in Minnesota and as darkness fell, Edward pulled a pillow and blanket from the backseat for me. Since he didn't need to sleep, I was perfectly fine with sleeping in the car, as that would get us back to Forks sooner.

I woke up to soft music from the iPod he had hooked up at some point in the night. Edward glanced over at me as I stretched and yawned.

"Where are we?" I asked, trying to get my bearings.

"More than three-quarters through North Dakota," he replied. "There's an exit coming up where we can stop for breakfast. I'm sure you'd like to use the restroom as well."

"Yeah," I nodded, surreptitiously sniffing at my armpits, "and a change of clothes would be a good idea, too."

"Of course," he said, "whatever you need. If you prefer, we can check into a motel so you can take a shower."

I shrugged. "I'm fine. As long as you don't think I smell..."

Edward frowned. "Bella, of course I don't think that."

He actually seemed offended.

"Jeez, I was just kidding. Really, I'm fine with just a restroom. No need to delay us getting home."

That didn't wipe the frown off his face. "I just want you to be comfortable."

I put my hand on his thigh. "I know. I didn't mean it that way. I just want to get home and start our life together. I'm a bit impatient, I guess."

That made him smile again. "I like that. I like that quite a lot, actually."

"Okay then. We'll make a quick stop to take care of my human needs and then keep going."

"As you wish. In that case, we should make it all the way through Montana today, possibly even through that sliver of Idaho. Actually, I was thinking earlier...there's a cabin my family owns that we use on occasion when we're out here hunting for more than a day. I think it would be a good idea for me to hunt before we get back to Forks and this way, you could sleep in a bed tonight. It's somewhat remote but perfectly safe, and I wouldn't be gone for long."

"When you say cabin...," I started to say but he interrupted me quickly.

"It's more of a small hunting lodge, actually. Would you be all right if we stopped there for the night?"

"What about food?"

"It's just west of Superior, so we could pick up something for you there, or I could take you out for dinner, if you'd prefer that. And if I time it right, I could also bring you breakfast in the morning."

Sleeping in a bed, despite my earlier protestations, sounded like a good idea. Still, I wasn't too fond of the idea of being by myself in some remote cabin in the woods.

"And you think it's safe there for me?"

"Bella, I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think so. You know your safety is paramount to me. As with all of our properties, not only will it be more luxurious than a motel, but we also have state of the art security in place. Why don't we check it out, and if you don't feel comfortable being there by yourself, I will take you to a motel in town."

"Okay," I agreed. "I'd like to see it. If you think I'm safe there, I'm sure it's fine. I trust you."

"I'll have Alice look out for anything while I'm gone, and I'll have my cell phone with me as well."

I nodded. While we'd been talking, we had made it to the exit and Edward pulled our car into a fairly decent-size rest stop. I grabbed a change of clothes and my purse and made my way to the restroom, though not without kissing him first.

"I can get you a few bottles of water, if you like," he offered. "What about breakfast?"

"We could go into that diner over there?" I pointed out a Denny's across the street.

"Of course," he agreed instantly. "I'll meet you back here in a few minutes?"

I nodded. "Yes, I won't be long."

Once I got to the restrooms I quickly washed my face and used the moist towelettes Alice had presciently provided to clean up. I changed my clothes in one of the larger stalls and brushed my teeth, pulling my hair into a low ponytail, before going back to the car, where Edward was already waiting for me.

"Ready?"

I stuffed the dirty clothes in the trunk and took his hand.

"Let's go."

Soon after, we were back on the road, stopping once more for lunch near Billings and then drove the rest of the way to the cabin, only making a short detour to a grocery store to pick up food and drinks for me.

Edward waited in the car, stuck due to the late afternoon sun. He exhaled noisily when I had dropped the bags on the backseat and got back into the car.

"Impatient much?" I quirked my eyebrows at him.

He shook his head with a sad face. "No, just worried. I hate being away from you. I hate that I'm stuck in the car because of the sun and that you had to go in there alone, without my protection."

"It's no big deal," I tried to placate him. "I think I'm safe inside a grocery store. And look on the bright side..."

"Which is what?" he retorted, still frustrated.

"Soon, you won't have to worry about stuff like this anymore because I'll be just as strong as you."

He grumbled unintelligibly under his breath for a long moment, a big frown on his face. I nudged his side and grinned.

To my surprise, he grinned back. "Stronger, actually."

I giggled. What a difference a few days could make.

Shortly thereafter, Edward pulled into a long, hidden driveway with a huge gate blocking it off, and after driving for another mile or two, the house came into view.

He had to have been kidding when he'd called it a cabin.

A two-story wooden structure made from massive beams with a wrap-around porch, green roof tiles and huge windows on all sides sat in the middle of a small clearing at the end of a circular driveway. It was gorgeous.

I shouldn't have been surprised, considering the house they owned in Forks but it was blasphemy to call this large lodge a cabin.

Inside, a large living room with comfortable looking couches opened into a good-sized kitchen and a mudroom at the back with a door to the yard behind it. A small bathroom was off the living room. Upstairs, I discovered three bedrooms, all furnished with a king-size bed, each in a different color scheme, all equipped with en-suite bathrooms.

I could see Esme's touch in all of it. Paintings adorned the walls tastefully, a few large vases held dried branches and flowers.

"Who keeps it so clean?" I asked Edward.

"We employ a caretaker who comes by once a month to dust and keep up the yard. He's paid through a fake company account and never actually sees any of us. Alice and Jasper use it quite a few times a year to get away for a long weekend, and on occasion, Emmett and Rosalie make use of it, though Rosalie doesn't like it too much. She considers this 'roughing it'."

I laughed.

"Yeah, I can see that, I guess. Though there's nothing 'rough' about this from where I'm standing. It's beautiful. And so comfortable. Warm and inviting."

"Would you be comfortable staying here while I hunt?" he asked. "There are electric shutters on all the windows and both doors are reinforced steel, made to look like wood. I can show you the security panel and how to use it. This cabin is nearly impenetrable if the shutters are down. And Alice will be watching, of course."

I shrugged. "I don't mind staying here. How long do you think you'll be gone?"

"No more than an hour, I should think," he replied. "The cabinet over here holds a sunken TV and there's a small shelf of books in the corner over there if you get bored. I promise I won't be long."

"Okay," I said. "Let's get the stuff from the car."

Edward smiled beatifically. "Already done, my love. While you were exploring, I labored for you and put everything in the kitchen."

I lightly smacked his chest and stuck my tongue out at him. "You ass. That took you all of what? Thirty seconds?"

"Twenty-seven," he smirked.

"Incredibly labor-intensive," I snarked though I was smiling. "You must be terribly exhausted now. Especially at your age. You're a centenarian, ya know. You'd best sit down and rest."

Edward blinked for a second but then apparently decided to play along. "I might need some assistance to the couch, young whippersnapper." His voice sounded feeble and raspy as he held out a hand to me. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all, old man. Let me lead you over there. At your age, you shouldn't exert yourself."

He let me lead him to the couch, shuffling his feet, but with a sudden movement, I was seated in his lap, his arms around me, pulling me against his chest.

"You must be a veritable fountain of youth, my dear," he deadpanned. "I feel so much better already. Why, I think I should show you my gratitude for reviving me. How about a kiss, little girl?"

I had no time for a response before his lips were on mine, and he proceeded to kiss me until my heart was racing and my breathing was labored.

He leaned his forehead against mine afterward and stared into my eyes. "I love you, my Bella."

I simply sighed happily and he nuzzled his nose against my cheek.

We got up soon after and Edward showed me the security panel, instructing me on how to use it. While I put the groceries away, he went and retrieved our bags from the car and put them in one of the bedrooms upstairs.

And then it was time for him to leave.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" he inquired, his arms around me with my face against his chest.

I nodded. "Yeah. I'll take a shower and eat something. Maybe watch some TV. I'll be okay."

"I won't take long," he promised.

I looked up at him, gently touching the light purplish shadows under his eyes. "You need to hunt. I know you haven't hunted properly in at least two weeks. I'll be fine. Take your time, okay?"

Edward searched my eyes but seemed to finally be convinced that I was telling him the truth.

"Keep your phone on you at all times. And if there's anything, anything at all, call me. I'll come right back to you."

"I know you will. I love you. Now go."

"I love you, too."

With another kiss, he stepped out onto the porch. "Lock the door behind me and put the shutters down. I'll be back soon."

"Okay." I stood on the porch and watched him lope into the tree line. Just as he reached the trees, he turned around once more to wave.

I blew him a kiss and smiled before he turned again and was gone.

The black hole in my stomach threatened to erupt at watching him disappear but after a moment, I managed to calm myself. I knew he'd come back. We were going to be just fine.

Sighing, I went inside and locked the door, then fumbled with the security panel and got the shutters all the way down. In the living room, I turned on the TV before going to the kitchen to fix myself some dinner.

While I was eating, my phone buzzed with the text from Alice.

_**From Alice: Can't wait until you guys get home. We have so much to do. - A.**_

I snorted. I could only imagine what all we would have to do, in her mind.

_**From Bella: LOL. I thought you'd be all ready by now. - B.**_

_**From Alice: These things take time. Besides, E said I wasn't allowed to do much yet. Your wedding. -A.**_

_**From Bella: Srsly? I'm impressed. Would love your help, but want to keep things simple. - B.**_

_**From Alice: IK. I have lots for you to choose. See you soon. Go shower. ;) - A.**_

Jeez, if she was looking _that_ closely, I knew I'd be okay.

_**From Bella: Miss you. E said we'd be home tomorrow sometime. - B.**_

_**From Alice: IK. ;) - A.**_

I snickered. Darn fortune-telling vampire. Of course she knew. I threw the phone onto the table while I cleaned up after myself and then walked upstairs to the bedroom. After grabbing clean undies and a set of pajamas, I went to the bathroom and took a long shower.

Afterward, I went back downstairs and watched TV for a little while. I checked the clock and Edward had already been gone for an hour. Thinking he'd be home soon, I decided to step out onto the porch and wait for him in the swing.

I ran upstairs to grab the fluffy robe I had seen hanging behind the bathroom door and then went to the front door, unlocking it and about to step out when I realized my phone was still in the kitchen.

Wheeling around, I marched back to retrieve it, checking it for any messages.

There were none. With a sigh of relief I stuck the phone into the robe's pocket and went outside, wrestling the heavy door open. The porch light cast a warm glow onto the front yard and into the tree line as I sat down in the swing.

I pulled my feet up and settled in to wait for Edward's return, thinking he wouldn't be much longer. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a figure standing at the edge of the trees. My head swiveled around but I couldn't move when I realized what it was.

Only one thing had the ability to be so utterly still.

Vampire.

And he wasn't alone.

Two sets of red eyes glowed in the muted light.

Frozen with fear and helplessly exposed on the swing, without Edward by my side, I knew I was as good as dead.

* * *

**Endnote:** Uh-oh. Who might this be?

For those following along on a map, Edward drove primarily on I-90 west towards Washington state. They are now just west of Superior, MT, close to the border with Idaho.

Thanks for sticking with me. I'd love to hear from you. Please leave me a review? Until next time,

TMoT :)


	16. Homecoming

**Author's Note: **Welcome back. I apologize for the long wait but it took me a while to find the words I needed for this chapter. Thanks for sticking with me.

Thank you to Bella's Executioner and Caius09 who preread this chapter, fixed my mistakes and with their thoughtful comments made it a better one. All remaining errors are mine. You guys rock!

Thank you also to my husband who puts up with me. Love you!

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine. This is not rocket science but the truth. I just get to play in the sandbox SM created for us.

* * *

**16. Homecoming**

_I don't need a mansion on a hill_

_That overlooks the sea_

_Anywhere you're with me is home_

_Maybe I'm a rolling stone_

_Who won't amount to much_

_But everything that I hold dear_

_Is close enough to touch_

_For home is where the heart is_

_And my heart is anywhere you are_

_Anywhere you are is home_

_~~~ooo~~~_

_Elvis – Home is where the heart is_

I felt rather full after a few deer and one predator I chanced upon. I was just disposing of the carcass of the lone wolf when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I dropped the drained animal and pulled the phone from my pocket.

Instantly, fear gripped me when I saw Alice's name flash across the display.

"Yes?"

"Edward, you must go back to the cabin right now." Alice's voice was frantic. "Peter and Charlotte just made the decision to stop by. They came out of nowhere, I couldn't see them until now. Hurry. I see Bella sitting outside on the porch when they arrive. I can't see any further than that. Go, go, go. I'm calling Bella now."

I was already running at top speed, the wolf forgotten. I called Bella's phone frantically, repeatedly but only got voicemail, all the while berating myself for my stupidity. I should have foreseen this. I'd met Peter and Charlotte just a few days ago while I was running from Bella, not all that far north of here, and I also knew quite well that they used the cabin on occasion to clean up. Both had promised to never hunt for their meals in the larger vicinity of the cabin, including the city of Superior.

That promise, together with my seemingly providential foresight to tell them about Bella, was what kept me from losing my sanity as I forced my legs to pump faster, to get back to my love and protect her from any harm.

When I came within range of their thoughts, I could clearly hear Peter and Charlotte hesitate to approach any further. Through their eyes I could see Bella frozen on the porch swing, one hand over her beating heart. The fear in her eyes spurred me on – I could only imagine how frightened she must be. I could see now that her other hand was wrapped around the small phone, lying in her lap, and guessed that Alice had tried to call her but just a moment too late.

"Miss, we mean no harm. Are you by chance Bella? Mated to Edward Cullen?"

Through his eyes, I saw Bella gasp and then quickly collect herself.

"Uhm, yes. I'm Bella. I'm engaged to Edward."

"Fear not, we will not come closer until he returns for you. Obviously, you know what we are."

Bella nodded. "Yes. What are your names? Are you friends of the Cullens?"

"_She's much calmer than I expected her to be..._" It was an errant thought that escaped his mind and then he heard my approach. I was only about half a mile away by that time.

"We are," he confirmed, smiling slightly. "We have much history with Jasper. And his wife..."

"Alice," Bella said quietly. "Alice is my best friend."

Charlotte watched her curiously, wondering why Bella didn't appear more scared.

"Perhaps Jasper has mentioned us in passing as we've been friends for a long time. I'm Peter, and this is my mate Charlotte."

Before Bella could confirm, I broke through the trees opposite them at a dead run, not stopping until I had reached Bella and pulled her out of the swing into my arms. Immediately, our visitors shrank back a little, Peter following my example, pulling Charlotte closer to himself.

"Edward," Bella yelped, surprised at my sudden appearance. "I'm so glad you're here. We have company, as you've surely noticed."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here with you when they showed up," I whispered in her ear before facing Jasper's friends.

"Peter, Charlotte. We meet again," I nodded at the couple and tried to subtly push Bella behind me. Of course, she had no such designs, even when confronted with unknown vampires, trusting me implicitly as always.

"Hi," Bella said as she ducked out from under my arm. "Jasper did tell me about you. It's so nice to meet you."

At that point, all three vampires stared at her in disbelieving shock though my reasons were slightly different, and I had to suppress a groan at her fearlessness.

"Bella," I choked out before I could stop myself, and she turned her head to me.

"What? They're friends of Jasper and they know about me, so obviously there's no harm in being nice, is there?"

Charlotte laughed and broke the spell. "What an exceptional human you have found for yourself, Edward Cullen. She is delightful. May we come closer? We will not harm your mate in any way. We only hoped to freshen up, not knowing that you would be here at the cabin."

Peter nodded as his wife spoke, his mind quickly running over the last few days and what had prompted their decision to head south. A ferocious snarl escaped me before I could stop myself. Both of them shrank back as I raised my hands in apology.

"No, please, I apologize, but...a werewolf? You've come across the scent? Are you sure that's what it was?"

I had my own ideas of what they had nearly encountered, but I was going to let Peter give me as many details as possible before revealing what I was sure I knew it to be.

Peter nodded gravely. "Yes, very close to where we met but a few days ago. The scent was still fresh, only hours old. I've never been near one myself, but I remember a nomad telling me about it years ago. He described the scent as the worst possible stench he'd ever come across."

"Did you notice which way the trail pointed?" I interrupted him. "Which way it had gone?"

"East," Charlotte offered and then shyly added, "It seemed to be following your scent. We didn't linger long enough to ascertain this, as you will surely understand."

Internally, she was both wondering why I had a werewolf on my trail and thankful that it didn't seem to be following them, though they weren't going to take any chances, hence their decision to come to the cabin.

I nodded grimly. "I am not surprised."

Peter looked at me in shock, much like his mate. "Have you come across it yourself?"

Bella was staring at me, eyes filled with tears. "It's him, isn't it? Just like Charlie said."

I turned to comfort her, trying to convey with my eyes that there was no need to be frightened. "Most likely, yes. It can't be a _real_ werewolf. Those can only transform when the moon is at its fullest, and they are nearly extinct."

Peter and Charlotte were in much the same position, his arms around her narrow shoulders as they both looked to me for more information.

"I hadn't thought of that," he admitted. "But when your mate speaks of '_him_', does that mean...do you know who it is?"

"What do you mean, a _real_ werewolf? Is there another kind?" Charlotte asked, astonished as her mind lit up with what she had heard of the Children of the Moon.

I quickly explained the difference between werewolves and the small tribe of shapeshifters that we had a treaty with, and their purpose.

Peter and Charlotte of course had some information about the treaty, as Jasper and Alice had alerted them to the boundary lines of the Quileute lands even though at the time of their last visit, we had been convinced of the absence of any actual shifters. And thus Jasper hadn't thought to mention it to them, especially since he had never met the wolves until just a week or so ago.

"But why is this wolf following you?" Peter inquired, still confused. "I don't understand why he would if they are concerned about protecting their land. We are far from their territory here, are we not?"

I sighed as Bella's grip on me tightened. "If it is who I think it is, he labors under the erroneous impression that he has some sort of claim or prerogative in regards to Bella. He is unhappy with the choice she has made to join me in this life and believes that he can force her to change her mind and fall madly in love with him if only I was out of the way."

I rolled my eyes to underscore my point.

Bella snorted derisively. "Furthermore," she continued for me, "he obviously also thinks that I don't have a brain and am incapable of making my own decisions."

"_Foolish men._"

Charlotte smiled at Bella conspiratorially. "Does he really? Is this because you are human or because you are female?"

Bella shrugged dismissively, clearly not interested in delving into the mutt's deranged psyche. "Who knows what goes on in that brain of his. Are you sure he was heading east?"

"It certainly appeared that way," Peter added, thinking that Bella was very brave as she seemed completely unfazed at the danger he perceived from this rogue wolf. "He seemed to be intent on following Edward's scent trail though we can't be fully sure. We left the area immediately and moved south. That was three days ago."

Thankfully, he didn't mention that they hadn't come directly to the cabin but had spent the last two days near Billings – feeding.

Bella turned to me. "If he's heading east, and we came here by car, what are the chances of him showing up here?"

"Minuscule, I would think," I replied. "My trail points to Chicago, and he might pursue it all the way to the house, but he likely wouldn't be able to follow us here – there is no scent for him to find."

She sighed, relieved.

"We were hoping to stay here for the day, to freshen up, before moving back into Canada, in a roundabout way, of course." Charlotte smiled hesitantly. "Our apologies – we didn't expect to find you here, Edward. And we are deeply sorry for scaring your mate. Please forgive us, Bella."

I waved her concerns away at the same time Bella spoke up.

"I was only scared for a moment until you talked to me. Please don't worry about me." She smiled at Charlotte.

I suppressed a groan, torn between wanting to shake my head at her or love her more. Leave it to my darling Bella to want to reassure a vampire.

"We are only staying for the one night," I injected. "Bella and I are on our way back to Forks. Please feel free to remain here – you understand of course that I won't be able to offer use of the facilities until we have left."

"Of course," Peter agreed quickly though he wondered how and where I had met up with Bella, considering the last time they had met me I'd been alone. On foot, without a car. Both of them had noticed the Audi parked next to the cabin. "We would be quite content to wait out here. Please rest assured that no harm will come to your mate at our hands."

He was sincere, preferring to keep their distance rather than incite my wrath and that of my family.

"Would you like to come up to the porch?" Bella asked. "I mean...it has to be more comfortable than standing over there, right? Edward?" She elbowed my side when I groaned at her suggestion, wincing when she hurt herself.

Frowning, I looked at her, grabbing her arm to check for bruises. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she nodded, while I was still rubbing her elbow. "I should remember by now not to do this."

Across the lawn, our visitors chuckled, highly amused at our interaction.

"_Simply amazing_," Charlotte thought. "_She's a good match for him. I wonder when he plans to change her...considering the Volturi..._"

My eyes met hers as my head snapped towards her.

"Soon," I roughly answered her unspoken question. "When she's ready."

Charlotte nodded, sensing my reluctance to discuss it. "Of course."

Bella noticed the sudden tension in me and gently rubbed her hand over my back.

"Well," she said offhandedly, smiling at the couple across the yard, "it's kinda late and I'm going to head inside. Please do make use of the porch. It was very nice to meet you. Good night."

I looked at her and then at Peter and Charlotte, deciding to be the good host Esme would expect me to be.

"If you will excuse us, I'm going to help Bella inside but I will return once she's asleep. Perhaps we could talk a bit more. I'm sure you still have questions. And please, do come up to the porch."

They nodded in unison, appreciative of the offer.

Bella's hand was small and warm in mine as I led her into the cabin and upstairs into the bedroom she had chosen. She had quickly begun to toe off her shoes and socks, amidst appreciative looks I cast her way from where I was sitting on the bed when suddenly she slowed down, taking extra time to peel off the rest of her clothes. I could have sworn I saw a glint in her eyes and my suspicions were confirmed when she twirled her bra seductively around an outstretched finger. I raised an eyebrow, mouthing 'visitors' to her and her face fell as she blushed.

"Crap!" she exclaimed and dashed into the bathroom. I chuckled. "Oh, shut up," she grumbled as she closed the door which made me laugh even more. I heard the water running in the bathroom as she brushed her teeth and while she used the facilities, I waited for her on the bed, stretched out in what had fast become my favorite pose – arms wide open, just waiting for her to join me.

Downstairs, Peter and Charlotte were enjoying the porch swing and quietly talking to each other, still in wonder over Bella's easy acceptance which only fueled the grin on my face. I took a moment to text Alice though I was certain she had already seen what had transpired.

**All is well, as you know. I hope to be home tomorrow. Please let everyone know that Bella will be staying with us permanently now. How is the cottage coming along? - E.**

It didn't take long to get a reply.

**Can't wait to see you. Family is excited. Beware of Emmett. ;) Cottage will be ready by the time you get home. - A.**

I dropped the phone on the night stand. That was excellent news. Instead of moving into the house, Bella and I would be staying in our own little home, which would make things easier not only on Bella but also my family, especially Jasper. I wasn't sure about Rose but considering the reception I had gotten from her in Chicago, plus the considerable effort she had extended in reuniting Bella with me, I felt hopeful that she would continue to be supportive of us.

I could only guess at the ribbing I'd receive from my brother and hoped that he would at least say whatever he had to say out of Bella's earshot.

Part of me was looking forward to it, a feeling of belonging rushing through me, as if I was finally a member of a most illustrious club. Even though we hadn't fully consummated our relationship, the experiences of the last few nights were more than I had ever expected.

Bella was still in the bathroom, and I could hear the rustling of clothes, trying with difficulty not to dwell on the fact that she was revealing her luminous skin behind that closed door. My mind began to wonder what wicked ensemble she'd be dressing in for sleep, hoping she'd remember that with our unexpected guests downstairs, we didn't have the privacy we'd so quickly gotten used to in Chicago.

Images began to dance in my head, tantalizing me. The things we'd shared in the last few days still astonished me – not only because of Bella's willingness to let me near her, but also because it had gone so well. I was still somewhat floating from my last orgasm, struggling to believe that it had happened.

In the shower.

Naked skin rubbing on naked skin, the warm water rushing down between us, Bella's scrunched brows as she focused on bringing me pleasure, the feeling of her hot hands wrapped around my shaft...

I scrubbed my face with my hands to distract myself from thoughts of her creamy skin and the satiny feel of it as the appendage in question strained against the zipper of my pants.

Although, the newly found intimacy was only the icing on the proverbial cake. Our honest discussions and our improved relationship as a direct result of said discussions was mind-boggling, to say the least. We had rejuvenated what I had thought dead, and I looked into the future with barely contained anticipation now.

My soon-to-be bride opened the bathroom door, interrupting my musings, and I exhaled on a rush, silently cursing Alice and thanking her simultaneously in my mind.

There stood my angel, dressed in dark blue, mid-calf leggings that emphasized her slender legs and a top in the same color that, while long-sleeved, had a V-neck all the way down to the middle of her breastbone and clung just as tightly to the lusciousness of her body as the leggings, highlighting the gentle swells of her breasts.

Bella looked at me apologetically, playing with a loose strand of her long hair that tumbled down her back in a low pony tail.

"I'm sorry, but this is the least revealing of them all. Blame your sisters. They did this."

I smiled at her and winked. "I'm not complaining, sweetheart. You're a feast for the eyes, as always. Come here."

Bella crossed the room in a few strides and crawled into the bed next to me.

"No electric blanket, I'm afraid," I whispered with no small amount of regret in my voice, "so I'll have to stay above the covers."

"That might be better, anyway," Bella muttered and kissed me. I indulged in her sweetness for a little while, slipping my tongue into her mouth, reveling in the heady experience before breaking the kiss when her heartbeat got frantic.

"I love you, Bella."

She smiled sweetly, tiredly, breathlessly.

"Hmm, love you too. Sing me to sleep?"

She snuggled into my arms as I hummed her song and before long, she was sound asleep. I gently extricated her and laid her head softly onto the pillow, tugging the blanket around her tightly, before heading downstairs and out onto the porch.

Peter and Charlotte were sitting on the porch swing that Bella had so recently vacated, arm in arm, and looked at me expectantly when I walked out the door. They'd overheard our conversation, of course, and immediately apologized for doing so.

I waved them off as I leaned against the railing. "Bella is used to it by now," I replied. "She fully understands that with our enhanced senses, privacy around our kind is an illusion, at best."

Charlotte smiled, her eyes twinkling. "She's quite extraordinary, Edward."

I nodded in acknowledgment. "Quite," I agreed, unable to stop the giddy smile from breaking out on my face. "She's a blessing, really."

"You seem much happier now than the last time we met," Charlotte ventured carefully though she internally worried if she was being too forward but unable to stop herself from comparing the joy that currently was my expression with the moroseness I had worn less than a week ago.

"_So much less...tragic and broody..._"

Peter's eyes flickered from his wife to me as I absorbed her words.

I sighed down my nose and ran my hand through my hair. "It's obvious, isn't it? I...I wasn't completely honest with you last week, but it's a private matter. Suffice it to say that I wasn't scouting new hunting grounds."

Peter nodded, his suspicions confirmed. "We guessed as much but it's certainly none of our affairs. I'm much more concerned about the rogue wolf. Can I assume that we should avoid a confrontation even though he's not a Child of the Moon?"

"Yes, absolutely," I replied, "these shifters are just as lethal but I doubt that he would be so foolish as to take on both of you on his own. You are safe here. If he is truly following my scent, it will lead him to Chicago, but since Bella and I left the city by car, he'd be hard-pressed to follow us here."

"What direction would you recommend?" Peter asked as he absorbed my words. "Would we be in danger if we followed you to Forks?"

"As long as you stay off the reservation and on our lands, you should be fine. If you do come by, be sure to approach from the East, through Olympic National Park and stay away from the coast. It might be best to call ahead and ask for an escort to our house. Alice and Jasper can also show you the boundary lines again that divide their territory from ours. And it would probably be advisable that you didn't venture out on your own if you visit."

Peter reeled. "An escort? Is that truly necessary?"

"It's only for your safety, Peter," I simply replied with a shrug. "We may have a truce with the pack, but they are volatile in nature and in light of recent events, I can't say I blame them. After they fought alongside my family, our relationship with them has much improved and they are less wary of us, but that is only because they know of our feeding habits and don't consider us a threat, at least not as much as before. In your case however, if they came across you, they'd take one look at your eyes and attack before asking questions."

"_Fought alongside_?" Peter thought, his brows scrunching. "_He didn't mention that when he told us about the newborn army._"

"You're right, I didn't," I answered his thoughts. "And I'll apologize for deceiving you but I didn't think it prudent at the time to alert you to the wolves, never thinking one would follow me all this way. I'm sorry to have put you in danger by keeping this information from you."

Peter locked eyes with me. "I suppose I can understand your reasons but I would think that as friends of Jasper, you'd trust us with this information. We'd never do anything that would put Jasper or Alice, or the rest of you, in jeopardy."

I inclined my head his way. "Yes, of course."

Charlotte sat stiffly beside her mate. "We will call Jasper before we leave Seattle if you think that would be best. You know we'd never hunt near your residences. And please allow me to reiterate – we will not harm your mate, even if her knowledge of us is against the law. Assuming that you intend to change her eventually...," she trailed off and looked at me expectantly.

"That is her wish, and my intent. Thank you for your assurance, Charlotte, I appreciate it." I nodded and then pushed myself off the railing. "Well, unless you have any other questions, I will head back inside. Bella and I will leave in the morning."

"Not at this time," Peter replied and I wished them both a good night.

"_He's still a strange boy, that one_," Charlotte thought as I went inside the cabin, "_but I guess love makes a fool of the best of us_." She was smiling as she turned to her mate and snuggled against him. "_Ah, young love..._"

I smiled to myself as I climbed up the stairs to join Bella in bed. When I entered the room, I found her sprawled out on the bed, limbs akimbo, her hair spread out like a halo around her head. I chuckled quietly to myself as I stepped out of my shoes and got on the bed with her, moving her gently until she was tucked against me once more.

I spent the rest of the night running my fingers through her hair and thanking God and all the angels that she was mine.

In the morning, we quickly packed and after saying good-bye to Peter and Charlotte, who had gotten comfortable enough to shake hands with Bella as we were leaving, we were back on the road, only making a short stop for breakfast. Bella dug into waffles and eggs and bacon, while I warmed my hands on a cup of coffee.

We reached Seattle late that afternoon and drove past the Forks city limit around seven that night. When I pulled into our driveway and the front of the house, our welcoming committee was already waiting for us.

"_Sorry, sorry_," Alice was shouting at me in my head. "_They just showed up_. _They want to talk about you and Bella, and the puppy they're missing_."

The whole family, smiles splitting their faces in half, as well as Charlie, Sam Uley and young Seth Clearwater, were gathered on the front porch. While I wasn't too surprised to see Bella's father there, the presence of two wolves confused and somewhat concerned me.

Seth and I had come to an understanding on that mountain top, a friendship of the most unexpected kind, forged from fighting against a mutual adversary. His ingenious way of playing injured had given us an edge against Riley and Victoria, and he'd nearly burst with pride at making his first kill. Bella never saw my fist bumping his paw in a show of mutual respect on our way down to the baseball field – she'd passed out by then.

And perhaps there was also some sort of hero-worship at play. On his side, not mine, of course.

Sam however I knew to be wary still, so for him to be at my family home was very unexpected and part of me wanted to glare at Alice for not alerting me ahead of time, especially since I could hear the rest of the pack, minus Jacob, in the wooded perimeter around the house. Some of them were at the edge of my range, some closer and certainly within our territory.

So much for the boundary lines.

Bella looked at me before we got out of the car. "What are the wolves doing here?"

"Damned if I know," I replied with a forced show of ease. "Let's go find out, shall we?" I leaned across the middle console and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "I think the fact that they are here at all bodes well for us. I love you, Bella. Nothing will change that."

"I love you, too," she whispered back. "I'm ready."

"Yes, we are." I smiled. "I'll get your door."

Bella grinned. "I know."

I flashed out and around the car, and then offered her my arm. We walked up to the porch hand in hand, amidst spoken and unspoken greetings, a barrage I had a hard time following.

"_They look so happy_," Esme sighed. "_I'm so glad they got a chance to sort out their differences_."

"_I'm proud of you, son_," Carlisle smiled. "_Welcome home_."

Nothing much had changed, it seemed, and yet everything had. For one, my future father-in-law was almost smiling at me, his thick mustache twitching, and the few bits and pieces I picked up from his mind were full of approval, for once. I supposed he could see how happy Bella looked, and correctly attributed the reason behind it.

And Seth was grinning, excitedly dancing from one foot to the other, waving a little awkwardly as we walked up. "Hey, Edward."

I grinned right back at him, glad to see him again. It felt strange but I considered him a friend.

Sam was wary but also saw the joy Bella and I radiated, comparing it to how he felt about his Emily and realizing that their imprinting compulsion was not so different from a mated couple on our side. Still, he wasn't happy that I had chosen a human.

As if that had been any more a choice on my end than a conscious decision he'd made when falling for his mate.

Emmett of course was shouting the loudest, if thankfully only in my mind.

"_Welcome home, brother_. _Never seen you look that happy and relaxed...Dude! Did you finally trade in your V-card?_"

I had no intention to confirm or deny his assumption – I just smirked at him with an eyebrow raised.

He wiggled his in reply. I shook my head at him. He laughed until Rosalie elbowed him.

"_Sorry, Edward, I'll make sure he keeps the jokes to a minimum..._ "

I shrugged at Rosalie. Again, I had that feeling of belonging course through me. I felt like I was no longer on the outside looking in, but a full-fledged member, mated to the most beautiful woman in the world and finally at a place of peace.

And hope.

"Hi," Bella smiled shyly at the throng of people gathering around us. "Well...we're home..."

Alice danced down the stairs, a huge smile on her face.

"_Edward, I can't see anything but I think them coming here is a good sign. And with Charlie to defend Bella's choice, we have a good chance of getting Sam to agree to an exception to the treaty._"

_Wait, what_?

My eyes were burning with the question I dared not speak. Alice quickly nodded.

"_Apparently, after he had that long talk with Carlisle and Esme, Charlie approves. He just wants her to be happy. And he realizes that you make it so._"

"I'm so glad you're home," she spoke out loud. "I missed you. Did you have a good time, Bella?" She winked and Bella blushed bright red.

"Alice," I hissed under my breath. "Not now, okay? Her father is here."

My annoying little sister giggled unabashedly. "So?"

"Seriously, Alice," Bella muttered. "Can we do this later?"

"Sure," she grinned. "Come on, let's go inside. Big pow-wow coming right up."

"Lovely," Bella snorted sarcastically. "I can't wait."

There were hugs and kisses for both of us and a long, silent embrace that Bella shared with her father while Esme pulled me into her arms.

"You okay, kiddo?" he asked her quietly

"Yeah, Dad. Thanks for being here. Just...thanks."

"Anything for you, Bella. As long as you're happy, so am I. They're good people. Including Edward. I know that now. And...we'll figure out the rest, okay?"

"Oh, Daddy," Bella sniffled.

I could smell her tears from where I was standing with my adoptive mother, the urge to go to her and comfort her nearly overwhelming. I knew though that this moment belonged to her father and didn't interfere.

Jasper simply grinned as he collected Alice from the porch. "_So much joy_," he thought. "I_'m glad, my brother._"

And yet, part of his mind was making contingency plans in case the wolves decided to descend on us if the upcoming talk wasn't successful or peaceful. I didn't blame him in the least, the deep-seated need to protect our mates at all cost alive and well in all of us.

We gathered in the living room, with Bella and I occupying the love seat, my arm around her shoulders, her father standing guard behind us, while my family moved in a loose formation around the room, their eyes focused on the wolves in our midst who had chosen the two arm chairs.

Seth looked about a thousand times more relaxed than his Alpha.

For a moment, there was an uncomfortable silence.

Albeit not in my head. I was given no such reprieve as the barrage of thoughts continued, filing it all away to deal with later.

I looked expectantly at Sam, nodding at him to speak what I could see form in his mind. He cleared his throat.

"Edward, Bella...I am here in an official capacity, as the head of the tribal council and the Alpha of the pack. Uh...Seth has relayed what happened at your house on Sunday, Bella, and I would like to apologize, on behalf of the Quileute tribe, for the danger that has put your father in."

He glanced up at Charlie, who regarded him evenly, his face grim. "I'll be okay but apology accepted."

Sam nodded. "You have our formal promise, Charles Swan, that the pack of the Quileute tribe will protect you for as long as you live. No harm from a Cold One shall come to you on our watch."

"_Get in line_," my future father-in-law grumbled in his mind, the thought coming through loud and clear, and I struggled to suppress a snicker. He glanced at me, his ears turning pink when he remembered what I could do.

"_Aw, shit._"

Yes, that thought was also delivered with perfect clarity.

I decided not to press the issue at the time. There would be an opportunity later where Charlie Swan and I would have a heart-to-heart, I was sure of it. On the left of me, Alice smiled behind her hand as her mind lit up with images of that conversation.

I tuned her out as Carlisle gave me the go-ahead to address Sam for the family.

"You are aware, of course," I spoke just as formally, directing my unflinching gaze at the Alpha wolf, as I gently squeezed Bella's shoulder, "that Jacob Black has chosen to follow my trail in an obvious attempt to confront me and perhaps even kill me, a desire presumably born from his delusion that he has a claim to my mate seated here beside me. He does not nor did he _ever_ have such a claim. How do you intend to correct the breach he has committed, _twice now_, to disclose our existence, as well as yours, to someone who is neither a member of the pack, nor a member of my family? We let the initial breach slide, excusing the infraction with a consideration to his age and immaturity as well as the assumption that he likely considered the truth to be a legend only, but this second breach was committed with full knowledge of the repercussions. How do you intent to address this blatant disregard of the treaty my family has long held with the Quileute tribe? His actions are unprovoked and, based on what has been relayed to me, unsanctioned by you, the leader of your pack."

Sam nodded gravely. "Yes. He was ordered to return to the reservation immediately when I was informed that he had left to pursue you. We have since lost communication with him which means that he is in human form and not phasing. My pack is scattered around the perimeter at this time, and we are keeping our eyes and minds open to catch him. One of us will be monitoring him at all times – we are taking shifts."

There was something he wasn't telling me, something he was trying to hide and as I stared at him, I remembered the flitting thought I had caught the first night we had trained with them for the upcoming newborn fight.

I leveled him with an angry stare, my mind racing.

"You are holding something back. Jacob Black is the true Alpha of the Quileute pack, according to his birthright, is he not? Is it possible that he has invoked that right and supplanted you as the leader? That you no longer control him at all? If so, would it not be possible that he is still in his animal form but you can no longer communicate with him?"

"_Fuck, how did he..._"

He stiffened and blanched a little under his russet skin, glancing at Seth whose grim face betrayed his emotions.

"_Cat's out of the bag, buddy._"

Or wolf, in this case.

With gritted teeth, Sam Uley confirmed my suspicion. "It is possible, of course, though there have never been two Alphas in all of our history. The two would never be able to co-exist, forcing a fight to the death for dominion over the pack. You are correct, though. Jacob Black is the rightful Alpha but he did not want to assume that position upon his change."

"But it is conceivable, under the circumstances, that he has cut ties with you," I pressed on, insistent on making my point. "And if that is the case, the possibility of him returning to Forks without your knowledge is certainly considerable. Would you agree, Sam Uley? You have lost control over him, have you not? He has gone rogue."

He bristled at the accusation, glaring at me for even suggesting such a thing. "We don't know that! We haven't heard from him, that's all."

"Perhaps," I replied evenly. "Though I would like you to consider the other possibility carefully. Nothing is more important to me than Bella's safety, and if Jacob Black _has_ gone rogue, I _will_ expect you and your pack to work with us to ensure he doesn't get within a five mile radius of this house, or anywhere else she might be."

I kept my gaze on him steadily, willing him to realize that I would not budge on this demand, and he nodded after a moment of contemplation.

"You have my word that we will do whatever we can to protect Bella from harm. In the same light,

we hope that you will forgive his actions as they currently stand and not consider them a declaration of war."

"_Enough, Edward._" I closed my mouth, swallowing my response at Carlisle's unspoken command.

"Of course not," he chimed in, ever pacifistic, with a warning thought to me to not push too hard or too far. "We only wish to live our lives in peace and keep our loved ones safe. I am sure you do as well. In light of recent events, I feel that it would be advantageous to all of us if we worked together instead of against each other. There is much we can learn from each other and much we can provide for each other. For example, if you are agreeable, I'd like to offer my services to the Quileute tribe, as your personal physician, free of charge. You know you can trust me not to harm any of you. We are not like the Cold Ones of your legends, and I believe we have proven that."

"You have done so," Sam agreed, "and you have kept up your part of the treaty. I will take your offer to the tribal council and let you know of their decision."

Carlisle inclined his head in agreement. "Very well. Thank you. I would also like to mention the possibility of monetary support. I fully realize that the Quileute tribe is a proud nation and do not wish to offend with this offer."

Sam stared at him, his eyes narrowing, his hackles rising. "What did you have in mind, exactly? And what would you expect in return?"

"I was thinking of grants to attend college, that sort of thing. And we expect nothing in return, other than your continued adherence to the treaty," Carlisle replied. "We want to improve our relationship with your people, for the benefit of all of us."

The Alpha was silent though his mind was not, debating the pros and cons of Carlisle's offer, his pride getting in the way of his common sense, only to be swayed by the promise of a better future for all members of the tribe.

In the end, that promise won the battle that raged inside him, tipped over the edge at thoughts of his mate, Emily, and the prospect of bettering the lives of the entire tribe.

He smoothed his expression before he answered. "I will take your offers to the council, though I cannot make any promises that they will accept." Sam glanced at Seth, thinking of how badly Leah wanted to leave and the many options Carlisle's offer would open up for her. He took a breath before looking directly into Carlisle's eyes.

"I will try my best to convince the Elders that your offer is for the betterment of the tribe and comes without any caveats. That is all I can do. The decision is theirs."

Carlisle nodded. "Thank you."

Before I could say anything, Sam looked at me and then back to Carlisle.

"I must ask though if Edward intends to change Bella into one of you. As you know, the current treaty does not allow you to bite a human, whether it be with the intent to kill or to turn the person into one of your kind."

His eyes swiveled to me with those words and he continued. "I have already spoken with Charlie about Bella's future, but I must ask both of you the same question. Edward, do you intend to change Bella? And Bella, is it your wish, of your own free will, to join the Cullen family as one of their kind?"

Bella was nodding before he finished speaking. Behind us, Charlie put his hand on her shoulder as a show of support. I didn't catch all of his thoughts but the general undertone was that he had spoken at length with Carlisle and Esme as well as Sam and Billy Black, and had made his peace with Bella's choice.

She turned and looked at her father. There was a moment of silent communication and then Bella lifted her free hand and laid it on top of Charlie's. The other clutched mine when she turned back to Sam, her eyes staring directly into his.

"Yes, it is."

His gaze flickered back to me. I nodded. Bella held her breath.

"Yes, that is my intention, with her permission, of course."

Bella sighed and slumped slightly against me, as if she hadn't quite believed I would answer this way.

Sweet, silly girl. As if I could deny her anything she wanted. I pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head and grasped her hand more firmly. We were a united front, a mated couple, and I knew that my _entire_ family supported us in our plans.

Even Rosalie.

Sam inhaled a breath and as he did, I could see in his mind what he had already decided, what had already been approved by the council.

He would grant us the exception we needed so Bella's change would not break our treaty.

I couldn't stop the smile from breaking out on my face and Seth grinned right back at me, guessing the reason, knowing what Sam was about to say. Bella picked up on it as well, looking from Sam to Seth and then at me, understanding slowly washing over her face.

"Yes?" she whispered, and then her voice got stronger. "Does this mean...are you...really?"

Sam Uley drew himself up and radiated the full authority of the Alpha wolf and leader of the tribe as he did.

"Edward Cullen, of the coven of Carlisle Cullen, you shall hereby be given permission to initiate the change of Isabella Swan, daughter of Charles Swan, into one of your kind, which shall not be considered a breach of the long-standing treaty you have forged with the tribe of the Quileutes, under the requirements that you will be solely and fully responsible for Isabella Swan before, during and after she becomes a Cold One and that you will ensure by whatever means necessary that she will not harm another human but instead adhere to your specific feeding habits at all times. Deviation from these conditions shall negate this exception and shall forfeit the treaty forevermore. So say the Council of the tribe of the Quileutes."

As he spoke the words that freed us from the restrictions of the treaty I saw in his mind what had transpired. Now his earlier words gained additional meaning – not only had Charlie spoken to Sam about Bella's future, he had gone as far as to passionately implore the council to grant the exception so his daughter could stay part of his life, free to come and go as she wished whenever she wanted to visit him. And that invitation included her future husband and his extended family who were, according to Charlie, always welcome in his home.

With her father in our corner, Billy Black and the rest of the council, knowing it was Jacob's fault that Charlie knew about us at all, had grudgingly agreed to grant the exception.

Utter gratitude flooded my entire body, and I nearly sagged in relief against Bella from the overwhelming emotions that suddenly swirled in me, only exacerbated by the silent cries of joy and relief from my family. It took me a moment to collect myself, and I had to clear my throat before I could speak, but I returned Sam's open gaze.

"I accept the conditions on behalf of myself and my family. Thank you, Sam."

Bella kissed my cheek, stood up and rushed over to them, her hand outstretched, a huge smile lighting up her face. The Alpha wolf's eyes crinkled around the edges as he smiled back at her, a little pained by her enthusiastic response. He shook her hand as she laughed and cried and stumbled over her words.

"Sam, thank you. Oh, thank you so much. You have no idea...just...thank you, thank you." She briefly hugged Seth and then flew around to the back of the love seat, wrapping her arms around her father's waist and pressing her cheek against his chest.

"Dad..."

Charlie awkwardly patted her back. "Love ya, Bells. Just don't disappear on me, okay?"

"Okay," Bella whispered.

Satisfied with the direction the discussion had taken, my siblings drifted from the living room into the kitchen and then out into the backyard where Rosalie silently complained of the stench that now permeated the house.

"_Ugh, it'll take weeks to get that smell out of the house_. _Eek, even my hair smells like wet dog now._"

At Alice's prompt, they planned to stay outside until Charlie left so as to not overwhelm him. Meanwhile, Carlisle slowly approached Sam and offered his hand as well.

"Thank you. This means a lot to us, and we appreciate it very much."

Sam nodded gravely. "Understand that this is the _only_ exception we will grant. You will not get another, and the only reason we are granting this one is because of Charlie. He pleaded to be able to keep his daughter in his life."

"Of course," Carlisle replied.

"We also realize," Sam continued, weary now, " that you would have changed her anyway. Their bond is strong, nearly as strong as the one we have with our own mates. Emily sees it, too. She told me it was inevitable. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I do understand."

"She's a smart woman, your Emily." Carlisle smiled, and then lowered his voice to a whisper. "I wonder...would you be opposed to my examining her scars? Bella told us what happened. Perhaps there is a way to reduce the scarring with a small surgery."

Sam was wary but interested. "Uhm...I guess I could talk to Emily about that...it would be her decision."

"Excellent," Carlisle smiled. "Whenever you're ready, just let me know." He pulled one of his business cards from the holder in his pocket and handed it to Sam. "Please feel free to call me at any time."

Bella let go of Charlie and came back to the front, sitting down in my lap and wrapping her arms around me. Emmett walked up to Charlie with a beer in his hand, offering my father-in-law the unopened bottle.

"Here, Chief, got you a cold one."

Charlie cocked his head at him and after a moment's consideration accepted the offer. "Thanks." He followed Emmett over to the television set. "Any games on?"

Within seconds, the two of them were engrossed in a Mariner's game, debating the merits and statistics of the various players.

When I stood up and set Bella on her feet, Seth jumped off this chair and slapped my back, grinning at both of us.

"You guys made up, huh? Good, good. What's next? Alice said there'll be a wedding soon. So, when's the big day?"

Bella looked up at me, a knowing smile on her sweet face. "As soon as we can get it organized," she replied, moving her gaze to Seth, "two weeks or less, if Alice plays nice. Wanna come?"

There were silent protests from outside but I chose to ignore the pixie for now. I had promised Bella that this wedding would be _ou_r vision of one, not the ostentatious affair my little sister would like to have planned.

His eyes lit up. "Can I bring my mom?" he asked. "Don't know if you've heard but your dad's been spending a lot of time at my house lately. Mom's been cooking all his favorites." He winked conspiratorially at Bella. "With you out of town and all, I guess somebody's gotta feed him."

Bella's mouth had dropped open. "My dad and your mom? Really? That's...that's great. How do _you_ feel about it? And Leah?"

He shrugged. "I think it's cool. Your dad's a good guy, and Mom seems happy. Leah, well, she don't count. She wants to get out of town, go to college, so I'm hoping that the council will take Doc Fang, uhm, I mean Carlisle, up on his offer. That'd be good for her, ya know? Get away from Sam."

I nodded, snickering at what he called Carlisle and catching my sire's silent amusement as he continued to talk to the Alpha, walking him towards the front door.

"I'm sure we can arrange something even if your Elders don't accept our offer."

Seth smiled. "Cool, man. So, is it okay if I come over some time? Emmett's got some awesome games for his X-box."

I laughed, amused by his care-free enthusiasm as Bella giggled. "That he does. Of course, Seth. You're always welcome here."

"Seth," Sam called from the door. "Let's go."

The young man followed his leader's command, and the three of us walked towards the door. I shook his hand and Bella hugged him. Before he left the house he turned around and smiled again.

"See ya later?"

"You betcha," I replied.

The two wolves loped to the tree line and disappeared in the thicket. Soon thereafter, I heard them change and run towards La Push, howling at their brethren as they went. There had been no sign of Jacob Black but not all wolves had been in favor of the Elders' decision to grant us the exception. I determined from his thoughts that I'd have to keep an eye on Paul for now; with his recent imprint on Jacob's sister, his hotheaded animosity towards us had only gotten sharper even though he now also recognized the undeniable bond between mated couples. He just wanted us gone and I was concerned that he might become an ally in Jacob's quest to what that damnable mutt considered 'rescuing Bella from my evil clutches'.

Carlisle stepped across the threshold and closed the door behind him. He smiled at Bella and me.

"This went better than I anticipated. We have much to thank Charlie for."

I nodded and led Bella to the kitchen where Esme was busy preparing food for her and Charlie.

"I'll be right back, my love," I told her and kissed her before seeking out my maker.

There was something else I needed to tell him, something that was burning me from the inside.

"Carlisle, please allow me to apologize for how I behaved last week. I am so sorry for causing you and Esme such distress."

He waved me off. "Of course, Edward. I'm just glad that you two have resolved your...differences, shall we say. You seem much happier than when I last saw you, I must say. Did you enjoy the time away?"

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. "Very much so, thank you," I replied. "We had some very frank discussions and cleared up most, if not all, of our misunderstandings."

And then he surprised me when he winked at me. "_From what Alice told us, talking is not all you did_."

My mouth dropped open as he laughed and clasped my shoulder. His mind told me all I needed to know.

"_Sorry, son, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, but I do want to tell you how proud I am of you. You've always been so tightly wound and so afraid to hurt Bella. I can clearly see the differences in both of you, even if Alice hadn't spilled the beans_."

A warm feeling spread through me as I thought of all the steps Bella and I had taken towards our intimacy, and I couldn't help the silly smile on my face. Carlisle thankfully didn't comment, just smiled wistfully and blanketed his thoughts to spare me further embarrassment.

"The cottage is ready, if you didn't already know."

"Thank you," I replied. "Alice told me and I appreciate it very much. Bella does not wish to return to her father's house. I know it's unconventional and surely not quite proper before we are wed, but I am quite in favor of her staying here, especially considering that there is a rogue wolf out there. In fact, I think we will stay in the house for now until that situation is under control before we move into the cottage."

"How does Charlie feel about it?" he inquired thoughtfully.

"From what I overheard during their conversation, he's supportive of it, mostly because of the issue with Jacob Black. I think he realizes that she's safe with me. With us."

Carlisle nodded. "I would agree. Very well. And if I may say so, it's good to see you so truly happy, Edward. I don't think I've ever seen you this content."

I snorted mirthfully. "That's probably because I've never _been_ this content. Bella has made all the difference."

"I'm glad to hear you've finally figured that out, Edward." He sounded amused.

I lowered my head. "I've been a tad stubborn, haven't I?"

"Just a smidgen, I would say." He laughed. "Come, let us find our mates, shall we?"

I let him lead the way towards the kitchen where Bella and Esme were dishing up quite a feast for the Chief. The smells were nasty as always, but Bella's face was flushed and she was smiling as she chattered with Esme about our excursions to the museum and the Opera.

"Hi," she smiled sweetly when she spotted me at the doorway. I walked up to her, the need inside me growing.

"Have to kiss you," I whispered before I did just that, wrapping my arms around her. She sighed into my open mouth and desire flared when her hands traveled down my back to the waistband of my pants. Carlisle cleared his throat, suppressing a laugh as Esme watched us with loving eyes and happy thoughts.

I released Bella and stepped back, rubbing my hand on my neck. "Uh...sorry."

Bella...giggled? Her face was heated but her eyes twinkled, not an ounce of embarrassment to be seen. As I turned around to face my parental figures, Bella surprised me again when she lightly slapped my posterior. My head swiveled back to her, my eyes wide in shock, only to find a huge grin on her face.

Esme laughed out loud. "Oh, this is precious. Come, Bella, let us feed your father while Edward gathers his chin off the floor."

Carlisle chuckled. "_I would appear that Bella is well on her way to become a Cullen female. Good luck with that_."

Almost simultaneously, in the front room, Emmett let out a loud guffaw which prompted the Chief to look at him, bewildered.

"Sorry, sorry," Emmett hastened to explain, "Edward said something funny. Nothing to worry about."

"You can hear him all the way from here?" he asked. "Well, that's...that's interesting."

"Charlie," Esme called out to distract him. "I've got your dinner ready. Did you want to eat in front of the TV or would you prefer to sit in the dining room?"

"If it's no trouble, I wouldn't mind staying here." His ears turned a little pink when Esme chuckled.

"No trouble at all. Emmett, get one of the TV trays for Charlie, please."

"Yes, ma'am."

Charlie left shortly after his dinner which coincided with the end of the game. He hugged Bella briefly and then shook my hand.

"You take care of my little girl, you hear me?"

"Yes, sir," I replied earnestly. "I promise I'll keep her safe."

"Happy, too, though that doesn't seem to be an issue anymore," he grunted. "And call me Charlie, kid." Then he shook his head and snorted.

"_Kid...idiot. He sure as hell isn't _that_. Uh, awkward._"

"Of course. Thank you, Charlie." I didn't address the silent comment.

"We'll come by tomorrow to get my stuff," Bella added. "And if you like, I'll cook dinner for you."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Uhm...yeah...sure. See you around six?"

Bella nodded and watched Charlie walk down the steps to his car. When the lights disappeared down the driveway she turned to me with a shy smile.

"Are you okay?"

I grinned at her. "Of course, I am."

She lowered her lashes, looking at the ground. "You're not mad?"

I lifted her chin with my fingers and gazed into her eyes. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Confused, I shook my head lightly. "What are you talking about, sweetheart?"

"Earlier. In the kitchen. It just...it just happened. You were kissing me and I sort of forgot that we weren't alone and when Carlisle coughed, I was feeling playful and...you're not mad?"

I laughed. "You mean when you slapped me? No, of course I'm not angry with you. It was quite funny, actually. Nobody ever gets to surprise me like that, except for you. And I love that you felt playful. I love how...easy and comfortable our relationship has become."

Her lips formed an O that I just had to kiss, slipping my tongue into her mouth to taste her. She moaned softly and my body reacted immediately. We urgently needed to retreat to my room where we would have at least some semblance of privacy. I pulled back slightly.

"Shall we go upstairs?" I whispered with a smile, raising my eyebrows. "Surely you are tired?"

"We're not going to the cottage?"

I shook my head. "No. We can go look at it tomorrow if you like, but until we know more about Jacob's whereabouts I'd rather we stay in the house with my family. There's safety in numbers."

"Oh, right. Yeah, that's fine. But, Edward, your room...it's...a mess." Her eyes were large and suddenly shimmering with tears. "I saw it...after...that really drove it home. It's all...destroyed."

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," I replied as I tightened my arms around her.

Bella shook her head decisively, her eyes never leaving mine. "No! I _needed_ to see it. It was like a physical manifestation of all the pain I caused you. And it really made an impact, you know? All the things you never told me...it was like I could see them all in that destruction. No, Edward, I really needed that. It was the final wake-up call that made it all so very clear. I'm just sorry that I drove you to that point."

"Darling girl," I said softly, "we decided to leave all that in the past. And Esme has already replaced all the furniture in my, I mean, _our_ room. It's as good as new. Well, I suppose it _is_ all new." I smiled at her. "Come on, let's go to bed."

Bella let out a giggle. "I never thought I'd hear you say that. Carry me?"

"With pleasure."

I was rewarded with another giggle as I scooped her up into my arms, her feet dangling down the side, her warm body pressed against my chest. Her arms wrapped around my neck, her hot hands playing with the hair at the nape. From inside the bowels of the house, I heard silent cheers and congratulations. Thankfully, Emmett refrained himself from being too boisterous with this thoughts, too busy with...ugh, I hadn't wanted to see that.

There was much I had to discuss with my family, plans that had to be made and information that had to be shared, but it could all be postponed until tomorrow. Right now, it was much more important to spend some quality time with my darling girl.

Behind firmly closed and locked doors.

I was still a gentleman, of course, but a gentleman liberated from the societal constraints of my human upbringing. Bella and I had through many trials and tribulations built a strong foundation, everlasting and ultimately one that included intimacy not only of the flesh but also the mind.

Life was good, I decided as I ran my precious cargo up the stairs to our room, smiling like a fool the whole way. The woman of my walking dreams, the one I'd waited for my entire existence, was safely and happily in my arms, we had been granted permission to deviate from the treaty and in less than a fortnight, she would be my wife and forever mate.

I could hardly wait.

* * *

**Endnote:** We have now reached the end of the 2nd arc which concludes the journey Edward and Bella took to rebuild their relationship. The final arc will include their wedding and the conclusion of this story. Thank you for reading. Reviews make me happy, so please leave one if you're so inclined. I look forward to reading your thoughts.

Until next time,

TMOT

I'd like to rec a few stories today. I hope these will tie you over until the next Resurrection update. ;)

**_EAC: The Journal of Edward Cullen_** by Katmom

_**The best things in Life are unexpected**_ by U2Shay

_**The Eyes of the Moon**_ by Eiluned Price

_**Highway to Hell**_ by Bella's Executioner


	17. Come What May

**Author's Note: **I am sooooo sorry for taking so long with this update. Real life got in the way of my muse and my time. If you stuck around, thank you so much!

A quick recap: We left Bella and Edward after their return home from Chicago, with a dispensation from the Quileutes that Edward may change Bella without fearing repercussions. We heard that Jacob might have gone rogue. Our favorite couple has made great strides to build a new relationship with honesty and intimacy. Plans are underway for the wedding.

Thank you to Caius09 who pre-read/beta'd this chapter for me and suggested some of the chapter songs. Thank you to the girls from the WCs that gave me the support I needed to push through this chapter. Thank you to Booksgalore for letting me bounce ideas off her and providing suggestions.

Thank you to my husband who provides the woman cave where I hide to write. I love you!

**Disclaimer:** Twilight - not mine. Plot for this story - mine. Not making money off this story. Or any other story, for that matter.

**Chapter Songs:** Foster The People – I Would Do Anything for You, Gotye – Somebody that I used to know, The Pretenders – I'll Stand by You, Bruno Mars – Today My Life Begins, From Moulin Rouge - Come What May

* * *

**17. Come What May**

_I'll stand by you,_

_I'll stand by you,_

_won't let nobody hurt you,_

_I'll stand by you._

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

_The Pretenders – I'll stand by you_

* * *

Rumbling vibrations roused me from sleep. Before I could open my eyes, there was a knock on the door and Edward's growling turned into a long hiss of unintelligible words. When I lifted my head off his chest, the hissing cut off.

"What's going on?" I mumbled, my voice thick from sleep.

"Good morning, sweetheart," my vampire replied, smiling softly. "It's nothing. Alice is impatient as always. I tried to tell her you were still asleep, but she's a persistent annoyance."

"Ugh," I groaned, burrowing further under the covers and snuggling closer to his side. "Tell her to go away."

There was a muffled curse on the other side of the closed door and a set of stomping foot steps that moved away as Edward chuckled and drew his arms more firmly around me. I played with the hairs on his chest and placed a kiss over his heart. He quietly moaned in response.

I smiled and did it again.

"What did she want?"

"She has nefarious plans for you," Edward whispered as his hand wandered down my back to cup my behind, pulling me closer to his groin and the hard appendage between his legs. I was only half listening when he continued.

"Apparently, none of the clothes in your closet at Charlie's are fit to be worn and should just be given to Goodwill. Her words, not mine. There was a mention of cakes and flowers as well. And a dress fitting, it seems."

"Hmmmm," I moaned when his hand moved down to my leg and pulled it clear across his waist. He thrust gently towards me, hitting my center with the tip of his penis.

"I told her I had nefarious plans of my own, and that you would be unavailable for another hour or so, because frankly, my Bella, it's been way too long since I've kissed you."

I giggled, but he stole the breath from me when his lips descended on mine, and then he proceeded to kiss me, and I forgot the world around me, lost in his arms. My hands roamed across the hard planes of his back as I gave myself over to him. There were long, deep kisses, his cool tongue stroking mine, a few quick pecks to let me breathe until he captured my lips again and again.

My heart pounded in my ears, and I was breathing hard when he moved his lips to my neck and trailed them down to my shoulder. The thin strap of the pajama top was no match for his teeth. His nose pushed the fabric down and then his cool lips found my nipple, sucking gently.

My answering moan rang in my ears, and my hands flew into his hair, holding him to my chest. I could feel him smile against my skin as his icy tongue flicked out to lick the hardened peak, the tingle of his venom making me shiver. Edward's fingers danced a slow path to the top of my pants, dipping below the waistband, as he continued the sweet torture with his mouth. Fabric ripped under his nimble fingers, and my skin broke out in goosebumps. My back arched, pushing my hips into his hand.

"Easy, Bella," he whispered, pulling back slightly, growling softly as he inhaled through his nose. "Slow down, sweetheart."

I fell back onto the bed when I realized that he was struggling with his ardor, with his need for me. His eyes were dark around his pupils when I looked down at his face, and I let out a long breath.

"Sorry," I panted.

He closed his eyes for a moment. "You smell so good, Bella," he groaned, moving down my body and nuzzling his nose against my hip. "I want to...taste you...right from the source but...I'm afraid..."

I ran my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp and eliciting the purr I'd come to love.

"There'll be a time when you won't have to be. I can wait until then," I whispered. "Just knowing that you want me that way is enough for now."

Edward sighed down his nose and flopped onto his back, pulling me with him. I told myself to ignore the hardness that tented his pants. "How I wish I could give this to you now..."

He broke off, staring at the ceiling while his hand caressed my back.

After waiting for a minute for him to elaborate, I ventured a question. "Why are you afraid, Edward?"

His eyes swung to mine. "Well...there's the venom, of course. The skin in that area is more sensitive than the rest of you, and instead of a tingle, it might be painful for you. Though that's not the only reason. Imagine my position for a moment. My head would be cradled between your thighs. Between your femoral arteries. Which are pulsing with your precious blood. I'm mostly afraid that..."

My face bloomed red but I worked through the mortification and the simultaneous excitement of the image of Edward's mouth on me _there_.

"That you would be tempted to bite?"

He nodded, and there was shame in his eyes. I touched his face with my fingers, cradling his cheek, need to remove that shame burning inside me.

"And both of those are good reasons," I replied, infusing my voice with all the love I held for him. "I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Edward exhaled down his nose and a tiny smile crooked his lips. "Your safety is paramount to me."

I smiled back at him and ran my thumb across his cheekbone. "I know that, baby. You've always kept me safe."

"I love that you call me that. It's so...intimate. I've never had a pet name, at least not that I recall."

My smile grew. "Yeah? You like it?"

He replied with a quick kiss. "Yes, I do."

I snuggled closer to him, pressing a kiss to his chest. "Good. So, what's the plan for today?"

Edward smirked, a wicked glint in his eyes, and pulled me up to his mouth, dropping his voice to a whisper that I knew would nonetheless reach the ear of every vampire in the house.

"The better question is, what are _our_ plans for today, because they tragically do not mesh with Alice's plans. Just prepare yourself for her whining, sweetheart, which will begin in five...four...three..."

There was growling mixed with laughter floating up from the house below, loud enough for even a human to hear. I dissolved into a fit of giggles, muffling the sounds in the crook of his neck. When I had sufficiently calmed down, I asked my question again.

"What are _our_ plans for today?"

He smiled. "I thought we might go to your father's house and pack up your room. After a shower and breakfast, of course. What did you have in mind?"

I thought for a moment. "If we time it right, we could be done with that by dinner time. Maybe we could visit the cottage before we head over there? I mean, I know we can't stay there right now, but it would be nice to see it, ya know?"

Edward nodded. "Yes, it would. And since the members of my family have all been very busy_ not_ thinking about it, I actually have no earthly idea what they've done to it. Very well. First a visit to the cottage and then Charlie's to pack up your things. Did you want to bring your truck back with you? I'm quite certain that Rosalie would love to get her hands on it."

"Seriously? Be my guest. As much as I was against buying a new car, I have really come to like the Audi. Way more comfortable." I fell quiet for a moment, thinking of the time early in our relationship when I had driven us to the meadow. "I guess I do want to keep the truck around though. Memories, ya know? If Rosalie can fix it up, more power to her. You think I could keep it?"

"Of course. I am quite fond of the truck myself, although I'll admit I'd rather you not drive it again until Rosalie is done with bringing it up to modern safety standards."

I snorted. "You mean like airbags and whatnot? You're not going to put me in bubble wrap until I'm changed, are you?"

His eyebrows scrunched up. "The thought had crossed my mind, actually."

"Edward!" I poked his chest. "You'd better not be serious."

He laughed. "You asked. No, I'm not serious. You'd look adorable, of course, but access to your many exquisite assets would be so much more difficult."

"Assets?" I teased, ignoring the rush of blood to my face, just happy that he was speaking so freely. "Like what?"

My body was pulled upwards towards his face until we were nose to nose. I inhaled his sweet breath as his lips came closer.

"Why don't I show you?"

An hour or so later, I entered the bathroom to take a shower while Edward went downstairs to make my breakfast. After drying my hair and dressing for the day, I walked back into the bedroom and found a frowning Alice perched on the beige couch that was a replacement for the leather one he had thrown out the window just a week earlier.

Of course, all the furniture was new because of the rampage I had caused. I fought down the tears just thinking about that, and focused on Alice.

"What on earth are you wearing?"

"Good morning to you, too," I muttered, taken aback by her greeting. "What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Have you even looked inside the closet?" she huffed and got off the couch, walking to the large walk-in-closet next to the bathroom.

"Nope. Was I supposed to?"

"You mean Edward didn't tell you?"

I followed her slowly. "Tell me what?"

Alice threw open the closet door. "About this!"

I peeked into the cavernous room that used to hold Edward's clothes, neatly arranged. The changes were baffling. His things were now occupying one single wall, and on the other two walls were racks filled with hanger after hanger of jeans, pants, blouses, skirts, even dresses, for crying out loud, a large dresser and a ceiling-high rack of shoes. Strappy shoes with heels so high I would break an ankle for sure, boots with chunky heels, boots with spiky heels, ballet flat in various colors, house slippers that belonged in some 1920's movie – everything except my beloved Chuck's.

"What's all this, Alice?" I frowned at her as she pulled open the dresser drawers, holding up t-shirts and pointing out more delicate underthings. "Didn't you buy enough clothes in Chicago? Who's supposed to wear all that?"

"You, of course. Clearly, none of this will fit Edward."

I glared at her. "I have clothes at Charlie's and the stuff you bought last week. What the hell do I need all this for?"

She tsked in response. "Bella, you're a Cullen now. You have to dress the part. Besides, remember the deal we made? I just went ahead without you. Saved you the trip. I thought you'd appreciate that."

"Ugh!" Knowing giving in would be easier than arguing the point, I threw up my hands and walked out of the closet. "Fine. Whatever. So tell me, Mistress of the Robe, what shall I wear today? And I swear, if you bring out anything with a heel over two inches, I'll throw it right back at you."

"Violence, Bella?" she tsked again.

"Broken ankles?" I snapped back.

Alice sighed. "Okay, fine. No heels until after. Except for the wedding. Oh, I found the most beautiful shoes to go with your dress. You'll have to practice walking in them, I suppose. No, I'm not thinking of the dress, Edward, so get out of my head."

I laughed against my will. "He told me you have a fitting planned for today? Will you manage to keep him in the dark? You know, it's bad luck for the groom to see the dress before I walk down the aisle."

Alice giggled. "Yes, no problem. I have my ways."

"So, a week from Saturday? Enough time to get ready?"

"That'd be a no. Seriously, Bella? Less than two weeks to plan a wedding? I think not. There's still a lot to do. Invitations, flowers, cake – I haven't ordered anything since I wasn't allowed," she grumbled. "And July weddings are so unfashionable. I was thinking August."

"August?" I shouted. "No way! I don't want to wait that long. That's two months from now."

She laughed. "Oh my, how your tune has changed. And it's not two months. It's almost the end of June already, so it's more like six weeks. Which is just about the appropriate time frame in which to send out invitations."

"I'll discuss it with Edward," I warned her. "August what?"

"Thirteenth. A month before your birthday."

"Fine. Just remember, we both want a small wedding. No inviting the whole town." I thought for a moment. "My dad. Angela and Ben, maybe. And my mom and Phil, of course. I know Edward wants to invite Seth. Sam and Emily, if they'd like to come. Sue Clearwater."

"We'll see," she replied with a shrug. I glared at her and she raised her hands. "Okay! I get it. You want small. Alright! I can do that. Now, about your clothes..."

Edward chose that moment to walk back into the room and rescue me. "Breakfast is ready, love. Alice, get out. Bella looks perfectly lovely and I won't have you telling her otherwise. No, stomping your foot will not change my opinion. Nice try, though. Now scoot."

She pointed her finger at him. "This isn't over."

He gently took my hand and led me past the aggravated pixie to the door. "Yes, it is. Bella will wear whatever she so chooses. I appreciate that you did all the shopping for her, but I'm sure that she's quite capable of dressing herself, even if it's not up to _your_ standards. Come, sweetheart," he smiled at me. "Carlisle wants to speak to us after breakfast."

Alice's outraged snarl followed us down the stairs. I giggled for a moment but then grew serious.

"What does he want to talk about?"

"He's been thinking about anything but," Edward sighed, "so I'm not sure. I can't imagine it being anything too serious though. He would never keep me out of his thoughts if it was anything to be concerned about."

"Okay."

My stomach rumbled appreciatively when I walked into the kitchen. There were pancakes, eggs and bacon, a bowl of fruit and a mug of steaming coffee waiting for me on the breakfast bar of the center island.

"Wow. Who else is coming for breakfast?" I grinned.

Edward grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Too much?"

I patted his chest to placate him. "It looks amazing. I'll do what I can."

After making quite a dent into the feast he had prepared for me and cleaning up, we went upstairs to Carlisle's office. He was sitting behind his desk and waved us in. Edward sat down in one of the chairs and pulled me into his lap with a grin. Carlisle smiled. I giggled, wrapping my arm around Edward's neck, and leaned against him.

"Good morning, Bella, Edward. I won't take much of your time, I promise, but I wanted to talk to you both briefly, now that you're back. All is well, I gather? With the wolves here last night, we didn't get an opportunity to really welcome you home."

Edward caught my eyes and grinned again. "Yes, I would say that all is well, wouldn't you agree, Bella?"

I simply nodded and snuggled in closer.

"Well, then," Carlisle said with a twinkle in his eyes, "I won't ask for any details but I'm glad that you have worked out your differences. And welcome home. There are just a few things I'd like to go over with you. Now that we have the permission from the pack to deviate from the treaty, we won't have to leave Forks immediately, if you so desire, though to ensure the safety of the human population, it would be advisable to relocate at least the two of you prior to Bella's change to a more remote area. There's a cabin we own in Alaska that might work for this purpose, if you like."

"We haven't really decided yet how we'll do my change," I spoke up with a quick glance at Edward. "I know I won't be able to be around humans for a while, so whatever you think is best is fine with me."

"And we probably won't be able to stay in Forks much longer anyway," Edward added. "It's been nearly four years. I haven't heard anything to that effect in anyone's mind yet, but at the same time, people will start talking eventually. So perhaps we could coincide our next move with Bella's change. After the wedding, of course. It would only make sense for us to go off to college by that time, so it wouldn't cause any suspicions if we all left at once. It would provide a good cover story, certainly."

Carlisle nodded, steepling his hands under his chin. "Yes, I think that's a good idea. We can discuss it with the rest of the family, though I don't expect anyone to want to stay behind. And while I think you'd be able to take care of Bella as a newborn on your own, especially in a remote area, it might be beneficial to have the rest of us around as well. Just as a precaution, of course."

Edward squeezed my waist when I tensed at Carlisle's words. "That would be best, I agree. Don't worry, my love, we'll all help you."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that at all," I assured him. "I just don't want to inconvenience anyone, is all."

"Bella, you are part of the family. We take care of our own. It's not an inconvenience at all." Carlisle smiled indulgently. "I see we might still have a ways to go. While we're on that subject, there are a few things I'd like to give to you. Jasper visited our contact this week and your paperwork is ready."

He opened the top drawer and pulled out a large envelope.

"Paperwork?" I asked, confused. "What paperwork?"

Edward was grinning at Carlisle. "Excellent." He turned to me. "Bella, as I mentioned, Jasper handles all the legal documents for us, such as driver's licenses, birth certificates, school records, passports and the like. I asked him to prepare your documentation ahead of time. This means your new passport is ready. He's also added you to my accounts and, of course, you already have the credit card and your new driver's license."

"Right," I affirmed. "Okay. Great. Is there anything I should bring with me from Charlie's? Like my old passport? My birth certificate?"

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, it will be good to have the originals in your possession, even though it's unlikely that we will use them for anything. Sooner or later, we will need to change our identities. And, with your permission of course, we'll be able to add Swan to our list of names to choose from."

"We're not going to be Cullens?" I looked questioningly at Edward.

"We will always be Cullens, Bella," he replied. "Just not in the eyes of the humans. I was hoping that you'd agree to use Masen the next time we change our names. We can use Cullen for a little while longer, but not much."

"What about Dartmouth?" I asked. "I applied as Bella Swan and you applied as Edward Cullen. How's that gonna work?"

"If you decide that you want to go to college now, we can go as Bella and Edward Cullen. That won't be a problem. The family would move with us to Hanover, but Carlisle and Esme would change their last name, and I would probably become Esme's younger brother again. We can work that part out, depending on what decision you make. If you prefer to be changed before going to college, then we'll withdraw our current applications and Jasper will forge the required paperwork to get us in a year or two from now. It's entirely up to you."

I thought for a moment, knowing what I wanted but also needing his preference. "What would you prefer?"

Edward smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "Part of me wants to change you as soon as feasible, and another part of me wants to show you off at college and give you that human experience. Both are selfish reasons, and I will defer to whatever you decide."

I frowned at him. "Edward, we've been over this. I can't be the one making all the decisions for both of us, just like the opposite won't work either. Let me put it this way – if you got to decide our next step, after we're married, what would it be?"

"Change you, then college," he answered immediately.

"I thought so," I grinned, kissing him quickly before looking at Carlisle who had been silently watching our exchange. "Well, that's it then. College will be postponed. I don't need any drunken frat parties to feel all grown up anyway."

"Bella, are you sure?" Edward insisted. I raised one eyebrow at him. "Right. Never mind."

"Very well," Carlisle snickered behind his hand but then grew serious. "There is one more topic I need to discuss with you, and it's of a more delicate nature."

Underneath me, Edward stiffened. I was instantly alarmed. "What? What is it?"

He ignored me, completely focused on Carlisle. His eyes were wide, fear and shock marring his perfect features.

"Are you serious? Why have you never...are you sure...how many? Oh, my God. Is it possible? No, no, we haven't...yes, of course...I will...Thank you...Yes, please."

"Hello," I said a little too loudly. "Please include me in this conversation. What's going on?"

Edward relaxed a little bit but not much. His arms tightened around me. I was really worried by that point, especially when Carlisle got up and left the room.

"Edward?"

He took a deep breath. "Bella, Carlisle has just told me that my long-held belief of vampires being infertile is incorrect. Apparently, it's only the female vampire for which this is true. Males are reportedly able to impregnate a human mother, resulting in a hybrid child."

I gaped at him. "What? How is that possible? You didn't know?"

"I'm just as surprised as you."

The images in my head swirled. This was something I had wished for, and now it seemed as if it would be possible. I started to feel a smidgen of excitement that grew larger the more I thought about it. Edward and I could have a child, possibly. Even though I'd never really given much thought to having kids, a baby with Edward was an entirely different option. If it was possible, I wanted it. I saw visions of him bouncing a green-eyed, copper-haired baby on his lap with wonder in his eyes, cradling it gently in his arms, of us watching our baby sleep, of us being a family.

"You mean, we could have a baby? I could give you a child?"

It was his turn to gape. "What? No! Absolutely not!"

His shock was suddenly replaced with horror and pain; I could see it clearly in his eyes as his hands clasped my face.

"Bella, the mothers, they all...die, from what Carlisle has seen in the stories about this. They waste away from the pregnancy which is apparently much shorter than the regular forty weeks, and then...the baby, if it could be even called that...it _chews_ its way out of the womb, killing its mother in the process. No. I will not lose you like that. Especially not for a child I never thought I could have in the first place."

His face showed his revulsion at the idea. I understood that. The thought of seeing me in that position had to be absolutely abhorrent to him. Deflated, I slumped down in his lap though I wasn't ready to give up yet.

"All of them? Does Carlisle know why? I mean, there has to be a reason why the women waste away, like you said. Can we find out more about it before we make that kind of decision? It seems we don't have all the facts yet. There's got to be more to this than what's in the stories. Can we talk to Carlisle about it? Get some more info?"

Edward sighed down his nose. "I guess I'm not opposed to getting more information, but I'm telling you right now that my stance will not change. I'm not risking your life. Can we agree on that, at least?"

I laid my hands over his, still clasped around the sides of my head. "Yes, of course. I don't want to die, baby. Quite the opposite. But I also want to see if this is something that would be possible for me to give to you. Something that we would create together. I've never given much thought to having children, to be honest, but to have _your_ child, Edward...that would be very, very different."

We sat silently for a moment, my head resting on his shoulder, and the images my mind had conjured in Chicago floated in front of my closed eyes. A child. Edward's and my child. It didn't even faze me that just a week ago I would have categorically said no if anyone had asked me to procreate. A week ago, I'd been too scared and selfish to even properly accept Edward's proposal.

Everything was different now.

"Alice is worried," Edward said, sitting up straighter and jolting me from my reverie. "It seems that suddenly, you've blurred out of her visions. She's getting bits and pieces...why don't you come up, Alice? Bring Carlisle with you."

A few seconds later, the office door opened. I lifted my head to look at Alice. Her face was all scrunched up, as if she was in deep thought. Or scared. Carlisle seemed anxious.

"What do you see?" Edward asked as Carlisle took his chair again and Alice leaned against the desk. "Out loud, Alice. Bella needs to hear this."

She sighed. "I see holes, for lack of a better term. Holes where Bella should be. She's sort of blurry at other times and popping in and out. But you...at first you look all worried and scared, but then...I see you happy, Edward. Ecstatic."

I smiled at her. "This is good, right?"

Alice shook her head. "Not really, Bella. I can't really see what happens to you. I can't see you beyond the pregnancy."

My smile fell a little. "But if Edward is happy, or ecstatic as you said, wouldn't that mean that I'm still alive?"

Alice shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. The point is, I can't tell."

"Why are you and Jasper in the mountains in some of these visions, Alice?" Edward chimed in. "I don't understand..."

"I don't know!" she wailed. "That's the strange part – I have no idea what we'd be doing there, but it has to do with Bella's decision to get more information."

Edward's head suddenly swiveled around to look at Carlisle. "Alistair? Really?"

I stared at him. "Alistair?"

He nodded, his eyes still focused on his father. "Yes, he's an old friend of Carlisle's." His hands tightened around my waist. "It seems...well, why don't you tell us that part, Carlisle?"

"I haven't spoken to him in many years," he began, his eyes on Edward and I, "but I met him a very long time ago, and we formed a friendship. He lives in the Scottish Highlands, near Edinburgh. In one of the conversations we had, he told a story of a vampire who had seduced a human and gotten her with child. The child survived, but the mother did not. I'd never heard of such a thing, so I conducted my own research on the subject. I hadn't thought of it in years, not until this past week when Alice...well, when you two were on your own."

My cheeks were suddenly on fire. He mercifully went on without much of a pause. Edward wore a somewhat smug expression on his face but before I could nudge him, he had smoothed out his features again.

"During my research, I found that there were rumors of more than one child. Similar stories were circulating in the Amazon and in the Far East. In each case, the human had not lived, the child having chewed its way out of the womb, thus killing the mother. I heard legends of the pregnancy being very short, a few weeks at most, and that the mother would waste away, losing weight and generally being very sick. The legends tell of half-vampire children that supposedly grew quickly into their adult size and then stopped aging. Though that is all it was – legends. There is no tangible proof. I haven't met nor spoken to any of the offspring, though Alistair claimed he had once met one of them. I don't even know if they really exist."

He leaned back in his chair.

"As you can see, Bella, the likelihood of your survival is very slim," Edward said after a moment."No matter that Alice sees me happy afterward, I cannot and _will not_ risk you for something I never thought I would have in the first place. I can live without a child of our own – I _cannot_ live without you."

His voice had grown more and more anxious so I stroked his cheek to soothe him. "I know that, Edward. Can we just agree to do a bit more research before we make a decision on this? If there is a way to do this safely, in a fashion that ensures I survive, even if you'd have to turn me immediately after...well, let's see what else we can find out? And then you and I can decide what would be best for us?"

He sighed again. "Yes, I can agree to that. And in the meantime, I think it would be beneficial to discuss our options for birth control. Just in case."

And just like that, my cheeks were flaming again, and I hid my face in my hands. Carlisle suppressed a grin as Alice giggled.

"Yeah...okay. Whatever you think is best is fine with me."

"Let me know when you're ready, and I'll give you a prescription for the pill," Carlisle said. "Since that will suppress ovulation, I think it's your best option for now."

"Okay, thanks," I squeaked, jumping off Edward's lap and grabbing his hand to drag him with me. "We'll be going now. Gonna go see the cottage. Thanks, by the way, for doing that for us. And we gotta go to my house and pack. So...bye."

I was still rambling when I stepped into the hallway with Edward on my heels. Carlisle's chuckling followed us out of the room. Alice danced down the stairs ahead of us.

"Esme is waiting for you at the cottage. And just be glad Emmett's not home," she laughed.

Edward groaned.

He was apparently just as embarrassed as I, or he was taking pity on me, because as soon as we were outside, he swung me onto his back and broke into a lope towards the river.

"Hold on tight," he said before taking a leap clear across the Sol Duc. Less than a minute later, he slowed down when we reached a small clearing. At the edge of the trees was a stone cottage with a thatched roof, a white picket fence surrounding a garden full of blooming plants and trees and a pebbled path leading up to the front door.

It was magical, like something right out of a fairy tale. I was sure that if I blinked, Snow White would suddenly appear in the doorway.

I blinked as I slid off Edward's back.

Esme stepped out of the door, a huge smile on her face.

I giggled to myself, ignoring Edward's questioning look.

"Welcome," she said. "Everything is ready for you, so I'll leave you two to explore."

I walked straight into her arms. "Thank you so much, Esme. I'm sure we'll love it. Just the outside alone is amazing. I can't wait to see what it's like on the inside. Thank you, thank you!"

"Anything for you two," she whispered as she hugged me fiercely. "I'm so glad you are back home."

Edward moved up and threw his arms around us both, giving Esme a kiss on her cheek. "Thanks, Esme, for working another miracle. It looks absolutely wonderful."

"You're welcome. And I will only say this once: Please promise me that neither one of you will run off again."

Edward snickered. "We promise, Esme. We're trying this novel concept called communication. It seems to work quite well."

I snorted a laugh. "I think we both have learned our lessons."

"Good," she declared with a smile and released me, ruffling Edward's hair and stroking my cheek before stepping off the porch. "Will you come back to the house for lunch?"

"I just had a huge breakfast so I think I'll skip lunch," I replied. "But we'll stop in before we leave for Charlie's if that's okay?" I looked at Edward for confirmation.

"Of course," she nodded, "it's your home too. There's no need to ask permission, Bella."

"Right. Sorry. Not used to it yet."

"Well, work on that, alright?" Esme waved and then she was gone.

"Shall we?" Edward said and held out his hand to me. I took it with a smile, then gasped as I was suddenly being carried towards the door.

"What are you doing?" I giggled as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Well, it is customary for the groom to carry his bride over the threshold of their new home," he grinned.

"Shouldn't we be married first?"

"Semantics," Edward shrugged, a wicked smile on his face. "Or call it practice, if you will."

He pushed the door open and stepped into the main room of the cottage before putting me gently onto my feet again. His arms wound around my waist, and his chin rested on my shoulder as we took in our new home.

"Wow," was all I could say. Edward chuckled softly.

Esme had outdone herself. A large leather couch sat facing the stone fireplace and hearth, with a coffee table in front of it. Two comfy chairs, also in leather, framed the couch on either side. Over by the large window, Esme had created a reading nook, with two bookshelves surrounding the window and soft curtains hanging down about half-way. The room was painted a soft taupe color that added warmth to an already inviting space.

Towards the back off the room, off to the side, was an open door that seemed to lead into a bedroom. I stepped forward, running my hand along the couch as I passed it and then stopped at the bedroom door. A large wooden four-poster bed sat prominently against the wall, draped with off-white sheers. The down coverlet was a dark purple color, with matching sheets and pillows. Esme had painted the main wall in the same color as the linens and chosen a lighter shade for the remaining walls.

I walked further into the room, in awe of what our family had done for us. Two doors on the left stood open, one leading into what appeared to be a massive closet and one into an attached bathroom, fully tiled with gleaming fixtures and a claw foot tub next to a shower with six shower heads that would easily fit three people.

"Wow," I said again, turning to face Edward. "This is amazing. And they did this for us?"

Edward smiled. "Do you like it?"

"Like it?" I grinned. "I _love_ it. This is so perfect. I wish we could move in right away."

"There's no kitchen," he said. "Esme and Alice thought it wasn't really necessary to add one since we wouldn't use it for very long anyway."

"Right. I hadn't even noticed. I guess I'll stink up the main house with my food for a bit longer, huh?"

"They don't mind," Edward hastened to say. "As it is, we can't move in yet, though I agree – I too wish we'd be able to start living here. Hopefully, we can resolve the current situation quickly."

Reminded of my formerly best friend, my smile fell a little. "It worries me that he's out there and nobody knows where he is. Do you really think that Sam can't hear him anymore? That he's split off from the pack?"

"I do," he confirmed. "Especially since Peter and Charlotte mentioned coming across his scent not long after I had passed that area. He would only have been able to cover that much ground if he was in wolf form, so it's much more likely that he's his own pack now, instead of having remained in human form this long. Sam said that they currently have one member in wolf form at all times, but I don't believe they will hear his approach. I'm afraid we'll have to rely solely on my own hearing and Alice, of course. If he comes close enough, she will see the future go dark and know to warn us. And I should be able to pick up his thoughts from at least a few miles away."

"I'm just worried that it will come to a fight," I said miserably, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my cheek against his chest. "I don't want you to get hurt."

Edward gently grasped my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. "I would prefer not having to fight him, but I will tell you right now, that if he chooses to confront me, I will need you to let me teach him the lesson he's had coming to him. I can't be worried that you'll step into the middle of it. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

I raised my hands to his face and cupped his cheeks. "Yes. While I may not condone violence in any form, I fully realize that you have every right to make it clear to him once and for all that I belong with you. I can only imagine the nasty things he's thrown at you in his thoughts. The things he said while we were in the tent were bad enough."

Edward closed his eyes and sighed. "Thank you."

We stood there for a while, just hanging on to each other, before Edward bent his head down to quickly kiss me.

"I'd love to try out the bed, but if we do, I'm afraid we won't be able to leave in time for your dress fitting."

I groaned. "Crap, I forgot about that. Hopefully, it won't take too long. Didn't you say she wanted talk about invitations and flowers and stuff too? Do you care what the invitations look like? And the flowers and decorations? Because, honestly, I don't – all I care about is that we get married sooner rather than later."

Edward laughed. "Well, Alice has impeccable taste. We'll just have to remind her to keep things simple but I think she'd love the freedom to choose all that for us. Just give her pointers on what you want. To be honest, I agree with you. All I want is watch you walk down that aisle towards me. All I want is for you to be my wife."

"I love you," I whispered. "I love you so much."

"As I love you."

We walked towards the river hand in hand. I was safely situated on his back again when he jumped the river back towards the main house. As we entered through the open door, Emmett shouted out a greeting from his perch on the couch, waving his game controller.

"Hiya, lovebirds. Didn't think you'd be back so soon. How'd you like the cottage?" He had a huge grin on his face, wiggling his eyebrows. "I picked out the bed, by the way. Sturdy and strong."

I flushed as Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "Emmett," he groaned. "Please."

"Come on up, Bella," I heard Alice shout from the second floor. "Edward, stay out of my head."

I looked at him and smiled weakly. "I'll give her an hour. Will you save me when time is up?"

"Of course." He squeezed my hand and pecked my lips before I trudged up the stairs to meet my future sister-in-law. I actually wanted to see the dress she had chosen, so I walked a little quicker once I'd cleared the stairs.

Jasper came out of their room and smiled. "Go on in. They're waiting for you."

"Thanks so much," I replied. "Are you going to keep Edward company?"

He nodded. "And keep him distracted, as per my wife's instructions."

I laughed as he ran down the stairs.

Alice and Rose were in the room when I entered, both of them smiling. Alice clapped her hands excitedly as she shut the door behind me.

"I've already seen your decision on the invitations and such, so don't worry about that. Now – are you ready to see your dress?"

As promised, an hour later, Edward knocked on the door to rescue me.

"Ready to go?" He smiled.

"Yes, definitely."

We made a quick stop at the grocery store before pulling into Charlie's driveway. The cruiser wasn't there yet. Edward pulled boxes out of the trunk and followed me inside.

I stepped into the kitchen to pull out fish from the freezer and then headed upstairs to get started on my bedroom. When I pushed the door open, I stumbled backwards. Edward came up behind me and I nearly fell into him.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He put the flat boxes against the wall and held me up when my knees began to buckle. Tears sprang to my eyes as I heard him let out a sharp breath. The rose lay withered on the floor by my bed and the letter he had written me just a week ago was on my desk.

"Oh, Bella, love," Edward soothed into my ear. "That's all behind us. Here, sit down and I'll dispose of it."

"Maybe we should keep it," I replied and turned in his arms. "Just as a reminder? So we don't repeat our mistakes."

He looked at me, searching my eyes. "Do you think we'll need it? I'd rather not keep something that hurt so much."

"Yeah, you're probably right." I thought for a moment. "Okay, let's start packing stuff up. Let's put the letter and the flower to the side for now. We'll deal with that later."

"Are you alright?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his chin. "As long as you're with me, I always will be. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Let's get this over with."

Two hours later we had filled quite a few boxes and two large garbage bags. I'd made the bed twice – once before we started and once after Edward had tackled me onto it to kiss me senseless. Kisses turned into touches and we'd reluctantly stopped before things could go too far.

All that was left was putting the boxes I was taking into Edward's car. And a trip to the fire pit.

Of course, he wouldn't let me carry anything downstairs. I just stood to the side and watched him blur back and forth from my room to the front door. I took a long look around the room. We'd come back for the rocking chair which would fit perfectly in the reading nook in our cottage, but everything else I was taking with me was now packed up. In the remaining boxes were the things I was leaving behind, and I hoped that Charlie would either keep them or send them off to Renee.

"It's hard to believe how far we've come, isn't it?" Edward said and wrapped his arms around me. We stood back to front, and I leaned against him, letting the memories flood my mind.

"I can still see you sitting in that rocking chair the first night you stayed. Well, the first night I asked you to." I snorted.

"Actually, that wasn't the first night you asked me to stay," Edward replied, his voice sounding wistful. "Though I guess it was the first time you were conscious for it."

I looked up at him with wide eyes. "What?"

He smiled. "The first night I came here and watched you sleep, I was fighting with myself. And just about the time I had convinced myself to leave you alone, for your own good, you begged me to stay. 'Edward', you mumbled in your sleep. 'Stay. Don't go'. My whole world shifted in that moment, and I knew then that I would love you for the rest of my existence."

"You never told me that."

"Well, when you asked me how often I'd visited before, you seemed embarrassed that you talked in your sleep. I thought I'd be a gentleman and not add to that. You have to understand, though – your sleep talking was the only time I'd get a glimpse into your mind, unfiltered and unguarded. I couldn't read you. Nothing you did was what I expected. It was quite confounding to me."

I giggled. "You seem to be doing much better with that now."

Edward laughed. "Do I? You might think so because I've learned to read your emotions and facial expressions, but you're still the only one who can truly surprise me."

He bent down to kiss my cheek. "Shall we?"

"Hmmm. Let me just grab the letter and the flower. And where's my purse?"

"You left it in the car. Shall I fetch it for you?"

"Would you mind? Meet me in the backyard."

He raised an eyebrow. "What will we be doing there?"

I grinned. "We have some things to burn."

"You're burning your purse?"

"No, silly, but there's something in there you need to take care of."

"What is it?"

I smiled. "You'll see."

He shook his head but did as I asked. As he was walking down the stairs, I picked up the letter and flower, and then took the dream catcher off my bed frame. With one last look, I stepped out of my bedroom and closed the door behind me.

In the backyard, I put my items into the fire pit Charlie had built a long time ago. Edward handed me my purse and I pulled out the bracelet Jacob had given me. I held it out to him. He picked it up carefully.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Crush it," I replied. "Destroy it. Or throw it in the fire. Whatever you like, really."

"Are you sure?" There was a bit of giddiness in his eyes that he was trying to hide, I could tell.

"Yes," I nodded, smiling. "I'm positive. I should never have accepted it. He was trying to stake a claim by giving it to me, and I can only imagine how much it hurt you to see his representation on my wrist. I'm sorry, Edward."

"Shh, it's alright. We're fine now." He nodded decisively and wrapped his hand around the metal links and the small carving. An almost imperceptible tightening of his hand, and the bracelet became nothing more than dust in the wind.

A flick of his lighter later, the letter, rose and dream catcher were no more either.

With a long sigh, I stared at the remnants of my foolish mistakes. Edward stood beside me, his arm around my shoulders. After a moment, he turned me to face him and bent down to kiss me.

"We've now burned the last of the past, Bella," he said. "Let's look forward to our future."

I smiled. "Yes. I like that."

Arm in arm, we went back inside. I dropped my purse on the table in the foyer before moving into the kitchen to start dinner.

"Well," I snickered as I washed the fish, "now that Charlie knows all about the supernatural creatures that populate Forks, I guess you won't pretend to be eating, huh?"

Edward grinned. "That's one benefit."

He sobered up. "We'll have to ward off the Volturi from coming to visit. One touch, and Aro would know all about your father and his knowledge of our world, not to mention the wolves. We'll talk with Alice. Perhaps a letter and a photograph will suffice after your change. Hopefully we've bought ourselves a little time after the last encounter, though I doubt it will be much. I was very wrong to assume that it would be easily thirty years before they checked on us. We may need to move sooner than we had planned."

Edward put his hand in his pocket to pull out his phone. I hadn't even heard it go off.

"Alice? What? Damn it! Alright. Yes. Send Emmett and Jasper to Bella's house right away. Have Carlisle call Sam. Tell him to let them cross our land, it's a shorter route. No, I doubt it's them. They'd have no reason to show up here right now, without warning. Yes, I agree. Yes, I'm ready for him. Of course I will."

I stared at him with wide eyes, knowing what was happening. "He's coming, isn't he? He's made it back to Forks, hasn't he?"

"I will let nothing happen to you, Bella," he said fiercely.

"I know that, Edward. I'm more worried about you."

He looked me right in the eye. "I won't kill him, if he chooses to fight me, but he _will _learn once and for all that you are mine."

I took a deep breath and moved towards him. "I won't stand in your way. He's clearly not gotten the message so far."

While I may have felt bad about the lesson my former friend was about to get, I couldn't let that get in the way. After all Edward had endured for my sake, it was high time that he got to show Jacob which way the wind blew.

"How long until he's here?"

"We have about an hour, Alice said. Enough time to get everyone here and get ready."

"Okay," I said. "Charlie will be home by then, too. Should I call him to delay him?"

Edward shook his head. "No, that won't be necessary. He wasn't happy with what transpired, and with him here, the risk of things getting out of hand is reduced. I only asked for Emmett and Jasper so they can stop any of the other wolves from getting involved in the fight, if it comes to that. I hope that he will listen to what I have to say, but if he doesn't – well, he'll learn the hard way."

"Okay," I said again before walking into Edward's arms. We stood in the kitchen, holding each other, while we prepared ourselves for whatever lay ahead.

I knew we were ready.

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**Endnote:** Thank you for reading. Please leave a review if you're so inclined. :) Until next time!


	18. Stronger Than Ever

**Author's Note: **Yes, it's been forever, it seems, since I've updated. RL is busy, the muse wasn't cooperating, but it is finally done, and the rest of this story should flow easily and quickly. I've got about 2 chapters left, plus epi, maybe. Possibly less, could be more, depending on how much Edward talks.

If you're still around, thank you for sticking with me. Caius09 beta'd this sucker because she is fuckawesome, but all remaining errors should be blamed on me.

Thank yous to my husband who puts up with me.

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its original characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just play in the sandbox she created, and I certainly don't make any money from this story.

No chapter songs this time. On with it.

* * *

**18. Stronger Than Ever**

I've waited a hundred years  
But I'd wait a million more for you  
Nothing prepared me for  
What the privilege of being yours would do

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch  
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush  
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough  
Well I would have known  
What I was living for all along  
What I've been living for

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

Sleeping At Last – Turning Page

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Less than thirty minutes after Alice's call, everything was in place. My brothers were hidden high up in the trees behind Bella's house, Sam and two others of the pack were scattered throughout the forest behind them, and we had reached an agreement – they would not interfere whenever Jacob showed up, as long as it didn't turn into a fight.

Carlisle and Esme had remained at the house, Alice needed to stay away to see as much as possible, and Rosalie had headed down to the police station to warn Charlie and escort him home, if necessary, though I fully expected him to come home as soon as she shared the news with him.

Bella and I were in her kitchen, busying ourselves with preparing dinner. We didn't speak much, but our glances provided all the words we couldn't say. My relief at her agreement to stay out of the fight, if it came to that, and the profound changes to our relationship also made it impossible for me to resist sneaking kisses and touches every few seconds or so.

Despite the upcoming confrontation that loomed ahead, I was feeling rather hopeful about our future. Content, even. Everything had fallen into place in the last week, the ragged edges smoothed out and fitting perfectly.

We were tense, but not with each other. The huge weight that had been keeping us down for so long was gone. Jacob Black was simply a minor irritant, like a mosquito I would flick away when the time came.

I heard Charlie's muffled thoughts long before the cruiser pulled into the driveway.

"Your father will be home shortly," I told Bella. She nodded.

"Good."

"I want you to stay inside with him when Jacob arrives."

Bella stiffened. "What? No! Why?"

"Bella, please. He's dangerous, and if it comes to a fight, I don't want you in the middle of it."

"No, Edward. I've already told you I won't interfere, but I'm not hiding while you're out there with him. What happened to us being a team?"

I reached for her hands, gently grasping her fingers and intertwining them with mine. "Sweetheart, you are everything to me. My reason for living. Without you, I have nothing at all. I can't...my whole being is adverse to putting you in danger. My worst fear is for you to get hurt. I don't trust him. I need to know that you're safe inside, out of harm's way."

Bella frowned and nibbled on her lower lip for a moment. "Okay, I get that, but Edward, I think we should present a united front. I want us to meet him on my porch, with my father and his shotgun beside us. I want to send a clear picture to him. I want him to know that you and I are together and will be forever, and that my father is completely on our side. And also, while you may be bulletproof, he's not. That alone ought to stop him. Or at least reconsider his pigheadedness. Stupid, moronic dog."

She had her fists balled, and the last few words came out in a growl. I gazed at her, feeling the power of her love envelop me.

"Look," she said. "I'll compromise. We'll meet him on the porch, and then if he doesn't get the picture, Charlie and I will be out of the way. Okay? But I want to be there with you, Edward. I won't let you fight this battle alone. Well, I won't fight...ugh, you know what I mean. We're in this together, alright?"

A chuckle bubbled from my throat. Her fierceness was amazing to behold. I wanted her in all the ways a man could want a woman, and the date for her change couldn't come soon enough. The appendage in my pants came to life and strained for her, and I couldn't find it in me to feel even a little bit ashamed. This was my mate, and she had just announced again that she would stand by me, no matter what.

"What?" she grumbled. "Hey, are you laughing at me?"

I stepped toward her and pulled her into my arms, as close as I could get without breaking her. She was right. We should face him together.

"Stand down, my tiger-kitten," I said and chuckled again. "You're right. Perhaps sending him a message from the start will make him see that he cannot have you, and that his quest to convince you otherwise is entirely misguided."

The frown line between her brows disappeared as she looked up at me. "I love you, Edward."

I kissed her lips. "I love you, too."

"Tiger-kitten?"

I grinned. "Yes, well...you _were_ growling, sweetheart."

Bella blushed up to her ears, but her eyes were twinkling with mischief.

"And did you enjoy that?"

My mouth fell open as I fumbled for a response. "I...I..."

Charlie's footfalls on the front porch saved me from making a bigger fool of myself. With a giggle, Bella turned back to the food on the stove as my errant member shrank back into hiding.

"In the kitchen, Dad," she called out when her father stepped into the house.

"Hey, kids," Charlie said and immediately cringed. "I mean..."

"_Shit_."

I grinned. "Don't worry about it. I do look rather young for my age." Bella snickered.

The mustache twitched but then Charlie was all business. "So, I assume you both know what's going on? Rosalie told me to get myself home because Alice said the future went dark which apparently means Jake is gonna be here?"

"Yes. My two brothers are in the woods behind the house, as is a small contingency of the pack. I expect Jacob will show up within the next twenty minutes or so, based on Alice's timeline."

"What's the plan? I can't have you boys fighting in front of my house. I'm sure you can understand that, but I'm willing to do whatever you need to help."

"I appreciate that, Charlie," I said and wrapped my arm around Bella who'd come to stand next to me, gripping my hand with quiet strength.

"We are hoping that if we present a united front, we can convince him peacefully that his pursuit is misguided and unnecessary. I am not sure that he knows of the council's decision as to Bella's...transformation, and I – _we_ – think that if you were to stand with us, he can be convinced to stand down and end this foolish quest he's on**."**

"Your shotgun might send a message as well, Dad," Bella chimed in. "Obviously, he's delusional if he thinks I'm going to leave Edward. Maybe if he sees that you're with us, he'll finally get the picture**."**

Charlie nodded and glanced between Bella and me. "Yeah, sure. I just don't know what's gotten into that boy. I had to throw him out of my house last time he was here. Yelling at Bella and calling her stupid – well, that just doesn't fly with me. I'm still a little angry that you kept me in the dark, but I understand why you did. But no more lies from now on, okay? That's my little girl I'm entrusting to you."

"You have my word," I said and held out my hand. Charlie gripped it firmly.

"Alright, son. Let's get ready."

Alice's prediction was, as usual, correct. Less than thirty minutes later, I picked up the rabid thoughts of one Jacob Black, still in his animal form. The mental images running through his head were disjointed, flitting from kissing Bella to forcefully claiming his right as Alpha to killing me. He spent much time imagining his teeth sinking into my flesh and ripping me apart.

My frozen heart sank when I realized that he meant to fight me, and that he likely wasn't going to step away peacefully. Not that I was afraid for myself – I knew I would be able to deliver the beating he so absolutely deserved – but I realized what this might do to Bella. And thus, I still hoped to end the confrontation without his death.

I pulled my phone from my pocket to call Jasper so he could spread the word to the pack members present behind Bella's house.

"I can hear him," I said when Jasper picked up. "He sounds like he has completely lost his mind. Prepare for a fight. Let Sam know. He might be the only one who can stop him. Please ask him to join Bella, Charlie and me inside the house."

"I figured as much," Jasper replied. "Will do. Perhaps it would be better if Emmett and I, and the other two wolves, are closer as well."

"Leave enough room for him to reach the house without having to confront you first," I said. "He needs to be able to shift to his human form."

"Very well."

I clicked off the call and turned to Bella. She was staring at me with wide eyes.

"It will be okay," I promised. "Don't worry."

"Edward..." She fell into my open arms and pressed her head against my chest. I could smell the tears before they dropped into my shirt.

"Shh, sweet girl. We will be okay. I promise."

We waited inside the living room, Charlie seated in his chair with his gun across his lap, Bella and I on the couch, my arm around her shoulder. Sam stood by the fire place, after having extended his apologies to Bella for Jacob's behavior and the situation we found ourselves in, his thoughts with the pack and the repercussions of Jacob's betrayal. The silence was tense as we waited for our nemesis to come to the door.

His approach was not silent, nor was it undetected. The other two wolves heard him pass by. My previous estimation that he had broken from the pack was confirmed – they couldn't hear him in their minds any longer. Which also meant that if I didn't finish him, Sam would be forced to fight him for the position as Alpha wolf. I didn't envy him that task. I relayed that information to Sam, who acknowledged it with a terse nod. Charlie had questions, I could see that, but he chose to remain silent and shelve them for later.

Jasper sent a text message when Jacob passed below their position perched high in the trees behind Bella's house. He didn't notice them, nor did he realize his former pack mates were now behind him. His thoughts were still rabid and disjointed. At the edge of the woods, I heard him morph into his human form and pull on the cut-off pants he'd carried on his leg. He wasn't going to come around the front.

"He's here," I said into the silence. Bella gasped, and Charlie's face turned grim.

"Front door?"

"Back yard," Sam replied. "I don't think he wants to be seen."

"_Thank God for small favors_."

"Yes," I agreed. "He's about to step out from the trees."

Charlie nodded, his mind and posture determined, and got up. "Shall we?"

He moved towards the back of the house, followed by Sam, as I turned and pulled Bella against me.

"No matter what happens out there, I hope you know that I love you."

She smiled. "Of course I know."

I bent down to kiss her as he started yelling for Bella in the backyard. I moved us quickly into the kitchen, just as Charlie opened the backdoor and stepped out into the yard, gun held in his arm. Sam stood beside him. Bella and I joined them, presenting a united front, as discussed.

The jumbled thoughts in our adversary's mind merged to utter shock when he saw us, but quickly turned to anger.

"Hiding behind your father, Bella?" he sneered at her. "And Sam, too, I see. Of course, the leech is never far from your side, is he? How disappointing, Sam. Standing with bloodsuckers? What would the Elders say if they saw you?"

Sam bared his teeth, his eyes narrowed to slits. "It is with the support of the Elders that I am here."

"So, they're all leech lovers now? Have you poisoned their minds too, Bloodsucker?" He advanced toward us, trying to figure out ways to get around Sam and Charlie to take me out, not really caring about who was standing in his way.

I didn't even bother answering him. Something in his eyes must have given away his thoughts to Charlie, and he cocked his gun.

"Stop right there, Jake. Not an inch closer, boy."

Jacob halted, wary now, and folded his arms over his chest. "What – you gonna shoot me, Charlie?"

"If I have to. It'd be a damn shame, but I will, don't doubt it."

Bella looked at me. "Should I?" When I nodded, she stepped slightly forward to fully face the dog.

"What do you want, Jacob?"

He saw the glow on her face, the contentment she exuded, and drew his conclusion. "_She's...fuck, she spread her legs for him. She gave it up. That was supposed to be mine._"

He stared at her, hatred and fury in his eyes. "You've fucked him, haven't you? You disgusting whore – you spread your legs for that corpse, didn't you?"

Bella gasped, but collected herself quickly. Charlie's head whipped around, and he stared at me with a question in his eyes. I shook my head, and he turned back toward the mutt, glaring at him and about to defend his daughter's honor, when Bella put her hand on his arm.

"What's it to you?" Bella said evenly. "That's really none of your business. You need to go home, Jacob. There's nothing here for you. I'm in love with Edward. And if I'm such a disgusting whore, as you said, what would you want me for anyway?"

"None of my business?" he screamed, and just as I hissed "he's losing it", the ripples started through his body and he transformed into a beast, growling, saliva dripping from his teeth. I pushed Charlie and Bella towards the kitchen door.

"Go inside," I instructed quickly. "He's too far gone to listen to reason. Sam, are you going to stand aside?"

"Try not to kill him," he replied.

"I might not have a choice," I told him. "His intent is to rip me to pieces. I won't let that happen, no matter the cost to him."

This received another terse nod. "_Yeah, I know_."

I heard my brothers jump down from the trees, advancing behind the dog. Sam transformed next to me, and called the other two wolves. I faced down my nemesis.

"Jacob, last chance."

"_You will die!_" He snarled. The next moment, he jumped towards me, claws out, hoping to swipe at my chest, but his thoughts gave him away. I feigned left and struck him with my right fist square underneath his muzzle, making him fly backwards toward the treeline.

He scrambled to his feet, as the three other wolves and my brothers formed a circle around us. Sam told his pack mates not to interfere, only to contain the fight to the backyard. Jacob's thoughts revolved around Bella, his expectation of taking her from me and all the things he wanted from her, once he had eliminated my being in his way. He was already making plans of taking her to the reservation, thinking that she would share his bed willingly once he had shown her his supremacy by killing me.

As before, he showed absolutely no regard for Bella's choice, for her wishes and dreams. It was all about him. He thought she belonged to him, that she owed him and that she would be made to love him.

It was the final straw.

"She is _mine_!" I hissed, my vision going red, venom pooling in my mouth. "Mine to love, mine to protect and mine to touch. You will _never _touch her again!"

I flew at him and delivered a kick to his mid-section that sent him crashing into a large pine tree. He shook himself, a little dazed but then came galloping back, his jaw wide open. I side-stepped him easily and grabbed his hind leg. Sadly, it broke under my grip as I flung him from me.

He yelped and turned around, his rage blinding him. Again, I side-stepped his advance and simultaneously broke two more of his legs. It was over as quickly as it had begun. As he lay on the ground, whining in pain and fury, I kicked his ribs and broke a few of those as well for good measure, assuring that he wouldn't get up.

"She is mine," I snarled again, putting my hand around his throat and clamping down on his windpipe, while holding down his massive body with my own weight.

"Now, shall I put you out of your misery or will you stand down, you pathetic piece of scum? I have no need to bite you. I only have to drip my venom into this wound," I hissed as I dug a fingernail across his shoulder blade, creating a long, bloody gash in his flesh, "and you will die a slow, painful death. What's it going to be, mongrel?"

He was at this point nearly incoherent with pain, but he didn't want to die, transforming back to human underneath me, and thus giving me the message that he was giving up.

"Very well," I said. "I will turn you over to the authority of the pack. Leave, and never set foot near us again, do you understand? If I catch even a glimpse of you, or a stray thought, I will _end_ you. You _will_ respect her choice, once and for all, is that clear?"

"_Yes, yes – fine._" He sounded resigned, having finally realized that he had lost not only her, but also her regard for him with his actions.

It was about damn time.

"Sam," I called out. "Take him."

I jumped off his body, squeezing his throat once more for good measure, then turning toward the house where Bella and Charlie stood under the eave, as Sam and the other two wolves approached. They had changed back to their human forms, walking toward their injured friend. His bones would heal soon, but in his weakened state, they would have no trouble getting him home without further incident.

Bella rushed into my arms. "Edward." Her kisses fell all over my face. "Are you hurt?"

I shook my head, as she molded herself against me, and gently kissed her lips. "No, sweet girl. I'm fine."

"Oh, thank God. I was so scared. You were moving so fast, and I couldn't tell what was happening."

"I'm sorry. Really, I'm fine. I can't say the same for him, though."

"I should feel sorry, but I really don't," Bella whispered. "I can't help but think that he brought this on himself, and part of me feels guilty for thinking that."

I squeezed her gently. "I don't blame you at all."

"Sam," I called out, "if you'd like, my father would be glad to offer his services. He's awaiting your call."

Sam nodded, as he carefully lifted Jacob's shoulders off the ground. "Thank you, Edward. We appreciate it. I will call him on the way to the reservation. He'll need an escort."

"Of course," I replied. "And if there's anything else you need, please let us know."

With another nod, they disappeared into the trees. Jasper and Emmett stepped out onto the grass.

Bella waved at them. "Hi."

"I hope this is the last we'll see of him, Edward, " Jasper said. "And you should call Esme. She's probably worried out of her mind."

"I'll call her in a minute," I replied. "We'll be coming over in a while."

Emmett just grinned. "_Excellent fight, Edward. Too bad you had to leave him alive._"

I grinned right back. "Yes, a pity."

Charlie walked up to us, having put the gun away. "Alright there, Edward?"

"Yes, sir, not a scratch."

"Good, good. And him?"

"A bit worse off, I'm afraid, but the wolves mend quickly. He'll be good as new in a couple of days."

"Really?" he said, astonished, his mind working rapidly. "I was wondering how he'd healed up already from that motorcycle accident two weeks ago..."

Bella blanched, and he immediately noticed and zeroed in on her face.

"Something you wanna tell me, Bells?"

"Uhm..."

"That's a long story, Charlie," I said, "and I'll be glad to tell you, though you might want to sit down for it. Shall we go inside? I should call Esme to let her know all is well – she worries."

"Yeah, okay. Come in the house. We can sit in the living room. I could use a beer after this, that's for sure. That was some fighting, boy. I couldn't see a damn thing with how fast you move."

I smiled. "It's one of the advantages we have, as you probably already know."

And Charlie did know – parts of his conversation with Carlisle and Esme played in his mind. They'd given him as much information as he'd asked for.

"Ever thought of going into police work?" he mused as we walked into the kitchen. "Fast as you are...well, you look too young, I guess."

Bella snickered into my back as I made a quick call home to relay the news.

Charlie grabbed a can of beer from the fridge and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. I pulled Bella into my lap, knowing that I would need to feel her touch while I told the story, and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, her hand playing with the hair at the back of my neck.

"So, tell me about that motorcycle accident," he prompted before taking a sip of his beer.

"Let me ask you first how much you already know," I replied. "Did Carlisle or Esme tell you about how Bella sustained her injuries last year in the Spring?"

"She didn't fall down a flight of stairs, is all I know. Carlisle said something about a rogue vampire hurting her." He looked at me expectantly.

"Yes. It all began at the baseball game I took Bella to. While we were there, a trio of nomadic vampires came across the area, and one of them decided to hunt her in order to take her away from me. You see, most vampires look at humans as a food source only. A few more disturbed ones will sometimes keep a human as sort of a pet. This particular nomad decided that Bella was our pet human, so to speak, though what I didn't realize at the time was that he knew Alice from before she became a vampire. Long story short, I heard his intention to hunt Bella. I wanted her to leave town with me, but she came up with the idea of giving him a false trail to follow so he wouldn't come to this house, which led to her telling you she was going to Phoenix."

Charlie's face wrinkled in pain as he remembered that night.

"I'm so sorry about that, Dad," Bella chimed in, tears in her eyes, reaching across the table for her father's hand. "I'm sorry about what I said to you that night, but it was all I could think of doing so James wouldn't come here and hurt you to get to me. I didn't mean any of what I said."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I understand. I probably would've done the same if it meant saving you."

Bella sniffled. "I love you, Dad."

"Me too, kid." He turned his eyes to me. "What happened next?"

"Jasper and Alice drove Bella to Phoenix while we set a false trail, with Rosalie wearing Bella's clothes to throw off the scent. He figured it out though. There was another vampire working with him. She broke into the school records and found Bella's old address. He went to her house and then tricked her into thinking he had Renee. Bella figured out a way to skip out on my siblings and met him at her old dance studio where he attacked her. I arrived just in time, but by then she was badly injured. We killed him, but needed a cover story to account for her injuries. Alice came up with the story of Bella falling down the stairs at the hotel."

I stopped for a moment to recollect myself, the memories of her broken body lying on the ballet studio floor overwhelming me. Bella's hot hand softly touched my jaw.

"I'm okay," she whispered. "We're okay."

I exhaled in a rush, gripping her a little more closely to center myself. "He bit her," I said, looking straight at Charlie and rubbing my fingers over Bella's scar. He sucked in a breath when he realized what the wound on her hand represented.

"I...I had to suck his venom from the wound. I don't have the words to adequately explain how difficult that was...anyway, the female he was working with realized that he was dead and devised a plan to get her revenge on me. You see, she thought him her mate, though she was only a convenience to him, and vampires tend to overreact slightly when their mate is threatened or killed. She thought that by killing Bella, she would deal me the same blow we had dealt her. What she didn't realize is that...that I left Bella that fall. That we all left her, left her to fend for herself. I had no idea. She kept her thoughts from me when I began to track her, thinking I could hunt her down and dispose of her for her involvement in the Spring, but she eluded me. And after a couple of months, I was too..."

I couldn't continue as memories of excruciating agony rushed over me. Bella squeezed my shoulder.

"What he's trying to say, Dad, is that he was in as much pain as I was during that time. We're not meant to be apart. The woman, Victoria; she decided to build an army of new vampires and come here to kill me. Jacob found out about it at the graduation party, and the pack helped Edward and the Cullens to destroy them all. It was a close call. Jake got hurt when one of the new vampires nearly crushed him. We had to tell you something, and you already knew about the motorcycles, so that was a convenient excuse at the time. I'm sorry we lied to you for so long."

Charlie kept sipping his beer, thinking about what he had just heard and making sense of it all in his mind. After a minute, he nodded thoughtfully.

"Okay then. Glad you told me. What about that other guy, what happened to him?"

"The wolves killed him earlier this year."

"So, any other vampires after you?" he asked.

"None we know of," I replied. "Other than the Volturi who expect Bella to be turned since they know she knows our secret. That's another long story."

"I got time," Charlie grunted. "But I'm also hungry. How about we eat while you talk?"

A few minutes later, he and Bella were eating the food we had prepared earlier, and I launched into the tale of how the Volturi had found out about her.

"You know that Alice has visions, correct?" When he nodded, I continued. "Unfortunately, her visions don't work when the wolves are involved. When Bella decided to venture into extreme sports and try her hand at cliff-jumping..."

"You what?" Charlie sputtered, nearly spitting out his food. "You did what?"

"Thanks so much," Bella whispered before trying to placate her father, who seemed more upset about the fact that she jumped off a cliff than her being hunted by vampires. I wondered if his reaction was due to her making the choice to jump versus having no say in the matter of the viciousness of the attacks against her.

When Charlie had calmed down again, I relayed how Alice's vision had gone blank due to Jacob pulling Bella from the water, which had led her to believe Bella had died as a result, which then prompted Alice to come to Forks to help him cope, only to find Bella alive, if not well. Meanwhile, I told him, Rosalie had made a phone call to me to give me the news, which in turn made me lose all hope and fly to Italy to ask for death.

At that point, Charlie leveled me with a hard stare. "Are you telling me you tried to get yourself killed because you thought Bella was dead? What kind of idiot _are_ you?"

I half-smiled. "It's really more of a vampire thing. Our kind rarely survive the loss of our mates. Either, we actively seek our own demise or go utterly insane. There is no life for a vampire without his or her mate. You could perhaps compare it to losing most of yourself – all that's left behind is a black void. And in my defense, I thought I had confirmation that Bella was truly dead, when I called here and Jacob told me you were at the funeral. He meant Harry Clearwater, but I didn't know that. Alice of course saw my decision as soon as I made it."

"So, when Bella disappeared for three days last Spring, it was basically to save your sorry ass?"

"Essentially, yes. That much was true. My actions after the phone calls unfortunately resulted in the Volturi finding out about her. And as you know, our rule is that no humans must ever know about our existence – anyone finding out is either killed or turned into a vampire. In Bella's case, because they know and respect Carlisle, they were somewhat lenient with us and allowed us to return home, instead of insisting I change her right there."

"Well, that was...nice of them, I guess. What happened next?"

"Shortly after we returned from Italy, we realized that someone was creating newborn vampires in Seattle – all the reports pointed to that conclusion. We monitored the situation while it escalated, and eventually figured out, with help from Bella, that it was all related to Victoria and her desire for revenge. Newborns are the most vicious and most uncontrolled of our kind. And twenty of them can wreak more havoc on a town than a human army of thousands. The wolves found out and offered their help when Alice foresaw that the army was headed to Forks to find Bella. With their assistance, we were able to dispose of the newborns without any losses on our side. As Bella said, it was during that fight that Jacob was injured."

Charlie was silent for a long time, sipping his beer. I could see the thoughts swirling in his head as he went over the story I had just relayed, trying to put into a time frame he could understand, making connections he hadn't seen before. Bella looked at me questioningly.

"He's trying to absorb it all," I whispered into her ear. "Give him a moment."

We sat quietly for a few more minutes.

"Well, boy, I gotta say it. You really _are_ an idiot."

I flinched under the onslaught as Charlie compared Bella's pain during our separation to what I had just told him about vampire mates, wincing as his thoughts turned angry.

"Why on earth would you leave her when you knew she was your...what's it called...your mate? When you knew that vam...people like you can go insane from that? Why would you _leave_ her? All that pain, for what? Do you have any idea what she went through? Every night, she woke up screaming, for months on end. What the hell were you thinking?"

Cringing in my chair, I endured the images as he piled them one on top of the other. Only Bella in my lap kept me from further folding into myself. She had forgiven me for my stupidity, thankfully, and she noticed immediately what Charlie's memories were doing to me. Her soft, hot hand rubbed across my shoulders, calming me sufficiently so as not to crumble.

"Dad," Bella said, "Edward and I talked about all that, and we're fine now. He didn't fare any better than I did during that time, and there's really no point in rehashing all of it. He made a mistake. He thought I was better off without him. He was wrong. Let's leave it at that, okay?"

Charlie grumbled for a bit longer but finally relented. "Yeah, alright. If you've forgiven him, I guess I will too. Just don't pull anything like that again, you hear me?" The last portion was delivered with a glare at me.

"I hear you, Charlie," I replied. "I'm here until she orders me away."

"Which will never happen," Bella chimed in.

We shared a happy smile between us, and if her father hadn't been seated at the table with us, I probably would have kissed her for longer than I did. Since he was watching, I settled for a small peck to her lips.

Charlie pushed away from the table and made to get up, but then changed his mind. "Alice called me earlier today about wanting to get me fitted for a suit. Have you set a date?"

"August 13th," Bella said.

"Alright. And then you start college soon after?" He sank back into the chair.

"Well, about that...we've decided to postpone college for a year or two. I...well, we want to get me changed first."

"What, like right after the wedding?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"What's the rush?" Charlie asked. "Why not go to college first?"

I suppressed a smirk when Bella looked at me meaningfully. I didn't quite think she wanted me to tell her father that her transformation date had been moved up so we could finally consummate our relationship, and that I was chomping at the bit to do just that. I had a feeling giving him 'I want to have sex with Edward' as a reason wouldn't go over too well. So, instead of saying anything, I merely blinked at her once. She got the message and turned back to her father.

Bella shrugged. "Most people go to college to study for a major that will eventually get them into a job. I won't be able to actually work a real job either way, so why waste money on college? I mean, I'll have plenty of time to study anything I want once I'm changed. Besides, with the Volturi ultimatum, I'd rather not risk them coming here to check on me."

She didn't mention that a small contingent of the Volturi guard had just recently been in town, and I had no intention of giving Charlie that information. We still had to figure out a way to let them know of Bella's change that didn't require any of us visiting Italy and coming near Aro – one touch of his hand and he'd know about Charlie.

"Okay, I get that, but won't you have to leave for a while? Carlisle said I couldn't see you for a year or more afterward. And what will you tell Renee?"

Bella looked at me again for help, which I gladly supplied this time. Not only was Charlie worried about not seeing his daughter, but he was concerned how it would look to the town people if she never came to visit anymore, not even during the semester breaks.

"When we leave town, it will coincide with the start of college, so Bella not being here wouldn't cause any suspicion. And if we were going to Dartmouth as we had originally planned, we wouldn't really be able to come home a lot. We can stay in touch via email and phone, if you like, but we wouldn't be able to come back anyway. Well, at least not my family and me. We've been here nearly too long already. Perhaps after Bella has gotten used to this life, you'd be able to visit us instead."

"Right," Charlie said, "I guess that makes sense. And what will you tell Renee? What if she wants to come visit?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, but at some point, we'll have to...uhm...fake our deaths. An unfortunate accident, with no bodies recovered. And I know this is asking a lot, Charlie, but you'll have to be prepared to play your part, if you want to stay in her life. Nobody can know – except the wolves, of course. But for Renee, Bella has to die, so to speak."

"Well, shit. I don't know that I'm that good of an actor, Edward."

"You'll have to be, Dad," Bella added. "There's no other way. We can't tell Renee about Edward and his family. And I can't stay human. That's not an option, even if the Volturi wouldn't demand it."

"You're willing to lie to your mother, Bella? Pretend that you're dead, have her think she's lost her daughter?"

"What else would you have me do, Dad? What other choice is there?"

He fell silent and fiddled with his can of beer. After a moment, he sighed deeply.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Damn. Well, give me some warning ahead of time, alright? So I can be prepared."

"Sure, we will."

"Okay, kid. So, all packed up? I tell ya, it'll sure be strange to not have you living under my roof anymore."

"All done," Bella said. "Everything I'm taking is in the car, and the rest of the stuff is in boxes for you to keep or send to Mom. I'd like to take the rocking chair as well, if you don't mind."

"It's yours, Bells. Take it. You sure you don't want to stay here with me until the wedding? Now that Jake's been taken care of?"

He sounded a bit resigned, as if he already knew the answer to that question. And he did, nodding when Bella replied.

"Yes, I'm sure. There's so much still to do for the wedding, and I'd only be here to sleep. Why don't you come over to the Cullens after work for dinner? Esme will be cooking for me anyway, and she always makes too much."

"Alright. I guess as long as you're happy, I'm happy for you."

"I am, Dad."

"And you'll take care of my little girl, won't you, Edward?"

"I'll protect her with my life," I swore fervently.

"Yeah, I think you've already proven that a few times," he said. "Well, I'm gonna be in the living room. Thanks for dinner, Bella."

She smiled at him. "Any time, Dad."

With that, he meandered to his chair and turned on the TV, while I assisted Bella with the dinner clean-up.

We sat with Charlie for another hour or so afterward, Bella tucked into my side on the couch, watching the game while he engaged me in sports talk about the Mariners. I could see that she was getting tired, and we wished Charlie a good night shortly after.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Dad."

On the way home, Bella leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Is it really over? I mean, with Jacob?"

"God, I hope so," I replied. "I'm not sure what Sam will do with him, or if they will end up fighting for leadership of the pack, but his thoughts were resigned at the end. It seems as if he's gotten the message this time. Either way, Alice will know and warn us, but I don't expect any further issues from his end."

Bella nodded. "I hope so too."

"Are you tired, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, it's been a long day," she replied. "I'd like to take a bath when we get home, if that's okay?"

"I'll draw it for you myself."

She lifted her head off my shoulder and smirked at me. "Will you join me?"

"Uh..." I thought about the pros and cons for a moment, weighing having to withstand Emmett's ribbing versus giving Bella what she wanted, and myself as well, if I was honest. As usual, my need to give Bella everything she asked for overruled any other objections.

"Yes, I think that's a wonderful idea."

"Really?" The smirk grew into her beautiful smile.

I nodded, winking. "The hot water should warm my skin up nicely. And I think it will relax us both."

"Drive faster."

I chuckled. "Yes, dear."

After a few minutes of catching up with my family, Bella and I entered our bedroom. She went straight to the closet while I moved into the bathroom to start the water, testing the temperature to make sure it wasn't too hot. Someone, most likely my sister, had set up candles all around the tub and even provided a bottle of scented bath oil. It was a clean scent, so I used it generously.

Bella was carrying her pajamas when she walked into the bathroom – naked. My jaw dropped, and the familiar blush colored her cheeks. She had piled her hair up on top of her head, and my eyes zoomed in on the long, elegant column of her neck before devouring her in her entirety, lingering more than appropriate on her perky breasts and the small patch of curls at the apex of her thighs. When my brain was functioning again to some extent, I dropped the lighter and moved towards her, gently taking the clothes from her hands.

"You are so beautiful," I whispered before I carefully put my hands on either side of her face and kissed her softly. Her arms came around my waist and she pressed herself against me, the heat of her naked skin sinking through my clothes, making me tremble with anticipation.

"Thank you," she said when I released her lips. "You are wearing too many clothes."

"An oversight I shall rectify immediately." I grinned, my elation at our domesticity most likely evident on my face. "Get in, the water is almost ready."

I helped her into the tub, before shedding my clothes and sliding in behind her so that her back was pressed against my chest. Bella sighed contentedly and rested her head on my shoulder. If my skin wasn't quite warmed up yet, she didn't let on, wiggling her behind to get closer. When the tub was filled, I turned off the water and took the sponge, dipping it into the water and running it slowly across any area of her skin I could reach.

"This feels so good," she said with another sigh. "The water is perfect, and I love the candles. That was a nice touch."

"I can't take credit for those," I replied.

"Alice?"

"Hmm, most likely."

"You're warming up," she remarked before taking the sponge from my hands. She soaked it in the water and then ran it along my arms that were wrapped around her and up and down my leg on either side of hers. After a minute or five, she tilted up her head, and I saw the need in her eyes, capturing her lips.

The kiss soon turned heated and Bella twisted in my arms, ending up straddling my lap, with her hands in my hair and my tongue in her mouth. I rubbed my hands up and down her back, but soon my fingers ventured further south, cupping her derriere and pulling her closer.

I probably shouldn't have done that, because it put the heat of her feminine folds directly over where my own need had made itself known, saluting her proudly. Bella gasped and threw her head back, pressing down against me, her hips moving gently back and forth.

"Edward," she panted, "Edward, oh..."

I was dying, burning, I had to be, because such heat, such slick heat was simply impossible. I had never felt anything like it touch me in all of my existence, and when she pressed down again, I lost my mind.

My hips began to buck in time with her movements; most of my length was engulfed between her nether lips, the tip of my manhood hitting her clitoris repeatedly as my fingers kneaded the supple flesh of her behind. The water sloshed around us, cresting over the edge of the tub and splashing to the floor. I didn't care, too focused on the amazing feeling centered in my groin. It would only take a small adjustment on my part for me to enter that hot channel and finally make her mine.

The thought was as tempting as it was repulsive. Our first time making love should not be happening in a bath tub, and yet, after waiting so long and being so afraid to hurt her, but finally having realized that I _was_ strong enough after all, I wanted it so very badly.

"Bella! I...I..." I begged, for help, for permission, I wasn't sure.

She stilled immediately, the only movement her rapid breaths, her heart pounding out a staccato. "Too much?"

I nodded, grateful that she understood the conflict warring inside me, and she slid off me, moving towards the other end of the tub. I pulled her ankles across my thighs, unwilling to lose the connection with her skin, as she sank back down into the water slowly, and ignored the raging need that was burning inside me.

"So, now that Jacob is no longer coming after us, can we move into the cottage?"

Startled at the sudden question, yet realizing that she meant to distract me, I smiled at her. "If you like, we can move in tonight."

Bella shook her head. "Nah, we can spend the night here and move our stuff over tomorrow. I'd rather not venture too far after the bath."

"As you wish."

While we enjoyed our intimate bath, idly touching whatever skin we could reach of each other, we spoke of our plans for the near future, about the upcoming wedding, her birthday and my hope of taking her to Seattle for a trip to walk around Pike Place for a day. We'd have to ask Alice for a weather prediction, but I had very much liked our time in downtown Chicago and hoped to recapture that feeling of just simple being with Bella, wandering aimlessly and stopping at whatever store struck our fancy. Bella was enthusiastic about that idea, and we agreed to sneak out of the path of hurricane Alice as soon as was possible.

"Have you finalized the wedding arrangements?" I asked her while we were on the subject.

Bella nodded. "Yes, I think so. I've given Alice a list of people I would like to invite, and she's handling the rest. Flowers, cake, invitations – I don't really care what it looks like as long as you're standing at the end of that aisle."

My smile was huge. "You know I will. I've waited a century to marry you, Miss Swan."

Bella frowned. "I hate that you were alone for so long."

"I can't regret a moment of it," I said with conviction as I reached for her hands, "because it led me to you."

We both leaned forward until our lips met in a kiss. When I moved back, I held out my hand.

"The water has grown cold. Are you ready to get out?"

Bella nodded and watched with wide eyes and a small giggle as I stood up, unashamedly exposing my naked body to her, much like she had exposed hers to me earlier. After our week in Chicago and the huge shift in our relationship, modesty was the last thing on my mind. We had reached a new level of intimacy, and sharing our bodies openly was only a small part of that.

It had just taken me a while to figure it out.

As I helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in one of the large, fluffy towels Esme had stocked our bathroom with, I marveled again how far we had come, how much we had changed each other and ourselves and how much stronger we were because of it.

And how much I loved this wonderful, fragile, amazing woman in my arms.

* * *

**Endnote:** So, the dog is done, and all that's left is a wedding and a decision about a hybrid spawn baby. And of course, Bella's change. And then their HEA!

What do you, dear readers, think - should they have a real honeymoon with human/vampire sex, or should they wait until after Bella has been changed? I've already decided, but I would love to know what you think.

Until next time,

TMOT


	19. Family Ties

**Author's Note:** Hi! If you're still with me, thank you. As we get closer to the end of this story, there are only a few more things to cover. My gratitude to Caius09 who beta'd this sucker, and whose insights were invaluable. She also fixed my typos, so all remaining errors are mine. When we last left Edward and his Bella, they were pretty blissed out after their bath. This new chapter takes them on a trip to Seattle, and some family discussions. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** As always, Stephenie Meyer is the Queen Bee and I simply play in her sandbox. Twilight and its characters are hers, not mine. This story's plot and the words within however are mine, so please don't steal.

* * *

**19. Family Ties**

_You calm the storms and you give me rest _  
_You hold me in your hands _  
_You won't let me fall _  
_You steal my heart and you take my breath away _  
_Would you take me in, take me deeper now _  
_And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you _  
_Would you tell me how could it be any better than this_

_Cause you're all I want, you're all I need _  
_You're everything, everything_

Lifehouse - Everything

ooo~~~OOO~~ooo

"Oh, can Jasper and I come too, please?" Alice squealed the next morning when I entered the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. Edward was still upstairs after having insisted on cleaning up the bathroom which was still a little under water from our bath the night before. Apparently, he hadn't moved from the bed after I had fallen asleep, which surprised me a little, though it shouldn't have. In all the time in Chicago, he had lain beside me while I slept, unwilling to let me out of his arms.

I hadn't slept this well in a very long time.

"Are we going somewhere? And good morning to you, Alice."

"Yes, good morning, sleepyhead," she waved off my greeting. "Edward wants to take you to Seattle."

"I know. We talked about that last night." I smiled, remembering our time in the tub, before focusing on the hyper vampire next to me who looked at me me hopeful eyes.

"If it's alright with Edward, I'd love for you and Jasper to come with us." I poured myself a cup of coffee and moved to the refrigerator for the creamer I'd come to love.

While Alice squee'd her pleasure at the invitation, Rosalie entered the kitchen from the garage and plopped down in the chair next to me. "Hey, Bella."

"Hi, Rosalie."

"Emmett and I went to get your truck this morning. It's a disaster, and the parts I need have to be ordered."

"Uhm, okay..."

"It shouldn't take me too long to fix it up. So, what's this I hear about Seattle?" She grinned. "Emmett's very interested. He's gone hunting with Jasper, but they'll be back soon."

I sipped my coffee before answering, still not used to her open acceptance of me.

"Oh, Edward mentioned last night that maybe we could spend the day there. You know, just walk around, shop a little, browse the bookstores, that sort of thing. Did you want to come with us?"

"Shut up, Edward," she responded to something he must have said from upstairs, rolling her eyes at the ceiling. "I'm talking to Bella, and if she wants us to come along, what are you going to do about it?"

Edward appeared beside me without warning. I nearly sloshed the hot coffee over my hand, but his reflexes were faster, and he took the cup from me before I could burn myself.

"Sorry, love." He glared at Rosalie.

"Well?" she challenged him. "Alice said the weather would cooperate the day after tomorrow. Just imagine, Edward – an outing with all your siblings. Won't that be fun?"

I took my cup back from his hand and sipped coffee quietly, interested in seeing how this little spat would play out.

"Loads of fun, no doubt," Edward replied. "Bella doesn't have to agree, and I won't have you badgering her into saying yes. I'm sure you'll understand if we want to go alone."

"But Edward," Alice piped up. "We want to spend time with Bella, too. Look, it really will be so much fun. And we can even take two cars, since you'll want to sta-"

"Alice! If you don't mind, that was going to be a surprise."

"Bella hates surprises," Rosalie said with a smirk. "You of all people should know that."

"Bella is right here and perfectly capable of talking for herself." I snorted into my coffee cup when three sets of eyes landed on me.

"I love you, Edward. Thank you for making sure I get a choice in the matter. Alice, if Edward is planning a surprise for me, kindly keep it to yourself. And Rosalie, how about a compromise? We can all go, hang out for a while and then Edward and I will go off on our own for a few hours. I think that might suit everyone, would you agree?"

Rosalie looked at me with appraising eyes. Alice clapped her hands, a huge smile on her face. Edward groaned in defeat.

"Perfect," Alice said. "We'll leave at eight."

I turned to Edward and pulled him toward me by his shirt. He buried his head into the crook of my neck, his lips pressing gentle kisses onto my skin, as his arms wrapped around me.

"Excellent," Rosalie said, granting me a smile. "Oh, Bella?"

"Hhmm?"

"Call me Rose."

I stared in surprise as she winked at me before she disappeared back into the garage.

Edward borrowed Emmett's Jeep to drive over to my father's house so we could move the rocking chair to our cottage.

"That was a very nice gesture you extended to my siblings," he said as we were pulling away from the house. "You didn't have to invite them."

"I don't mind, Edward. They were instrumental in getting us back together, and I'm very grateful that they drove me all the way to Chicago."

He grasped my hand and pulled it to his lips. "Yes. Forgive me. I'm selfish and want you all to myself."

I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder. "I know you don't share well."

Edward huffed. "That's not true."

"Isn't it? Tell me, when is the last time someone else drove the Volvo? Or the Vanquish, for that matter? Or you let someone other than me touch your CD collection? Or the piano?"

I suppressed a smile in the ensuing silence. My Edward didn't like to share, and he knew it just as well as I did.

"It's just a couple of hours," I soothed. "Will you tell me the surprise you have planned?"

"Well, let's just say that you'll need to pack an overnight bag." Edward replied. "Nothing fancy. We're not seeing an opera this time."

"In that case, perhaps I should let Alice pack my bag, since she's seen what we'll be doing. I trust her not to go overboard."

Two seconds later, my phone lit up with a text message.

**Thank you! - A.**

I laughed, showing it to Edward. "Still watching closely, I see."

He snorted. "I'm not surprised."

After parking the Jeep in front of the Cullen house, Edward pulled the rocking chair from the back and grabbed my hand.

"Let's put it in its rightful spot," he said as I giggled and let him pull me along the path to the cottage. Once he had put the chair in the corner of our new bedroom, he stood back to admire it. I moved to the bed to lie down, and he took he hint, sitting down in the chair, watching me watching him.

"This feels like old times," he mused as I smiled. "I sat in this chair so many nights while you slept."

"Before or after we got together?"

"Both," he admitted with a sheepish smile. "Even though you'd fall asleep in my arms, there were many times I had to move off the bed lest I ravish you. Resisting the temptation was very difficult, my darling girl. Your soft skin, the hot puffs of breath that warmed me from the outside in, the trust you showed by falling asleep next to a vampire, knowing your blood sings for me, the little moans that fell from your lips..."

He trailed off, his eyes traveling up and down my body. I tried valiantly not to blush but it was to no avail. His heated gaze made me feel desired and beautiful, and I wanted nothing more in that moment than have him get up to lie beside me.

"I remember every word you said in your sleep. Most of it was garbled and didn't always make sense, but every so often, you'd snuggle closer and murmur my name, sighing with content when I pulled you more tightly against me."

A strangled noise came from my throat. His eyes flashed to mine, and then, as if he'd read my mind, his lanky form was pressed against me from chest to toe, his hands roaming my back when his lips found mine.

Since I didn't want him to feel left out, my hands moved to his hair, grasping fistfuls and pulling him down to me. He pulled my leg across his hip and then cupped my behind firmly, growling deep in his chest.

All coherent thought forgotten, we kissed for what felt like hours after which my lips were swollen and Edward's hair was in even more disarray than usual, something Emmett saw fit to comment on when we finally made it back to the main house for lunch.

"Your lips are a bit puffy there, li'l sis. Did you get stung by a bee? Nice do, Edward." He winked and then laughed uproariously. Edward snarled while I snorted.

"Jealous, Emmett? Does it make you feel inferior to know that Edward satisfies me in every way?" I wasn't quite sure where my courage had come from, but it got a boost when Edward laughed loudly at Emmett's stunned face.

"Well, I'll be...what...no, it doesn't. Rose makes me a very happy man."

"Are you sure?" I teased. "Considering you're so very interested in what Edward and I do in the bedroom, you must be missing something from your own. Poor Rosalie."

Emmett was still sputtering when I walked toward the kitchen to fix a sandwich, a wide grin on my face. Edward's love gave me the confidence I'd needed, and shutting up my soon-to-be brother felt amazing. His face showed pride, as he grinned at me and gave me a thumbs up.

"Good job, Bella," Rose yelled from the garage where she was apparently still tinkering with the truck.

"Thanks, Rose," I said before focusing on my lunch.

"Have you or Carlisle heard from Sam?" I addressed Edward as I put the plate in the sink. "Did he go over to the rez last night? I meant to ask sooner but someone distracted me."

"Someone, huh? I assure you, the distraction was mutual," he murmured before dropping a kiss on my forehead. "To answer your question, yes, he did. Sam called him shortly after they got to Jacob's house, and Seth escorted him from the border. He's set the bones again, and with a few days rest, Jacob should be fine. Billy even thanked him, knowing full well that it was me this time who'd injured his son, and apologized for what he called hot-headedness. Carlisle thinks, and I agree, that the tribe is a bit worried we'll retaliate for what could be considered an unprovoked attack."

"Not that you would," I said, "right?"

"No, of course not. Billy told Carlisle that they would be sending Jacob to live with his sister in Hawaii for a while as soon as he's able to fly out. He can't be here, not with having challenged the Alpha, and Billy knows it. So, he'll be far away soon enough, and we no longer have to worry about him at all."

"Good." I smiled. "Maybe a change of scenery will be good for him. Maybe he'll find someone to imprint on while he's there. That would solve his whole infatuation with me for sure."

Edward nodded. "That's true. I don't think he understood or even thought about that fact. Even if you had chosen him, he would have had to leave you if or when he found his imprint, much like Sam left Leah for Emily."

"I brought that up with him once. He said he didn't think he'd ever imprint on anyone. That it was rare. But then I look at Sam and Quil – there's two of them in less than a year. Chances are it's not as rare as he thinks."

"I tend to agree." Edward nodded. "It doesn't seem all that rare, considering that three of the ten have imprinted by now."

"Three?" I exclaimed. "Who else?"

"Paul," Edward replied. "It's very recent. I saw it in his mind yesterday. Her name is Rachel, and she's Jacob's sister."

I couldn't help but grimace at the thought how well that must have gone over with Jacob when he found out. "Well, I'll be damned. Maybe she'll calm him down a bit. He flies off the handle too easily."

"I hope she doesn't get hurt like Emily did."

That sobered me up. "True."

Edward wrapped his arms around me, and I put my head on his chest and my hands in the back pockets of his jeans. We stood there silently for a moment until he asked me if I would like a trip to the meadow.

"Always." I smiled up at him. "Are we driving or running?"

He laughed. "If you're up for it, I wouldn't mind stretching my legs for a bit."

"And you'll be my ride?"

"At your service."

As usual, my amazing vampire had packed a small backpack with drinks and snacks and even thought to grab a blanket. With my eyes wide open and the wind in my face, he ran us to our special place deep in the woods.

It turned out to be a wonderful afternoon. Edward even wove me a crown of wildflowers, carefully selecting only the most beautiful of blooms for his masterpiece.

I wore it with pride.

Dinner was a quick affair, and Edward and I spent the evening with the family, laughing at Emmett's antics while playing Halo with Jasper, before heading to the cottage for the night. He looked at me appreciatively when I changed into some silk pajamas, and I returned the favor when he took off his clothes in exchange for a pair of lounge pants, his bare chest gleaming in the moonlight.

Morning came early, and I grumbled for a minute about waking up alone until a barefoot Edward walked in, still dressed for the night, with a cup of coffee for me.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"It is now," I replied and took a sip. "Ah, thanks, Edward."

"Alice wishes me to inform you that you have 45 minutes to get ready, and that your bags for tonight are packed and in our car."

I laughed. "45 minutes, huh? Does that include time for food?"

"Apparently, I was remiss in letting you sleep for too long, so breakfast will be an egg and bacon burrito you'll have to eat in the car, I'm told." He snorted. "She's a little dictator. I had to argue with her about letting you have coffee before your shower."

"She means well," I said lightly, taking another sip before looking at him from underneath my lashes. "But thank you for pleading my case. You know, in the name of saving time, perhaps we should share the shower?"

Edward smiled wickedly. "I like the way you think, Bella, but we both know that showering together is going to make us late."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge, Mr. Cullen?"

"Most definitely, Ms. Swan."

I giggled and put the coffee down. "Race you," I sang as I pulled my top over my head and dropped it at his feet with a confidence I hadn't possessed a week ago. His mouth dropped open, and another giggle burst from my chest.

At the bathroom door, I looked back at him over my shoulder. He still hadn't moved, his eyes skimming up and down my back. Emboldened, I shimmied out of my pajama pants and winked at him. Once in the bathroom, I turned on the shower, waiting for the water to heat before stepping under the spray.

"Coming, Edward?"

He appeared behind me, naked as the day he was born, his hands gripping my waist and turning me to face him. His mouth descended on mine, and my fingers curled into his hair. I felt him, hard and wanting, against my stomach. Knowing that his wonderful man was aroused because of me made me feel a hundred feet tall.

We did eventually wash up, but not before he'd used his nimble fingers to coax me to a climax and certainly not before I had the opportunity of watching his face dissolve in pleasure of his own.

No towel racks were harmed this time.

Alice grinned at me knowingly when we arrived at the main house with only a minute to spare. I didn't have it in me to blush, still flying high on Edward. I simply shrugged at her with a smirk.

The drive to Seattle was over quickly, the second car with his siblings following behind us. Once I'd inhaled the burrito Esme had lovingly prepared and downed another cup of coffee, Edward and I listened to music and chatted about what we'd do once we got there. I asked to go to the original Starbucks and the Space Needle.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I'd prefer seeing the Space Needle tomorrow before we head home," Edward said. "I was thinking we'd stop at the Seattle Center after you've gotten your fill of Pike Place."

He suddenly got very animated. "The Experience Music Project is one of the main attractions there. It houses more than eighty-thousand artifacts, from Seattle's own Nirvana to Jimi Hendrix. I would love to show it to you."

"Have you seen it before?" I asked

Edward shook his head. "No. I wanted to take you last year during the summer, but there never was a good time, and then...well, you know."

I reached across the console to pat his leg. "I look forward to seeing it with you."

His smile was blinding. "I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you, too."

The six of us had a great time at Pike Place. Alice took pictures of me and Edward standing in front of the Starbucks, though we didn't bother going inside. The line was just too long. I had a hot dog for lunch, from one of the street vendors, and Edward handed me a cold bottle of water afterward. Rosalie and Alice pulled me towards one of the vendors that sold hand-blown glass and convinced me to purchase a painted ball that, according to Alice, would look wonderful hanging in the living room window of the cottage. Edward watched me, a small smile playing on his lips, as I pulled out cash that had mysteriously appeared in my wallet to pay for it. And he carried the bag with pride when I handed it to him.

Around three that afternoon, his siblings took their leave to head back to Forks, while Edward drove us to the Edgewater Hotel where he had booked a suite for us to spend the night. After we'd checked in, we walked to the Seattle Center to visit the music exhibit. Edward's enthusiasm was infectious, and I let him tell me about the history behind the various artifacts on display.

Once we got back to the hotel, we changed for dinner. Alice had packed me a pair of black Capri pants and a shimmering blue blouse with short sleeves, and black flats. Grateful that the attire she had chosen wasn't over the top, I didn't balk at the lacy underthings she had included.

Part of me was also hoping that Edward would delight in peeling them off me later. A bit of mascara and lip gloss, the pretty earrings Edward had purchased in Chicago, and I was done.

Edward's heated gaze skimmed up and down my body when I exited the bathroom, and I smiled.

"You like?"

"Beautiful," he murmured as he walked towards me, taking my hand to his lips for a kiss. He was looking quite handsome himself in his black slacks, light green shirt and charcoal dinner jacket, and the knowledge that this loving, considerate and kind man had chosen me over all others made me light-headed.

"May I escort you to dinner, Ms. Swan?"

"I'd be delighted," I replied as I curled my hand around his proffered arm. As we walked down the hallway to the elevators, he told me he'd made reservations for us at the hotel's on-site restaurant.

"It's mostly seafood," he explained, "oysters, mussels, salmon and such, fresh from Pike's Fish Market. I hope you'll like it."

"Sounds good."

Edward stood behind me, nuzzling my neck as the elevator descended, his cool breath making me shiver in pleasure. "You smell so damn good," he whispered in my ear before kissing the sensitive spot right below.

"Enjoying the bouquet?" I teased him while trying to stay upright.

"Very much so, sweet girl."

Dinner was great. Our waiter was male, and for once we didn't have to deal with someone fawning over Edward the entire time. Carlos was friendly but not overly so. Of course, Edward watched him with narrowed eyes while he ordered a bunch of seafood appetizers for me to try, though he didn't elaborate on any untoward thoughts he probably picked up. I just smiled and reached for Edward's hand, showing off the beautiful ring on my finger. That made him crack a small smile and all was well again.

"Did you enjoy your day, Bella?"

"I did. It was fun watching you so enthusiastic about something you love."

He smiled crookedly. "You weren't bored?"

"Not at all, silly. You know so much, and it's fascinating. I love that you want to share that part of yourself with me."

"I want to share everything with you, Bella," he said, his eyes shining.

"I want that, too," I whispered in reply. "I love you."

"Oh, Bella. Are you done with your dinner? Please say you're done. I need..." He broke off, staring at me with desperation in his eyes.

"I'm done, Edward." I smiled at him happily. "Whatever you need, baby."

"Check, please."

He practically dragged me back to our suite after he'd paid for dinner, his hands never leaving my body for a moment. When he'd opened the door, he pulled me inside quickly, shutting it with his body and pulling me against him. His lips found mine and all bets were off. I moaned into his mouth when his cold tongue pushed between my lips, my hands flying into his hair, pulling myself closer.

I faintly heard fabric rip and a breeze cooled my suddenly overheated skin when he rushed us to the bed before laying me down gently. He trembled as he moved back a little, breaking our kiss.

"I'd say sorry about your clothes, but I'm not," he muttered, his eyes devouring me. "You are exquisite, Bella." He took off my shoes and dropped them behind him to the floor.

"I am very partial to that color against your skin," he said, "but please allow me to remove your undergarments. I really, really need to touch you, Bella."

I nodded, gathering courage from the knowledge that Edward wanted me just as much as I wanted him. "On one condition. You allow me to undress you."

Edward swallowed hard, searching my eyes. "Oh...uh...alright."

I smiled. "Proceed."

My bra didn't stand a chance. Edward pulled me towards him, fumbled with the clasp for a moment and then gently tugged the fabric from my body. I lay back and in a bold move put my arms above me, arching my back.

"So beautiful," he whispered. His fingers skimmed up my sides before he moved them across my chest, teasing each nipple to a hardened point.

"Edward," I moaned when his cool tongue left a fiery trail from my neck to the tip of my breast. I felt him smile against my skin before his lips closed over the tip and suckled gently. My back arched further, pushing myself into his mouth. He moved to the other side, lavishing the same attention to my other breast. Somewhere in the back of my mind, pride at his strength, his control, took up residence. His trembling wasn't as pronounced, but even in my heightened state, I could see how careful he was with me.

"I love you," I gasped when his lips moved down my stomach towards my panties, a trail his hands followed down my sides. Edward raised his eyes to mine when he reached the silken fabric that still covered my most private parts, silently asking permission.

I nodded quickly, and silk shredded under his fingers. He leaned up a little, watching me as he let his fingers trail down towards my mound. When he swiped them through the wetness that had gathered there, I whimpered.

"So hot, so wet," he muttered almost to himself. "And all for me."

I couldn't help the giggle, but it turned into an embarrassingly loud moan when a cool finger entered me, gently rubbing against the flesh inside. My knees came up and fell to the side, opening myself to his explorations. His thumb flicked over my clit, and I lost all coherent thought, writhing on the bed, my hips lifting to seek more friction, more movement, more, more, more...

...and then I shattered around his talented fingers, a flash of white light bursting behind my closed eyes. I was babbling nonsensically as he slowed his strokes to calm me down. Edward smiled up at me from his position between my legs.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to how beautiful you look when you come apart," he said before bending down to kiss my stomach right above my mound, groaning as he inhaled. "And you smell so fucking good, Bella, I can hardly wait until it's safe to taste you right here."

My face bloomed as I reached out a hand to run my fingers through his hair. "Soon," I promised.

He exhaled shakily and moved up the bed to lie down next to me, pulling my face to his for a kiss. I snuggled closer to him, sighing into his mouth. My fingers clutched his shirt, toying with the buttons. When he pulled back, I looked up at him.

"My turn now?" I asked, my voice shamelessly hopeful.

To his credit, he only hesitated minutely before nodding. "Go slow, love, okay?"

"Of course," I assured him with a smile. "Lie on your back. And maybe you should keep your hands under your head? I don't think breaking the bed is an option here."

He chuckled. "Probably not."

Edward arranged himself after taking off his shirt before I could blink. It fluttered to the floor next to the bed.

"Hey," I protested in jest. "That was supposed to be my job."

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I just want to feel your hands one me."

I gaped at him open-mouthed before shaking my head. "Where's the old-fashioned guy I used to know?"

He shrugged, a crooked smile on his angelic face. "He was too uptight, so I made him go back to nineteen-eighteen where he belongs."

Snickering, I reached out my hand to touch his chest, drawing patterns around his pecs in ever smaller circles until I reached one of his pale nipples and scratched my nail across it. Edward hissed under his breath. Encouraged, I paid the other nipple the same attention and was rewarded with a long groan that ended in my name. Watching his face, I trailed my fingers down his stomach, scratching lightly when I reached the small patch of hairs that led into his pants. Unbuckling his belt with one hand proved tricky so I shifted onto my knees to use both hands. When the belt fell away, Edward held his breath as I slowly popped the button and then searched for the zipper, feeling him strain against the fabric under my hand.

"Bella," he whined, "please..."

When the zipper was about halfway down, his hardened length suddenly stood straight up and broke the rest of it. I jerked my hands back, stunned, before starting to giggle.

"Commando, Edward?"

His perfect lips formed a perfect O. He blinked twice before drawing in a breath. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"I'm fine, see?" I wiggled my fingers. "Can I...touch?"

He nodded, and I curled my fingers carefully around him, slowly stroking him. Unlike when we'd been in the shower, his penis was cool to the touch, but the skin was soft and smooth. I nearly forgot all about removing his pants but Edward lifted his hips slowly, and I managed to pull them down to his feet. I'd also forgotten about his shoes but before I could remove them, he'd toed them off. Crawling down, I tugged his pants off completely before glancing at him.

He was holding himself very straight, but his body was nearly vibrating. His face was relaxed though, and I could see the need and desire in his eyes. I ran my hands up his leg until I reached his member again, standing up proudly, perpendicular to the rest of him. And like the rest of him, it too was sheer perfection.

I wasn't sure where my courage came from, but I wanted to put my mouth on him. And I knew that I'd have to warn him beforehand lest he freak out.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I...uhm..." I took a deep breath. "I want to...kiss it. Is that okay? Please?" I asked him, keeping my strokes even but tightening my fingers around him. His eyes locked with mine.

"Bella, no...that's not proper...yes, God help me. Yes. Please...oh God, okay...be careful. Oh fuck...yes..."

Slowly, I lowered my face to the very tip of him, pursing my lips to press a soft kiss on the head. Edward snarled in his throat, pressing his hips into the mattress. He had his hands locked in a vice grip around his wrists. His eyes were wild.

"Please, Bella, Bella, Bella..."

Encouraged by his reaction, I carefully licked around the ridge. It was like licking an Edward-flavored popsicle. A long groan followed when I closed my lips around him, still using my hand to stroke up and down. I sucked lightly and Edward started to pant.

"So good, so good, oh God, Bella, yes, yes...shit...close, so close...please, sweetheart...you have to move out of the way."

I released him from my mouth, but kept the rhythm of my strokes. His growls and snarls reverberated through the room. My eyes were on his face, contorted in pleasure when I felt the cool liquid of his climax flow over my fingers.

I slowed my strokes, much like he had done with me, until his breathing became normal again, before I released my grip on him. He pulled me up to lie beside him, face to face.

"Are you alright," he asked, worry in his voice. "Did I hurt you?"

"Not at all," I said. "Thank you for trusting me, and yourself."

"Oh, my darling girl," he crooned before kissing me deeply. "I should be thanking you."

"I love you. And I'm so proud of you." I smiled at him. "I love how close we've become, and that we can experience these things for the first time, together."

He stroked my hair. "I love you. And I love that you don't push me beyond what I'm capable of giving you."

I sighed happily and nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck.

Unfortunately, the hotel bed didn't come with an electric blanket, and I started to get cold after a while. Of course, Edward noticed right away.

"Are you cold, sweetheart? I'm sorry..."

"Shh, it's okay. Do you think Alice thought to pack us a spare blanket?" I asked him, unwilling to leave his arms.

"Let me check. Knowing my sister, it's entirely possible." He jumped off the bed to check his bag, grinning when he found what we needed at the very bottom. I might have shamelessly checked out his behind.

"Ha! I love my sister," he exclaimed.

"Yay! Remind me to thank her tomorrow," I said before getting up myself. "Human moment. I'll be right back."

I walked to the bathroom, naked as a jaybird, knowing full well that his eyes were on me the entire time. Right before I entered the room, I wiggled my butt, giggling when I heard his breath hitch.

"Vixen."

I brushed my teeth and use the lavatory, washing my hands before returning to the bedroom. Vampire speed came in handy, as the bed was remade with the electric blanket. Edward was wearing a pair of the now familiar lounge pants, so I put on the pajamas Alice had packed. Well, what she would call pajamas, as the top didn't leave much to the imagination and the tiny shorts barely covered my butt cheeks.

From his gaze, I would say that Edward appreciated the view. I felt empowered, loved, desired. The thought that I could have easily missed out on this all-encompassing love was sobering, and I thanked my lucky stars that we had been given another chance.

Sleep came quickly after he wrapped me in his arms under the covers and starting to hum.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and waffles. Disoriented at first, I swiped my hair from my face as I sat up. Edward sat at the foot of the bed, a cart in front of him.

"Good morning, sweet girl. I took the liberty of ordering breakfast for you. I hope you don't mind."

"Morning," I said sleepily. "I don't mind at all. Thank you so much."

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please." I threw the covers off and crawled down the bed, sitting down next to him as he handed me the cup. There was a plate with a domed lid on the tray, and a bowl of fresh fruit. He removed the dome with flourish to expose the waffles I had already smelled.

"Oh, yum," I said. "Thank you."

Edward picked up the waffle with his long fingers after dripping maple syrup onto the plate. He tore off a piece, dipped it in the syrup and then held it out to me, with a smirk on his face. Well, two could play that game.

I closed my lips around his fingers, making sure to swirl my tongue around them after taking the piece of waffle.

"Hmm, _so good_," I moaned before I chewed, suppressing a smile as Edward's breath hitched and his pants tented slightly. I looked at him innocently and opened my mouth for another bite.

He fed me the rest of my breakfast with a fork.

We got dressed after I'd finished my coffee. Once we had checked out and stored our bags in the car, we went to see the Space Needle. The view from the top was fantastic, even though clouds had moved in again from the west.

"Alice texted me earlier," he said later on in the car after turning down the music we'd been listening to on the drive home. "She went this morning to pick up your birth control pills. Your cycle should start tomorrow, which works out perfectly, since you're supposed to take the first one on the first day of your cycle."

I couldn't help the blush. "Oh, uhm...okay. How do you know I start tomorrow?"

Edward shrugged and glanced at me. "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's fine. Awkward, but part of my being human. So, how do you know?"

"Well, you've always been very regular, and...I can smell...thechangeinyourhormonelevel."

"Sorry, what was that?"

Edward sighed. "I can smell the change in your hormone level."

My blush went crimson. I didn't quite know what to say to that. "Huh. That's...well, interesting."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no." I waved him off when a thought crossed my mind. "Oh, God. Does that mean your brothers and sisters can smell it too? Esme? Holy shit, Carlisle?" I hid my face in my hands. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

A cool hand closed gently around my leg. "It's no different than the other human females that are around us every day. We're used to it."

"Not helping," I whined. "All this time..."

"Sweetheart, please. It's not important. I shouldn't have brought it up."

I reached deep inside me, reminding myself that I wasn't the only woman they'd been around, and that soon enough, I wouldn't have to deal with this particular issue anymore. Edward kept glancing at me, his brows in a worried crease.

"It's fine. So, I'll start the pills tomorrow? I thought we had decided to wait until after the wedding?"

A sheepish smile crossed his face. "Yes, we did. It's just, now that we've done other things, I'm not sure I can't wait much longer. And the wedding is still weeks away."

I gaped at him. "Oh."

"I just want you to be protected, in case...well...if what Carlisle has heard is true, and even if we wait, you'll still be human. Most likely."

Desire bloomed deep inside my belly. "Really?"

He turned his head to face me fully and took my hand. "Bella, I've come to believe that I don't have to be afraid to hurt you. With a bit more practice," he winked, "I believe it's possible to give this to you before I change you. If that's what you want as well."

"Only if you want it, Edward. I won't push you for it, and I won't have you be afraid to hurt me, just to get that experience. It's not worth it. I want you to enjoy it too, and you won't if you're scared."

He smiled and raised my hand to his lips. "I'm not. Not anymore. And I want to make you mine in all ways possible. I yearn for it."

I exhaled shakily. "I _am_ yours, Edward, body, heart and soul."

His smile was blinding. "I know. I _really_ do know. And I am yours."

I leaned my head against his shoulder, sighing happily.

"Do you want to talk about what Carlisle said? About the possibility? Could we try to find out more, before we decide what we'll do? I mean, I've never thought I'd want children, not after having raised my own mother, but to have _your_ baby, to give you _that_? If that option exists, safely of course, I think we should discuss it."

His brows furrowed and fear flashed across his face.

"Bella, I don't know. Nothing Carlisle has heard indicates anything other than death for the human mother. And while I want to give you anything you ask for, I won't risk losing you, not for anything. Especially not a child I never thought I'd have."

"So, why don't we see if we can find out more from this person, what's his name?"

"Alistair. I suppose we can see if Carlisle can reach him to inquire about this."

"Okay. I won't risk eternity with you, Edward, I promise."

"Fair enough," he said with a sigh. "Let's talk to Carlisle when we get home, alright?"

I nodded and decided it was time for a subject change to something more pleasant.

"So, is there anyone you'd like to invite to the wedding, other than the family, of course?" I asked him.

"I assume our Alaska cousins will come. I'm sure Alice will send them an invitation."

I remembered a conversation Edward and I had a while ago, about beautiful blond vampires who had the hots for him.

"I'd like to meet them," I said, "and you still prefer brunettes, right?"

Edward laughed. "Actually, there's a very specific brunette my heart is set on."

"Oh yeah? Do I know her?"

"I should hope so. You see her every time you look into the mirror."

"Well, in that case..." I giggled. "I should tell you that I'm very partial to a certain vampire with unruly bronze hair."

"And thank God for that," he sighed.

We arrived home shortly after. I spent a bit of time with Esme and Alice, going over a few more wedding details, before calling my Dad to check in with him. He told me that he'd heard from Billy, and that Jacob was en route to Hawaii and wouldn't bother us anymore. I relayed the information to Edward after I'd hung up with Charlie and then went to the kitchen to fix dinner. Already cooking what seemed to be a chicken breast, Esme kicked me out, lovingly of course, and told me she'd call me when it was ready. I wandered back into the living room, just as Carlisle walked in the front door.

I looked at Edward, and he nodded. "Good evening, Carlisle. Would you have time for Bella and me after her dinner? There's something we'd like to discuss with you."

"Of course," Carlisle replied. "I'll be in my office. Just come up whenever you're ready."

Esme called me into the kitchen just then. I waved at Carlisle and blew a kiss to Edward. I sat down at the kitchen counter where Esme had put my plate.

"This looks great, thank you," I praised her, inhaling the smell of the grilled chicken she had made for me. A scoop of mashed potatoes and a small mound of green beans completed my dinner.

"Thank you, sweetie. I so enjoy taking care of you." She smiled as she put a glass of milk next to the plate. "Now, I don't mean to pry, but I couldn't help but overhear Edward asking Carlisle to make time for the two of you. Is everything okay?"

I could hear the worry in her voice and nodded quickly. "Yes, everything is fine. It's just...Carlisle mentioned something the other day, and Edward and I want to find out more before we decide what to do."

Esme nodded thoughtfully. "I must say, I'm impressed with the changes I've seen in both of you. Edward seems...lighter, happier than I've ever seen, and you appear much more confident, not only in him but also yourself."

"Is it that obvious?" I asked her, frowning. "I mean, I know he's happy, I can see it in his eyes, and to me, the changes he's made are huge, but I didn't realize it was that obvious."

"Oh, sweetie, only to us, because we've known him for so long. That sad, withdrawn boy who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders – well, he's gone. You've given him something that set him free. And whatever it was you did, thank you. His smiles come so easily now, and it's a joy to watch."

She lightly wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and I turned in my seat to face her more fully. Leaning my head against her shoulder, I shrugged a little.

"I have noticed that, too," I said, "and after last week, we're closer than ever. It's like, we really talk with each other now. We don't make important decisions without first discussing things. He knows I'm not going anywhere, and I finally know that he'll never leave me again."

Esme gently squeezed my arm and dropped a kiss on my head. "He can't be without you, Bella. We've known that for a long time. And it was high time you realized it too."

I smiled sadly. "Yeah, you're right. I've been very stupid."

"No, not at all," she was quick to assure me. "It's completely understandable that you guarded your heart after we left you last fall. And I'm so sorry about that. I'm so sorry that we didn't try to stand up to him when he demanded we leave you."

"I forgave you the moment you came back," I whispered, "I just didn't trust him, or all of you, to stay."

"You're my daughter too, Bella," Esme insisted. "You're part of our family, and family doesn't treat one another like that. Please accept my apology."

I could hear in her voice how important it was to her, so I nodded. "I accept."

"Thank you. Now, eat up."

I grinned before taking a bite. "Hmmm, very good," I said after I'd chewed and swallowed. "Thank you for making this."

"It was my pleasure," Esme replied before busying herself at the sink. "I'm glad you like it."

Shrugging, I cut off another piece of chicken. "It was made with love. What's not to like?"

She looked at me, her eyes shimmering in the light. "Oh, Bella..."

It seemed a subject change would be a good idea. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course. Anything."

"Carlisle mentioned something about male vampires being able to father children with human females. That's actually what Edward and I want to talk to him about later. Have you heard of it?"

Esme shook her head. "No, I didn't think it was possible until Carlisle told me about it yesterday. I hope you're not considering it, Bella."

I took a deep breath. "I am, actually. Only if it could be done safely, of course. I'd like to find out more before we make a decision."

"How does Edward feel about this?"

"Well, two weeks ago, Edward would have categorically dismissed the idea, and we wouldn't be having this discussion now. Since we are now making monumental decisions together, he's open to getting more information. I know he's scared of losing me, and I won't risk it either, not without knowing that I would survive the pregnancy and birth."

At that moment, Rosalie burst into the kitchen unexpectedly, eyes wild. "You could have a baby? With Edward?"

I flinched at her sudden appearance. "Uh...maybe. I don't know. We're going to talk to Carlisle about it."

"And you didn't think this was something the whole family should know about?" She put her hands on her hips, glaring at me.

Bristling at her tone, I narrowed my eyes right back at her. "Not at this time, Rosalie, no. We are currently only gathering more information. It's too soon to discuss it with everyone, I would think."

By that time, Edward had found his way into the kitchen as well, clearly having overheard the conversation. He came to stand behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Rosalie, we don't even know what the these half-vampire creatures are like. There are too many unknowns right now to make a decision. And even if we had all the information, I'll thank you to leave the decision to Bella and myself. This is not something in which you'll get a vote."

Her face crumbled before my eyes. "But Edward..."

"No!" he said firmly, though his voice sounded strained, as if he was trying not to yell. "I will not risk Bella, not for anything. Do I have to explain to you what that would do to me, and to his family as a whole? No. Your selfish desires will have no influence on whatever decision we'll make."

Apparently by that time, the rest of the Cullen siblings had overheard what had been said, and everyone was crowding into the kitchen. I noticed that Jasper had a pained look on his face, likely from absorbing all the emotions in the room.

Everyone began talking at once, the words spoken to rapidly for me to get anything more than snippets. And the more they talked over each other, the louder they got until it felt as if everyone was yelling. It was only when Carlisle entered the kitchen and firmly said, "Enough!", that everyone stopped talking.

He looked around at everyone before locking eyes with Edward, who nodded. "Alright, everyone. Let's move to the dining room to discuss this as the civilized people we pretend to be. Bella, I apologize, I don't want you to miss your dinner, but apparently, my children have decided that this issue needs to be discussed now rather than later."

With that, he marched out of the kitchen, with Rosalie hot on his heels, Emmett following behind her. Esme smiled at me sadly, while Edward sighed behind me. "Yes, Alice, this most likely explains why you and Jasper are making a trip to Scotland, I assume. Come on, sweetheart, I'll carry your plate."

"Just leave it. I'm sorry, Edward," I said quietly, no longer interested in the food. "I forgot that everyone would be able to overhear my conversation with Esme."

"It's alright," he said, bending down to kiss me quickly. "They would have found out sooner or later anyway. I'll deal. I would have preferred talking to Carlisle first, but we'll make the best of it." He sounded sincere, but I could see the tension in his face.

I followed him into the dining room where he took a seat next to Carlisle who was already sitting at the head of the table. I chose the chair beside Edward, of course, holding on to this hand.

"Very well," Carlisle began once everyone had sat down, "I shared some information with Edward and Bella a couple of days ago in regards to rumors I heard over a century ago about male vampires having fathered children with human mothers. Now, each of those rumors spoke of creatures that chewed their way out of the woman's womb, thus killing the mother in the process. In the course of that conversation, I suggested to them both to use some form of birth control while Bella is still human to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. They have decided to do so, but at the same time wish to obtain further information as to whether it is possible to conduct such a pregnancy without harm to Bella. My old friend Alistair might be of help, which is perhaps why Alice sees herself in Scotland in the near future. However, and I cannot stress this enough to everyone here, the right to make the decision whether to move forward with that possibility or not remains with Edward and Bella. And _only_ Edward and Bella. Whatever decision they make, we will support."

There was complete silence for a moment. Then all eyes swiveled to Alice, who shrugged. "Sorry. I can't really see the outcome since they haven't decided yet. I can only tell you that when Bella decided to ask more questions, her future became fuzzy. And I had a flash of Edward holding a baby, looking happy."

"Aha," Rosalie cried. "So it is a baby, and not some strange creature. And if he's happy, then that must mean Bella survives."

"No, it doesn't," Alice said firmly. "I didn't see Bella at all after."

"Hold it," Emmett said. "Edward will have sex with Bella while she's still human? Dayum, dude!" He waggled his eyebrows but sobered up quickly. "Would that even work?"

I blushed hotly and bent my head, letting my hair fall on either side of my face, as Edward groaned beside me. "I'm not discussing my sex life with you, Emmett."

"You mean, your non-existent sex life?"

"Shut up, Emmett," Rosalie growled when Edward snarled in response. "That's not what's important here. They could have a baby. The one thing we can't have."

Emmett looked hurt when he turned to his wife. Carlisle cleared his throat. "Jasper? Any insights you have on the subject? Have you heard of anything like this?"

Jasper was quiet for a moment, studying Edward and then me. "No, never heard of it. And as long as it doesn't put Alice in danger, I'm not opposed to finding out more information. I'll say this though – if anyone has the control required to...well, be intimate with a human, it's Edward."

"We'll be fine," Alice said to her husband. "I see us coming home in plenty of time for the wedding."

"That's not what I meant," Jasper said. "If this...child is born, even if Bella survives it, as a human or a vampire, we'd have to keep it hidden from the Volturi. There's a reason why they're rumors – I'm sure the Volturi don't know these children exists, if the rumors are true. Carlisle would have heard about it from them. How secretive is this Alistair guy, Carlisle?"

"He stays as far from the Volturi as he can. He's a bit of a misogynist, and a loner. Doesn't trust anyone. I'd have to get in touch with him first, to let him know you're coming."

I was stressed out by the tension I could feel coming off Edward, turning to him and putting my hand on his arm. "Are you okay, baby?"

Edward snorted before facing me, his eyes blazing. "Am I okay? How can you be so calm about this? This should be a private matter between us, and instead it's being tread out for the whole family," he snapped.

"Hey," I replied, getting angry. "I was all for talking to Carlisle about it. I already apologized for bringing it up with Esme, and you said it was okay. What else is there to do but be calm? You said yourself there was no privacy in this house, what with your superhuman senses, so why are you getting all pissy with me? Emmett is the one who can't keep his big mouth shut about our sex life, existent or not, so why don't you bark at him? Rosalie is the one who insisted on butting into my conversation with Esme, so bitch at her, why don't you? When did this become my fault? You," I snarled at Emmett, hurt fueling my anger, "why are you so interested in what Edward and I do in the bedroom, huh? What business of yours is it?"

Emmett raised his hands defensively. "Whoa, Bella, I'm just kidding."

"Bella, sit down, please," Edward said and tugged on my hand. I hadn't even noticed I'd gotten up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

I looked around the table, trying to calm myself. "Listen," I began, "I won't put myself or this family in danger. I just feel that if the possibility exists, we should find out what we can, before making a decision. So it's an informed decision, not one based on rumors or assumptions. And once we know more, Edward and I will decide what's best for us. For all of us, okay? And our...bedroom adventures are private. I don't go prying into yours, so please extend us the courtesy to not pry into ours."

I sat back down, and dropped my chin to my chest, partly unable to believe I had just stood up to a whole family of vampires. From my right, I could feel pride and admiration radiating from Jasper. That made me feel a little better.

"Damn," Emmett whispered into the silence. "Baby girl has backbone."

Edward scooted closer and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him as he kissed the top of my head. "I really am sorry."

"It's okay. Sorry I yelled."

"If nobody has anything else, this family meeting is adjourned. I'll be in my office. Esme, would you mind coming with me?" Carlisle got up from the table, smiling at me. There was pride on his face, strangely enough. "Good night, Bella. Edward."

"Thank you, Carlisle, Esme," I replied, giving them both a small smile. "Good night."

As the rest of the Cullens disappeared, Emmett winking at me as he dragged a glaring Rosalie from the room, Alice enveloping me in a quick hug, and Jasper granting me a rare smile, I got into Edward's lap. He held me close as I snuggled into him.

"That was an impressive display," he whispered in my ear. "Taking on seven grown vampires and shutting them all up – _very_ impressive, Ms. Swan. You will make a fantastic vampire one day soon."

I snickered. "Maybe that'll teach Emmett not to mess with me."

"Doubtful," Edward replied with a grin. "Though I must say, watching you snarl at him was priceless. His dirty mind went utterly silent for a minute, and it was such a reprieve for me. I suddenly feel the need to show you my deep and sincere appreciation for your assistance in the matter."

Giggling, I leaned forward to kiss him. "Oh yeah? Show me how?"

He stood up, throwing me gently onto his back. I curled my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, giggling as I felt his free hand supporting my butt. He carried me out the backdoor into the cool night.

He showed me, alright, until I fell into an exhausted sleep, a sated, happy Edward holding me in his arms.

* * *

**Endnote:** Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear from you. Reviews are always appreciated.

At this point, we'll have about 3 chapters plus the epi left. Till next time,

TMOT


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